i love you like kings love queens (that's a really bad show)
like a french geneticist loves designer jeans. (genes)
i need you like New Orleans needs a drought
like Hitler's father needed to learn to pull out
and i love you like a lawyer/mathematician wants some kind of proof
and i love you like JFK wanted a car with a roof.

cause love is taking a dive, then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool
and love is real life porn minus all the stuff that makes porn cool
and love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out that they're all filled with chocolate and even though he's heartbroken he cant complain cause he was hungry in the first place.

i love you like Dora loves maps like the popes toilet loves holy craps
i need you like a voyeur needs a branch
like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of never land ranch
and i want you like all the Gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform
and i want you like Anne frank wanted
no one to read her fucking diary...cause a diary's a collection of secret things that no one is suppose to read that's the whole point of a diary. millions of people have breached this little girls privacy after she was chased by Nazis kick her while she's down.

and if we met in 10000bc i was your caveman youz my cave lady
if we got hot we'd start rubbing
if we got hungry we'd go clubbing
there's woolly mammoths but i will protect us
you're making me devolve to a homo-erects

and if we met in 1780
i was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark-skinned servant lady
slave...
whenever i could get away from the misses
I'll go to your shed and then I'll steal you kisses
but let's be serious I'd still work you full time as a slave
theirs a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for social-economic trends.
and if we met in 1941
i was a Nazi youz a gypsy on the run.....that's a little redundant
that...probably wouldn't have worked out.

cause love is your favorite food for every breakfast, lunch and dinner
and love is the holocaust except you don't die quick and you don't get thinner
and love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape, now you don't want to reduce them at all cause if the rape rate declines you'll see an equal decline in whistle sales....
without rapists who's gonna buy your whistles
love is all about whistles...