Chapter Two: The Worst of No Life

The writing process was a quick one with our second album, we wrote songs like it was going out of style. We sat in a room cooped up with nothing but pads of paper and pens for over three months. But in the end it was a smart decision because it enabled us to write better music than what we put on “Rock”.

It was a hard rock album compared to what we normally have done too; it had some really strong riffs and really wacky licks that were something that Robert specializes in, though he doesn’t show it much. The title track, “Best of Real Life” was an arena rock anthem even with the almost elementary lyrics and repeated chorus. What it had going for it was pro-life and anti-suicide tones it really got a boost in airplay, and as my fellow artists will attest, that always helps.

We had another song on “Real Life” called “Digital Hell” which was an interesting song as it really had an electronic feel to it musically, but had lyrics that fit better in a heavy metal song, but somehow it fit nicely and became one of the big radio songs. There were eleven songs written for the album, but the label decided that ten was the best option and kicked out a song called “Morning Due” which I still have locked in my safe. We were ordered to go into the studio on January fifteenth, 1990.

This studio was different, it had some decent space to move around and some really nice equipment compared to what most bands who are working on their second album had at the time. We recorded the album in about a month’s time, and it was one bad month. I was still gone most of the time and was only around long enough to lay down my track and to puke on someone’s jacket every now and then. What was worse was that 1990 was the year that Joey decided that alcohol was the solution he thought he needed.

Of course with two drug addicts in the band, tensions arose to new heights and things just went from bad to much, much worse. Joey and I were fighting nearly all the time now, and there really wasn’t much civilized conversation between the two of us. But somehow we did manage to get along for just enough time to record our songs and move on to whatever we felt like we should do. One thing I will say is that I never got into a lot of sex or anything, unless I was really dating someone, and only then did I do anything, and I never cheated on any of them either. That’s the difference between me and Joey, but I’ll let him tell you about that in his part of the book.

Anyway, the album was finally finished recording and was ready to be released, and the label seemed to be happy with it, developing some nice artwork for it, for free and setting up a tour to help promote it. They got some nice radio spots and set up some decent promotion in the stores and stuff like that. For the first time since “Rock” was released, we felt that things were looking up and we just might get somewhere again. The album was released to the world on August Second, 1990 to a high level of anticipation from the fans.

But the anticipation was only from the fans. As with our previous, “Best of Real Life” was met with pretty bad reviews and was mocked by our fellow bands and artists. We were still being made fun of for our simplistic name and awkward presentation, but that was just how we felt about ourselves. We were just a bunch of Rockers together to put some music together and to try and make our mark on the world but at that point of time, things were looking like are mark would be one of disgrace and shame, and it would have been if a few key changes had never happened. Luck shined on us again.

I am of course talking about the Winter Festival of 1990 that invited us personally to attend and to perform on its second stage. It was an honor that we at the time, took for granted, but gladly accepted. We had never played at a truly huge show yet and when they told us that nearly one hundred thousand people would be in attendance, I specifically remember George’s cigarette dropping from his mouth and burning Joey’s foot and leaving a scar that he still has to this very day.

Come December we were getting ever anxious but we were still getting high or drunk and doing whatever we felt like, and being people that deep down inside…I know we aren’t and weren’t then either. We spent the early part of the month deciding what instruments we wanted to take onstage and what kind of sound equipment preferences we needed to tell the show runner about. In the end we just chose some raw amps and the same stuff we used in the studio, after all, if it sounded like us on the records, then it would sound right live as well, right?

Wrong, we walked out onto the stage in front of more people than anyone of us had ever seen before, and sounded like utter shit. We played are songs note for note just like they were supposed to be played, but it all came out sounding like we were beating them up against a wall. When we walked of the stage, the crowd didn’t “boo” at us. They were too confused at what had just transpired to have any opinion on it. We got back stage and the host was glaring at us. He said something along the lines of , “What the hell was that?” and we just said, “That was us, rocking the joint!” like the bunch of punk kids that we were. Anyway, he told us that we weren’t getting paid and told us to leave and to never come back.

We went home and did more drugs than anyone person should do in year much less a night. Joey was so drunk that he fell over and fell over and knocked his head on the table corner, knocking himself out. It also left blood everywhere so I got up to help him out but as I did I felt the weirdest feeling I have ever felt in my life. I was seeing Joey, bloody and laying limp and then it all went black and I didn’t see a thing anymore. I didn’t know how it happened exactly but I woke up in the hospital and the doctors were running around yelling words I didn’t understand, and then I saw Robert Kain, my savior standing over me asking me “Are you alive?” and then he disappeared as I went through a door, and passed out again.

I woke up to the news that I had OD’d and that I was within inches of dying and that if not for Robert being clean and able minded enough to drive through heavy LA traffic, I would not have lived. I owe him everything that I have and everything that I never will. He saved my life and I have no words to express how I want to thank him for it, but I think he knows. I hope he does, I will never understand why he did it for me, not after what I put him through those two years and George too, but George wasn’t around as much. Robert stuck by my side the entire time, and never even thought of walking away. That is true friendship and I can’t say that I have any friend that is as important to me as Robert.

It took a while for me to recover and even after I was out of the hospital I was told to rest for as long as possible. I told the band that I wanted a break and wanted to work on songs while I was away. They agreed kindly and I went off to Gatlinburg Tennessee for rest. I was there for an entire year and three months before I came out. But I did manage to write some great stuff while I was sulking over myself. I wrote of how I was going nowhere, and how my life was wasting away into nothingness. I wrote of severe depression and lost friends and how I needed to get back on the right track. I wrote of how I was doing nothing but heading down a “Bridge to Nowhere”

Chapter Three: Bridge to Somewhere

The guys had been off doing their own thing while I was resting and I came back to find them somewhat unwilling to return to a dying horse, and I can’t say that I blame them in the slightest. They were completely right to be weary. But after some shrewd negotiation on my behalf, I was able to persuade them to give The Rockers just one more chance. We walked into the labels head office, and sat down to negotiate our deal. They were happy to be talking with us again and we were somewhat thrown off by their willingness to work with us, and I still can’t believe how kind they were to us, where ever they are, I just want to say thanks, you know who you are.

I showed the band my songs and they were pretty happy with them, naturally they wanted to cheer them up a little bit and I happily obliged and we ended up with ten songs that really speak loads of how the band felt about itself at that time and how we looked at each other. The title track “Bridge to Nowhere” is one of the most powerful ballads we have ever wrote and is a true emotional roller coaster that really brings out the feelings in everyone who hears it. We wanted to be sad, and it’s not often we want to be deep and meaningful or anything, but at that point in time, it was exactly what the band needed as a little boost to our friendship and it proved that we really were together for a reason and that this band had to make it, because after all the crap that we had gone through, it would be a travesty not to continue onward.

The studio was pretty good third time around. It had the usual recording equipment but the best part was that we got the choice of just about any instruments we wanted to use due to some deals the label made with the big companies. We had top of the line all the way, except for our producer, he was a nut job and I won’t mention his name as we had a pretty bad law suit, but he was the screwiest guy I have ever met and the money we paid him is still marked as one of the biggest wastes we have ever made.

But as always we toughed it out and did the music our way and when he wasn’t around we even snuck into the studio to lay down our own tracks without any instructions from him. That is when we really rocked, and things started to go right. I remember thinking that “finally, we are getting somewhere and doing something right.” And it’s true, we really were at the top of our game and we had some of the best songs we had done yet, put together it turned out to be one of the best albums we have had.

The label didn’t like it too much; they felt that it was too depressing and that the audience wouldn’t respond well when we are known for our hard rocking songs and our easy living type of lyrical feel. Again, Robert did exactly what he needed to do to make things right. He told the executive some of the most amazing words I have heard, he told them, “If you don’t realize how good this is, then you can take this guitar and shove it up your ass!” and amazingly the exec smiled and decided that he would take this chance and see how the people responded.

It was released in the summer of 1992 to the best reaction we have ever had. The fans bought it up as if it were candy and the reviews came in wonderfully, with high praise for the lyrics and the true feeling in the way the songs were played. We even gained some praise from our fellow artists and rivals. I was told by a member of Moronic Changeling that we were going to be the next big thing. Not much is higher than being told by the best, that you will be the best in the future. We were on a natural high and felt no need for any sort of drug or narcotic. It was a feeling like no other and it was around that time that I met Lilly Mason, in a bar in Chicago. She was a curly blond with a personality that makes a man melt. I fell in love with her at first sight. She came up to me after the gig and asked me if I wanted a drink! I told her know, but asked if she did, to which she accepted.

We spent the entire night together, just hanging out, getting to know each other. She was great; she felt that music should be felt from the heart and that most people don’t understand that anymore, just as I do. We were seemingly meant for each other. Before she left I asked her where I could see her again, and she said, “Las Vegas” which was where our next show was meant to be, and being a bit slow I asked if she knew that and of course she did. She came along on the bus with us from Chicago all the way to Vegas.

She became my main focus, possible even above the band. I was in love; I felt that there was a good chance that she was my soul mate. I had never felt that way about anyone before. We made love in Vegas, and I really felt that the chance meeting had been set up by God for us to move on and get married. I was ready for a family even at twenty one; I felt that she was the mother of my children to be.

The guys grew angry at me for spending most of my time with her, and I even skipped out on a few dates which Joey was left to attempt singing, which by the way; he can’t. I see my faults now, but when you’re in that sort of mood and you are truly set in your mind on what you want and what you think is meant to be…you don’t see the faults that you are spewing out among the ground. I made some bad decisions those years, whether it is business mistakes, life mistakes, but once again I screwed up and I will never understand my tendency to do that. I still feel to this day that I have made more mistakes than anyone in the music industry. We had been at the top, making a million dollars a week, and I pissed it all away again! I spent more money on that whore than I ever dreamed I could ever spend in a life time much less a few years.

We went four years just touring and spending money, I spent it on Lilly, and the band spent it all on houses and cars from Italy and who knows where. Except Robert…The world is danged if it wasn’t Robert Kain who came to my rescue and breathed new breath into the band when it was all but lost. That is the magic that is Rob. He put every bit of money he made away other than what he needed to live a normal life. Food and Shelter, that’s all he ever spent a dime on.

I married Lilly in a private wedding on July thirteenth, 1997. I had been with her for five years and knew that it was time to get married. It was all right. So I thought. Within three months she had filed the divorce papers and was walking out the door before I even knew that there was something was wrong. She took everything I had, my house…actually I should say houses. I lost five million dollars out of the five and a half million that I had. That was just the beginning.

Joey lost his house and car because of a DUI charge that rendered him disgraced and unhappy. He went back to drinking hard and squandered everything in a sing game of poker, black jack. George lost his houses over a dispute with the state of California over how much he owned and they counter claimed that they owned it all and that there was a technicality in the paperwork. After five years of being what we dreamed of being, we managed to get rid of it all over again. I was anything but happy but for some reason, drugs never even came to my mind, in fact the only thing I wanted to think about was the band. I decided that we were going to tour and tour until we had made every penny back.

That resulted in the ultimate bankruptcy. We spent money we didn’t have on our stage equipment thinking that we could have it like we did when we were millionaires not realizing we couldn’t afford half of what we were using. I thought I was going to die of regret. There is no pain of understanding that you were the reason that you went from living in multiple houses to living in a dark street under a sheet of newspaper. No one outside of the band knows that, until now. We were latterly sleeping under newspaper in allies. Until Robert decided we had learned our lesson.

It was a cold and windy night, when like an angel in hell I saw him walking through the fog towards me. I will never forget the words he spoke, “Come on John, time to go home.” And with that he grabbed my hand and we started off for his car. It was the strangest and longest car ride that I have ever taken part in. We drove for at least an hour looking for George and Joey who we found sitting together under a hotel balcony to keep dry. Even after we found them, things didn’t get much better. We rode silently not knowing where he was taking us. Joey asked a couple times but Robert just sat there silently and stone faced. Finally we turned off on a dirt road that Joey and I remember all too well…he had brought us “home”.

Chapter Five: Making Amends

We told him to stop the car and let us out, but he refused, telling us that it was time that this get sorted out. We tried to jump out but he locked the doors and windows. When we finally came to a halt we were sitting in front of my old house. It looked the exact same way that it had nearly ten years before. A light shimmered from the old living room window. I wasn’t a boy anymore, I was going twenty seven years old and knew that this was going to happen sooner or later but this is not how or when I expected it to happen.

My mother answered the door. She looked at Joey and me and she started to cry. I don’t think I have ever realized how much she really did care for me. We walked in and found my father sitting on the couch watching the T.V. and he looked angry at first, but then he too showed that he had been upset about the way things turned out. We hugged and told them our story of what had happened while Robert stood in the corner and George stayed in the car. They shook their heads and occasionally told us how they felt sorry for us and then dad did something I never expected.

He walked to my old room and when he returned he was carrying a very large box, and when he opened it my mouth dropped open. Inside sat copies off all our albums and about ten rolled up posters and some other merchandise. I asked, “Why do you have this?” and he told me an interesting story of how he had a change of heart after I left and that he saw the light and that he had been wrong about some of the music and that my lyrics that contained illusions to God had showed him that it’s not all Satan’s music.

I told them that I never was trying to upset them and that I was only listening to the music that I felt had meaning and feelings in it. They said they understood and it was a very emotional night after that. We all tried to make up for what we had done in the past when we felt we had done nothing, and in fact we had done everything…I still wish I could go back and change it earlier than I did, and again I thank Robert for taking me there. I probably never would have gone if it wasn’t for him.

When we left a week later, I felt like I had come full circle in my life. But then I realized that I was still broke and had no house to live in. But damn it all if Robert didn’t come in and give me and Joey both three hundred thousand dollars! I bought a small house, and so did Joey and we began rebuilding our lives from the ground up again. We slowly began to regroup the band into what we once were as friends and we made amends with each other and vowed to never let our own foolishness be more important than the band again.

I didn’t know how I wanted to go about continuing with the music, weather I wanted to just tour a while or if I wanted to begin working on a new album and writing again. The guys said that we needed to converse with the label before we did anything and so we did. On the first day of January, 2000 I went to the execs and asked them about what they thought we should do.

They told us that they were done with us, that they were sick of waiting on us and that after eleven years; they didn’t want us anymore. They told us that if we wanted to continue our careers than we needed to do it elsewhere. It was a huge argument from there that involves some broken chairs and a messy office when we were done. We walked out onto the parking lot with the feeling of rejection and a bitter taste in our mouth. After all the struggle and pain, there was only more to be had but I knew that we could get through it because this was the smallest obstacle we’d had since we started. I took humor in it really, though Joey and George didn’t, Robert tended to agree with me…but that’s just how he is. That’s how he looks at life.

We put in offers for a label to produce a new album and nobody wanted to risk us anymore. This resulted in deciding that we were going to write, record, and produce the entire album ourselves and then sell it to them all ready paid for. Use them as a distributor. We decided that we would start writing and hope for the best. The first song completed was called “Evil” that had a deep and underlying tone that told of how the evil in our life can dwell in us until we decide to throw it out and do the right thing. This helped us decide that the album would be a three part album with three separate ideas.

The first was to be called “The Battle of Good and Evil” and we wanted it to be a truly epic album with a feeling of self power, and to convey a message of responsibility to do what’s right. We had only five songs completed when we god a call from a man named Cody Goggin who told me that he owned a small record label and that he would like to sign us on. I told him that we were kind of looking for a larger label that wasn’t so grounded and underfinanced but he promised that he would give us any money we needed and do whatever we wanted when it came to the music. After a discussion with the guys, we signed onto V-Records.

It was slow goings even after that but we did what we could and wrote some good songs. The studio Cody put us in was fairly decent, but it was not on the same level as the studio for “Bridge.” We went in with a feeling of hope and inspiration. We laid down some good tracks the first week and by time the second was here, we were really rolling. Songs like “Good” and “So Far Way” really brought out the cheerfulness though and showed that we still had it in us to make “happy” music and were not all about depressing and sappy stuff. We did have quite a bit of that on “B.o.G.a.E.” though. Songs like “Love and War” and “The Bullets” were truly depressing and showed a new side of us that we didn’t really let out very often. We showed our political opinions and how we felt about war. It was a different kind of record and that was really all there was to it.

We showed Cody the finished product which had ten songs as most of our records have, and he was ecstatic. He said that it was one of the best records that we had ever done and he had ever heard for that matter. He may have just been being nice, but it worked because we got a boost in energy and mood levels and we went crazy. We had a decent party and then went back to work to finish plans on a world tour. We set up dates from LA to China and it was going to be huge! Nothing yet has surpassed the feeling I had when we made our return and not much ever will.

The tour started the day before the album was released and we prepared the stage in great anticipation when a little kid came up to me and yelled, “Look daddy, its J.J. from The Rockers!” and I had a fluttery feeling travel through me. After ten years, a child no more than seven knew who I was and who the band was! I went out on stage feeling at the top of the world because of that one child. The seats were packed! They’re were over ten thousand people in the one small little venue and they were all cheering and singing along as I pointed the microphone towards them. They sang more than I did that night, the sound of it just sounded so good though, that I couldn’t help myself. It was magic all over again.

The album was released to some decent reviews, some calling it great, others calling it average. It sold okay and we were proud of how it did in general. We had hoped for a more powerful return, sure, but we accepted that it might take a little longer and little more work. We went with it gracefully and continued our tour. The gigs were well attended and we did all right money wise. Really, we had made it to that point where we were doing “average” but we also got stuck in that rut. We continued to play small gigs that were half attended for a half a year, and then decided that we should take a break and begin work on the second part of the album.

I was informed with some bad news the day after we made our decision though. My father had died of a heart attack in the night…I was crushed. I felt cheated, I had just fixed it all, and now it was gone again. It was bad for a while, I wrote a lot of sad songs again and there really wasn’t much happiness going around at the time. Joey took it differently, he took it with grieving but he decided that the best thing to do was to move one and to continue with the album. He wrote five songs that month and they were all cheerful…my four were all sad, and Roberts was just a casual rocker.

Chapter Seven:
Overcoming the Demons


The third part of the album was released to some decent reviews, they said that that the album was closer to the old sound, but different enough to make it new and we were happy with that. It wasn’t the world praise that we had been hoping for, for ten years. We took it with stride, as we always do and hoped that we could top it in the future.

Joey had all but disappeared of the face of the planet. He was nowhere to be found for two weeks. I looked in all the bars and beer stores in the town, and could not find him at all. No matter how bad Joey ever had gotten, he had never done this. I was worried and had no idea what to do. I told the guys that we needed a break and they agreed. I spent the break looking for Joey though.

I went three days before I just sat on my couch and looked at the ceiling, and I thought to myself, “Is he dead?” He could have been, after all he was stumbling around so much; who knows where he could have wondered off too? He could be lying in the woods somewhere! It was like a living Hell all over again. I began to feel like I knew he was dead, it just pulsed through me, he was dead. There was no alternative to it. I began to get chills and feel sick when there was nothing wrong with me.

I was watching the news one night when I saw it flash on the bottom that a car had crashed and thrown a man over a hundred feet and he was currently unconscious. I thought nothing of it until they mentioned that the man had a high blood/alcohol level, which is sad to have to think about like that. I called the local police and asked about is and they said that it did look like Joey, but the scars were too severe to be sure. I will be the first to admit that I cried harder than any person has ever cried before me that day.

When I got to the emergency room, they wouldn’t let me in, so I called Robbie and George. They came as soon as they were free and we sat in the waiting room for at least four hours before they said he was stable. They also announced that he was in a coma. That struck me hard but Robbie made sure to comfort me and remind me “at least he’s alive!” which was true, he could have easily died.

He looked like he had been run over by a lawn mower! His face was shredded and virtually unrecognizable. He had blood all over his gown and he lay there as still as a statue. I will never forget his cold raspy breathing, it alone sounded like death itself. I asked the doctor what he thought about it, and he told me that he would live, but it was impossible to tell how long the coma would last. I slumped into a chair and closed my eyes, and saw Joey, at least seventy years old; still lying there unconscious. That scared me and I had to leave the hospital.

I didn’t know where I was going but I was going, and going fast. I drove all the way to the next state before I stopped and when I did, I just walked into the tallest building I could find and got in the elevator. I rode to the top and stepped out. You may have guessed what I had planned, and your right. I walked to the window and stepped out onto the balcony listening to people scream and holler as I stepped onto the ledge.

I looked down and saw the road beneath me, people walking down the sidewalk, unaware, happy, and totally care free. I on the other hand felt like my mind was going to explode from exhaustion and tears flowed as I kneeled down and thought about my whole life. I saw all of us when we first met, just hanging out in Joey’s apartment, I saw my father smiling at me when I came home, and I saw my face, from when I was a teenager to the age I was then; thirty four. I cried harder as I saw my face dissolve into dust, I saw some really terrifying things that I don’t think I should mention to you, you don’t deserve that pain.

Finally I stood up and got back down and walked across the hall while people asked me stupid questions about what I was doing. I ran down the stairs as I felt that I needed to keep moving in order to keep my mind off the subject. I ran faster than I have ever ran, I passed my car and just kept running. I ran and ran, not even thinking, and to be honest; it’s all a blur that I don’t really remember, but I know they found me two days later lying asleep nearly thirty miles from the hospital where Joey was at.

Robert was the one who went after me. He sat me down in his chair and told me that he had heard on the news about my little fiasco. “No reason to do something so stupid!” he told me and then he sat down too. “Johnny, I have been your friend for a long time, and you mine. I love you like a brother, but I can’t handle this anymore. I have been trying to help you, and did whatever I could… but George and I are leaving.” I asked him what he meant, “The band…we’re leaving the band. We’re going to start our own thing…I’m sorry.” He got up and they left. It was just me and Joey sitting there now.

I had lost the one rock that I had ever had. The only thing I was sure of was gone and it was entirely my fault. I knew that if there was anything I could do it was to write. I wrote in that room about how I felt about all of my friends. I wrote how I felt about my life and how things had turned out, and I wrote about the way I thought we could have come out better. I heard about George and Robert’s new band, The Shadows the next day on the news and how they had teamed up with that bastard Andy Keys who got me hooked on drugs. I thought of how Robert could do such a thing to me, and why he would want too. But then I remembered the shit I put him through. All of the money he gave me, the drugs I was on, and how they made me act towards him and it hit me. I fell off of my pedestal like a thousand pound boulder.

I was like a turtle in my shell, crying about how I had ruined all that was good in my life and telling everyone away from me. I suddenly realized what I had done, and just how bad I had truly screwed up. I knew it was bad, but this opened it up like the flood gates of the biggest river in the world. I felt horrible. That is how you can sum that time period up; horrible.

I wrote thirteen songs that month and threw them all into a trunk. I was still very down, but things were about to get better, even if only a little better. On his birthday, I brought Joey some balloons and presents, I then sat in the chair just like I had for months. “Balloons?” I heard a raspy voice say this as if he was disgusted. “I turn thirty seven years old and you bring me balloons?” I stood up shaking so hard I almost fell over. “Joey?” I asked with a trembling voice. He sat up a little and smiled, his teeth stained red. “Hey John…where am I?” We spent the evening talking about what had occurred while he was out.

When it was all over he laughed a little and said, “Oh well.” This really made me angry. I went off on him, telling him how I was going to kick his ass if he didn’t get some sort of help and that I wanted him off the booze now! He began to cry a little and I stopped, I was doing it again. “Joey, I just want to make sure you’re around for a while…right now…you’re all I got.” I said it as calmly as I could and sat down in the small chair once more. He frowned but it was an understanding frown, and after two days of not speaking at all he told me that he was going to go to a rehab center and try to stop the drinking. I thanked him and we hugged, I felt like all was right and that we could go back to being us as soon as Joey was home. But then I remembered that Robbie and George had left…Again, I realized that there were still hills to climb.

I called them up and asked if they wanted to say goodbye to Joey when he left and they agreed to come. We all shook his hand and watched his plane take off. As they were getting in their car I grabbed Roberts shoulder and pulled him aside to talk. I asked him if he wanted to return, and begged him to give me one more chance at doing him right. He shook his head, and told me that he and George were doing well with Andy who he said had gone the straight and narrow as well. I asked him if there was any chance that he would forgive me…and Robert touched my shoulder in his weird angelic way and told me that he already had, before I even called him.

I began writing again and this time I wrote songs that were different, and in no way our normal style of music. They had a punk influence and an acid rock feel and punch. I didn’t know where I was going or how things would end up with no guitarist or drummer…but I knew that I had to keep going and that this wasn’t the end. I felt it deep in my soul as if God spoke to me man to man, telling me that there was more for me to do, new music to be made, more lives to touch. That same feeling still comes to me sometimes, but not as strongly…but I still feel that there is more to do, and that’s where my new life began, where the new story began and how I came to find myself and who I should be.

Chapter Nine:
The Lost Rockers


Liam called me up and asked if I would be interested in doing a collaboration album with The Lost, and I took to the idea pretty quickly. I loved working with him, and I wanted to meet the other guys from the band and this was the best way to do that. We talked it over and got an idea from Raven Comatose to call ourselves “The Lost Rockers” an homage to each bands name respectively. It took a while to work out the rest of the details on the business end of the deal but before we knew it we working on what we were going to do.

At first we were going to write new songs and just work together on an entire new albums worth of material, but then the idea was suggested by Liam that we could rerecord four of the others hits, and then do one new song each, making ten songs. I was skeptical to let The Lost redo some of our classics but in the end they kicked the jobs ass and came forward with a truly great sounding piece of music.

They gave us four of their songs that they felt would be the best for us to cover, and we went to work. We went into the studio with no expectations, we just wanted to have fun and make something different that hadn’t really been done before. The sound of The Rockers is a lot different than the sound of The Lost, but that’s what made the product cool. We changed the songs to our sound and that, I think, thrilled the fans of The Lost to hear the songs they loved in a different environment, that’s always been something I loved too.

We had a blast in the studio, and Joey was incredibly happy to have his bass in his hands again. He really jammed and he enjoyed working with the new guys, which was great as I had feared that he wouldn’t. After we were done we decided to write the new song together at the studio so that we could watch The Lost take their hand at our classic rock songs and make them new and thrash. They blew us away. They did our songs like they had known them and played them all their lives and yet they renewed them and brought new life to the notes and the way the lyrics played out. We watched Cody compile and edit the songs while we were hard at work writing what would become the song “Battles with Demons.”

When all was said and done and we had all done our two new songs, we decided to release two editions of the album, one with our new song, and the other with theirs. We named ours, “Battles with Demons” after our song while Liam names theirs “What Ya Gunnuh Do about It”. We took it to our labels and they both seemed to like it, and it was released a little while later to some of our best reviews ever. It sold tremendously and we couldn’t have been happier with the way it turned out, and we were still happy to be working with The Lost, and will continue to look at that time as a great one.

We’re coming on to about 2007 now, which was a great time for me as an individual because it was around the time that I met Stephanie Fierce. She came to me asking if I would want to do a duet on a pop song called “Hot Shot” and then do a music “movie”. She called it a movie because it was to have a more film aspect to it, with a full plot, and dialogue. I accepted as I have always dreamt of being an actor and this was my one and only chance or so I thought at the time. I went in and laid down some of my best pop vocals and it went on to sell a couple million copies!

The music movie was a totally weird experience. I was so happy and focused on filming but somehow I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Stephanie. The way she walked, moved…everything. I found myself falling in love and couldn’t stop. We did a complete shoot with me playing the bad guy and the other guys did some scenes as well. It was exactly how I expected it to be and I enjoyed it but again, I had been interested in something else. Stephanie is roughly fifteen years younger than me, and that is what was hard for me to overcome. To me it felt like dating a child, even though she was in her mid-twenties.

Another thing that bothered me was the pesky memory of the first time I thought I was in love and how it sent me to the poor house and the way it ruined my life for nearly five years. So, for now at least I decided that it was best to put my child like crush on hold and just wait for a better situation.

A year went by and we just did some regular touring and not much else. We decided to record three songs that we had stored in Joey’s basement. We went to a small studio in my hometown to record them and we planned to release it only in the U.S.A. Our studio time was a bit strange as it was the first time we worked together by ourselves since Randy and Garry joined. These were songs that were at least ten years old and had been tossed away, but they worked for what we were planning. We recorded it just like we always have and worked it out to be a hard, classic rock single.

It had all of our regular chords and riffs, and was more of what we have always done. But, it was different in that Randy did a completely different sounding solo in each song that made the songs feel like they were by a totally different band. Randy is still a shocker that way, always pulling new rabbits out of the same old dusty hat, and in way him and Garry have helped us stay fresh when me and Joey have ran out of any ideas worth a damn.

“Train Wreck” had some of the coolest artwork that we had done up until that time, it was simple and yet detailed in way that it could have been a huge poster. We released the single around the country to some decent reviews and some harsh ones. They mostly went on about how if we were going to do something, then we should have upped the scale, spent more time on it, and wrote better songs. I agreed with them to an extent, but when we decide to something in a way that might hurt us…we mean to do it. It’s who we are and have always been. I still feel that we know best when it comes to our music and no critic knows what goes into the though process of making music.

Either way, it helped to boost interest in us again and we started on a pretty big tour that put us all around the world. We went from America to England and all the way to Japan! When it was finished we decided that we needed to write again, and this time it would be an album that had none, and I mean absolutely none of the stereotypes that they associated with a Rockers record, and that’s exactly what we did. This way they wouldn’t be able to say that we were repeating ourselves again, and they couldn’t compare to our few other different songs.

Chapter Twelve: Flying like an Eagle


I had been out of the hospital for about three months when I decided that I wanted to do something, and that I was getting bored. They told me that I wasn’t quite ready to start singing full time again, so I figured that I would act. I wanted to do a war film, but I couldn’t find anyone with a war time script. So, I decided to write one myself.

I didn’t realize just how hard it is to come up with a good story, and I certainly didn’t think about how difficult it is to stay motivated, and to keep writing even if you are bored. I enlisted the help of Randy and Joey though, and we came out with a decent plot, and a great action filled script. I called Cody and asked him if he would like to direct, and he accepted to my surprise.

Next step was to fill in all the roles. I decided that I wanted it to be a rock star filled entourage film. I put out an announcement asking fellow musicians to sign on for the film and I ended up with Taylor Asbridge, Eduardo Ferraz, Steven Spoons, Robert Kain, and myself. I was very pleased to work with these people, as they were fairly loved musicians, and I knew that they would be cooperative.

We started filming in a remote dessert location, and we brought in helicopters, and guns, and all that kind of stuff. We were there for nearly a month and a half, and when we wrapped, I felt that I had accomplished something. I felt that my life was at its peak and that nothing could stop me now. We did some editing, and added some effects and the film, called EAGLE, was released to my best reviews yet, saying that “The hard work really shows” and that it was “really good”.

Obviously this made me feel great and I was so happy to have seen my work praised like this, after months of hard work, and a whole lot of thinking over stuff. I really was at my peak so to say, and I was happier than I thought I ever could be. But, then I was told that my voice, and heart, was finally healed and that I could start singing again. This just added to my natural high, and I immediately called the guys so that we could plan a small tour.

The guys were happy to be out on the road again, and so was I. It was like I was a teenager again. Out on the tour bus riding through the country from place to place. I still love that sort of thing, and I found it to be soothing. Stephanie came to some of the dates, when she didn’t have some of her own and that helped me get back into the groove of playing live. It inspired me and helped me cope with the loneliness that I used to experience when I was touring.

Speaking of Stephanie, I think I need to go into further detail on our relationship at this point in time. We were officially in love, and we were going pretty strong as far as love goes. We were dating regularly and if you didn’t know better, you would think we were a married couple. We never have really let on to the public what our personal lives are like, and we have tried to keep it secret, but now you know…so be happy.

It was after the tour had ended that I decided that I wanted to start working on new material again and wanted to have our tenth album to get started. This was also the beginning of 2009, which meant that we had been playing music for twenty years! In the industry, twenty years is a hell of a long time, and we wanted to flaunt our shit man! We had a DVD collection come out, along with a special amp, and the complete set of all our previous albums and singles! It was a heck of a time to be a Rockers fan.

We began the writing process with a different approach. We felt that we had spent twenty years trying to be the band that the critics wanted us to be, and now it was finally time to be the band that we wanted to be. We decided to return to our roots, from our very first album. We wanted to go back to that classic sound with the neatly paced drums, and the strong chords.

Our first single was called “Cut Loose” and it was the classic sound we were looking for, it had some clichéd lyrics, and the usual rock n roll sound, but that’s what we wanted. It had some good reviews and some bad reviews but it was what we expected…what we wanted.

The studios were nice to by the way, mainly because it was my basement that worked as our studio. I bought all kinds of equipment and stuff, and we just acted like we were hanging out doing jam sessions. That was the most fun part of it, we were like little kids, trying to come up with music, and most of what went on the album, was improvised on the spot.

The second single was called, “Lady in Waiting” and was a soft ballad with moving lyrics and a gentle repeated riff throughout. It was released to some strong reviews compared to “Cut Loose” and gave us a boost in confidence. We were making the music we wanted to make, and it was finally getting some respect. After twenty years, we are finally getting some respect.

The third single was called, “Break Free” and had some arena rock, ballad rock, and soft rock sounds blended together to form a smooth rocking song that we feel is one of our best. It too, was met with some decent reviews that praised its mellow sound and we took it all in pride. We were ready to release our tenth studio album.

“Break Free” was chosen as the title of the album and it was released on Halloween night of 2009. It was met with great reviews and wonderful sales and climbed all the way to number 2 on the charts! It was our highest chart ever. It doubled the sales of “Black” which sold one million copies while “Break Free” sold two and a half million copies!

We were then invited to play again at the IMA Awards, as the headliner! The most prestigious spot to play and we got it baby! We went out there and put on a kickass show, without any heart attacks! We didn’t win anything, but we came out feeling like the kings of the world.

A little while after that we were awarded the Award for Best Single, at the Rock Awards Ceremony, over some of the greatest bands in the music industry! That was an honor like no other as well, and just kept giving us that feeling of accomplishment.
We were riding high, and had no plans of going down. Still don’t actually. It was our time to shine, and all the stars aligned and we came out on top. We had finally become the band we knew we always were. We went home that night, and watched the football game like we always would, but we had a much powerful feeling in our hearts. We were at the top.