Gemma Maddison walked into the prison, handing over her visiting order, along with her bag and belongings before a dumpy female guard stepped over to search her.
"You know the rules right?" the guard asked, sternly. Gemma nodded, before she was led through to the visiting ward, the sound of metal gates slamming following her through the corridors.
She sat down on the hard, plastic chair, wincing slightly at the harsh chair on her still sensitive back. She looked around at the dirty, dusty floor and peeling bars of the sliding doors and shivered a little, both from the cold and the atmosphere. She hated it in the prison. She could feel the evil, she could feel the murderers and rapists on the other side of the bars. She shut her eyes and tried to think about her kids: Caleb, now 3 years old, attending nursery now. He came home every afternoon talking about the latest colour he learned, the story he was read and the painting he made to bring home for 'daddy', his brown eyes sparkling as he brushes his floppy brown hair out of his face. Kai, only a year old was now on the verge of walking and made her smile every time she saw him. He looked just like his father: he had the same piercing blue eyes, the same petite nose and warm, wide smile and his mannerisms were already taking shape. He liked the same food, he had the same intense stare as Billy had when he was really concentrating on something, he loved music... Looking at Kai always reminded Gemma that it doesn't matter where Billy goes, he will always be a part of Gemma's life.
Finally, Gemma heard the gates slide open again and she looked up. She gasped and then lost her breath as she barely recognised the man walking through the door. Billy walked slowly across the room towards her, wearing tracksuit bottoms and a baggy grey jumper, with the yellow prison belt draped over his body. He sat down and Gemma saw that his eyes were black and the swelling almost sealed his eyes shut. The skin around his eyebrow and lip was split open and his skin was patched with bruising.
"Hey baby", he mumbled through his swollen lip, taking Gemma's hand in his. She didn't know what to say, she knew he would look bad, but nothing could have prepared her for this. She had never seen Billy looking anything other than perfect, even when he was comatose, his hair always seemed clean and shiny, his skin was clear, his lips delicately shaped in soft red curves.
"Oh, my God," Gemma whispered, finally winning her battle to grab a breath.
"It's not as bad as it looks..."
"Not as bad as it looks?! You could've died, Billy!" Gemma said, her voice beginning to go shrill.
"Would that have been such a bad thing?" Billy asked, looking down to the floor and pulling his hands back.
"Don't you dare say that! No matter what, you have a wife and two children that love you and are waiting for you to come home!" Gemma said, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
"What kind of father and husband can I be, huh? Stuck behind here for the next 20 years! What can I give any of you?! You deserve a husband who is there for you when you come home of a night, who can look after the kids and teach them how to be men, who can be there to comfort and support you. That's not me".
"What are you trying to say?"
"I can't be who you need... I saw you and Dean at the trial. He was the one looking after you and the kids, doing what I should have been able to do. Maybe he should be the one with you. He is Caleb's dad, after all..."
"Billy, Dean is my friend. You are my husband and I love you, okay?! I will be waiting for you whether you get out in a week, a month, a year, or 20 years, it doesn't matter! When I married you, it was for life and this won't change anything. I swear, you will be back home soon, okay?! We will make people know that you didn't do it, okay? I promise you," Gemma said, desperately. She didn't like where this conversation was going.
"Gemma, it's not going to happen. We need to stop kidding ourselves that it will. I've been sent down for murder, Gemma. Even in 20 years, the chances of them thinking I'm safe to be released will be slim to none. My life is over, yours doesn't have to be."
"It won't be! Not as long as I have you!"
"Gemma, it shouldn't be this hard! The amount of trouble we've had to be together... somebody is trying to tell us we just shouldn't be together..." Billy said, beginning to stand up.
"But it's never beaten us! This is just another bump in the road, Billy! We will still be together at the other end!" Gemma begged, tears threatening to spill over as the lump rose in her throat, threatening to stop her talking.
"I'm sorry. I'm not going to put you through this", Billy told her.
Gemma reached out to grab hold of Billy and he swiftly touched his lips to her forehead, just for a second, before pulling away and beginning to walk back towards the gate which will lead back into the main prison.
"I love you, okay? You'll thank me in the end," Billy whispered, before the guards opened the gate.
Gemma watched Billy walk away, shell shocked and scared, as she allowed her tears to finally spill over. Was her marriage over? Had somebody made him do this? Why had he given up hope of ever seeing the outside of the prison cell again? And most of all, if he had just given up his wife, children and hope, what on earth did he have left to live for?
