the duke of winchester,moored in sweden. (ooc:one day i'll photoshop the ship's name,i swear)
cheesy narrator:today we join the harlots,already in progress.the girls have since left the comforting debauchery of amsterdam far behind.instead,they have chosen to join erica's brother? ex-husband? friend? weird ass fellow bob ross cult member? erich hess on the high seas.for quite a few months the girls have basked in the glory of being a signed act.but now it's time to....put out,for lack of a better term.bee knees industries' label honcho bobby cairo,is looking for some sort of recorded document of the band's existance........
the harlots are well below decks,wrapped in the musty decay of the ship's recording studio.the studio is cutting edge and chock full of whiz bang technolgy.....if it was 1963.erica and nina are going over a dog eared notebook,while chloe and jen play a stirring game of chutes and ladders.
harlots recording session,day one.chloe:god dammit! i fucking hate candy land.
jen:this is chutes and ladders.
chloe:not my half of the board.i clearly see princess frostine's house.
jen:i guess that's why it was on sale for a dollar.
erica:c'mon, could you guys at least look at the songs we've written?
nina:yeah,we dont want to out and out steal bobby's money.wasting it,is whole other matter,loves.take this pen for instance,it's filled with ink made from the tears of the last spotted owl.it only cost like 50,000 dollars.
erica:yeah,you guys shouldnt be buying bargain basement board games...and you shoulda bought mousetrap,that game fucking rocks.
nina:it's a game?i always just set the thing up and watched it go.
*door bell rings.*
erica:oh! he's here! he's here!
jen:who's here?
erica:the guy who is going to produce our record,smotlys uselof!
jen:smolty whosit?
erica:he is only the best producer known to man or beast.pull your head outta your ass,man.
jen:i'm a girl.
erica:so am i,but you dont see me getting all pissy about it.
*smoltys walks in*
smoltys:*who's voice sounds remarkably like a lisping darth vader* are you the band that hired thmoltys?
erica:who the fuck are you? smolty's agent?
smoltys:no,i'm thmoltys.
nina:you always refer to yourself in the third person,love?
smoltys:yes.only thmoltys is worthy to speak thmoltys' name.*glances around ship* you ladieth do know that thmoltys' time doesnt come cheap.thmoltys' charges 10,00 an hour,pluth expenthes.
erica:oh yeah,we got tons of cash.you take dubloons?
smoltys:dubloonth?
erica:yeah,we got a whole buncha them.
smoltys:thorry,cath only.
nina:aboard a ship,dubloons are perfectly legal tender.
smoltys:thay,you're a cute little thing.
nina:oh stop.
smoltys:no thmoltys is therious.you wanna tholo career,hit thmoltys up.*gives nina his card.she gingerly takes it.* tho,you guyth ready to make thome muthic? timeth a ticking.
erica:hell yeah.this is gonna rock.
smoltys:thow thmoltys what you got.
the band starts playing a song that wouldnt sound out of place on an operation ivy album.
smoltys:no,no,no NO! you trying to give thmoltys a headache? let'th turn that dithtortion down thome.
ninA *sighs and turns down the amp* better?
smoltys:*listens intently for a few seconds* no,it'th thtill too loud.
nina:*sarastically turns amp off and strums* is this ok?jesus fucking christ.
smoltys"thatth better,but thmoltys thinkth you thould get rid of the guitar.try thith keytar.
erica: a keytar?! are you kidding?
smoltys:thmoltys never kidth.erica,thmoltys wantth you to thing...better.think jethica thimpthon,or early britney thpears.thing like that.
chloe:*giggles*
smoltys:chloe,thmoltys thinks you thould get behind erica,and dance.you too jen.that'th better.we'll take care of the thexy clotheth whne it cometh time to thoot the video.now,thmoltys took the liberty of writing thome thongs for you.thmoltys has a real hit here,it'th called "you break my heart,you're tearing it apart" ready? one two three!
erica:get the fuck out.now.
nina:and take your card with you,love.i dont appreciate the nude picture printed on the back.
smoltys:but everybody loves a nude thmoltys! *storms out*
erica:just take a handful of dubloons and go.
nina:great,now what are we gonna do? we got to have a producer?
erica:what about erich?
nina:well,he's not the worst lay ive ever had,but pretty close.
erica:not that,as a producer!
nina:sure why not,love.
erica and nina make their way to the deck.erich and karoliena are tossing plates up in the air,and shooting them with pistols.
erich:oh,hi! pull up a chair and a gun,these plates arent gonna shoot themselves.
karoliena:plates are rarely suicidal,bowls on the other hand ......
nina:where'd you get the pistols?
erich:are you kidding? we're on a cruise ship.it's practically crawling with pistols.
erica:listen,have you and karoliena ever think about producing?
erich:producing what? we've got a few plants growing below decks.i dont want to be a dealer or anything.i just want to grow for personal use.
nina:we want you to produce our debut record.
erich:...can i bring my gun?
erica:sure,why not? we just need you to press the "record" button.we'd do it ourselves,but everyone knows self produced records are ghetto.
karoliena:wait,wait,wait.you busty harpies arent going to get our production services for free.what's in it for us?
erica:we'll buy you a forty of o-e a peice.
nina:i'll pay you guys later. *winks*
erica:*smacks nina with rolled up newspaper* no!
