Good evening all you cock suckers.
This is your new rock station.
This is the radio that blows more than your mind.
This is Rocken Roll Radio, with the world famous Ronny Rocken!!
Ronny: Good evening and welcome to biggest radio station here on the net. What did you think of the introduction? Great of course. It gave promises of a lot of exciting experiences. We’ve got a lot of hits to play for you. We… what? …introduce myself? Why should I do that? They already know who I… They don’t…. Well since you insist…. Ehm. Yeah, I should introduce myself. Stupid, isn’t it? Cause everyone already know who I am. Anyway, my name is… hold on now, hold on. My name is RONNY ROCKEN!! The most awesome man in the world. Sweeter than sugar. Stronger than a whole gym together. The guy who makes any girls dream wet at nights. I am…
Edwardo: Ah, sorry. My fault. I have to cut here without Ronny finding out. You see, once he started, he can go on for hours. And we’ll get nothing done in that way. So I gonna play you a song instead till he’s calmed down and he can run this program again.
…I’m so Aaawesome….
…yeah, you hear for yourself.
(Plays Prophets Of Disaster by Keys of Death)
….my Clint Eastwood chin, my charming eyes. I’m just perfect in any way. But enough talk about me. Let’s get the show started. We’re gonna play the first song here, while I rest back in my chair with a beer and enjoy the view through the window at our beautiful swe…. Isn’t that Bobby? One of my neighbours. But what’s he doing? Jumping around with his pants at his knee… just a second. Hey Bobby! What the fuck are you doing?
Bobby: I’m showing of my ass.
Ronny: …yea I can see that. But what for?
Bobby: To scare off all the aliens.
Ronny: There’s no bloody aliens around here.
Bobby: See? That’s how good it works.
Ronny: …get your pants on and come back in here! Ehm, sorry folks. Let’s play something for now. I’ve got Dark And Light by Evilbreed and after that, Hellspawn with Hordes Of Death.
(Plays Dark And Light by Evilbreed)
(Plays Hordes Of Death by Hellspawn)
Ronny: Beautiful song, wasn’t it? This is Rocken Roll radio and your host Ronny Rocken, for you who missed it. But you haven’t. I’m sure that you’ve been nailed by the radio ever since we began. Anyway. There’s nothing wrong with new influences. We’ve got a guest here in the studio. His name is Ralph Iggy Babyface McCartney Thanks For The Money Ebson. Just roll off your tongue. Welcome Ralph.
Ralph: Yeah, Yo dude.
Ronny: He talks like that. That’s because he left school at an age of 6 and his father beat him up every morning. Ralph is unique for his new concept in the music industry. It’s called Emo Rap, right Ralph.
Ralph: Yeah. Yeah… it.. it’s very emotional. Very deep man. It’s for us who didn’t have a future. It’s for us who couldn’t sing. You know, that brings up feelings.
Ronny: I see. And you’ve sold out faster than any other artist this year. Your album sold out in just a couple of minutes.
Ralph: Yes man. I sold a single album. Already got another one burning.
Ronny: And you’re going to sing for us here in Rocken Roll radio.
Ralph: True.
Ronny: Let’s hear it from Ralph Iggy Babo… eh, Ralph.
Ralph: Sigh….
Ronny: ….You can start whenever you want.
Ralph: I already sang.
Ronny: No you didn’t.
Ralph: Yes I did.
Ronny: No you sighed. That’s not singing for fuck sake.
Ralph: It’s very emotional. You don’t understand it! No one understand it!
Ronny: …could you… well, just lift your chin abit..
Ralph: Like that?
Ronny: yeah.
*SMACH*
Ronny: And let’s listen to some real music instead, shall we? The Bards and Fire in our Eyes. Right from their latest album, The bards in the fields of tomorrow.
(Plays Fire in our eyes by The Bards)
Ronny: We’re almost done with the program now. I know, I know. I don’t wanna stop here either. But if I don’t, the cops might be able to track this program and I won’t be able to come back next month. But as the musical genius I am, I thought I would sing you a song. I’ve got my old guitar here. So if I start up like this, and then I’ll simply make something up while I’m playing. Let’s see…
Suck suck suck
Suck suck suck
Suck suck suck, ooh suuck
Suck suck suck
Suck suck suck
Suck suck, baby suuck
Suuuck
Suuuck
S…
(Door, or something brakes in.)
SSS: There he is! Take him out of here guys.
Ronny: What the… who are you?
SSS: We’re representants from SSS. Strictly Sober Society. You can’t go on like this. We’ll take you with is till you’re sober again.
Ronny: Get out of my studi… don’t touch me! Hey, let me go, you bloody bastards! I said let me go! This is my program! You can’t do this to meee….
Bobby: I think that’s everything for Rocken Roll Radio for this time. Let’s finish with The Worst and their By the Trash-bin, and I’ll see if I can get Ronny back. Is this supposed to be played on radio…. Anyway. Thank you folks. This is Rocken Roll Radio, logging out for the day.
(Plays By the trash-bin by The Worst)
