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Offline erich hess  
#1 Posted : 29 June 2010 14:47:05(UTC)
erich hess
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC)
Posts: 42,738
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United States
Location: representing the 954

Thanks: 21761 times
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title: An Erotic Retelling of The Story of America
rating: 95
debuted at: #29 in the usa.


track listing:

disc one
1.let's go there now,through the magic of television
2.long days at the helm of a short bus.
3.bull balls 'n dumplings.
4.junior frogskipper's fight for freedom.
5.damned bulletproof bugs.
6.your dentures are in my cheese
7.ten thousand angry elvises cannot be wrong.
8.sunspots on my ass
9.wrangling sentient broccoli florets.
10.mr magoo vs thurston howell the third

disc two
1.suspenders offer national security for your trousers.
2.never under estimate a midget with a grudge.
3.zombie hitler fights zombie elvis
4.i'm going to rocket to uranus.
5.draconian dick jokes.
6.there's no dip for cow chips.
7.mile wide slip 'n slide.
8.old deities retirement village.
9.i want to hold your hand....on my crotch.
10.100% joe don baker fury!!

disc three
1.baphomet lives in my butter bowl.
2.intimate knowledge of human society residents.
3.tossing oranges at passers by.
4.on noble stud....er,steed!
5.michelle malkin.proof not all asian chicks are cool.
6.make your own napalm,for fun and profit.
7.roadhouse 2.electric boogaloo
8.no,your nose isnt phallic at all.
9.doc Frankenstein and friends.
10.boneyard bedlam

disc four.
1.rampant racoons randomly raping richard's ripe rambutans
2.slowly sickening strangers sodomized small squids.
3.mondays mainly manufacture mustard .....maybe?
4.crispy children cannot topple tender toed totalitarians.
5.picking pills and pandering to pant-less pandas.
6.big bolshy bastard baboons.
7.loose lips licking lollipops.
8.fucking fools falling for fran drescher.
9.sweaty socks stuffed in swollen sockets.
10.peanut buster parfaits for all!!

disc five
1.bonfire of the panties
2.hacksaw tommy
3.the sad and sordid tale of johnny kaiser.
4.it came from beyond the proctologist's office.
5.earth vs soup.a short story with a cast of thousands.
6.pissing in the particle accelerator.
7.sid haig kinda beard.
8.amish do it rarely.
9.bill cosby spanked me....and i didnt want him to stop.
10.everything i need to know,i learned from arch hall jr.

disc six.
1.elmer fudd's packing heat.
2.when hell is full,the dead shall walk the earth....unless they learn to drive.
3.greetings from chaos springs!
4.free floating monkeys heads and other conundrums.
5.the amazing world of tv chefs.
6.on the origin of herpes.
7.ever snort coke with a wallaby?
8.the second to last house on the left.
9.death ward #13
10.vengence never knocks twice.


disc seven
1.elvis is the answer to every question.
2.wilfred brimley.oatmeal fueled sex machine.
3.hmm,bobby doesn't eat human flesh at home.
4.mutant hell beasts need love too.
5.killer can goods from mars.
6.findind christ in the oddest places.
7.rockabilly zombies from other dimensions.
8.shallow graves for shallow people
9.trapped in the 50 ft woman's bra.
10.old timer,billy slater.

disc eight.
1.hung people,and hanged horses.
2.i buy weed from a nun.
3. animals are to be bred and SLAUGHTERED!!!
4.pick pocketing a nudist
5.ever feel like a banana on the planet of the apes?
6.your nipple is in my ear
7.apartheid in my cereal bowl.
8.ted the evil toaster who keeps finding his way into bathtubs.
9.granny's sex toy took out three children.
10.can i play in the reactor?

disc nine
1.microwave cremation.it takes longer,but well worth it.
2.oh shit,the hamster ate all the steroids!
3.could thor piss on the sun?
4.soap opera's arent as clean as the name implies.
5.i'd hug you,but your entrails are hanging out.
6.bob eats barber shop hair.
7.kidnappings at the company picnic.
8.i snapped your bra,you snapped my neck.
9.drunken recitals of rimbaud.
10.another fucking song about rip taylor

disc ten
1.i wanna tie you to train tracks like a old school villian.
2.mind if i grope you?
3.come on down to bill's bootleg wiffle bats!
4.crazy ass monkeys...literally.
5.succumbus who lives in my closet.
6.meth,mullets and mom.
7.i whipped spiderman's ass-wesley willis cover
8.snipers cant foxtrot.
9.you cant make alfredo sauce with glue.....or can you?
10.they can't all be gems.

review from rolling stoned magazine:some bands release double albums,a few others release triples...atomic war bride releases a deca-ouple album."an erotic retelling of the story of america" is one of those albums than changes history.in one deft swoop,erich hess and karoliena verlinden have crafted the cultural touchstone for an entire generation.for decades,people will look back fondly on when,and where they first heard this.....this.....gift from above.

or so erich and karoliena would have you think.i assume they think it's clever to release 10 albums worth of music in a format nobody can listen to properly."an erotic retelling of the story of america" is only available on 18" ,56 rpm records.it's clear to see why atomic war bride has chosen to give their music away.how else could they ever move a single copy? a complete waste of time for all involved.i shudder to think how much money was spent on recording all of this,judging from the liner notes,no expense was spared.each copy comes with a free roll of duct tape(?) and a bouncy rubber ball.
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"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.
Offline Bobby Cairo  
#2 Posted : 30 June 2010 18:40:59(UTC)
Bobby Cairo
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 07/04/2010(UTC)
Posts: 99
Man
United States

Bobby Cairo: America is a dark place, a grim place, a nation that finds itself wallowing in a state of grave disrepair. Atomic War Bride tells us the true story of how the Stars & Stripes lost their luster, including the day when Team USA tanked its World Cup match against Ghana...again, pulling no punches as they chronicle America's downward spiral from world superpower to modern-day wasteland. Oh sure you could watch a Ken Burns "documentary" on PBS and get the G-rated, Disney-fied version of events, but why would you unless you're afraid of the truth? This album is the real deal, the uncensored story of how it all REALLY went down.

And therein lies the problem for the War Bride... Erich Hess and Karoliena Verlinden (who has giant knockers) are too honest for their own good. Certain unsavory individuals who hold positions of power and influence place a high premium on keeping their dirty little secrets...secret. Those individuals will most assuredly work to suppress the information that is contained on these ten discs by any means necessary, including lethal force. If I were Erich or Karoliena, I would watch my ass... but then I'm always watching Karoliena's ass. (Personal note: Hey you guys, contact me regarding the purchase of firearms at discount prices for your personal protection. I know people up north, fa realz yo.)

Though many of the tales presented on this album are morbid and sordid in nature, one bright spot can be found in track 3 of disc 7, entitled "hmm,bobby doesn't eat human flesh at home." That particular song is dedicated to the culinary habits of yours truly, and I must say that I was flattered to be included as a topic of discussion on the Bride's debut album. It is absolutely true that I don't eat human flesh at home; I only eat human flesh when I'm on the road, specifically when I'm touring in Cambodia. There's this wonderful little restaurant on the outskirts of Phnom Penh that makes a delicious stew consisting of human flesh, carrots, potatoes, peas and celery. It really sticks to your ribs, not surprising considering the high content of rib meat found in said stew.
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