Southfloridapsychos.com


Erich Hess


Karoliena verlinden





Erich: hi and welcome aboard. Care for a hash brownie?

Interviewer: um.no.

Erich: hash cake?

Interviewer:no

Erich: hash pie? Hash coffee? Hash Cheetos? Hash orange juice?

Interviewer: does everything have hash in it?

Erich: well the hash eggs and hash only has a little hash in it.

Karoliena: ugh.

Erich: whaddya mean "ugh"?

Interviewer: stop stop stop.I've heard this one before! Seriously,why all the hash products?

Karoliena: well,i started baking,then i went into the kitchen.it just all made sense.* offers plate* care for some hash browns?

Erich: laugh! Its funny! Get it? Hash......browns?

Studio audience: boooo.

Erich: we really need to adjust the attitude of our studio audience.

Karoliena: well, you use those old Phillips analog chips in your audience,and you're gonna get this.

Interviewer: whats with the sweater and dress?

Erich: what? This old thing? Oh its just something i threw on.

Interviewer: o..k.

Erich: its angora,here,take a feel.*offers sleeve.*seriously,though all my clothes were dirty,so i had to borrow this from karoliena.it feels....oddly right.if milton Berle and Monty python have taught us anything,its men in dresses are funny.

Karoliena: i can see the dress and sweater,but did you have to stuff the bra too?

Erich: i didn't want to wear a dress AND be flat chested.

Interviewer: makes sense. So just what has the war bride been doing? We all know it hasn't been making music.

Erich: well,I've been mentoring a young man. As you know,Erich Hess is all about giving back.if i didn't teach kids about how to spot inferior truck stop crank,who will?

Karoliena: knowledge truly is power. We've been workinf on a new release.i wouldn't call it a single or an album,or an ep.it fits somewere in between.

Erich: it is a triple single.any moron can make a triple album,but only the truly visionary can make triple singles.

Interviewer: so... you've recorded six songs,big deal.

Erich: * proudly* yes .these six songs will be fucking life changing.you know how time is described BC and ad? Get ready for "before atomic a go go" and "after atomic a go go".

Interviewer: sounds fantastic....so what makes it so special?

Erich: well you see...um,the thing is...

Karoliena: we havent worked all the kinks out just yet.we are still working on what exactly makes it so great.but once we get that part worked out? We"ll be on our way.

Interviewer: oh.nothing like shooting for the stars i suppose.moving along,who do you follow on twitter?

Karoliena: we don't.

Erich: the world is getting closer to 1984 every day without people voluntarily broadcasting what it is they are doing.

Karoliena:normally i disagree with Erich's paranoid bullshit,but not i regards to twitter. I'm sorry but nobody is that interesting.

Erich: what about the most interesting man in the world?

Karoliena:the guy in the beer ad?

Erich: yeah.the man bowls overhand.how cool is that?

Karoliena: not even him.....and the beer sucks too.

Interviewer: well,there goes the rest of my interview.....anything else on your minds?

Erich:not that's fit for broadcast.what say you,karoliena,and i get together after this?

Interviewer:*laughs* i didn't think Ive ever been hit on by a guy in a dress.

Erich:...so,is that a yes ,or no?

Interviewer: you were serious?! Good lord no!

Karoliena: i am working on a couple solo tunes.

Interviewer: really?

Karoliena: yeah.it should be ready about the same time as atomic a go go.......say,you wouldn't want to come hear some of it would you?

Interviewer: yeah,sounds good.

Karoliena:*winks at Erich* technique makes all the difference.see ya later....oh,and didn't wait up for me.maybe you should stuffed your bra a,Little more. *laughs and walks off with the interviewer*.

Erich:* cupping his bra* hmmm.the left one could use more tissue paper.