Erica: who is this Joey I keep hearing about with izzy?

Nina: isn't he that guy? You know,love....he is in weekend?

Erica: there is no Joey in weekend.

Nina: yeah there is. They don't give him a lot of tv time on account of him being short and rather gimpy.

Erica:...gimpy?

Nina: yeah,like bob cratchetts little boy,tiny Tim? Gimpy.

Erica: there's a gimpy weekender?

Nina: yup.they keep him confined behind Billy's house. Poor bugger lives off Gatorade,toenail clippings and sticks of butter.

mariko:feel better soon,jen! hope it's a speedy recovery.

interviewer

erich hess

Interviewer: we have the infamously eccentric,erich hess today.

Erich: you haven't had me yet,you old codger! *laughs*

Interviewer:indeed.

Erich: is this going in cat fancy? It's my understanding I was to be interviewed for cat fancy. I don't see any cats. And you do not reek of cat nip. * sniffs the interviewer uncomfortably close and for a rather long time.* nope. No cat nip. No cat nip at all.

Interviewer: cat fancy? People read that?!

Erich: you bet your ass they do! Some of us even have subscriptions. I'll be damned if my local news stand is stiffing me! I saved 4 dollars and,AND mind you,I got a kick ass tote bag... That disappointingly doesn't fit my cat. So what do I tote now? Fuck if I know.

Interviewer: actually,this is about your music.

Erich: music?! I brought my own litter scooper. I can't play music with it. So one of us needs to shit in a box. *looks the interviewer up and down.* well? I'm waiting. *taps foot impatiently*

Interviewer: what the fuck is wrong with you? I'm starting to think it isn't just the drugs.

Erich: I'll tell you,my good man. The king,elvis his self, appeared to me and said " go forth and fuck shit up in my name." So that is just what I aim to do. If I have to kick box porter Wagner to do it? I don't give a fuck. I'm round housing that mother fucker.

Interviewer: o.....k. How about no venues? How is that going?

Erich:*panics* why?! What have you heard?! Let me clear up once and for all, that the quicksand was there when we arrived and we had to feed it sandwiches. It's appetite was insatiable. We finally had to feed it a golf cart from security. I thought we should have kept the security guard in the cart,but karoliena pussed out. Something about "murder" or something. Chicks,am I right? *erich elbows the interviewer jovially*

Interviewer: other than that...how is the tour?

Erich: oh,it's a blast. Loads of fun,and exotic places. I haven't mingled with many other acts on the tour. I think they are scared I am going to do something crazy.* wordlessly removes his pants.neatly folding them and places them on the chair beside him*

Interviewer: whoa! Pants back on!

Erich: no! Those bastards didnt know how good they had it! I will not reconcile with my pants. Cat fancy tote or not. I don't know about you,but I will not take guff from garments. You totally take shit from your socks,don't you?

Interviewer: well...frankly my socks have never said a cross word to me.

Erich: don't cover for the bastards! You are among friends,now. *places hand on interviewers knee* he can't hurt you anymore. You can do it,just let it all out.

Interviewer: my socks don't abuse me!

Erich:*looks down at the interviewers socks* argyle. Yup,that explains it. Argyles are the most vicious of all socks. Not since 80's tube socks has there been a more harmful foot cover.

Interviewer: I like my argyle socks!

Erich: break the cycle,man! I can't help you,if you won't help yourself. Take my socks for instance. Look At them. I fucking iron these things. You know why? Because when you take a hot iron to things,they tend to know who is boss. In right quick order,too. These socks know their place,and never talk back to me. Those argyles need a good ironing.

Interviewer: you are fucking strange. I'm done.

Cassie Summers: I give it a week. He'll just hire women and then....well we've all heard the stories. LOL.

An atomic war bride show comes with a certain level of inebriation expected. Lead vocalist and guitarist,erich hess occupies a world all his own on stage,and acts as tour guide to the audience. Usually he is fueled by a delicate balance of dxm,LSD,mescaline and alcohol. But lately audiences at no venues have been treated to a lethargic and....boring erich hess. He's went as far as to nod off during a song. Is he burning the candle at both ends?,impending father hood keeping him up at night? Or possibly "other"? A twitter conversation with his wife,Ada Von wannemaker,involved a reference to "old bull lee." Which,as you should know is the alias jack Kerouac used for William s Burroughs in the novel,"on the road". Burroughs was a well known heroin user,could the rockstar life be claiming its next victim in erich hess?

Erica: oh erich,you fucking idiot. If this is true,I will never forgive you.

Erica: Ada, you wan me to send Mariko round to check on him? Since obviously karoliena is oblivious to things.


Karoliena: not my job anymore.

Karoliena: it's not that,Ada. I just don't want people getting the wrong idea of my taking interest in anything erich does.

Mariko: I am on the next plane out of London.miss Ada.


Erich: whoa whoa! Ada,please don't cut your tour short. This whole thing has been taken way out of proportion. I flushed what I had this morning. The come down just isn't worth it. You have my word, I won't do it again.

Karoliena: you are right. I can't help it. At the end of the day,erich stopped being my friend the day he met you. Don't get me wrong,I love the two of you together...but since that day, there is a divide that can't be bridged.


Mariko: the only thing you owe me is letting me hold that baby! I'm an expert at babysititting other people's men.

Erich: Ada,after I sobered up,I read what I wrote to you. I assure you,you won't be without me. Like I said,it's all gone.

Erich: well,miss Greene...I made a bad decision about what drugs to ingest and let a lot of people down. Including my wife. The picture sounds nice,I have just the place on my tour bus for it.