Cassie: I love this! I doubt the title will endear it to many, but yaaaaaaa I love it!

I think my favourite is the pop tart. Stamp on that pop tart bitch! Jam filled icing pastry bastards are too arrogant for their own good anyway.

Ooc: Great read :)

Erich's recorded voice: Captain's log. Stardate: unknown. Location: off the japanese coast. Listening to: fats domino.

Ahoy fellow frankenfurter twirlers. Its been a long time since we last spoke and for that ,i apologize. My own ha ha meter was on empty. I guess the tank is leaking or something,i cannot say. The important part is i am refueled with ha ha hee hee juice,and ready for action. During my shore leave i wrestled with god herself,and gave her a wedgie of biblical proportions. I doubt my wedgie will make the new bible. God's pr department is one of the best,and never fail to make her look good. But she's had a hell of a life and deserves everything that comes to her. Frankly,i was enjoying my time away from music. I took to nursing steaks and hamburgers back to health. in hopes they will become healthy cows once more. I havent had much luck to date, but i am not giving up. Fuck no. I love a challenge. Erica has adamantly protested my actions. She hopes i am not successful in my endeavors. As The cows involved will probably seek revenge for being made meat. She may get her wish,all i've managed to do is waste perfectly fine beef. I think i need some tesla coils...they seem to be standard equipment for any mad scientist. I had some,but traded them for some hooch back in '88.

For now,i put aside my vats of rotten meat and pick up a guitar. Lets get this road on the show!

Alex: Yeah, fuck Webster you bastard! Wait, who's Webster? Anyways, one of those copies are mine, quite literally if it means gutting a person with the small hand ona clock, ill.. well, ill not do that, but i will get a copy.

well,its yesterday's tomorrow. so as promised,we'll take a closer look at " maniacally perfect". looking over the sleeve,it really takes me back. we recorded this on an old tascam cassette 4track. today,this seems almost archaic. one step up from a bird in a stone box who repeats whatever you say to it,ala the flintstones. we hand glued the record sleeves together too.i remember sitting with karoliena and racing to see who could assemble the most sleeves. if you get one that is poorly glued,now you know why.if you are interested, karoliena won the contest.

maniacally perfect

enough memory lane. what's the deal with these songs? "maniacally perfect" is a great song. i think its one of the better ones we've done. the song itself is about being drunk,high,tripping balls,etc (write about what you know,right?) and trying to keep it straight while dealing with non high people. every movment or word becomes carefully thought out and planned to the t.

karoliena's comments," this is a real early song. so it is very,very fast.i had just started playing bass,so i dont think i hit the same note twice during the entire song. i just remember slapping the shit out of the strings and hoping for the best. a funny thing about this song,it tells the story of erich meeting my parents. i thought it would be funny to dose erich's wine and watch him try to speak to my uppity,and very serious minded parents. i thought right. it was hilarious. erich began speaking like a british admiral who was pining for the days of the empire ,while my father just stared at him. i dont believe he took a single bite of his dinner."


when this hearse is a rocking...

i couldnt very well call myself a psychobilly musician if i didnt write at LEAST one song about necrophelia. hey, dont make the rules.... This song is about a friendly mortician who likes to have a go with all the pretty,but slightly dead girls he drives to the cemetary. fun right? yeah,until the corpsey girls turn into zombies and sodomize him with discarded femurs. what? it's a graveyard. it is just assumed discarded femurs are all about the place.

karoliena's comments," never played live. the "funeral/porn groove" organ is very integral to the song. we dont so much as own an organ anymore,so.....yeah.

captain's log. stardate,your momma. : it is with heavy heart and sordid mind i write this log. karoliena is still out and about with her harlots. the loneliness is near crushing. rob does not live aboard the duke,and bettie is on the road with karoliena. no friends at all on my floating palace to debauchery.

to kill the stubbornly boring hours,i have taken to writing the next atomic war bride album. so far,i have not one note written...but i have a title,and that is the most important detail. ...ok,it seems i dont even have a title. i hope sitting in the studio and drinking will give me the inspiration needed. try as i might,i just cannot come up with a typical "war bride" song. the songs i have written are far too serious in tone.fuck it,i'm doing a one off solo dealie.

Bianca: I must admit I have no idea what you talk about most of the time but it seems interesting and crazy.

erich: ah,that is exactly the point. with songs like mine,who can say if they are good or bad? are they meaningless tripe,or filled with complex symbolism that would make bosch soil his tights ? nobody can really tell.

karoliena: i can tell...but i wont.

Billy: I hope track 4 isn't inspired by a real life event :/

review time! review reprinted without permission.



a study in laziness it would seem. lazy title,lazy art ,and only one side of the record contains war bride material. the B side contains something random. mine was an interview with donny and marie osmond circa 1976. clever or stupid? you be the judge. one would think this band's schtick would have wore thin by now. but people still pay to see the rocky horror show in theatres,so i guess suckers are alive and well. the paltry 6 tracks that are war bride material,will make you wish the osmonds were on both sides. the songs sound like what would've happened if elvis presely dropped very potent lsd before recording "thats all right momma". in other words,typical atomic war bride. a 2 star rating is very generous indeed. in our press pack,there were notes about each song,let me post them for you.

1.john glenn fucking plays through!
erich's comments: i know john glenn didnt play golf on the moon. stop emailing me about it! but what if mr glenn DID play golf on the moon? a strip golf match at that? losing would be fatal. plus,the title is fun to scream while drunk. it really keeps squares on their toes.

2...and then a lone cod piece flew across the room.
erich's comments: how many times have you been to a ren fest and harlequin starts arguing with the blacksmith? words are exchanged,and fists threaten to replace words. and then it happens: someone takes off their cod piece and slingshots it across the room. everyone then realizes things have been taken too far. countless times,right? well,i finally wrote a song about it.

karoliena's comments: a true story based on real life events that never happened. originally, we were to have flutes and lyres in the song,so it'd sound medieval. but they never arrived. probably best they didnt. we have no idea how to play them.

3.trench warfare among wombat factions.
karoliena's comments: we were listening to a lot of minor threat the day we were recording this song. hardcore rockabilly?

erich's comments:a planet where apes evolved from man and into wombats? you bet.the wombats followed the human timeline,and became involved in world war one trench warfare. this is their story.. lest we ever remember.

4.dont stir my soup with your veiny penis!
erich's comments:some things dont need songs written about them. this isnt one of those things. inspired by...well,exactly what it says. we were out of spoons,and it seemed like a good idea at the time.

karoliena's comments: fast and loud. just like a song about wang scalding should be.THE sing a long track of this album.

5.pesticide pushes pests aside.
erich's comments: when you drink on the level we do,you accumulate a lot of empties. it seems ants love liquor residue...or they are cheap asses who wont buy their own. anyways,we had a terrible ant problem aboard the duke. "had" being the operative word. this song is from the ant's point of view. they see me as the embodiment of evil,as i killed millions for a minor inconvenience.

karoliena's comments[/ b]: as "heavy" as we get. we didnt want to get too close to a metal sound. i look terrible in corpse paint and church burnings are immature.

6.zombie polar bears from club med.
erich's comments: an earth first wet dream. polar bears' corpses re-animate and wreck havok at a ski resort. blood, body parts,and tacky ski clothes are everywhere.

[b]karoliena's comments: very bluegrassy music,with crooner type vocals. it works better than we expected...or wanted. but,hey. you cant have everything.

Sam: Will definately pick this up. Cannibal Holocaust is DEFINATELY the superior cannibal movie of the 80's. Cannibal Ferox? Get outta here!