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And then I saw light, from embers to flames ....
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Offline bikz  
#1 Posted : 26 July 2011 09:29:42(UTC)
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He wasn't going to love me now.

I went to the bar, and downed the bottle quickly. It didn't taste that nice, but it was just the bottle I needed, and being drunk would numb the pain. It had to be. When I couldn't deal with Jakey having leukaemia, I left my door unlatched and rolled out of the helicopter. When I couldn't deal with the rest of DBM dying, I pretended to faint, hoping that Sophy-Cat and Machete would leave me behind. When I couldn't deal with Jaymz leaving me, I tried to drown myself, and Kamikaze Kate of all people saved me. And when I couldn't deal with the work which Carly put on me at MolotoV-Records - I made a Molotov cocktail and cracked it on myself, outside The Dirty Bastard. Joshy Firecracker appeared out of nowhere, risking life and looks, to get me out of the way.

The Molotov was my favourite method. Second time lucky, perhaps? No Dirty Bastard, no Joshy Firecracker. Nobody but me, crazy Raven.

I went out to the smoking area and stole somebody's lighter, then went to the car and filled the bottle with gas. Then, I ran away from the hotel, to some empty field.

I needed Scott to love me, not for whatever crap I said on Twitter, but for me, and I wasn't sure that he did. We clashed too much. And I couldn't deal with it. So this was the only way out.

I looked around. It was pitch black, but I couldn't hear anybody. I considered it safely unsafe. "Cheers," I said to myself, before flicking the lighter to the bottle.

((OOC : So Mary Sue it's untrue, lol. Anyone's welcome to find her. If not, I'll write the next bit tomorrow and it'll be less crapola.))

Edited by user 26 July 2011 09:35:52(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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Offline bikz  
#2 Posted : 27 July 2011 08:19:13(UTC)
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I threw the cocktail up in the air, hoping it would land on me. It wasn't painful, I was right, the alcohol had numbed me over. Plus my threshold for pain has already been pretty high - the amount of body mods I've had, not for the squeamish. I sighed as I thought of what it might look like, a beautiful picture, burning away ....

"Why are you doing this?"

"Nathan? What are you doing here?" I asked, unsure whether I was speaking in real life or not. The voice sounded like mine, but I couldn't feel my lips moving.

"It's not so nice to burn away in fires. I know, I've been through it. And I saw what it did to Mom and Dad and my sisters. Do you want Mom and Dad and Yasmin to go through the same again?"

"And what about Scott?" asked another voice, one which I knew well, but hadn't heard in a long time. I looked up and there was my first husband, surrounded by white. This was the first time that I had seen him since visiting him after his bone marrow transplant.

"Jakey!" I cried. "What about him? He doesn't love me. Plus, am I not Raven Comatose?"

I saw angel-Jakey shake his head. "I had to move on. Scott bears the black cross now, and truly loves you. Anyway, I better go. Say hi to Lukey and Regan Futrell for me, and to the girl who's milking my name, tell her that Jakey says piss off. Oh yeah, and Syke says piss off too, to just about everyone. It was nice knowing you, Raven."

"Jakey! JAKEY!" I screamed. I couldn't just let him go - but I had to.

He slowly faded away, but Nathan was still there. "I don't like seeing you," he said, his cute puppy-dog eyes giving me a pleading look. "When I see you, you're in trouble."

"I want to swap you for me, Nathan." I would be in tears, but in purgatory, they didn't come. "You're such a good person, you'd never hurt anyone, you don't deserve it, you're perfect ...."

Nathan shook his head. "I'm not. Nobody is. I chose to go to those stupid riots, didn't I? Plus I brought you home. I died for you. So why waste my sacrifice?"

The last word echoed around the emptiness, until Nathan was gone as well. It was all clear white, no sound, no other angel people. Until I felt myself plunging down, as if falling back to Earth, and a faint beeping sound started to get louder and louder. I started to hear voices, real human voices, ones I didn't recognise, talking about me. I didn't know where I was, or what had happened to me. I couldn't see anything, just hear. And none of it made sense. There was only one voice I recognised, a particularly high male.

"Is she OK .... call Katie, she'll call Renée ...."

Jesus Christ in stilettos.
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Offline genocidal king  
#3 Posted : 27 July 2011 08:54:35(UTC)
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I sat on the bus, eyes glazed over, heart pounding still. I had a hangover, but I certainly wasn't under the influence of anything at the moment. All I knew at that time, was how much I hated her. I didn't of course, I loved her. But love's a funny old thing, and it can impair your thoughts as much as your vision. I knew that; there had been a lot of times in my life where I had seen someone through rose tinted glasses, just because I lived them. This was the opposite though; here I was, so in love with Raven that the very fact that she'd leave and not get back to me made me think I hated her.

I felt that same, familiar pain rise up in my chest. It wasn't a physical pain, but it was just as real to me. It was the pain that I felt whenever I looked at the blank screen of my phone, begging to see that "One New Message: Raven" that I longed for. But it never came. Of course it didn't. She had left. Why had she left?

I thought back to the night before she had walked out on me, yet again, and all I could remember was having the best time with her. It was a bit hazy...but that was to be expected on tour. My strongest feeling was one of pure love, as I remembered sitting on that sofa, my arm draped lovingly around her shoulder, enjoying the tour bus chat, surrounded by friends and the woman I had waited years to be with..the woman who was soon to be my wife.

But when I woke up in the morning, she was gone. No explanation. Merely a text message stating the obvious...the fact that she had left. It had been well over 24 hours now, and I still hadn't heard a thing. Whatever had pissed her off....whatever I had done, it was obviously too much for her....

She didn't love me anymore...and fuck her for it! I didn't care. Except I did.

"Scott, man are you wasted?" Came a voice from beside me. It was the familiar voice of Turtle, my buddy in Sanitary Towel, and it snapped me back to reality.

"I have to get out of here!" I said, grabbing a bottle of beer, and quickly alighting the bus, wandering off into the night.
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Offline bikz  
#4 Posted : 27 July 2011 22:48:01(UTC)
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It wasn't luck. It was fate.

I was meant to be at the Mind gig, and then go to the hotel. I was meant to be out there, in the field, because I couldn't afford a room after the tickets. (I probably wasn't meant to tell the guy at reception to fuck off and stick his prices up the clacker, but what can you do.) I was just trying to sleep, when not so far away, I heard something explode. I got up, turned the torch light on my phone on, and ran over. I felt a sense of déjà vu ....

She was unconscious, a mixture of breathing in the fumes and God knows what else. She was burning already, and a few bits of glass had hit her. I had to act fast, push her away. The flames hit my face and I knew I'd have some nasty scars, but even someone as superficial as me knew that saving a life was more important. I sort of moved between her and the bomb, and rolled her away. I wasn't stupid enough to try and put it out this time, just move her, and then me, as far away from the flames as possible, while trying hard not to breathe in the fumes. She was heavy, but I managed to push her away. I called 999 and asked for an ambulance, which was followed by fire engines. I watched the water blasts put out the brushfire as I drifted off to sleep.

"G'day, Jesus," said a voice next to me, someone holding my hand. Tired and a little disorientated, I realised where I was. In hospital. I looked up and saw a blurred version of my sister Roxy.

It didn't take me long to snap back to reality. "How's Raven?" I asked, quickly.

Roxy sighed. "She's alive, though she's still asleep, she took in a lot of fumes. You're both bloody tin-arsed to be alive. You see that doc over there next to Jimbo?"

She pointed towards a female doctor, talking to Jimmy Bishop and Raven's mum. She looked blurred too. "Not very well, but go on."

"She's from Bedlam. They're thinking of carting Raven off. You should probably go with her, you're as mad as each other."

My eyes widened. Though I knew I was safe from DBM's contract with Bethlem Royal Hospital unless I put myself in voluntarily, Raven would have to put out a pretty damn good case not to get herself locked up. That amount of suicide attempts .... she wasn't safe free. I wouldn't always be around to save the day. I looked at the floor and spoke in a low voice, unable to admit the truth to Roxy's face. "That'd be right."

Edited by user 27 July 2011 22:48:37(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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Offline bikz  
#5 Posted : 28 July 2011 07:23:34(UTC)
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"My child ain't going to no padded cell." My father's gruff tone was unmistakeable. That deep voice used to be just like my own. That's why I can sing.
"Don't make it difficult!" my mother cried, distraught. "This is for the best for her!"
"No Renée, Regan's not crazy." Regan Storme Senior, always one to stand his ground.
And on and on and on. Apart from possibly myself and Scott, my parents are the most chaotic couple ever. They're so bad for each other, they drove each other mad in the early days of their relationship, break-up, make-up - and yet, they've managed to stay together for over 30 years and raised three of their four children to adulthood.
"Not crazy, but she's disturbed about something!" Renée sounded like a wailing ghost, with the pitch in her voice changing. "She needs help!"
"I blame Scott."

At the mention of my fiancé's name, my eyes snapped open wide, and so did my mouth. "NOOOO!" I screamed, breathing heavily.
"Raven? You're awake? She's awake!" Despite everything, my mother's smile was bright, and her hug warm.
"It's not Scott's fault." And despite her embrace, I was still talking to Dad, defending Scott, whether or not he loved me. "It was all me. I made the cocktail. I bombed myself."
Both parents stared at me in silence. I could practically feel Dad's mind forming a million reasons of why Scott should be locked up for attempted murder, and Mom's mind fighting back a million screams, trying to be strong for her daughter. Before they had the chance to speak, someone else came along, hand-in-hand with Jimmy Bishop. They probably had plans for after work.

"Hello Regan."
"Raven," I said sourly. "My name is Raven."
She ignored my tone and smiled broadly. "My name is Jane. I'm from Bethlem Royal Hospital."
"Bedlam?" I was a little confused. What did this have to do with Bedlam?
"Well, some call it that. It's a different kind of hospital which may suit your needs better, Raven."
"NO!" I shouted. "You can't lock me away! I'll be good, I won't do it again!" I didn't care, possibly didn't even realise, how stupid I sounded. But I couldn't do Bedlam. I'd visited Rayne, Lukey and the skinny chicks there, and there was so little soul in the place. Everyone had, as Rayne and Lukey described it, a "bitch in the brain". Would my ward be the same?

Just then, Kestrel busted in. "Hey, Magpie, I've brought you a present," she said. "Lookit."

Standing behind her, looking awkward, was Scott. I was speechless, because I knew that nothing I could say would be interpreted the right way to make him love me again.
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There is only one Rockstar Game - and it's your home! <-- still true (:
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Offline Matticus  
#6 Posted : 28 July 2011 07:31:00(UTC)
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Ooc: really good stuff :)
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Other Acts Include: Parish (Michael Parish), Lucifer (James Francis), Cheating the System (Ethan Plyth, Tom Jolly, Ryan Wyler)
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Offline Laurelles1  
#7 Posted : 28 July 2011 07:32:45(UTC)
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OOC: I concur. This needs more comments.
Awards (stroking myself and thinking I'm superior):
@Chaos awards:
Best Band - Mind
Best Album - Shattered Fairytale by Mind
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Best Solo Male - Jason Smith
Birdies:
Best Producer - Jason Smith

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Offline genocidal king  
#8 Posted : 28 July 2011 08:04:57(UTC)
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OOC: I can't write to the standard Bikki does, but here. I also went a bit god-modey. I tried not to, but being left with just "hi" would have been shit.

"Hey, Magpie, I've brought you a present. Lookit." I couldn't believe my ears. I had warned Kestrel; told her that the only reason I was coming here was to see how Raven was. Nothing more. And this was the introduction she gave me? I should've known I couldn't trust her. My eyes burned into the back of her head as I mulled over the betrayal of trust, willing her to keel over at any moment.

Then I saw the faces looking at me. All five of them, fixated on me like a jury peering into the soul of a condemned man. The first one, I didn't know; a woman, very officious looking and stern. She looked flustered, like a school teacher who was unable to control an unruly child. Next, Jimmy Bishop; as my eyes met his briefly, I saw a look of sorrow, which disappeared as quickly as he bowed his head, desperately avoiding my gaze. Further along the line, Regan Storme senior and his wife Renée stood with expressions vastly contrasting. His eyes burning into me, accusing me for all he was worth, and the latter's begging me to reconsider. I knew then that Kestrel had spoken to her.

And then lastly, there she was. My fiancé, Raven Storme; lying in an all too familiar position, propped up in a hospital bed. My eyes couldn't quite meet her gaze, as I looked towards her but not at her, for a period which lasted anywhere between two minutes and two hours.

"Well, isn't he going to speak?" spat the gruff voice of Regan Storme. This guy had never liked me, and I sensed that somehow, deep in his mind, I was to blame for Raven firebombing herself. Truth is, I hadn't even known. Not until I heard her shout it as Kestrel and I were walking along the sterile, all too generic corridor.
"Regan, please, let him be," this voice was much more understanding. Renée had always had a soft spot for me for some reason, and I got the distinct feeling that she was desperate for us to make this work. "Let's all leave the kids to talk."
I felt my stomach plunge with fear at the very notion that I would be left alone with her, floundering for what to say. My eyes became veritable dinner plates, fueled by the fear in my head. "No!"

I was shocked to hear my own terrified voice mirrored by Raven's. I had told Kestrel that I wasn't here to talk to Raven privately. This was purely a courtesy visit. I didn't know she'd feel the same though. Everyone stopped in their tracks, unsure which one of us to look at.

Finally my eyes met Raven's. We looked at each other, neither wanting to speak. I felt something then, and I wasn't sure whether it was the last spark of love, pushing me on, urging me to run over to that bed and kiss her, make it all better in one fell swoop; or whether it was the last bastion of sanity; this was all too crazy wasn't it? I had met crazy couples in my life before, but nothing came remotely close to matching this, not even close.

I thought long and hard before opening my mouth, but by the time I did, I was still unsure of what to say. My brain fired a criss cross of responses at my mouth, and I feared that any one of them could break free at any involuntary moment, so I took my chance, and plunged for the most non-committal of them all.

"Hi Raven," I said, bowing my head, ashamed at my own cowardice.
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