OOC: I had to cut a lot from this, like the GAGA topics, and a few questions, because it is bloody long. Hopefully it's still as random and funny as I hoped though :p all comments appreciated, good or bad :)
Lukey's Radio Ga-Ga - Episode One
Hiiii everyone! This is Lucas Comatose. Sadly you can't see my face, because this is radio. My mum used to say something about me and a face for a radio. I don't know why someone would trade their face for a radio though? My mum is weird LAWL! I suppose if you were going to sit in and listen to the radio all day, you wouldn't need a face though...because there's nothing to see, right? So my mum is clever actually! Like that time when I was young and I pee'd my pants in Debenhams. She picked up some more from the racks and just took me to the changing rooms and left the pee ones there, and we just left with the new ones on. Did you know that Debenhams let you just pay later if you can manage to run out the shop quicker than that man in the uniform? I didn't, but we raced him, and we beat him, and so mum said we could just pay them later! I didn’t know you could have sports day at the mall! Oh, I wish I was 17 again...But anyway, I been told to say welcome to Lukey's Radio Ga-Ga! This show will be coming out weekly, with like a star guest and me every week! But they don't tell me who the star guest is until the actual day before, because they're scared I'll tell tweeters LAWL! I don't know what the secret is for though? Do they think no one will listen if they know who the guest is? That's not true! One time, my granny bought me tickets to a gig at Wembley, and Take That were playing and I still went. Even though I knew the guests was Take That. They were brilliant, they did that one about lighting a fire!
I didn't get to hold a lighter up like everyone else though, because I'm not allowed a lighter anymore. I dunno what I did so wrong. It doesn't hurt that guy on the Human Torches on the Fabulous 5 to fly on fire, so why would it hurt my budgie? He even has feathers to protect him! The human torches doesn't. If anything, it just made the budgie fly faster! He didn't have good aim though, but maybe the fires just got in his way? If I put sunglasses on him maybe it would have been better! Wait, I need to write that down!
I liked the bit when he flew onto the curtains, because then the cat got scared and pooped on the floor and my dad slipped in it! LAWL! my mum said it wasn't funny, but I thought it was. Until we had to go to Casualty.....because I didn't get to see anyone from the TV show there. Not even the rubbish one, Josh! There was a girl doctor there too (silly billys), and she was real pretty and said I had a nice hair. She laughed when I got asked to tell her what happened to my dad, and I said about the Human Torches Bird, so I asked her out but she said no!
Anyway, this producers guy is swearing at me. That's not nice! Apparently, I have to get a guest on now. So, everyone. Wait, are they here? Oh, they are coming in the door now! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm so excited. If you are listening to this then clap your hands for the GIRLSPICES!!!! Hi!
I'm gonna talk to the GirlSpices in a few minutes, but I haven't breathed properly for like 10 minutes through too much talking. I always forget to do that! Too many silly things going on in my head LAWL! They should make a special thing that can make you breathe without having to think! I had one in hosptial when I fell over and banged my chin on that cheese once! I slept for like 8 days, and when I woked up I was really tired. Strange! Ooops, I did it again. Silly Lukey! Ok....I been told that the GirlSpices is going to tell you a song now, that they chose, and one of them is going to tell you why! Enjoy the song! I‘m running to get a drink. Over and out!
Cinzia Ricci - "Italian Hearted"
Chantal: I like her and the song, but only because she's Italian, Italians are classy. But yeah, it's good, maybe not as good as me, but good!
....and Lukey is...........back! Sorry! I went to get a lovely banana milkshakes from upstairs when this song was on. When I was coming down again, people were shouting that the song was finished, so I ran and spilled it all down my t-shirt! Then I got here and it wasn't even finished. These people must have just thought it was finished by accident, silly billys! Awww, what a shame for them. But here is the GIRLSPICES now! Hi girls! Awww they are waving at Lukey . Do they not have a microphones? Oh they do? Can they not speak?
Oops, I just got told I'm supposed to ask them all a question. Silly Billy Lucas! LAWL! Ok! Interview time! I feel like that Michael Parkinsons! Did you know he invented a disease where people shake? That's nasty! I bet he invented it by feeding people too much coffee! One time, when I was a little boy….. about 16 I think, I fed my cat 17 and a half spoonfuls of Nescafe and then he ran around the house for a while scratching things....then when he was bored, he just lied down and started shaking for a while. It was funny and I put a video of it on the youtube, but then the RSPCA came and said I had to take the video away. They wanted to take my cat away, but my mum showed them my certificate...I don't know what for, and they said I could keep the cat if I behaved! YAY! I musta won a cat looking after award and I didn't even know! OWWWW! Stop shouting in my ear! OK, I'll do the questions now...jeezo!
Hi girlies! You know the name GirlSpice...is that like Old Spice? My granddad used to use Old Spice, and he said it smells good...but I smelled it once, and it smelled like slippers and a crossword....yuck! Do you smell better? Can I smell you?An awkward silence follows, before an outburst of laughter from three of the girls, Chantal keeps a straight face.Sophia: What's an old spice babes? OH MY BLONDE! You can though! Hehe! I'm sooooooo not old though!
Yay! Can I really smell you all?Chantal: No.
Awww! You're a poo poo face! NOOOOO! Sorry Chantal. I didn't mean to say that! I just turn into a bad boy when people tell me I can't do stuff! Sorry. I will smell Sophia though....so there!
Mmmmmmmmmm smells like toffee apples and candy floss! Yummm! Can I eat you? NOT LIKE THAT! Noooooo I didn't mean that. ok, next questions.....Would you ever change your name to Old Spice if you got like really famouser even than you are now and had to stick around for like forever, and got ANCIENT…. like 33, and had like those funny old lady lines on your face?Nadia: Ancient?
(Looks around) ...33? I'm already 30, sweetie... has my time as a youthful pop star already expired yet? Oh dear.
Sorry! I didn't mean you were old Nadia! Anyway, old people aren't nice so you can't be old. You haven't pinched my face or even told me how big I'm getting yet and that's all old people do! Except from smell of cabbage and watch programs on TV where people plant seeds and cook stuff! Silly old people. One time, we went to visit my granny at the nice home she lived at and she was watching a program about a budgie (and not even the helicopter Budgie), and some man called Attenbura! It was boring, and then one of the old people escaped and we all had to stay locked in there until they found him. He was having a bath in a fountain...silly billy! But you haven't even done one of those things Nadia, so you can't be old!Chantal: Being the youngest member of the group, I can just sit here and laugh.
You didn't answer my questions :( About the band name :(Kimberly: YES! We totally should, right? Old Spice... I kinda like that, does no one else?
Chantal: No.
Nadia: Umm... not really.
Sophia: Hi babes!
Hi Sophia! haha, I like her, she's funny! Like that girl in my school who used to eat chalk and call the teacher mum! LAWL! She was always dancing in the playground so that people would give her moneys, but then people would sell her stones and get their moneys back. Awww, that was a shame. Anyway....another song GIRLSPICES?
Mykaylah - "Bad Bitch"
Kimberly: I loveeeeeee this song because it's so in-your-face and care free, I go crazy whenever this comes on! Definitely her best song to date!
:O that song was really really nasty! Who is that girl? Someone should smack her bottom. One time I sweared and I washed my mouth out with soap after it because I felt wrong, like if you eat chicken on a Wednesday! Will I tell you what I said? I'll whisper it. I said, "Eff off!" :O Bad Lukey! More questions GIRLSPICES!!You know what one my favourite is? Sophia! She seems like a silly billy like me, Lucas. Does she have a boyfriend? If not can Lucas buy her a slush puppy after the show? Does she like the DS?Sophia: Awwwwwww! Thanks babes! OH MY BLONDE! Sooooo nice of you! Let's go babes! What's a slush puppy? I loveeeeee puppies! Awwwwwww! Sooooooo cute! What's a DS? Awwwww!
A slush puppy isn't a dog silly billy. It's a drink! They call it a slush puppy cos the cup has a dog on it! He wears a funny hat! My favourite flavour is blue! You don't know what a DS is? Maybe I'll show you my DS after the show! Hey! Stop laughing at me! I didn't mean anything rude.....stop it, or Lukey will cry!Chantal: Give me a break.
Sophia: OK babes! Have fun!
Chantal: Not an actual break, although that'd be quite useful right about now.
Sophia: Oh! Awwwwwww! Hehe!
What was your favouritest Cartoon Network programme when you were little girls? Mine was Cow and Chickens, because cow was obviously NOT Chickense's little sister....she was TOO MUCH BIGGER THAN HIM! Silly Billys got that one wrong.Kimberly: I KNOW! Anyway, how can a cow be related to a chicken? Mind fuck or what?? Oops, can I swear? Just did. HAH!
Sophia: I love The Powerpuff Girls babes! They are sooooooo fun! I want to be Bubbles! Yayyy!
Awww, you're soooo...(interrupted)
Nadia: We're pretty much like The Powerpuff Girls, right? Except we're one over the limit... I can be like a brunette Blossom, Kimberly can be Buttercup, Sophia can be Bubbles and Chantal can be...
Chantal: The Professor of course, but I'm not a man, but I have the brain of a professor. I don't think I ever watched that many cartoons...
Boooo. Why would you not watch cartoons? Do you watch them boring programs about history like the News at Ten? You should watch Cow and Chickens! Or RECESS! I love Recess! i didn't want to be TJ though cos we was a little bit chubby....or Gus, because he was weird, and Mikey was just fat and silly! I don't know what one I want to be. Ashley M? No no no I'm just kidding silly billys I don't want to be a girl! :/
Ok, I gotta change the subjects.
So, do you gotst like a new album coming out yeah? What's it gonna be like? If it's anything like the old one, Lucas will be a fan! Not that I don't say you shouldn't change and adapt! Please don't just make a new cover on the old album....I didn't mean that!Sophia: Awwwwwwww! Thanks babes! I think we do have a new album! Yeah! Yayyyyyyy!
Nadia: It's out 8th August, shameless plug right there, if you're looking for some variety, club tracks, pop rock, acoustic stuff, then it's definitely the album for you.
Chantal: In short, it's amazing.
Kimberly: Fucking amazing.
Sophia: Don't swear babes! Jesus is watching!
She's right! Don't swear! Do you want to borrow my soap? I'm offended, so another song please!
Postscript - "Lower With Clouds"
Nadia: I'm really open when listening to music, I listen to pretty much everything, but this stood out to me for some reason. I love the guitar in it and how it builds up throughout, it kinda reminds me of something I'd put on a solo record of mine.
So……What else is happening with the GirlSpices?Nadia: We've got our very first stadium tour coming up! We're playing on some nights to like something crazy... 100,000 people? Pretty insane, but yeah, we've been doing rehersals for that and our upcoming festival shows and stuff like that, its been non stop.
Can I come to see you? I will be good I swear! I been to loads of gigs in my life....at least 4! I went to see Take That, and then Westlife, and then something called Right Said Frank....which was weird. I thought it was them two funny bald men who sing about being too sexy, but all it was was two fatter bald men who were like got no tshirts on and asked me to lick their nipples. I said to him, "No!" but then he said he had just put peanut butter on it so I licked it....it just tasted like salt…..and shame, and not at all like peanut butter!
Ewwwww, next question!What was your favouritest venue you ever played in ever ever ever? Mine was my home, because my mum made sandwiches with cheese and ham, and then I played my show, and then my granny pee'd on the couch and called me Steven...it was a funny night. Silly billy granny!Sophia: Hehe! L-O-L! That's funny babes!
Was it? Hehe….I like you (smiles) It wasn't funny later that night when I had to see my granny doing a pee in our wicker seat. She shouted at mum and called her stupid for buying a wicker toilet....and for keeping it in the kitchen. Then she asked why we had a fridge in our bathroom. Silly granny! You're really nice Sophia. And pretty too! I like your eyes! Do you like milkshakes? I have one on my t-shirt if you wanted to taste it. Oh I'm getting shouted at again for interrupting....booooooooo!Kimberly: To answer the question…the O2 Arena! We always do a ton of shows there, but not this time because we're doing stadiums! Yeaaaaaaahhh!!!
I went there! I saw Disneys on ice there! It was cool. My favourite bit was when I got a t-shirt that had Peter Pans on it! He is the best because he can fly and never gets old. He must use Nivea for Men...the advert said it's good!
One of you is like dating Ryan Ross Hernandez? 1. Who is it? 2. He is hot right? 3. The rest of you must be jealous, like really, yeah? That's a shame. If you are called Sophia though don't worry, just stick with Lucas....no silly Hernandez!Chantal: Jealous? Hah, don't make me laugh. Nadia has to put up with it, not me.
Sophia: Awwwwwwwww! I'll stick with you babes! Yayyy!
Nadia: She's secretly jealous, don't try and hide what you told me yesterday, Chantal...
Kimberly: HUH!? Why didn't you tell me!
Chantal: Lies do not amuse me, Nadia... really.
Nadia: I know, that's why I wasn't lying.
Chantal: Please don't lie to the gullible listening audience.
Sophia: OH MY BLONDE!
What's a gullible? Sea gullible? LAWL! Like a budgie! Chantal do you know how to smile? Are you sad? You look like that man in the street who asked for a 20p for a cup of tea, and then I told him I didn't have my wallet. He looked sad, and then he told his dog to chase me. I like dogs!HEY! Do you know any funny jokes? I like jokes!Kimberly: Why is life a bitch? WHY?
Sophia: You swore babes! Nooooooooo!
Nadia: Because Chantal exists?
(Smiles innocently)Chantal: Oh, ha ha... go on, enlighten me.
Kimberly: Because if it was a slut it would be easy! Ahhhhhhahahahahahahhaha!!!
Sophia: L-O-L! OH MY BLONDE! Slut is a naughty word babes!
Nadia: Hmm, don't quit the day job.
Chantal: I'd agree with that one.
Sophia: What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud babes! Awwwww!!!!! Sooo cute! I love clouds babes! And sheep! Awwwwwwwwww!!!
HAHAHAHAHA! That is my favouritest joke ever ever ever. You are funny! Do you want me to get you some pizza? We've been here a long time and you must be hungry! Awwww, smiles!Chantal: Kill me.
Riot! In The Boulevard - "Thoughts Like This"
Nadia: I think one track we can all agree on is this, or pretty much anything from their debut album because it's really, really great stuff. The lyrics to this one especially though, they're really honest with a lot of emotion which I think all great music needs, one line especially that I love is "For you I’d take a bullet to the brain".
I'm back again! Girlies, what is your favouritest Nintendo DS game? OH! Do you want to pay Mario Kart DS? You can't go Mario though, cos I'm Mario!Nadia: I'm always Yoshi, how cute is he?
Sophia: OH MY BLONDE! I know, right? Sooooooo cute! I want to be Peach! Peach! Peach the princess babes!
I love Peach the Princess! One time I went her on Mario Kart and got too excited though. Mum said I was "confused", but I wasn't, because I still won the race! Silly mummy.Kimberly: I DO! Can I be Bowser? He's so fucking big he knocks everyone off the side of the track! Amazing. Actually, I'm never him... I just know that because people being Bowser always do it to me. Fuck.
Chantal: Can I race as myself? Thanks.
Hey! Are you going to them Chaos Awards this week? I am! With some girl from a band....she asked me to go! I dunno though, she likes girls I think...so do I! Hey, does that count as something in common? Hmmmm LAWL.Sophia: Why are you cheating on me babes? Soooooooooo upsetting! I'm crying! Nooooooooo!
Awwwwww don't cry Sophia. Wait there, I'll come and give you a hug! Owwwwww, my earphones don't stretch that far! Someone give Sophia a hug! Why is it called cheating? I cheated once at school....I wrote all the numbers I knew on my arms before a maths exams and so I would be able to know the answers. But then when I went in it just asked me silly things about moneys and the skwairoot. I dunno what that was, so I just drew a cat. I got a special award and moved to a "extra attention class", so “skwairoot" must mean draw a cat in maths speak! Oh sorry! back to you girls!Nadia: We're all going! I'm even up for an award, but I don't like to brag... OK, I will, I'm-
Chantal: Stop right there, why wasn't I nominated? The awards suddenly have zero credibility.
Kimberly: Was I nominated?
Chantal: No.
Kimberly: GAHHHH!!!
You all should be nominated....because LUKEY SAID SO! Like the Stone Cold Steve Austin on that silly wrestling LAWL. One time my friend did the Stone Cold Stunner to his mum! HAHA, I was there, and she came in and he kicked her right in her flower and then did the stunner. It would have been really funny, but she was carrying a tray with a teapot and got burned....which made it REALLY REALLY REALLY FUNNY! hahaha!And ok...I was told to ask this one...can I have your autographs? No that’s not it LAWL. I mean, what should we expect from you in the next while?Chantal: You know... you could make a fortune on eBay with my autograph.
Nadia: Just some more promo for the album, it's gonna be quite a long era for us because we don't really release albums that often, so we're gonna focus on the tour, and then I wanna do my own album and stuff, so this will be the last one for a while. And yes, of course you can have an autograph.
(Winks)Sophia: Awwwwwwwww!
Kimberly: PEACE OUT!
One last song times now, before we gotta go! What's it gonna be!
ElectroDeath - "When Your Heart's Not Open"
Sophia: Awwwww! I love Electrodeath babes! They're sooooo much fun and like... a breath of fresh air in music babes! They are my fave fave fave act right now! Yayyy! Go babes!
And that's all folks! BUGS BUNNY! NO! It wasn't him, it was his funny friend the pig with the funny voice thing...GARETH GATES! LAWL! I love cartoons. Who was that guy that went MEEP MEEP? I liked him and his funny dog that always tried to hurt himself! They were nice!
Anyway, from the Girlspices and Lucas....bye bye! See you next week. Well I will, they wont be here again, Awwww what a shame. Silly billy Lucas. Bye bye!!!!!
(thinking he's off air) Hey Sophia, if Lucas tells that other girl to go away, would you go with me to them awards, you are just lovely! And I want to buy you ice cream and a happy meal from McDonald's, because the toys are fun!Sophia: OH MY BLONDE! Of course babes! Sooooooooo exciting! Nearly crying happy tears babes! Yayyyyy! You can go as Mario and I'll go as Peach! Fab fab fab babes!
