Erica smiles at honor. " you are too kind,honor. " she gives a little sigh and sits in a chair across from honor. She tucks her feet underneath her and grips one foot with her hand. " I was fine. I really thought I was. Moving here with...her. It did wonders for me." Erica starts hesitantly. She knew honor and Nichole weren't exactly going to visit each other for beef stew. Erica had a craving for honors stew as soon as she came in.erica squeezes her own foot a little harder before she continues." But..I felt I let Takara and Natalya down by leaving Japan. But if I stayed there...THIS would have happened sooner. I failed,honor. I failed everyone. I couldn't face that kind of failure." Erica says softy. Looking from the floor to honor and back again.

"you are right,honor. i live with nichole. in case you did not know." she jokes. she loved honor so much. she wasnt fragile. she said what needed to be said,and expected everyone else to as well.Erica squeezes her foot so hard that the big toe turns white." Honor...I don't even know where Takara is at. I don't know if she's been taken away to foster care. If Nichole is taking care of her for me,or taken her as her own. I don't know if I will ever see her again. " Erica bites her lip and cries. But does not turn from honor. Honor was the one who got Erica,warts and all. " I was supposed to handle it. I shouldn't have the option of breaking like I did. I expect to be perfect,Takara needed me to be perfect." Erica says,displaying the pre fame Erica. One who demanded perfection in all that she did.

erica goes from crying to hyperventilating as honor speaks,but is listening. she slowly stops and calms. "my own mother was perfect. my family life was perfect.i wanted takara to have the same. the worst thing my parents did was not buy me a fancy dress for prom. i've...already done so much wrong by takara." erica says softly with her shoulders still heaving. " there is time though,right? i can make it better. i have to. you are right.i AM her mother,i need to start acting it.i...trust your mother is not decent?" erica says,swallowing hard. she had promised herself she wouldnt do anything as selfish as suicide the moment she saw takara..but it seems natalya isnt the only one she can break promises to. erica looks at the floor briefly. " honor..i dont want anyone to be where i was. especially not you....you'll always be better than me,wynnie pooh. i am pretty sure i have more suicide attempts to my name. thats only cool in emo circles." erica says,smiling at honor. honor knew how to brighten erica up and erica wasnt going to refuse.

"i feel sorry for my friend,nina. she must be miserable behind closed door. she is like june fucking cleaver or something." erica says with face flushing slightly. it amazed her how nina got married and settled right into the mom role. her past was far crazier than ericas....minus deaths of spouses. "i wish i knew what life did hold...i never would have done what i did. i could deal with natalya hating and leaving me..but not like this." erica sniffles a little and forces herself to stop. honor needed laughter and so did she...aside from the really crazy people erica heard laughing at all hours of the night. "i want that too. its just i,i feel guilty laughing about anything." erica sighs and shakes her head. "i promise i will never give up like that again. when i felt myself dying..i was scared.too scared to try it again." erica nods.

erica smiles and shakes her head slowly. "you could look at it that way...or look at it like you are kick ass girlfriend. you have done a pretty good job juggling things so far." erica was already mentally preparing herself for being the support honor needed if she was ever found out..and the battle it would involve with nichole. honor was her friend and erica wasnt going to do the tip toe thing with girlfriends and friends ever again. "well mariko cant get in a gang shoot out. she is my sister and i love her.i am sorry,honor. i know you had to have worried when the story was put out there." erica stands to walk slowly around the chair where honor is sitting. " culture uncut has some real crazy shit in there. honestly,i nearly did...this when they ran the story about nichole and i having something to do with natalya. i loved her,honor. i know it doesnt seem like it,but i did." erica wipes the tears that were starting to flow on her arm. " yes.you,me and takara. she seems to like grass. she makes the cutest face when i touch her nose with a blade of grass...i think you are higher than 3. probably 2. i have a lot of making up to her to do."

erica grins at honor. it was a feeling she really had forgotten about in her wallowing in sorrow. she loved that honor wasnt the sort to take offense at something like that. practical. honor was practical and that is something erica loved. much like honors fling,kai. you knew where you stood with them. erica gives a little laugh. " mariko...i knew i could count on her to let people know where i was. at least people that i trusted. what? you cheated your boyfriend out of a visit to a czech mental asylum?! my dear honor,what kind of girlfriend are you? we have fine meds and very tough restraints." she giggles and holds up her wrists. they were very bruised from the days erica had spent in restraints. with honor here,it felt like a big joke. erica was alive and had to find the humor in a very dismal situation. erica hugs honor tightly. it was the first hug she had received in her new life,and she was going to enjoy it. the doctors would frisk her later,but she could joke about being felt up now that she was indeed feeling better. "honor..you matter very much to me.i did not even allow nichole to come see me. you and mariko. that was the only people i allowed. i love nichole,but i did not want her to see me like this. i know it hurts her when i mention natalya. it isnt fair to her to be here."

erica laughs loudly. "i am pretty sure foreign mental asylum is the 6 year anniversary...or whatever paper is. who the fuck wants paper for an anniversary present?" erica lets her laugh slowly dissipate. "honor. thank you so much for coming to see me.it means..it means a lot.you did not have to,but you did." erica smikes weakly,letting the tears of happiness run down her face. " i would not want her to see me like this either.i love nichole dearly. obviously.but i have a lot to answer for to her. and this is not the place to do it in." erica holds on to honor,not wanting to let go. "i would go see alec for you, in that case.he does not know me,yet. but i would be there for you.no matter how strong you are. loss does things to people,honor. it makes them see things in themselves they dont want to see....wait,beef stew?! oh wynnie,i have been wanting that since you walked in the door!" erica says happily,clapping her hands. "yes, indeed. i am not amused!" erica says in a posh accent.

"A diamond bra? That sounds chilly,wynnie pooh.or at the very least pinchy." She says clutching her chest with a shrieking giggle." Six years is a long time. I know how you feel. It felt like knew natalya my entire life. That sort of comfort with someone is special." She gives a little smile. It was getting easier to mention natalya without breaking down. The hospital and honor's company helped immensely.honor calmed her like no other person she knew." Id like to meet alec. He seems very different and different is good.he must be special to catch your fancy,honor." She says,gicing honors shoe a tap with her slipper. Her eyes tear when honor calls her her best friend. " best friend? Even though i am your own personal drama factory? That is sweet your first international visit with alec was to see crazy ass me. I will have to make it up to you. You two will have to come visit japan. My treat." She says excitedly. She was very protective of the house she shared with natalya. Honor was probably the only one besides mariko she would tolerate being there. " weed in the stew!? You are trying to fatten me up!" She says,pulling the waistband of her pajama bottoms out. " i could use it. My perfect butt is only so-so now." She gives a little smirk. The old erica shining through. " ill make you some ramen. Home made,not the little package kind. Im voluntary." She shrugs. " today? I think ive gotten all i can from here.i dont want you worrying about me when giving alec his first bit of honor beyond american borders,while worrying about me....plus,i got a daughter who needs her mother." Erica nods. Determined she wasnt going to let this get her down again.

Erica would snap the strap on her bra,but it was taken from her. So she fiddles with her shoulder to hide the fact she forgot it was gone. " expensive container for precious cargo." She cracks up. She smiles warmly when she hears honor speak of Alec being special. Erica loved hearing about people in love. It made her feel happy and human. She may make mistakes in life but as long as she could be happy for other people,she wasnt too far in the evil pile. " he sounds rather wise. Much like yourself. I think he will love Japan too. Our..my house there is beautiful. It's out in the countryside.of course,we'll have to to to Osaka proper and love it up too!" Erica excitedly says.. The irony wasnt lost on her that she hated Japan for so long. But with Takara in the picture,she had to make good on raising her as Japanese as she could. She grins back at honor. " yup. Look at it..it looks all sad and deflated.i do have to be careful though. I don't want a sonyae butt.. Or do I?" She scratches her chin thoughtfully. "We'll have to take it one bowl of stew at a time. I can't be buying an entire new wardrobe ." It felt wonderful making plans for the future. Near losing a future really made Erica appreciate what she had. She thinks and gives honor a slow nod. " I.. Think I am ready today. I can't sleep in here now. Without being exahausted from fighting the restraints,I cannot deal with the....other patients in here. Plus I think I am really thinking clear now. I've accepted Natalya is gone...I miss her and still love her. But she would want me to be there for Takara. Not here. I got a best friend who came across the world for me. I have a...whatever Nichole is to me that cared enough about Takara to take her in." Erica nods and smiles at honor. " I am ready. Thank you again."

Karoliena had just gotten of out of the shower. A long day of kid playing with and dog wrangling took its toll on her. She walked out of the bathroom,stark naked. It's nothing Cassie hadnt seen before and an excellent way to suggest a nice relaxing night out.