screen fades into a dingy chinese take away place. erich and his interviewer sit at a small table.the fluorescent light overhead,flickers and hums. 
erich hess
pause break
pause break: today we have one of music's more.....colorful characters,erich hess!
erich: *looks up and nods. he then returns to focusing intensely on his black plastic fork and pork fried rice. he looks at one,then the other. he finally breaks all but a single tine off the fork*. glad you could make it out,ted. it's a real peasure.
pause break: my name isnt ted.
erich: how do you know? you are just taking your parents' word for it. you could be named anything it and not know it. *lines up single rice grains into little rows,and tries to scoop them onto the near tineless fork*
pause break:...i guess.*watching erich* why dont you just get a new fork?
erich i like a challenge.
pause break: *looking a little apprehensive* rumor has it you have a new project for the carnival of sound?
erich: * calmly puts his fork down* who the fuck told you that?! names,i want names ,dammit! you think i couldnt kill you right here,right now in this restaurant? remember in the god father, where michael killed those two guys and got away with it? there is precedent,so i know it will work. i'll kill you,go to italy,marry some girl,she'll die by car bomb,then i'll return as head of the corleone family.
pause break: WHAT?
erich: hmm? oh,i'm sorry. how terribly rude of me,i should have offered you some rice. you want some?
pause break: you just threatened me,and taking a out the godfather.
erich: doesnt sound like something i'd do. perhaps you are confused? i make a habit of confusing gerry at every turn. you arent with gerry,are you?
pause break:i...dont think i am. i was merely asking about a rumor.
erich: ah yes,rumors. the great american past time. you want to hear a good rumor? walt disney's mustache wasnt real. of course,at one time it was. but ol' walt shaved it off when it started demanding fair compensation.while the mustache didnt create mickey mouse,the mustache did create donald duck,daisy duck,and dale. walt,ever the shrewd businessman,shaved the mustache off! some say mere hours before the mustache was going to go public with it's story. knowing nobody would believe a faceless mustache's story,the mustache gave up it's quest for rightful credit from disney. the mustache didnt drop off the *giggles* "face" the earth entirely.it went on to work for hannah barbera,where it created or was intimately involved with creating : hong kong fooey,top cat,the snorks,speed buggy,and the hair bear bunch.
pause break: ok.
erich: "ok" ? "ok"?! there was a time where just mentioning disney's fake mustache would land you on mcarthy's list of suspected communists! all you have to say is ok? you didnt even write a single note of what i said.
pause break: i dont need to write anything down. we're on tv.
erich: i fully expect disney's buddies will prevent that bombshell from reaching the masses.they killled sonny bono,you known. after sonny passed that copyright extension act,his usefullness was at it's end. so a mouskateer assassin was dispatched,who later cut the brake line on sonny's skis.
pause break: so,you really arent going to answer my question about the project for the carnival of sound?
erich: jeez,man! get your head of the dirt! who cares if some shit musician forms some shit group,because his shit girlfriend's shit band is playing tour and cant make it? yes, erich and the draft dodgers is my project. yes,we will be playing the carnival of sound. yes its going to be "crying in your beer,then burning down the bar" type of country. good day sir
credits roll and erich can still be heard ranting and raving. 