Erich hess
Mindy in the morning
Mindy: hello and welcome to morning with mindy. I'm mindy. * giggles* and I have erich Hess with me today!
The audience gasps in horror. Women clutch their bosoms and purses close. Men shift uncomfortable like in their chairs.some very vocal hisses and boos are heard.
Erich walks out and takes his seat across from mindy. He then gives the audience the finger.
Mindy: erich,be nice!
Erich: I am being nice. My first instinct wasnt to wave my FINGER at them. *laughs*
Mindy: you're incorrigible!
Erich: I am not! I've been tested, I am clean.
Mindy: erich Hess,clean? I doubt it. We're going to throw the chair out after you leave.
Audience cheers
Erich: damn shame. It's a great chair. Clearly the best sitting device I've sat on all day.
Mindy: ok first up..there is an up and coming artist,many think she is the next big thing in music.....and she claims to be married to you?
Erich:* nods enthusiastically* "claims to be married to me"?! You make her sound insane! She most certainly is married to me.
Mindy:*winks* typical Hess set up?
Erich: nope. This one is all mine. You can't have her.
Mindy: that is hardly fair..
Erich: I'm all hers too. Germans don't share. Ask Poland.
Mindy and the audience crack up in hysterics. There is a commercial break,and when the show comes back on,the are still laughing.
Mindy: oh you are such a card,erich.you with one woman. *she laughs merrily*
Erich: it's true!
Mindy: please erich, I could drop these pants right now,and you'd be all over me.
Audience oooohs
Erich:*folds arms* lets see it then.
Mindy:*clearly not expecting to be called on her challenge* um... Can't I'm ...going commando today and this is daytime tv.
Erich:so am I. Canadian corn bandits stole my underpants. Lousy bastards draw you in with free corn,then rob you blind.
Mindy: they grow corn In Canada?!
Erich: it was news to me too.
Mindy:*laughs* I guess you like your girls busty? I wouldn't compare huh ?
Audience boos and calls erich " typical man". Some yell "judge me by my mind,not my bra size, you pig!"
Erich: *shakes his head* nope. I prefer girls who're my soul mate. She is the Glenda to my glen.
Mindy*looks puzzled* the what to your what? *she shakes her head* nevermind. The war bride is touring Canada..again . Why Canada?
Erich: actually it's not the war bride. It's more like karoliena's show,I'm just her guitar player. We play Canada,because that's where acts of hate like to play. I love those bastards and would play a pol pot appreciation day show if they asked. You know how I feel about pol pot.
Mindy: actually,I don't. But I assume it isn't positive.
Erich: well... I'm torn honestly. I hate oppressive regimes,but love the song "holiday in Cambodia"... You see my conundrum.
Mindy:you guys are like some weird hippie commune. I don't like it. *she makes a face and shake her head* seems mansonesque to me.
Erich: oh you haven't heard? We're all dropping acid and planning a race war.
Mindy: they would explain the lily whiteness of the Hess clan.
Audience boos and tells erich to put his klan robe back on.
Erich: I'm not serious!
Mindy:,that's why you would refuse me, not loyalty to your wife. Because I'm Indian,I'm not worthy of your seed?!
Audience applauds.
Erich:*shudders* don't say "seed" it sounds horrid! And I'm not a racist!
Mindy: likely story,grand dragon.any ways. That's all the to we have today. Tune in next week as we learn what everyday objects are killing you slowly.
