Genre: Death Metal, Deathcore, Acoustic
Label: Chaos Records
Lyrics: Sam Fischer, Jon Lajoie
Produced By: Acts of Hate
TRACK LISTING:
1. And All Through The House
2. Dissected Genital Spoils
3. Necro-Priapism
4. Slay Bells (Zombie Santa's Revenge)
5. Cold Blooded Christmas (Jon Lajoie Cover)
BACKGROUND:
Just when you thought that the onslaught of gimmicky Christmas songs was over, Acts of Hate decides to spike the holiday eggnog with their own brand of brutal death-metality (and Christmas cheer!) While other artists may have penned a humorous holiday melody or two, Acts of Hate brings you not one, not two, but THREE Christmas-themed brutality anthems...and two non-christmasy but still brutal songs. A COLD BLOODED CHRISTMAS is the perfect gift for your ugly sister or the one aunt that everybody in your family hates!
1. AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE
DESCRIPTION:
The EP kicks off with the sounds of Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, sleigh bells jingling, and cups of eggnog being poured. Before the first song starts, we're treated to a little bit of dialogue from those loveable rascals, Acts of Hate.
Neil: Sam, what does regret mean?
Sam: Well, Neil, my boy, it's better to regret something you did do, than to regret something you didn't do. And if you see Jeff, tell him I regret not tearing his godawful stretchers out of his ears.
Neil: Wait! Sam! Do you hear that?
-the sounds of footsteps on the roof are heard-
Sam: I'll get the shotgun!
Zombie Santa: Too late for that, boys! Santa's here - and you've all been VERY NAUGHTY!The actual song kicks off, with blast beats, tremolo picking and rumbling bass galore. The song dashes through the snow at such a rapid pace it almost sounds like grindcore...almost.
LYRICS:
severed heads roasting on an open fire
a wife kills her husband out of greed and desire
while dumping his corpse she overhears
that christmas might not happen this year
down the road at the looney bin
a schizophrenic psycho tainted with sin
escapes and begins to kill with an axe
shows up at her door wearing a santa hat
her five year old daughter lets him in
and he shows mommy the wages of sin
chops her up and puts her in bowls
in her stocking he leaves some coal
gives the little girl a grisly treat
she masticates mother's gristle and meat
it was a blood-red christmas, and all through the house
not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse
if you so much as whisper, you'll wake up dead
because this year santa claus is collecting heads2. DISSECTED GENITAL SPOILS
DESCRIPTION:
The second song has absolutely no christmas spirit at all, but what it lacks in yuletide cheer makes up in brutality. Starting off with a groovy riff featuring just enough dissonance and pinch harmonics to sound unnerving, the song is a guaranteed pit churner. Before the lyrics start, we're treated to a frenetic, wanky, wah-drenched solo. The vocals basically sound like Sam tearing his larynx out and continuing to cough up blood as it continues. Isn't death metal fun?
LYRICS:
i understand that i do not know
right from wrong, jesus told me so
so with scalpel in hand and all my might
i take to killing whores by night
yeah, you can run, but you can't hide
if you elude me, time i'll bide
i'll hold you down, soon you'll be spayed
as i violate you with my blade
squirm for me, i like a little fight
your skin grows red with welts and bites
split wide open, torn real good
i hunt dumb bitches from the hood
we're not done yet
i must collect my trophy
you wriggle under my grasp
you tear at my mask
but nothing will stop me
from fulfilling my fantasy
i make the incision as you cry in futility
a piece of you that i can take home with me
you lay in your filth and wonder why
i left you there to bleed out and die
in my hand, a genital trophy
as i live and breathe
she will never forget me3. NECRO-PRIAPISM
DESCRIPTION:
The third cut on the album starts with some thunderous tom and snare rolls, more blisteringly fast tremolo picking and even more guttural lyrics. It's as if Acts of Hate is trying to out-brutal themselves in each consecutive song. Sam's vocals delve into the unintelligible (and we mean more than usual) territory as he pig squeals the choruses. Lyrically, the song is a mish-mash of gore, childish humor and machismo.
LYRICS:
although death took me hours ago
i still remain fully erect
to the chagrin of the mortician
crusted shut eyelids flutter
with a sickening crunch
am i living again?
i take revenge
on the undertaker
taking him from behind
necropriapism
engorged with blood
necropriapism
losing sensation in my limbs
necropriapism
lower half of my body perpetually numb
necropriapism
i will literally fuck the world
his dismembered anal cavity
eructs a noxious gas
i prod him with my member
ready to go again
necropriapism
fucking the living who fuck with the dead
necropriapism
i brutally sodomize severed heads
necropriapism
although dead i'm still hard as a rock
necropriapism
i'll remain living till they cut off my cock4. SLAY BELLS (ZOMBIE SANTA'S REVENGE)
DESCRIPTION:
Once again, we are treated to some more pre-track dialogue from Acts of Hate.
Sam: So you see, Santa, now I really understand that the true meaning of Christmas is to spread love, kindness, and goodwill to all of our brothers and sisters on this earth. So I propose you kill Jeff and let the rest of us drink eggnog in peace.
Jeff: Fuck you!
Sam: Jeff, calm down, you're hysterical!
Zombie Santa: Silence! Now, you'll suffer - by listening to the tale of how I came to be...Zombie Santa.
Rob: Goddamn, this record is fucking GIMMICKY.The song then starts abruptly, venturing into the tech-death territory with plenty of sweeping, tapping and grindcore drumming. The vocals are heavily edited here, layers of distortion and reverb coat Sam's voice, making the song sound like a Butthole Surfer's song being played backwards through an oscillating fan.
LYRICS:
ressurected from the dead
to teach the naughty the meaning of fear
like before, we already said
santa's collecting head's this year
a hatchet is his weapon of choice
it decimates zygoma very well
beware ye children who hear his voice
your christmas will be spent in hell
blood stains black his graying beard
hands that clench his gory axe
scores of naughty kids dismembered
they play in the afterlife together
santa claus is watching you
so make sure that you never do
anything construed as bad
or else you might end up dead
santa claus is coming for you
there is nothing you can do
santa claus will spill your blood
all over your neighbourhood5. A COLD BLOODED CHRISTMAS (Jon Lajoie Cover)
DESCRIPTION:
The sounds drift back to the pleasant eggnog pouring and slay bells of the first track, and Acts of Hate take the time to relish their return to normalcy.
Sam: Well, looks like we settled that.
Neil: Wait...how? How could we possibly defeat a zombified saint Nick?
Sam: I dunno...deus ex machina?
Jeff: *obviously in pain* he tore my stretchers out! Gah!!
Sam: ...well, I got what I wanted for Christmas. Which makes me think...I wanna sing you guys a song. A christmas song!
Rob: Yeah!
Tony: Yeah!
Neil: Yeah!
Sam: Allright...let's just make sure my ol' acoustic is in tune...The song starts, an acoustic retelling of a fateful Christmas morning. Sam's vocals are surprisingly pleasant (I guess the years of screaming his head off live haven't fucked up his vocal chords yet.)
LYRICS:
It was late at night on Christmas eve
I was dreaming of the soft white snow
I was awoken by a noise near the Christmas tree
What it was I did not know
It was Santa Clause he was bringing me some gifts
Unfortunately I did not know that
So I quietly snuck up behind him
And I shot him five times in the back
It went Pow pow pow pow pow
He said "what the fuck ow ow ow"
Then I shot him three more times in the head
Pieces of his brain flew out and he was dead
That's when I noticed his blood-soaked beard
And his red suit filled with bullet holes
I said "oh my god I killed santa clause
I'm not going to jail for this asshole"
So I went to my shed and I got my saw
And I started to choppipty chop chop
I started with his arms then his legs then his head
And then the torso was a really long job
And the blood went spurt spurt spurt
It was really hard work work work
It was hard cutting through his spine
I must have vomited sixteen times
I burnt all the pieces in my fireplace
The smell of burning human flesh filled my nose
Eleven hours later there was nothing left
And that's when I heard my telephone
It was Ada looking for Erich Hess
The night before he'd left the house a mess
"But he didn't come home last night
He was dressed as santa - god I hope he's alright"
...shit
Merry christmas everyone!