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Offline erich hess  
#1 Posted : 16 July 2011 01:58:16(UTC)
erich hess
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Ooc: mainly a revamp of their earlier intro post.now set up as a website.being an rp only band,i wanted to keep track of their releases.


let's meat atomic war bride:

based in:varies,they live on the duke of winchester
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genre:psychobilly (add it as genre,carl.you know you want to.)

Label: Studio60

influences:
the meteors
reverend horton heat
demented are go
deadbolt
the krewmen
guana batz
frantic flintstones
elvis
buddly holly
chuck berry
ernest tubb
johnny cash
carl perkins
Hank williams
stray cats
jerry lee lewis
screamin jay hawkins

sounds most like:

members:

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erich hess (guitar,vocals)
a local loony.rumored to be the product of a female elvis impersonator and a turkey baster.before tuning to music,erich was a staple of the miami scene....mainly in the form of janitorial duty at county parks.as it sits now,erich will be working off his community service hours until he is 67 years old.drunk n disorderly isnt just a misdemeanor,it's a way of life for this gent.musically,erich is influenced by the playing of scotty moore,jim heath,carl perkins,and captain sensible.

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karoliena verlinden (upright bass,vocals)
karoliena is the real musical force behind the war bride.she solely writes the music and shares vocal duties.an import from belgium,karoliena fled her home country after an unfortunate incident involving her father's chocolate factory.needless to say,people were not pleased with a real life "crunchy frog"....or "lark's vomit".in one lousy prank,she went from chocolate heiress,to penniless bass player in a crap psychobilly band..

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Cadillac rob (drums)
rob and his trained monkeys hold down drum duties.having a gaggle of drumming monkeys is the secret to the war bride's signature drum sound.people have described rob and his monkeys' drum sound as "like a ferrari at full hum".rob also has an unholy appetite for denny's bacon.it's thought this is all rob ever eats.is this where he gets his powers of animal communication? nobody knows...and rob aint talking.


Releases
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Solo/other releases

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Currently: in transit to sweden to kick off euro tour with the harlots.

Edited by user 12 March 2018 01:52:05(UTC)  | Reason: label change.

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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
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BrownSugar on 13/04/2015(UTC)
Offline Raphaela  
#2 Posted : 16 July 2011 03:22:46(UTC)
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OOC: Clockwork Elvis is such a simple yet genious cover.
Love your roleplay, man!
I own:

Andrew Guinnard (Post-punk/acoustic)
Lucy Tankeray (Pop diva/weird)
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erich hess on 16/07/2011(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#3 Posted : 16 July 2011 03:44:28(UTC)
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Ooc: why thank you.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline RoseJapanFan  
#4 Posted : 16 July 2011 04:10:26(UTC)
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Hayden: You guys interest me more than any crazy news out there now. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. :]
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Offline erich hess  
#5 Posted : 16 July 2011 05:17:03(UTC)
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Erich: i think that says more about the state of the news,than anything about us.

Karoliena: not at all.people love a train wreck.

Erich:My dad was killed in a train wreck! You're evil.

Karoliena: we both know he is alive and well.he hosts that local bass fishing show.

Erich:.....um,he made a speedy recovery?
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline erich hess  
#6 Posted : 23 July 2011 06:42:19(UTC)
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Captain's log audio recording #1

this is captain erich hess.it is around.......11 am.woke up next to nina sangria.it is of note that she sleeps in the nude.god help her if we ever have to abandon ship in the early morning hours.she would be dead of sunburn within 24 hours. To some people sleeping in a bed with a naked ex porn star sounds very.....racy.but like a really good drag queen,looks are deceiving. The fact of the matter is : i am deathly afraid to sleep by myself..the thought of dying alone scares the shit out of me. Also, spend enough time on a ship with someone,and eventually you are going to see them nude.its a fact of life,no reason to fight it. For the crew of the the ss minnow,this had dire consequences.the skipper was ogling ginger instead of watching the weather. We all know what happened after that...3 hour tour,my ass.

* a match striking,some water bubbling,and a loud exhale is heard.*

Thats the way to start your morning! Like most smokers,i named my bong, it is dubbed " elita",after the ex weather girl on channel 7.both she and the bong are curvy,and i would like to hit both every morning....that is a lot funnier when you are high....actually,scratch all of that.it sounds like a fucking vince vaughn line. I'll edit it out later.god i hate that man.i seriously would like to hear he fell into a septic tank,and drowned...i wonder how many think that about me? Bet it is at least three.

Moving along,the scandinavian tour is finally over and we've bid goodbye to our nordic friends.this leg of our tour is always fun,as we are IMMENSELY popular here. I think it ties into their love of american hot rods and the culture that goes along with them. We can barely fill a tiny bar in miami,but in sweden and finland?? Every show is filled to capacity,the parking lot is a car show,and people try to kill us with free drinks. It's rude to say no,so down the hatch it goes.this morning,my liver looked up at me,pointed it's liverie hand at me and said "fuck you!". I couldnt reprimand the poor organ,it had a valid point.i may be dumb, but i pride myself in not being an asshole.

Punch is being served on the lido deck.lunch is fried pork chop,corn and whipped potato. The shuffleboard are is off limits until further notice,captain erica swore she spotted a dead possum there.we plan to let the possum decay naturally,anyone caught attempting to clean up the massive marsupial will be reprimanded.anyone caught using the dead animal for....whatever you play shuffleboard with,will be rewarded.captain erich....out.



Ooc: i figured if elvis winchester was basically erich,why not go with the original?

Edited by user 23 July 2011 13:56:31(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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Offline deadserious  
#7 Posted : 23 July 2011 06:47:21(UTC)
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Giselle: Can't imagine how much the world will suck without Atomic War Bride.
AimeryNaomiGiselleELMNT
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erich hess on 23/07/2011(UTC)
Offline Matticus  
#8 Posted : 23 July 2011 08:29:52(UTC)
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OOC: I live these little RPs :' ) make me laugh so much xD
Sammy Griffin

Matt Young

Fathers of Fury

Buzz & Hype

Other Acts Include: Parish (Michael Parish), Lucifer (James Francis), Cheating the System (Ethan Plyth, Tom Jolly, Ryan Wyler)
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erich hess on 23/07/2011(UTC)
Offline Realms Of Darkness  
#9 Posted : 23 July 2011 13:30:39(UTC)
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OOC: Great roleplays!
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UNVEIL THE DARK MYTHOS!
Mythos, the successor of the #1 album The Arcanum Circle OUT NOW!
Available through Kaleidoscope Records! Click on the banner!



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WELCOME TO THE JOURNEY!
A Journey Through The Innermost, the debut album Bill Owens' prog-metal act OUT NOW!
Available through Songs To Love And Die By! Click on the banner!



__________________________________________________________________________




My Artists:

The Enlightened || Aeons || Bill Owens




Other:

REVER MUSIC STUDIOS
The World's best recording studios!
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erich hess on 23/07/2011(UTC)
Offline Andre Gandra  
#10 Posted : 23 July 2011 21:52:34(UTC)
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Magie: I love fried pork chop! Captain Erich is a surreal man!

OOC: love your stories!

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Characters

Magie Lena *Resting*
Abie Lena *The Comeback World Tour*
Julia Volkova *Resting*
mISTER_b *Retired*
Groove In Downtown *Working on a second album*

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erich hess on 24/09/2011(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#11 Posted : 24 September 2011 04:25:52(UTC)
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Captain's audio log #34

*ritchie valens' " come on,let's go" loudly plays in the background.*
Ahoy ahoy! Its been a long time,eh? We've been so busy with getting bettie and the starchiefs off and running,we've neglected the war bride. Its sorta like that uncle everyone has.you know the one. He's usually a drunk and horrible to his own kids,yet awesome to everyone else's. Now with bettie and co well established,it's time turn our attentions inwards. We have an album near completion,and it should be ready in the not too distant future. I think it's titled "vaudville death march", or something simlar. There is a track from it floating around out on the internet somewhere. Go find " the deer punter" on the torrent site of your choice, all the cool kids are doing it. "The deer punter" is possibly the best song about a vietnam vet going around and kicking deer,ever written. Even the mighty diane warren cant do that. What a kook that lady is. Does a person just wake up one day and decide,"hmmm.i think the world needs more cheesy songs. And by god,i'm just the girl to do it!" Anyway....find it.download it.tell us what you think. And if diane warren is out there...kiss my butt...and give me a reach around. I think i love you.i wish my bullshit was half as in demand as yours.

Moving along.things are ship shape aboard the duke..laugh! It's funny! Get it? We're aboard a ship,and i said everything is ship shape....nevermind.comedy is wasted on the young. We are currently drifting towards italy,we got some shows in rome and milan...i wonder if italy would ban me from their country if i pissed on the colleseum? Texas didnt take too kindly to ozzy pissing on the alamo. From italy,its on to austria,germany,belgium,holland,and then to canada,back to the uk,over to japan,brazil,mexico,ireland and australia,then finally to the usa. We probably shouldnt set touring plans by the time tested method of tossing darts at a map. We started off pretty good though....a always,the harlots will be touring with us.so spend the ten bucks to see us.please?

A reminder to all aboard. being that it is friday,tonight is our semi anal,er annual "enchantment above the sea" dance/murder mystery/top your own taco night. Lunch today is a ham and swiss sandwich,french fries,and a fruit cup.
Also,whomever left the tv on lifetime and hid the remote: jolly good show.but enough is enough.it's been three weeks.the joke isnt funny anymore. Signing off.
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Offline erich hess  
#12 Posted : 26 October 2011 01:05:15(UTC)
erich hess
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Mp3's of "live from pleasant valley" now up and ready to be consumed.

That's right sophisti-cats and kittens, the war bride's first annual halloween ep is ready!......for download at least.. our vinyl pressing dept was bombed by digital media extremists and will need a few days to be brought up to speed. When available, the ep will be on lustrous, 190 grain,blue vinyl,12 inch. The inaugural ep is inspired by one of my favorite films, "two thousand maniacs". A lovely story of ghostly southerners taking revenge on Yankee tourists. Lets look at the songs,shall we???


1.the south is gonna rise again (ooc: youtube is acting stupid right now,so i cant post the original)

The theme for two thousand maniacs. Written and originally sung by the film's director, Herschel Gordon Lewis. The title pretty much tells you what it's about. We stay pretty true to the original. I may be mad as a hatter,but even i know not to try improving a classic....and no,that isn't a nod towards that actor that kinda looks me ,who played the mad hatter in that stupid Alice in wonderland movie. Lets carry on.... we brought in bettie and her star chiefs to do the "yeehaws!" and backing vocals,and they do a knock up job. Good thing too,as that's one of my favorite parts of the song.

2. this BBQ costs an arm and a leg!
Starts with the sound of a woman screaming. Its actually Erica Hess' voice doing the screaming. Karoliena threw a lit match down Erica's shirt while we were recording. Waste not,want not,and all that. Right? In the movie,the Yankees are invited to stay in pleasant valley to enjoy some good old fashioned, southern hospitality and a BBQ. Guess what's on the menu? That's right: people.....Yankee people. Our song is exactly the sort of thing I'd want to hear while feasting on human flesh. The phrase " rocks your ass like an Iranian stoning" is pretty fitting here....well,in my opinion at least. So you can assume "This BBQ..." isn't a slow crooner. Nope,its the psycho'est of psychobilly.

3. this barrel of monkeys bites!
"Two thousand maniacs" contains some pretty interesting deaths: a dunking machine that "dunks" a boulder onto its victim....being pulled apart by horses..but my favorite is this guy being rolled down a steep hill,while inside a wooden barrel.sounds fun and harmless,right? Wrong... there's several nails pounded into the barrel! This is oodles of fun for everyone...except whomever is in the barrel,i guess. I think it'd be fun in it's own way. A least more fun than getting pulled apart by horses. For this song try our best to channel gene Vincent and his blue caps.but instead com off sounding like Jesse and his rippers. You know,that shit band from full house? You know what pisses me off about that show? aside from the schmaltzy lesson learning and family bonding, not that there is anything wrong with that. TV needs that shit. If it was all people getting shot in the crotch,it'd get pretty boring after the 45Th crotch wound. But what really pissed me off was Jesse. Sure his music was lame,as was any time the beach boys were trotted out, and he shoulda fucked joey and got it over with.he would have been happier,Joey's been happier ,and we'd have been happier.happier since Jesse would have never had those ugly ass twins he and Becky created. Why Jesse pissed me off was.....his hair. As an avid Elvis fan,why the fuck did he have a mullet?

4. Y'all come back now,ya hear ?
Very bluegrass in flavor. I feel it bookends things nicely. I you lived in the rural south for any amount of time, you've heard this as a farewell...i think some TV show also used it as a sign off. Hell if i can think of which one. In this ep's context,it takes on a sinister effect which would fit the denizens of pleasant valley just fine.


All on all,this was a hoot to write and record. Oh,and don't be that person who writes and tells me what an evil person i am for recording " the south will rise again", and using the rebel flag on the ep's art. It's all part and parcel to the film. I'd give this release a 9.5 outta 10. It's short,its fun,and it's limited to 2,000 physical copies so get yours today!

Did i mention each of those 2,000 (get it? Two thousand copies for two thousand maniacs? Laugh its funny!) Will come with liner notes printed on blotter paper. Wink wink,nudge nudge.you know what I'm saying. These will also be the first thing of our's to be released under studio60's banner.
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Laurelles1 on 26/10/2011(UTC)
Offline Mckenzie-  
#13 Posted : 26 October 2011 01:29:49(UTC)
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Alex: Without a shadow of a doubt, the first album i will purchase in a long time. This is too good to illegally obtain.



Anna Villiot - Sounds Like; Sky Ferreira&CHVRCHES
(Recording debut album)

Bath Salts - Sounds Like; Wavves&FIDLAR
(Touring & Writing second album)

PURE - Sounds Like; The 1975&M83
('Night Moves' coming soon)

✝ L▲ST L‡GHT ✝ - Sounds Like; Purity Ring&Movement
(Writing/Recording EP)




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erich hess on 26/10/2011(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#14 Posted : 26 October 2011 02:11:51(UTC)
erich hess
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Erich:hell,i'd download it. Is pretty plastic and lsd soaked liner notes really worth spending money on?

Erica: its only like 4 bucks or so.

Erich: oh,i'm sorry misses rockefeller,we all arent as rife with cash as you.

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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline Andre Gandra  
#15 Posted : 26 October 2011 05:35:49(UTC)
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Yulia: This sounds so 50's... I love it! totally! good job guys!

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Characters

Magie Lena *Resting*
Abie Lena *The Comeback World Tour*
Julia Volkova *Resting*
mISTER_b *Retired*
Groove In Downtown *Working on a second album*

Offline erich hess  
#16 Posted : 27 October 2011 00:26:45(UTC)
erich hess
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Erich: thank you miss yulia,always a pleasure to know your ears have been home to our music.

We finally got the vinyl press up and running. So the finished album looks like this...sorry,no pic of the actual record. I was too lazy to snap one.

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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
Offline erich hess  
#17 Posted : 08 November 2011 08:33:21(UTC)
erich hess
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Somewhere in the atlantic,the duke is steaming towards euro shores in anticipation of the "no venues tour". Karoliena and erich are laying on the roof of the ship,they are on their backs with a near empty bottle of jack daniels between them . Its about 3 a.m.

Karoliena: i love being out here on nights like this .There are no stars,no moon...nothing. as far as you can see in all directions....nothing.

Erich:*scooches the slightest bit closer to karoliena* all the better to eat you with,my dear.* laughs like mad*

Karoliena: while,i totally like where you are going with that...it would have been better if i said "my my.what big teeth you have!",before.

Erich: i know,i know. But i've been waiting all day to use that phrase. I couldnt very well wait around for you to make a three bears reference. By the time you did, i'd have forgotten my witty retort.

Karoliena: then where would we be?

Erich: who knows? With the rise of lichtenstein as a global superpower,things are best dealt with on a day to day mindset l.

Karoliena: usually,i love your pointless rambling. But you were saying something about eating me? * unbuttons her trousers and wriggles out of them*

Erich: aww,but it was a good story too. It contained several "bonanza" references...

Karoliena: less yak, more..god dammit! * a gust of wind carries her discarded trousers off the ship's roof. Seconds later,a faint splash is heard.* that was my favorite pair of capris! ...and my fucking car keys were in there!

Erich:i guess i'll have to an extra good job.

Karoliena: you better.

*the hatch leading to the interior of the ship creaks open and erica's head pops out.*

Erica; hiya! What's shaking.

Karoliena: nothing. Go back inside!

Erica: fuck that. Nina pissed me off.

Erich: really? What happened?

Karoliena: * punches erich* dont encourage her!

Erica: watcha guys doing?

Karoliena: nothing..go away.

Erica: you are being very mean.*notices karoliena's bare lower half*.....oh.OH... need any help?

Erich: sure

Karoliena: no.

Erica: your loss.

*now nina shares the hatch with erica. And they start shoving each other*

Karoliena: ENOUGH! MOMMY IS BUSY! GO AWAY!

*erica and nina sheepishly dissappear into the hatch. Erich follows*

Karoliena: not you,erich.
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RoseJapanFan on 08/11/2011(UTC)
Offline Mckenzie-  
#18 Posted : 08 November 2011 09:05:41(UTC)
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Ryan: What id give to have a spin in the Duke!



Anna Villiot - Sounds Like; Sky Ferreira&CHVRCHES
(Recording debut album)

Bath Salts - Sounds Like; Wavves&FIDLAR
(Touring & Writing second album)

PURE - Sounds Like; The 1975&M83
('Night Moves' coming soon)

✝ L▲ST L‡GHT ✝ - Sounds Like; Purity Ring&Movement
(Writing/Recording EP)




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erich hess on 08/11/2011(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#19 Posted : 08 November 2011 13:51:43(UTC)
erich hess
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erich: the duke is open to all who can board it...well,almost. i hate to be a bastard,but if you are handicapped...it aint happening. the duke was built before everything had to be wheelchair accessible.i guess we could carry the wheelchair bound,it might be demeaning and dehumanizing,but i'm willing to do it.

karoliena:we'll be happy to help those who need it to board. besides,after a few hours at the tiki bar..we'll all be equally as mobile.





later....on board the duke. karoliena is sitting at the tiki bar.head in one hand,lazily stirring a martini with the other.

karoliena: well that was.....awful...think girls can get blue balls?

chloe:*acting as bartender. she wipes the bar with a towel and tops of karoliena's drink* i dont know. wanna talk about it?

karoliena: not really..at least with you.that'd be weird.

chloe:*sighs* nobody ever wants to talk to me.

erica and nina from across the room :that's cause you suck! karoliena,come play clue with us.

karoliena:* sitting at the table with erica,nina,and erich* how would you bitches like if i keep interrupting your stupid game?

nina:i wouldnt,love.

erica:*narrows eyes* i dont like your tone...missy.

karoliena: *kicks the game board over.* you like that?

erica:fuck! i was almost finished!

karoliena: so was i!

erica:in our defense,you know 4:10 am is our nightly clue game.

erich:with the shuffleboard closed indefinitely,we need these clue games.it's the only thing standing between us and total mutiny.

karoliena: what?! there is only us on this ship,who is going to mutiny?

erica: *whispering* chloe has been pretty god damn disgruntled lately.

erica,nina,erich,and karoliena all look up and stare at chloe.she is still wiping the bar.

chloe: what?

erica,erich,and nina: nothing.

karoliena:*sighs* i'm going to bed. it's tiring being the sensible one out of us. wake me when we get to antwerp.*leaves for her cabin*

erich:wanna play william tell with this old machine gun and whiskey bottle?

erica:i go first!

the trio go outside and seconds later the sound of a gunshot is heard.

erich's voice: motherfucker,that hurts!...cool.

erica's voice: dont be a baby,i barely even grazed you!

nina's voice: um,shouldnt he have the bottle on his head,love?

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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
thanks 2 users thanked erich hess for this useful post.
RoseJapanFan on 08/11/2011(UTC), Mckenzie- on 09/11/2011(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#20 Posted : 19 November 2011 02:03:57(UTC)
erich hess
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Album review

Band- atomic war bride

Release type: album

Label: studio60

Rating: 3 stars.

Review.
You'll never see hipsters wearing atomic war bride shirts....namely because the band doesn't offer them. ( the war bride is very anti merch..at least in the usual sense.) But what you will see are happy faces where ever this band goes. The band has been hampered for years by poor distribution,studio60 finally lets the world in on the party.

"Music to dump your baby's body by" is pressed on 14 inch,54 1/2 rpm records. So it's basically unlistenable without a special turntable ,that doesn't exist. Mp3's are available on studio60's website by entering the code printed on the album. For the non computer Savvy,there is a special edition that contains the 14" original,plus ten 7" s.( only available as mailorder) The special edition is also far cheaper than the normal version.... go figure.

Wacky format aside,how is it? It's good,it's very good. "Music to dump your baby' body by" has that certain something that makes it's listener drive just a little bit faster.drink just one more beer.not wear a condom,even though every cell in your body is screaming " unclean! Unclean! you're going to catch something!" . Atomic war bride seems to love being the pied piper,leading people to their moral doom. Lets hear a little from Erich and karoliena on each song.

1. vaudeville death march
Erich's comments," by their very nature,death marches aren't fun. Lets face it,marching hundreds of miles through a jungle,at gunpoint sucks. Its even worse if the guy chained beside you bitches the entire time. Some classic laurel and hardy,Marx brothers,or Olsen and johnson routines are just what is needed. Any one complaining while hearing "who's on first?", is a probably a miserable bastard anyway and deserves to die."

Karoliena's comments," we went with a real early twentieth century jazz sound for this one. This actually began life slated to be on my solo album. It seemed out of place,so it appears here...in a slightly altered form."

2. I'll break your fucking poptart!
Erich's comments," people say the war bride is a novelty band because we don't write "personal" songs. Well,this one is for those people. One morning,i pissed off karoliena during breakfast. Not the wisest thing to do. She snatched my poptart,stomped on it,then gave it back to me. Thus,a hit was born."

Karoliena's comments," i sing this one,so you know it's good. We borrow....a lot from "my boyfriend's back", by ....the chantelles? Shangri las? I really don't remember. In my defense,NOBODY is allowed to call me "kari","kiki",or" k-leena"....except for Erica. Plus,i did Erich a favour. It was an unfrosted poptart...who the fuck eats those?!?!"

3. Colon cats,ATTACK
Erich's comments,"yup. A song about ill tempered cats living in your ass. Sometimes songs just write themselves,this was one of those times. On the surface it seems juvenile,but at it's heart? It is about mankind's primitive need to break the bonds of.....OK,its just a song about tiny cats in your ass."

Karoliena's comments," this is the war bride firing on all cylinders.i think we really show off the talent that resides in our band on colon cats. We got rob and his monkeys just fucking killing it on drums,Erich actually playing and not taking the easy way out,and myself making sweet love to the bass...not literally,mind you. But if you've ever had the pleasure of being in my bed,you'd know i am anything but gentle."


4. Eduardo,the bedwetter.
Erich's comments,"a song about a burgler that pisses your bed. On top of getting all your stuff yanked,you wake up in a puddle of whiz. Eduardo is indeed an evil man. He doesn't even keep the stuff he burgles, he just dumps it all on the front lawn. The bed wetting is his main objective.his cousin is billy the poop thief,who we also did song about. Granted,this song is juvenile even by our standards,but people like this sort of thing. So our hands are tied,right?"

Karoliena's comments," very punk rock sounding, this one is catchy as hell. Mainly because we wanted something for people to sing along with at shows. Hearing a hundred or so people singing " wet,wet wetting your bed! Squirm motherfucker I'm aiming right for head!" Is just great. This is one of those songs that makes me love my job."

5. Loving you is like a stock footage montage.
Erich's comments,"you ever see those movies where they suddenly cut to a scene of a crodile or some shit that is mentioned in the film, but the footage displayed clearly doesn't match the rest of the film? Congratulations,you just witnessed stock footage in action. It's lame and fools no one,it just sort of serves as a poorly attempted stand in for the real thing. I had a girlfriend like this once. A demon in the sack,but that was about it. I dated her for four years. What? She was very good at what she did."

Karoliena's comments," i felt the subject matter deserved that very cliched doo wop sound.i happen to love that style,even if it is sorta limited in range."

6. Hell,i wouldn't fuck me,either.
Erich's comments," chances are,if you're a female and been in the same room as me.....I've tried to charm the pants off you.literally. this song is about all my short comings,and how you're better off not entering into carnal hijinks with me."

Karoliena's comments," the song is pleasantly sleazy,so we tried to make it sound as sleazy as we could. You know,like something that's been playing in one of jack ruby's strip clubs. I felt dirty just playing the song...now i feel dirty just talking about it.next song ,please."

7. Please excuse johnny from p.e..... (he is adopted.)
Erich's comments," in our line of work,we spend a lot of time...well,just killing time basically. As such,we watch some stupid shit on TV. One time we were watching "problem child"...i know,i know.. anyways, this one girl taunts that fugly ginger kid by saying he's adopted. But the censors changed "adopted" to "a red head"..what the fuck? Are orphans really that sensitive? Fuck you, you're adopted. Be glad you are,you could be back at the orphanage ,chowing down on gruel every night."

Karoliena's comments," old school atomic war bride sound here. Zero distortion,loads of revervb. Yet,the song still manages to have teeth."

8. The deer punter.
Erich's comments," Vietnam vets who kick deers.not much more to say about it. Most of our songs tell a story of some sort,this one is no different. The gang of graying soldiers are out in the woods,contemplating suicide. One by one,the men off themselves. The last man cannot pull the trigger of his gun,as this deer keeps licking his finger. The man finally gets pissed and kicks the deer.the animal flies like twenty yards or so. The man instantly feels better,so he keeps kicking deer."

Karoliena's comments,"clean and simple here,too. Less psycho,and more billy. The kind of song you'd hear in a real country bar,perhaps while knocking the shit out of a fellow bar patron with a brass spittoon. Toby Kieth style weekend warrior country need not apply."

9. Louder than a 1970's sportcoat.
Erich's comments," as you can guess,this song is all about rocking the fuck out. That's right,a rock song about rock and roll. We tried very hard not to put the words rock and roll" actually in the title. It was hard,but we resisted. "

Karoliena's comments,"a song about rock. Not femmy like kiss. Ass kicking like chuck berry."


10. I want to motor boat you till the cows come home.

Erich's comments," this ditty is about a certain girl,who i refuse to name. Whenever i see her,i cant help but think of her womany bits. Its wrong to objectify women,and i know this,but it cant hurt just this once,can it.......can it? Its all in good fun,so I'm not too worried about my karma levels. You shouldn't worry either."

Karoliena's comments," a song about boobs? *Sighs* sadly,yes. After this i can kiss my membership in the national organization for women goodbye. The worst part about this song is: it's actually really good,i really couldn't be more pleased with how it turned out. It bounces right along ,never popping out of place,never going lopsided,it is a perky little rockabilly number...OK,I'll stop now."
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
thanks 1 user thanked erich hess for this useful post.
Laurelles1 on 19/11/2011(UTC)
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