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He had thought that a confession would make him feel better. As if all the deceit he had felt would wash away as soon as she knew. But it didn't. His guilt grew even more as the last word emanated from his mouth. How could he have done this to her? Why did he do this to her? He felt so bad he almost asked himself to leave. But he waited for her words, the words that would tell him this was all over. He knew that she wold never want to see him again.
"I can't say I'm not shocked, that wasn't what I expected, but you were - are a free man, I don't control you," he heard her soft voice from the bed behind him, and he winced as she spoke. This made him feel even worse. Why wasn't she mad? He wanted her to lash out, and be mad at him, and then he could feel better, feel that he had gotten what he deserved. She spoke again as he stood with his eyes tightly shut, trying to stave off tears. "Besides, you thought I was sleeping with Joshy because he carried me upstairs, what were you supposed to do?"
What he was supposed to do was believe her when she told him what had really happened. Not ran off and fucked two meaningless, random groupies.
"I'll let you know that you can leave me, that's your choice, but I'd better let you know what I want first." He didn't want to leave Raven, not ever, but every word she said made him feel more guilty than the last, but he knew deserved it. What happened next, he knew he did not deserve. He raised a hand to his forehead and drew it straight down his face, slowly, knowing that the stress was beginning to show.
As he put his hand back behind his back to clasp it with the other once again, still intently looking away from the woman he knew was about to throw him out of the hospital room, he felt someone grab it. He froze stock still as he felt something wrap around his finger.
"I want you to marry me." came the voice of Raven Storme once again. The tears started to roll down his face immediately. After all he had done to her these past few weeks, all he had said, all of the threats that he would leave her, the cheating, the nasty words, she still wanted to marry him. He fought to hide the tears, and then at once realised that he shouldn't.
He turned to face Raven, tears flowing down his cheeks, and attempted to smile at her. He looked down at his hand and saw a small piece of bandage wrapped around his finger. He clutched Raven's hand and kissed it softly. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done," he said with a sincerity that he had never heard in his own voice before. "I love you Raven, and I want to marry you too."
He pulled her hand into his chest, and tried to stop the tears...a man shouldn't be crying should he? He looked at her, and he knew all at once that this was the only woman for him. He kicked off his checkered vans shoes, and for some reason, climbed up beside her on the bed. He kissed her on the forehead softly, and then wrapped his arms around her, before sobbing happily into her shoulder. |