erica:* bursting into the duke of winchester's "jungle room".* grab your shit,nina! we're busting erich out of that hospital.
nina: no way,love. i just warmed up this burrito. ive been smoking all day,and could eat my own fist.
erica: bring it. we've reached the point of no return.... i bought an a-team van replica.
nina: hmmm,you have got a good start. a van is integral to a successful heist. so whats the plan?
erica: hell if i know. i got the van,thats the important part. lets go!
the two make their way to the ships exterior and into erica's van.chloe is already in the passenger seat.
nina: chloe is here?! ugh,this heist already sucks,love.
erica: trust me. we need her for weight distribution.we cannot drift the corners without her weighing down the back. gmc vans of the 80's were notorious for their poor weight distribution.
chloe:....are you calling me fat?
nina: *dramatically shakes chloe* god dammit,chloe. we dont have time for your bloody self image problems!
erica: righto.*starts the engine,and tears out of the port of miami.*
seconds later the van sceeches to a halt outside a liquor store.the girls sit in the van,while the a-teamtheme still blares from the stereo.*
erica: well?
everyone is silent,finally chloe speaks.
chloe well,what?
nina: are you going to get off your ass and get us booze,love?
chloe: why do i-
erica: that wasnt a question.
nina: and bring back something good,no fucking wine coolers.
chloe hops out of the van and walks towards the store.
nina: i even hate the way she walks,love.
erica: "prances" is more like it.....watch this. *honks the atrociously loud horn.*
chloe:*jumps in the air* eeeep!
erica and nina roll with laughter. a few minutes later chloe returns.
chloe: thanks! i think i pissed myself a little.heres your stupid bottle.
nina: * reading the label* "uncle herschel's all natural style,industrial grade vodka"? could you be any cheaper,love?
chloe: all i had was ten bucks! you bitches coulda put in on this,you know!
erica: bought the van.
nina: and i hate you.
erica: see? its only right that you had to buy it.
chloe:such bullshit.*opens the bottle and drinks before passing it on to erica and nina*
erica:*drinking* next stop,costume shop.
chloe: should you be drinking and driving?
erica: all part of the plan.*chugs more and passes the bottle*
the van makes its way down the street.erica is starting to have trouble keeping it between the lines.she is clipping parked cars and occasionally hitting curbs. the van pulls into the costume shop's parking lot,crunching a driverless mustang's front bumper.
erica: ok.nina..you go get a nurses costume.
nina:why me,love? make chloe do it.
erica: normally we would,but we need someone who can fool the nurses. you are the only one of us with acting experience.
chloe: acting experience?! i'd hardly call being on all fours and saying "oh,oh oh", acting!
nina: i had lines,it wasnt all just sex,love!
chloe: i doubt it.
nina: nobody even would want to see you on the job,not even free internet porn. that is like the street theatre of porn.
chloe: fuck yo-
erica: ENOUGH!!! chloe,you're ugly .and nina,get your ass in there and get that costume!
nina:*getting out of the van* you always take chloe's side..i'll be back.
chloe: im not ugly.
erica: a little.
chloe: i am not!
erica: well not brian peppers ugly,but close.
chloe: yeah? you have small boobs!
erica:*grabbing a pistol from the glove box* what was that?
chloe:....nothing. jeez,you're a mean drunk.
erica:right,right,right.*drinks the rest of the bottle*
nina opens the door and climbs into the van. she is wearing a form fitting,white vinyl nurses outfit. erica and chloe stop fighting and just stare at her.
chloe: what....
erica:the fuck is that???
nina: nurses outfit,love. i'll blend right in.
erica: at a hooker convention!
nina: fine! i try to think outside the box,and this is the bloody thanks i get?! i'll be back with a boring nurse's outfit.
erica:*grabs chloe's watchless wrist* nevermind,we dont have time.*revs engine,and shifts into reverse.nailing a patroling cop car.*
chloe: shit! you hit a fucking cop! we are sooooo fucked!
nina:see you bitches later !*frantically tries to open the jammed door*
erica:*drops her head onto the steering wheel,resulting in the horn blowing* great.....just fucking great.
a few moments later and the cop is tapping on erica's window.
cop: ma'am,are you ok?
erica: um..yeah...i just hit my head and feel a little..woozy.
cop:*looking inside the van and seeing the scantilly clad nina and empty vodka bottle* anyone mind telling me just what is going on here?
erica: uh...*looks around inside the van* i....i..
nina:* looks nervous* we were...on our way to the hospital...?
chloe: yes,the hospital. you see officer,our friend here,*gestures to nina* was enjoying some intimate time with her husband and was using those bead things. you know,those ones that go....there?
cop: ah,yes. another anal bead victim.those god damn things are a menace. hop in my car,i'll take you guys to the hospital just let me clean out the back seat.*returns to his car*
erica and nina look amazed at what chloe has just pulled off.
erica: chloe...you are the smartest girl in the world.
nina: i almost feel bad for picking on you,love.
chloe: i accept sexual favours as apologies.you two fucking owe me. big time.
the girls ride in the cop's car to the hospital.he drops them off at the emergency room.
erica:ok. chloe and i will be in the cafeteria. nina,go find erich.
nina: righto,love.see you bitches later.* walks off to find the mental ward.
chloe: you do realize this isnt going to work,right?
erica: nina can be very persuasive....
chloe: she looks like a whore in that outfit.
erica: nah.she always looks like that.*laughs*
chloe:*laughs* she does.
erica: lets not be mean.
nina returns with erich in tow.
nina: that was surprisingly easy,love. i just told them, *in a posh voice* patient hess is to be transferred to special hospital for rockstars,thus my outfit. *bows* and the academy award goes to...me!
erich: thanks for springing me. its not near as fun as "one flew over the cukoo's nest" would have you to believe.
