Chaos Awards VII - Our ResponseIt was Chaos Awards Day. The day the music world dresses up and artists are forced to act civilized unlike the drunk, mentally unstable, and agoraphobic people that most artists truly are. It's always a fun time! It started with Chaos bossman Scott RH introducing the show and then it was off! A few hours of fun. We'll tell you who won, who didn't, who got snubbed, and who really just needs to lay off the crack.
It started with Simco, or psycho, or Sin Cosine, or something like that. I remember they had bows on and it felt like a dream and after it was over I was just questioning the existence of our species. But after such a performance no one would be questioning his life decisions more than Scott. afterwards Isabel came on stage to co-host and acted extremely like a little girl saying "super" every few words. The girl from Stinko or whatever the group was called showed up and it was a super drag. I was waiting for them to start roasting everyone there but they didnt. Luckily I prepared something I call "If I hosted Chaos VII":
Quote:Well here we are. Lots of guests here. Lots of famous ones. We've got all kinds of age ranges. Kato is here, one of the youngest guys here. he also was nice enough to bring his grandma.... Oh sorry I'm being told that's just Stephanie Fierce! I'm also being told they aren't related. Hmm... Well we've got lots of other guests tonight. Serenity Scott is here. Sara Daniels is here. Suzie is here and she brought her breasts too. Mmmm... God I miss her breasts sometimes. Glad to see them again Suzie. Gia Rose-Hilton is here with studio60 records. She even brought her poodle... Ooops thats just Layla Raine... Well thats awkward. Isabel is here tonight. I imagine its kind of awkward for her. It's like shes here and so is everyone else who released a record last year. Tension... TopLADs are also here. Stay sexy, boys. It's always a good morning if its starts with you guys. Will. Rocca is here. Hard Sugar is here. Reported Failure is also here. I find it funny that they still show up even though we know they never win anything. They're getting old though. Only a few more before they're dead. Speaking of death, Daniel is here, and he actually brought a rotting corpse. oh I'm being told that's just Stephanie Fierce? My condolences of course go to Kato for the loss of his grandma. May she rest in peace. Also here is Tisha Jackson and her haircut. I didn't realize TopLADs was adding a fifth member. James and Gemma Urie are here too. Damn... I'd like to film what that looks like after the show. Also here is a new star, Kourtney. I'm sorry Kourtney if you haven't gotten the jokes. Stephanie Fierce is one of those things you read about in whats called a history book: You know all the greats George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and Stephanie Fierce. May she rest in peace. We lost a true treasure. Wait I'm being told shes not dead. Hmm.... Well like I said Tisha Jackson is here too so we'll see how long that lasts.
after the intro by Isabel and the girl from the group I think is called Scripto, Studio 60 won for best label. No surprise. Who got snubbed? North Hill Records. Not even a nomination for them. Ryan's ego will be so hurt. Then it was time for best urban act. Chaos chose Tisha Jackson for some reason. Maybe sympathy? Like "Sorry we know Max-Volume will publish hate articles wether you win or not so have this award so that the day doesn't suck". Yeah thats it. It should've been Aubrey Mikkel or Isaac Lovelock, but whatever, there's always next year.
Then Aimee Rose wowed everyone with her performance. I was seriously impressed. After that Scott made me laugh by calling Neveah out over the intercom and talking about her ass. At least someone besides me is being rude today. Then Misery Loves Company won best indie/alternative act... Yes because making a couple mediocre records then breaking up is totally worth praise. Meanwhile Our Name is Stars got snubbed big time at the awards and not just in this category which they or Vile Hour at least should have won but MLC? Really?
After this Chaos did get something right by giving best rock/metal act to Riot! in the Boulevard. For some reason Reported Failure was announced as a nominee twice, probably because someone wanted the pleasure of watching them get snubbed twice. But Riot! deserved it the most and won. Good job Chaos! Then Mykaylah happened and I am now in denial wishing it wasn't real but alas, no one said the performers were any good. Gotta love a diva every once in awhile.
After this Chaos gave Nadia Berry another paperweight which I guess was cool for her? But now she has another mic that doesn't actually plug into anything sitting around her house. So I guess she might rather melt them down and have a sword made for when she eventually loses it and has to stab Ryan Ross Hernandez. Congratulations to them on the wedding announcement. Who else got snubbed? Electrodeath. They're gone now probably forever and Chaos was like Electrowho? Oh death? Yeah them.... Ehh no thanks. THen Weekend won for best music video. I would comment but I spend too much time being a pompous hipster to watch Weekend music videos so I'm going to assume its the right choice because those boys are hot.
Then Reported Failure performed. It was awkward. I dont understand why they're playing or even going to award shows. Billie Beckett had an outburst and yelled "fuck the chaos awards" as well as many other forms of nonsense and then everyone felt uncomfortable. I guess he's finally a real rockstar seeing as he's lost his mind. Then Isbel and jacob Estrada won best collaboration because ya know screw Isaac Lovelock hes not important. Shall we add him to the list of people who got snubbed? I think yes. Katie Coyle then won best songwriter. The girl takes almost all of 2012 off from music and then beats out everyone else. But then she is Katie Coyle and Katie Coyle is just that good.
Then it was Eilidh Greene and Dustyn Blue's turn to host. They were just as awkward as Isabel and that girl from Sims Co. Julia Volkova won sexiest female because she was topless in her latest album cover. No other really good reason but thats the best reason she needs. Kato won sexiest male. His grandmother must be so proud. Then it was Jennifer Armstrong's turn to perform. She was actually entertaining. She didn't have a mental breakdown or anything.
After that it was time for best single. MLC again. I dont know why exactly Chaos went Misery Loves Company crazy for the awards. Our Name is Stars got snubbed again. I dont understand it. But whatever. MLC fans just send me the hate mail now. Then Isabel won best album. It was good for her. After losing the category at the Fans Choice Awards despite her album being the hottest thing all year it legitimized her chart success and her place in the industry. Big congratulations to her even though Abie Lena got snubbed. She was another big snub this year.
Then It was Riot! in the Boulevard. They delivered a killer acoustic set. They proved themselves again as a force in the industry. Aubrey Mikkel won best newcomer which was deserved but of course ournameisstars. was snubbed again. Poor guys. Riot! in the Boulevard won best band which was appropriate. Then Blood of Wecz reminded us all why we love rock and roll in one of the best sets I've seen at an awards show ever. It was a super fun time! They were great.
Isabel then won best female artist. It was over. Well I guess I'll see you all next year. Here's our list of stuff.
Best moment: Blood of Wecz
Biggest Winners: Isabel & Riot! in the Boulevard
Biggest Snub: Ournameisstars.
Wtf moment: Billie Beckett cusses out the audience