Interview with a non vampire.
erich hess,looking a bit worse for wear.
A true product of modern pop culture,erich hess. Seemingly famous for everything other than his music. Can anyone name a single atomic war bride song? Today we brave this both threatening,yet approachable man. He waves us into the bathroom .where he is smoking a funny smelling cigarette and a near empty bottle of absinthe resides.
Culture uncut: um...is this a bad time ?
Erich: no. The water is warm and the soap is Ivory,so it is bobbing happily. Don't be unsociable,hop in. *he scoots in the tub,allowing more room.*
Culture uncut: um.no. I don't take baths with other men.
Erich: I'm just asking you to sit in the tub with me. I'm not asking to fuck you.jeez.
Culture uncut:...why are you in a bathtub anyway?
Erich: one must always be clean. If not morally ,at least physically. That way , being unclean morally is more fun for all involved.
Culture uncut: I'm still not getting In.
Erich: good. I have an erection now. It would be awkward as hell.
Culture uncut: um..why?!
Erich: well sir. I hardly know you. And it's been my experience that two people sitting in a tub with a bar of ivory,it's the soap that floats mind you. It's my experience e that inevitably,someone grabs something that isn't Ivory.
Culture uncut: no! I mean why are you....
Erich: oh! Silly me. Excuse me for having a beautiful wife who just the thought of can make-
Culture uncut: *interrupting* ok, erich! I get the idea. Speaking of your wife,how is she?
Erich: sir! That is a very rude question. That is for me to know and you never to find out! Vows may mean nothing to you journalist types,I don't now. But to we musicians. We take them very serious! I will be damned if I am going to tell you how she is,just so you can offer me a go with your wife. I am not a swinger,I never was. So you get that thought out of your degenerate mind. *erich smashes the bottle of absinthe,waving the broken neck at the interviewer.*
Culture uncut: *hiding behind the chair* I meant how is she after...the incident.
Erich:* casually sets the broken bottle down* thank you for asking,she is doing well. Ada is joining me for the remainder of the "no venues" tour,at least I hope she is!
Culture uncut: she is probably coming along to keep an eye on you. Do you really expect anyone to believe you and nina Tarantino aren't sleeping together? Not even once?
Erich: Ada is not "keeping an eye on me". I am a grown ass man and don't need an eye kept on me. Not even a full pair of eyes need to be kept on me. Take a video,hd or blue ray,I don't give a fuck. Make it blue ray, that seems to be turn people's cranks.
Culture uncut: and if Ada didnt bust in when she did? I hear you and nina were awfully comfy. In a dimly lit,abandoned casino?
Erich: if she didnt interrupt? We'd have finished a bag of chips and the episode of dr Phil. It was a good one on meth addicts. I've never even tried meth because of the dumb fucks on these shows. I have doubts these people know good drugs anyway. Could something some redneck cooked up in his Camaro really be better than LSD,DXM,mescaline?! I doubt it. Nina is a friend of mine that is it. A friend. People need to stop being fucking virgins about things. A man and a woman can be friends. I told Ada where I was,and invited her to come along. Does that sound like someone with something to hide?
Culture uncut: sounds like wishful thinking on your part.*laughs*
Erich:*smirks* oh you.
