It had been a difficult few months for Nadia, she liked to put on a front and make out everything was okay, even when things were far from it. In reality, she was suffering in silence and had to bottle up her emotions to please those around her. She decided to bury her head in the sand and press on with her busy schedule to take her mind off of everything. She hoped that'd be the solution, but so many things played on her mind these days, nothing would make them go away. She had dealt with the breakdown of her relationship with Ryan, the betrayal of one of her closest friends, and the diaspproval certain people had of her making up with best friend, Katie Coyle. With a small break in the tour dates on the current Reckless Infinity Tour she was part of with GirlSpice, she decided to use the free time to take a trip to Los Angeles.

Dr. Hudson was a name she was more than familiar with by now, in fact she had even spoken to her a few times on the phone. It was Ryan's therapist. In all honesty, Nadia was shy and a little scared to speak so openly about her feelings, she had to do it with someone she was at least familiar with, and this particular therapist was at least one person she had been in contact with before. During her relationship with Ryan, she noticed a lot of changes within him during the course of his therapy, all of those seemed to be for the better. Surely the woman had to be doing something right, she thought. Walking up to the outside of her office, she knocked politely and heard Dr. Hudson call her from inside. Nadia opened it and walked in nervously. It was already a strange environment for Nadia be in, imagining all of the deep thoughts and secrets that had been spoken in here. She never wanted to be in this situation. Having to deal with bipolar disorder made her all the more determined to prove to others around her that she was capable of acting and feeling normal.

"Take a seat, Nadia. You're a little early, but that's more than fine, I'm glad you're eager," Dr. Hudson smiled, her arm extending to offer the sofa beside her. "Thank you, it's nice to meet you in person after all this time," Nadia replied softly, a small smile managed to form at the corners of her lips. "And you, dear. I know you wanted to speak with me, you must be in deep need of it if you came all this way. I know you're busy." She was right, Nadia was desperate just to talk to someone, she didn't want to be a burden on anyone. "How have things been for you?" Hudson questioned, Nadia took a deep sigh in response, as if to mentally prepare herself for the session ahead of her. "I don't know, I just had to speak to someone. I don't want to weigh anyone down with my own problems." Hudson lifted an eyebrow, "What do you mean, Nadia? You're a popular girl, you have a boyfriend, band mates, friends, family, why can't you talk to someone about how you feel? They would all be willing to listen and help you out." Nadia shook her head, when she had an idea in her head, she was stubborn about it and could rarely be talked out of thinking those things. "No, no. It's okay, really. My boyfriend's on the last ever tour for his band, my band mates are busy touring with me and don't need the hassle. My best friend has a wedding to plan for, and I don't want to worry my family. Last year my mother was battling breast cancer, I'm doing all I can to make sure this Christmas is a hell of a lot better for her."

"You're not alone though, Nadia. You know that, right?" Nadia gave her a nod, "I know, and I know it's not good. But I can't go around talking to everyone when I feel stressed, upset, angry. I mean, everyone in the world has their own problems. People are busy, I know the world doesn't revolve around me." Dr. Hudson made a few quick notes in her notepad and gave Nadia a reassuring smile, "It doesn't have to. But it's okay to share your worries, it doesn't make you weak or a bad person. What has been bothering you so much lately?" Nadia's eyes met the jug of water on the table and her therapist poured her a glass, figuring she could do with it. No first sessions were ever easy from her experience. "Thanks," Nadia said in an almost whisper, taking the glass and drinking from it to clear her throat. "Don't act like you don't know, sweetie. Doesn't Ryan tell you anything anymore?" Hudson shook her head, "We discuss what he's comfortable with discussing, Nadia. I haven't spoken to him in a while now that he's on tour. It's strictly confidential." Nadia took another drink from her glass, topping it up herself as she spoke, "My so-called close friend Isabel and him are dating or whatever the hell you want to call it." Her voice sounded slightly angry, and her therapist made a quick note.

"How does that make you feel, Nadia?" Nadia let a soft laugh out afterwards, "What kind of question is that? Who's close friend goes and gets with their ex-husband? I don't care what anyone says, but that will never be okay. It's betrayal to a friend, it's picking up a knife and stabbing them in the fucking back. We hadn't been apart for even three fucking months, and she goes and does that?" Hudson nodded and further questioned her, "What about your feelings towards Ryan now?" Nadia paused and let the silence last a little longer by taking another drink from her glass. "We're finished. What's more to say?" She could tell Nadia wanted the subject to be changed, but didn't feel ready to move on from it yet. "Well, how does it make you feel that he's with Isabel? Are you jealous?" Nadia laughed, "Jealous? That's funny, it's the definition of a rebound relationship. He knows me and Isabel are friends. If he truly loved me after those years together, he wouldn't of done that to me. He hurts people, it's what he does. She'll be next, and you know what? She deserves what's coming to her." Hudson smiled, pleased that she was so open at this point, it was exactly what she was hoping from Nadia. "Are there any feelings still there for him?" Nadia paused again and seemed to find a way to work her way around the question. "Feelings fade soon enough. I've got a boyfriend now, he makes me happy." Her therapist let it go, figuring it'd be too soon to force Nadia into answering it directly.

Dr. Hudson poured a glass of water for herself and looked back to Nadia, "And how are things between you and your boyfriend?" Nadia repositioned herself on the sofa to get more comfortable, figuring the worst was over in their conversation. "He's so different to any guy I've ever dated, and I really think I need that in my life. Someone who seems... stable. I'm tired of relationships where I never seem good enough. In my book, you either want me or you don't, don't keep leading me on. That's not what it's like with him, and it's refreshing." She moves a piece of hair away from her face and continues, "I mean, it's early days, I know that. Maybe it won't even work out, who knows? We're both touring so we haven't seen each other for a little while now, but you know, it's one day at a time. I'm not falling into anything too fast." Her therapist smiled, starting a new page in her notepad, "I'm glad to hear, Nadia. I know over the phone we had a little talk and you mentioned how you patched things up with Katie. You seem genuinely happy about that." Nadia's eyes lit up as she nodded, she genuinely valued her friendship with Katie and always enjoyed telling others about her. "Yes! I'm so happy to have Katie back in my life, she's my best friend and I need her more than most. I honestly missed her so much in the time we didn't speak."

Her therapist made another note of it and carried on, "I understand it wasn't until after you finished with Ryan that you two patched things up. Why did it happen after then?" She knew both her and Katie could be stubborn when they wanted to be, and knew a lot of it was down to herself and her own selfish reasons. "I had moved to the middle of absolutely nowhere in Montana, I was trying to form this dream relationship and have everything be perfect. And really? I was just scared to lose it. I know Katie and Ryan don't get on anymore, and I don't know. You do stupid things when you're madly in love, don't you? I guess I put him first every single time when I shouldn't have done. I should of been like, you know what? You can do your own thing, but I need to spend a week with my best friend. I guess I didn't want anything to come between us, and I was scared fixing things with Katie would have. Then the granuloma came along and I just couldn't leave him on his own, could I? It was a really hard time for me. I see so much fucking sense now though." Hudson smiled, she was glad that Nadia was getting all of this off her chest, she knew it'd benefit her in the long run. "And what have you come to realise now?" Nadia took a sip from her glass and placed it on the table, before crossing her legs. "That I should have never let things get so bad between me and Katie, and that I value our friendship way more than I thought. I was wrong to act like such a bitch, I shouldn't of, and I apologised to her. When I got married, I knew there was something missing, and it was Katie, she should have been there on the day, we should have made up way before we did. I'm the maid of honour at her wedding and I'm so, so thrilled she's asked me, because it's something I would have asked her to be at my own, I regret that the most."

Her therapist nodded, "I'm glad you've come to see so much over the past few months, it shows you've got a good heart." Nadia smiled, "I don't know, I've just had a lot of things to think about. Too much has been on my mind." Hudson gave her a reassuring smile back, "It's good to think things through, Nadia. Just don't let certain thoughts eat away at you, it'll never be good for you. I understand you have bipolar disorder, have you still been taking your medication?" She sighed and nodded, "Yes. I was at a stage where I was really thinking about coming off of it though. I just felt numb and almost robotic, that I was doing all these things and feeling nothing at the end of every day. I felt dead inside, and I don't like feeling like that, I'd rather be completley furious than just nothing." Hudson gave her a concerned look and raised an eyebrow, "Right. If you're ever thinking about coming off of them, you'll need to talk it through with your psychiatrist first, Nadia. It's not a decision that should be taken lightly. They can advise you what's best." Nadia knew she'd say something along those lines, "I know, I know. I will do."

"That just about wraps up our session then, Nadia. Hopefully you feel a little better now, you know you can always stop by if you'd like to talk, or you have my number, you can call me." Nadia took a sigh of relief and gave Dr. Hudson a genuine smile, happy that she could feel so comfortable with discussing her problems with her. "Thank you, sweetie. I do, I feel better already just talking about it. If I have any other troubles then I'll definitely be back, you're a good listener," she said with a soft laugh, causing Hudson to laugh with her. And on that note, Nadia rose to her feet and said her goodbyes, leaving the office with a slightly clearer head than before.