erich hess
Generic music web show 32: it's been quite sometime since erich hess has granted an interview,and we are lucky to have him!
Erich: you
had me?! It must not have been very good. I can't even remember it happening....or maybe it WAS that good. *scratches chin thoughtfully* wait...do I always open with that joke?
Generic music web show 32: it's fairly common for you,yes.
Erich: I'm a fucking classic. YES! Take that Ohio 4 H club! You know why. *he glares*
Generic music web show 32:um...rumor is you have cleaned yourself up after the birth of your daughter.
Erich: cleaned up? Nah. I was fairly clean afterwards. Ada delivered like a human. Not a fucking log flume ride. I do wash my hands a bit more now. If I get pomade on the baby again,Ada's going to "pomade me" . I don't know what that is,but it sounds pretty fun. I guess she is as ready as I am to *ahem* get back on the job.
Generic music web show 32: no! I mean to say you have given up drugs . Is it true,erich hess is drug free?
Erich: there was a time when my urine was sold as a drug at truck stops around America. I had a nice little cottage industry going. Why a 20 ounce of uncle Erich's old Tyme elixir could fetch near a whole dollar! But alas,all things can't last. I'm sober as a judge and three times as likely to be clad in a wig and a robe. I'm Joan Crawford playing Norman bates' mother!
Generic music web show 32: uh...why are you still weird?
Erich: well, I did save 15% by switching to geico. That damn gecko is convincing as hell. But I still find it hard to believe that he is el Greco reincarnated. Sure,he is cute and all. But can he paint Saturn devouring his children? I fucking doubt it. That's what I say about that. And you can take that to the bank. *taps his temple knowingly*
Generic music web show 32: .....ok.some sort of product placement? Hold on erich, it seems we have a caller. Go ahead,caller.
Erich: the fuck?! Telling me to hold on? *shrugs his shoulders* when in Rome....*grips the arms of his chair tightly*
Erica hess via satellite: your mom is a product placement!
Generic music web show 32: really,erich? Having your friends call the show?
Erich: what can I say? I have a troupe of Ninjas ready to deploy insults at a moments notice.
Erica hess via satellite: oh! Because I am Japanese,I have to be a ninja?! Fuck you,erich!
Erich: go sit on a carrot,Erica!
Erica hess via satellite: yeah? Why don't you find yourself a spin cycle!!! *hangs up*
Generic music web show 32: well, that was odd
Erich:you owe Erica a sandwich. That's her standard appearance cost. She prefers toasted subs. Will this be cash,check ,or credit?
Generic music web show 32: I am not buying a sandwich for her! She called me!
Erich: you picked up. Sorry,standard contract stuff.
It's right there,clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drink..... Hold on. There is another caller. Omaha,you're on the air!
Generic music web show 32: guests can't take calls!
Erica hess via satellite: two sandwiches! *giggles and hangs up*
Generic music web show 32: *sighs* you aren't going to answer any questions,are you?
Erich: I have answered everything you have thrown at me,roger clemens.its the bottom of 9th and I'm on deck.swinging for the fences like Casey jones.
Generic music web show 32: are you serious about anything?
Erich: I'm serious about mufflers.
Generic music web show 32: The war bride has been off the touring scene for a long time. Karoliena even worked at chaos records for a while. Did you guys quietly call it a day?
Erich: anything is possible with enough lube and determination. We just all have a lot going on right now. Our drummer is a respected neurosurgeon in the Australian zoo. So we are really at his mercy when it comes to touring and whatnot. Would you want a boa constrictor to lose the use of his legs just because we were touring!!
Generic music web show 32: um,erich?snakes don't have legs.
Erich: not with that train of thought,they won't.
Generic music web show 32:....Erich hess,ladies and gentlemen! The one man fever dream.
Erich: what! I didn't get to tell one of my old show biz stories! It was a good one about the time I walked in on Richard Simmons and Denise Austin going at it.