Erica slowly lowers the bag. "Always the rebel,huh coleykins." She says awkwardly. It was terrible. Someone she knew so well had become odd to be around. " I never had braces. I guess I was lucky.i do love my gummy things." She says while lazily tossing individual gummy bears over the rail. She looks over and studies Nichole for a few seconds. Nichole's appearance always made Erica happy. She always looked like a misplaced actress from 1920s America. She sighs before stating what had become blatently obvious. "It's.....gotten weird,huh?"

She couldnt deny nichole was right. so Erica turns her head and intently looks to Nichole. " I have done so many shitty things recently.i really don't know which one you are taking about." She says this in a very later of fact way. Much like someone would describe having breakfast. "I do care about people who love me. And that is why it hurts so bad." Erica looks back to the water.

"Would rather me have done it in your house?" Erica says back sharply. To her,the want to end her life was a personal one. To have Nichole question the venue she chose seemed horribly rude and ignoring the consideration Erica gave to Nichole. Erica throws the back of gummy bears over the side of the ship. " listen,I am sorry if I wasnt strong enough to deal with the murder of my wife. A wife I was planning on leaving,yes. But my final words to her was a lie. I wasnt strong enough to handle being a mother. Until you came, I had not slept out of fear something was going to happen to takara while I slept. I couldn't handle the guilt of what I had done to Natalya,and what I was doing to Takara,and to you. Do you think i wanted you with a miserable and depressed me? No. I am..was no good for anyone." Erica explains,finally letting it all out. Talking with honor was one thing. She was her best friend, but Nichole was more. Nichole was closer and she had been holding this from her.

Erica draws her knees to her chest and rests her chin atop them. Nichole was putting her toes to the fire on things she really didnt want to share. In spite of being public in most everything,she was intensely private over certain subjects. " Nichole... I know you have every right to be hurt and and angry with me. You....you were wonderful through it all. I couldn't bag asked for anyone better.i....I just really wanted to keep you at a distance. Why would you want to see me grieve for another? I felt guilty....as if I was cheating on you or something by remembering her.",Erica openly lets her tears flow. Hiding her feelings had built up to this situation between she and Nichole. " I have been terrible to you." Erica admits. " it's been very much you have your life and I have mine...but it was because I loved you so much. I didnt want you to think you were sharing me with a ghost." Erica looks up from her knees. " I love you,Nichole.i love you with all that I have. You have my word that I will never do that again. When I felt myself going.....it scared me enough to never want to experience it again."

Erica leans her head on to Nichole's. due to her own hang ups,there had been very little physical contact between them. It felt nice to have Nichole leaning on her. "I swear it on Takara. That is the only promise I can make that will be worth anything." She says this solemnly. Erica still feels that nobody will trust her word,not after the lies she fed Natalya. Erica holds onto Nichole and cries into her hair. Erica was friend to many,but only Nichole gets the pleasure of raw Erica. " I have oodles of making up to you,I know.you poor thing,you had to have been worried sick. I...did not think you would take it like that.i wasnt meaning to abandon you. I just thought you'd be better off. You know...without me." Erica sighs deeply. She knew she sounded crazy speaking this aloud. Maybe she was crazy then,but not anymore. Erica wraps her arm around Nichole's and holds her hand. " shame" Erica answers simply. " I did not want you seeing me in that place...same as last time. I know you...dislike honor. But I couldn't have you seeing me like that. I couldn't." Erica cries harder and fidgets,swearing she could still feel the restraints.

erica knew that nichole wasnt going to take her word,any way she stated it,that she was fine now. she had shaken people's image of her and it wasnt easy to repair that. she felt odd holding erich and ada's baby even,like they didnt trust her or something.they had reason to,she still wasnt on the straight and narrow. erica holds onto nichole,the tighter squeeze gave erica the go ahead to squeeze nichole as hard as she had been wanting to. it was hard to see nichole vulnerable.it reminded erica of when she was pregnant,so she was lax to hug her firmly." takara said she had a great time with you." erica weakly jokes. erica swallows hard and look to nichole. "please forgive me for what i did to you. you werent exactly in the best of places before i...you know. me dumping a fresh newborn on you...scaring you.." erica shakes her head slowly and sobs into her chest. she pictures nichole sitting in a bed with babies all around her,but she is the one doing all of the crying "im sorry.i am not as advertised to you before all of this went down."

erica takes several deep breaths.she wants to be able to put the mask back on that shes been wearing. the mask that says everything is fine. but it felt like such a relief to finally get everything out. nobody outside of honor had even spoken to her about the "incident". in retrospect,it would have only been right to have came to nichole with the thoughts that drove her to want to end it. nichole had been there with her before. erica looks up towards the sky so the tears would pool and run to the sides. she wasnt wearing make up,so no smears. but she hated rubbing her eyes. "thank you" is all she can mouth before her cheek is kissed. she closes her eyes and takes it in.she returns nicholes kiss on the cheek,getting some mascara on her lip.she lets out a little laugh and smears it on her own face with her finger. "there,we match!" she says in her bright way before nodding to nichole. "yeah. we cant be old bittys and still crying.old people crying is depressing. old people making each other cry is even worse." she tries to laugh and ends up more of a snort.erica smiles as nichole looks before she smokes.erica lets out a long sigh and puts her head on nicholes. "i love you too,nichole. i always have,and always will....so..more than friends with benefits?" she kisses the top of nicholes head before gently taking the cigarette and taking a draw of her own. she finally was ready to start this chapter of her life. she and nichole.

erica giggles,as she was the sort who never would tell someone they had something on their face. she felt it was rude. when asked if nicholes efforts to clean up had any effect,erica shakes her head quickly. "no...you look like gene simmons now." she laughs and hums "detroit rock city."."a much cuter gene simmons,but still." erica adds quickly. she found loads of men attractive,but gene simmons was not on that list. erica again sigh and leans back in the deck chair." "more than friends with benefits" suits us well.its cute and just vague enough to make people wonder. nichole..i feel about you like i always have. you're the one for me....i was scared to put it as such after everything that happened.i've read too much into our..thing,before." erica looks up slightly and then back to nichole. "i know you havent seen much of the benefits side since we moved out. i wasnt ready.i didnt want to just go through the motions,coleykins. if you...you know..with someone else before today,i completely would understand." erica says with a little nod of her head. she loved nichole deeply,but was practical enough to realize their relationship had been lacking a certain element.

Erica frowns deeply. It hurt to hear that Nichole hadn't given upon her,even when she had given up on herself. Erica scoots closer to Nichole and takes her hand. "Well you can't be with anyone else now,I would not be so understanding!" She says,lightly smacking Nichole's hand. She takes Nichole's cigarette again and takes a deep draw,blowing a little smoke ring. " really?! " Erica says excitedly,jumping over to hug Nichole. " I probably would've not been understanding and been pretty bitchy about it." She finally admits." So you know...all that overly flirtatious behavior I have been doing doesnt mean anything. I was...trying to keep up appearances." She scowls as she admits this. She hated the idea of living up to an ideal,but was guilty of Doing it herself.

erica gives a small,barely perceptible nod. she guessed this habit of hers bothered nichole way more than she let on. much like herself,nichole was selfish. selfish enough to not put up with it for very long. "i wasnt meaning to hurt you...you've been hurt enough.you dont need to be hurt by me." erica says,drawing her knees back up to her chin. "you are my more than friend with benefits.i will stop,cold turkey. um...anything else?" she asks,with raised eyebrows.