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Offline Read hard  
#1 Posted : 21 September 2014 07:47:04(UTC)
Read hard
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The Read hards just finished a new album and have sent it around to various press. It will be out pretty soon! This is looking out to be their best album ever, according to themselves, and an artist have never said that about their new album before!
Offline Read hard  
#2 Posted : 21 September 2014 08:07:40(UTC)
Read hard
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REVIEWS:

In a British rock magazine:

"The Read hards make another album full of more of the same, stellar production and modern punk rock classics. Fun lyrics and somewhat clever puns. Nothing new here though, but the fans will dig it!"

Some American rock magazine:

"Unpretentious, unpolitical and uncompromised is how we describe the new Read hards release that might be their best, at least in a while. We understand they have spent some time on it. Some lyrics are a bit off like "American suicidal" and the title track, but all in all this is a pretty good effort, from a decent band!"

A Romanian magazine:

"Maybe even better than the last one. It's interesting to see these dudes do so well. The best song is probably "A Parking lot, a parking spot". There are so many good songs on here. It kind of continues the pop oriented style they went for in the album's first single "Speedway to the moon" which was quite a hit."

Another American rock magazine:

"Three chords, crappy high school puns and melodies you will find catchy at first, but will probably never listen to again and ask yourself why you liked it in the first place. Maybe 12 year olds will enjoy this sophomore(as in immature, not their second album, though it sure sounds like it), mediocre record. The production is pretty good and that's maybe the only good thing about this. Who finds this funny or interesting? It's beyond me. There is nothing endearing or thoughtful about this. It's worse than Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus, at least they offer something interesting."

Christian music outline

"We got sent this lovely album from Europe. It's not the kind of music we usually write about nor it is probably soothing or suitable to our readers, but I find it great that youngsters still have faith in our savior, Jesus Christ. It really makes us happy that so many bands still in spite of living in a world full of wreckage and works of Satan still devote themselves to praising the lords and trying to make every all right even if it's done by making noise. The title of the album is a reference to the Watergate scandal and the late American President Richard Nixon. The song "I'm so happy" is clearly about salvation and happiness found in turning to Christ. Inspiring and incredibly catchy!"

Another British music magazine:

"A new album by the rockers the Read hards. They continue in the pop punk they've perfected over the years with a few more country-ish songs with banjos and some more hardcore punk-ish. What is maybe the most outrageous about the album is the cover and the song "American suicidal". Suicide is a popular theme nowadays and this song is kind of offensive when it's about someone who seeks a Suicide group to find tips on how to commit suicide. But that's how punk rock is, offensive and topical. I enjoy this!"


The review we take most seriously is from the unobjective reviewer on the internet called "RHfannr166779"

"This album is awezum and all the songs is great! My fav is prolly "Inside deep throat and tricky Dick", it shows how smart the Read hards ae because they write songs about Dicks and sucking. I listen to this every day on my busride to school, much better than U2 and Arianda Grande. 100/10, such a great album! I love it and u should love it to.
thanks 1 user thanked Read hard for this useful post.
erich hess on 21/09/2014(UTC)
Offline Read hard  
#3 Posted : 22 September 2014 01:31:37(UTC)
Read hard
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http://www.therockstarga..._album.asp?AlbumID=24499

UserPostedImage

The Bitch: This is our new album "Inside Deep throat and tricky Dick". It's finally out, I like the album cover. We all wrote lyrics on the album. Me and Gory switched roles and I wrote a sad, depressing song and he wrote a happy song

Gory I. Lids: I had to write a happy song for once. I gotta ground myself a bit.

Robin Banks: I played the drums on this album. It was fun.

Poo Peter: I really want you guys to like this album, especially the song I wrote! You should buy the vinyl, vinyl is cooler than Cassette tapes. The Bitch also thought the Checkers speech was in 1953, when it really was in 1954.Also he made another pun on "Suicidal"


Lyrics:

Inside Deep throat and tricky Dick(Lyrics by The Bitch)

Verse 1

I remember Richard Nixon
on the TV
I thought his dog was a vixen
little Checkers in '53
He wore sketchy sandals
like Jesus or a cat
Tricky Dick, the Watergate scandals
and those poor democrats

Chorus

Ah whoah oh Tricky Dick
ah whoah oh Tricky
Inside deep throat this story makes me sick

Verse 2

I remember Linda Lovelace
she knew Richard too
Deep throat and her face
had tricky Dick and goo
Into the movies she went
and there's no remedy
she's down with the Vice President
who lost against Kennedy

Bridge

Inside deep throat
and tricky Dick!

Speedway to the moon(lyrics by the Bitch)

Verse 1

Baby, I'm just confused
Maybe I'm not amused
you know that I'm all right
Uno was out of sight
Popsongs can be real fun
drop songs to nr one
Ass straight from stilettos
Castrate and sing falsettos

Chorus

I'm on a speedway to the moon
I'm gonna get there soon
I'm on a speedway to the moon

Verse 2

Moony worse than earth again
Universe not worth a ten
the milkeyway is one short ride
a silky way to turn the tide
violet and daisy aisles
bio get the crazy smiles
electric shock I'm struck with hate
eclectic rock I'll masturbate

A tiny little piece of my dart(Lyrics by Robin Banks)

Verse 1

I met her in Sea world
she was such a good girl
we bought french waffles and tea
I gave it my best shot
but I would've never thought
that she'd be girl for me

Chorus

She took everything, she ruined me
but she didn't break my heart
she just took and stole
a tiny little piece of my dart

oh yeah yeah

Verse 2

We went to a bar
Shot pool and drank Bacardi
the bartender would stop and sigh
we played dart, she took it
that damn dart got crooked
right before I was about to hit bulls eye

Chorus

I was about to throw it
but she tore it apart
the only thing she got from me
was a tiny little piece of my dart

American suicide(lyrics by the Bitch)

Verse 1

I've been going out of my mind
I've been out of options
I know I'm alone in the world
but it seems like everyone's watching
I can't find an outway
no damn escape
I don't have a decent job
I'm not in shape

Pre-chorus

I'm all out of chances
I'm all out of hope
I went to the cartel
I've started shooting dope

Chorus

Now I am American suicidal
Kurt Cobain is my idol
I put my hand on the bible
and became American suicidal

Verse 2

I got kicked out of high school
got fired from my job
the only person who loves me
in this world is my dog
but I know that he
won't really last forever
and I know his love for me is fake
when ever we hang out together

Pre chorus

I see no future
I see no hope
I joined a suicide support group
to have someone show me the ropes

last Chorus:

I'm American suicidal
Karen Carpenter is my idol
I feel like I'll be arrested for libel
I'm American suicidal

I'm so happy(lyrics by Gory I. Lid)

Verse 1

The birds are singing louder now
the spring has come to show
the skies are so bluer
I can see the flowers grow
Life was once a tragedy
now I smile and laugh a lot
I knew things would be Different
but this is not what I thought

Chorus

Cuz I'm so happy
So happy
I'm very very happy
I'm full of dopamine
and I feel so mean
I'm so very happy

Verse 2

If words could only explain
just how good I feel inside
Because I spent some lonely years
and I always tried
Life is so much better now
things are great today
I knew things would be different
but not in this way

Bridge

I read a poem
by Edgar Allen Poe
I just thought "this is depressing"
but I feel happy though
I saw a movie
it was by Woody Allen
I spilt my milk
it was 40 gallons
oh yeah
Offline Read hard  
#4 Posted : 22 September 2014 02:02:02(UTC)
Read hard
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Penis envy(lyrics by Poo Peter)

Verse 1

I never was that well hung
I never really felt that young
Sigmund Freud and Aqualung
were my favorite things
I always was quite Jealous
towards all the other fellas
the media tries to sell us
with all its nasty stings

Chorus

Now I have Penis envy Penis envy
I want one as big as you
I know you have one bigger than me
but I can get a big one too

Verse 2

I was watching porn
On a Sunday morn
some girl was torn
by 14 inches
but i saw an ad
and life didn't seem so bad
if I could have one like my dad
I'll endure syringes

Parking lot, Parking spot(Lyrics by Robin Banks)

Verse 1

Hey my name is Robin
I climb in my tree
I see you in the shopping mall
shopping for poetry
I see you in the parking lot
trying to find the perfect
I see you park your hummer
it really is a bummer
oh oh oh

Chorus

Parking lot
Parking spot
in the mall, hanging out
Parking lot
Parking spot
put that Ice cream in your mouth

Verse 2

I went to buy strawberry milkshake
I think you are full of crap
you use the spot of someone
with a potential handicap
I see you from my hiding place
you have a mustache on your face
your SUV's a guzzler
and your daughter's in this week's Hustler
oh oh oh

bridge

Hanging out at the parking lot
looking for the perfect spot

Three S's(Lyrics by The Bitch)

Verse 1

I woke up in the morning
Where was I sailing?
I listened to fair warning
though I don't like Van Halen
I know that I am lame
I know that I'm habitual
but I am not to blame
I gotta do my ritual

Chorus

I gotta shave shower and shit
what would I do without it?
I think that's gonna be a hit
oh yeah yeah yeah
I gotta stand, slumber and sit
play with myself in the pit
I think it's gonna be a hit
oh no no no

Verse 2

I go to sleep at midnight
got a bright new day ahead
don't know what I did right
or did wrong before I went to bed
no one really messes
with a habit freak like you
but I got three S's
that I've just gotta do

Bridge

Three S's
And a pig and a pie and gentle warm caresses

A Tribute(Lyrics by the Bitch)

Verse 1

I got hit in the cock by a giant umbrella
I got spit in the eye by a lube lacing lad
and this morning without a warning
might have been the worst I had
I read bunch of beat poetry
and Shakespeare and Blake
my two favorite Williams and Terry Gilliam
Monty Python and his snake

Chorus

This is a tribute
to everyone that effected my life
This is a tribute
to whoever made me get it right

Verse 2

I woke up in vomit and dried semen
blew my load in my sleep
the raindrops and busting cops
busted my nuts and said beep
I got licked in the face
by a bloody dagger
I got the Ramones and Rolling stones
Paul McCartney and Mick Jagger

Bridge(spoken)

My hands are cut off by the poisonous society
that has lit fire on all my tribal tattoos
castrated my little sister
and my dog's genitals look like peanut butter
terrified of the west
the wild wild west of the cowboys and Indians
pulp fiction written for morons
the working class looks like a pottery barn
eyes shut east for Romeo and Juliet
the wind blows fast
and I'm on the can with my boner

Baking Brad(Lyrics by The Bitch)

Verse 1¨

One day I said:
I wanna bake a bread
I wanna put the oven on full heat
put on a cooking show
and play with the dough
baking can be fucking neat

Chorus

Cuz I am Baking Brad
I am Baking Brad
I am a baker
I am a Quaker
and yes I am a dad

Verse 2

I walked the kids to school
I am no fool
I went back to make tons
of tiny brownies
my face wasn't frowny
when I got to make cinnabuns

Bridge

The real bakers
thing that I'm a dick
I was dumb to begin it
and every minute
I bake I'm just in it
to get with the chicks
Offline Read hard  
#5 Posted : 24 September 2014 08:31:17(UTC)
Read hard
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Registered
Joined: 08/04/2013(UTC)
Posts: 372
Romania

Thanks: 36 times
Was thanked: 303 time(s) in 179 post(s)
The Bitch: Damn, we went from nr 1 in the world to nr 6.
Gory I. Lids: Why does that matter when life is a nightmare?
Poo Peter: It's not about the record we sell or how we chart, it's about our love for music!
Robin Banks: Anyone wanna go out to eat a burger? I'm starvin'
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