WHO'S CARMEN?The lights dim and the curtain closes. Soon after, the small blue squares of cell phones appear in the crowd. A wise move, the FCAs are rife with pick pockets. When the curtain goes back up, the stage has a bench and an old style gas street lamp set up on it. Erich Hess and Carmen Grant are sitting on the bench casually. Both are wearing dress slacks, white shirts with suit vests, bow ties, and bowler hats. Erich is reading his newspaper.
"Oh, Mr. Erich?" Carmen says brightly, swinging her feet back and forth.
Erich folds his paper and puts it between them. "Yes, Carmen?" he asks, looking over to her.
"Carmen just wants you to know that she is having such a good time tonight. She just loves being here with all her friends and the people who aren't her friends, and the people who might be her friends but she forgot that they were her friends, and the people who might be her friends in the future. She just loves being with all of them!" She answers in her usual habit of speaking in the third person.
Erich looks around at the massive crowd and nods slowly. "Yeah, we are having a good ti-" He stops mid-sentence and looks over at Carmen with a surprised look on his face. "Wait... who's Carmen?" he asks his red headed companion.
"Carmen's Carmen," she answers in a tone that is usually reserved for the most glib of observations.
Erich drinks a drink of water just so he can spit it out in surprise. "There is a second Carmen?! Bring her on out. The more the merrier." He raises his bottle of water like it is a toast.
Carmen closes her eyes and shakes her head with her chin slightly raised. "Nooo. Carmen is Carmen." She giggles happily.
"So who is Carmen?!" Erich asks, gesturing wildly with his hands. There was a mystery afoot here, and he was going to solve it.
"Carmen," she answers, throwing her arms up to help with explanation. It doesnt help, but it looks like it should.
Erich stands, in hopes that some added altitude will help him grasp the situation better. "Thats what I'm asking! Who is Carmen??"
Carmen stands, too. Sitting may not be the best way to explain herself. Plus, she didn't like being at crotch level with anyone. "Carmen!" she says, with a little stamp of her foot.
"Oh!" Erich says in realization, finally grasping what was being said. "You mean "I'm Carmen"?" he asks with great relief.
Carmen looks Erich up and down with a very unsure look on her face. "That's silly!" she laughs, doubling over. "You can't be Carmen. Carmen is Carmen." She pauses. "And you don't have the legs for it!"
Erich looks at his legs, wanting to disagree. He had fine legs and didnt care who knew it. "So... you're Carmen?" he asks,tiredly.
Carmen gives a little nod, happy that the dunce finally got it. "Carmen is!"
Erich rubs his temples slowly, and ends up messing up his impeccable pompadour. "I don't know," he says exhausted.
Carmen and Erich link arms and yell, "THIRD BASE!!!" loudly before taking a bow. They throw their hats into the audience and walk off stage.