The bus pulled away from Memphis reluctantly. Being the mecca of rockabilly,and the place atomic war bride recorded " uncle plutonium" , the band pulled out all the stops. The previous night was a dizzying array of music,drugs and drink. Well,even more so than usual. The war bride played their classic ep, " clockwork elvis" in its entirety....while dressed as droogy elvises. Earlier in the day,the band was also banned for life from Graceland after Erich demanded to be allowed to shoot a television in the jungle room. There was a rant about how st Elvis demanded he prove his loyalty by doing this sacrament. Having near hitlerian powers of speech,Erich garnered the support of a large group of fellow Elvis fans and a mini riot ensued. Being holy ground,no damage was incurred,but many peanut butter and banana sandwiches lost their lives that day.

As day broke,our heroes finally snuggled into their beds. Visions of peyote and ether fueled mayhem danced in their heads. Well,all except for one. Jayne wriggle popped up from her slumber. Not being one for drink and drug,she had went to bed far earlier. She crept out of her bunk,not wanting to wake her companions. Jayne made her way to the kitchen area,which had become a minefield of empty liquor bottles and pork skin bags. She gives a disappointed head shake and reaches for the refRigerator. Handle. She still had a few Snapples left and was thirsty. Right before she willed her arm to tug the handle,her eyes fell on a pan full of brownies. Who didn't love brownies? There was plenty,so they must be for everyone. She gives a little smile,karoliena was always making little treats for everyone. She really had this mom thing down to an art.

Jayne takes a bite of the brownie and makes a yuck face. It tasted weird,there was some flavor she couldn't quite put her finger on. Maybe it was some swiss spice she needed to develop her palate to. Besides,there wasn't any more sweets on the bus,so she had to muddle through. With a generous amount of Snapple,Jayne choked the still not very good brownie down.

With her sweet tooth semi satisfied, Jayne climbed onto the tiny couch and flipped the tv on. They were in The middle of nowhere,so the only thing she could pick up was Arthur on pbs. Ugh,she hated that. ...whatever he was. Pre-pubescent moose? Oh well. She got comfy and tried to get into it.

The more Jayne watched Arthur,the better it got.by the second episode,it was BRILLIANT! Jayne found herself propped on her knees,inches from the screen. " oh my god,this is fantastic. Charlie, come here." Jayne says,far quieter than she imagines.

Charlie was the bus driver. He looked liked jerry Garcia's hells angel brother. He learned to keep the door to the driving area shut. He had heard enough of Erich and Karoliena's high ramblings . He paid Jayne no attention and kept on driving and rocking to steely Dan.

Jayne,now feeling totally ignored by Charlie.threw one of her shoes at the door. In her state,it didn't go very far. " fine,Charlie. You're missing out on arthur!" She chides. " and I'm going to eat all of the brownies." She had grown increasingly hungry since Arthur. One more brownie wouldn't hurt,there were like two dozen. Nobody would miss two. Jayne casually munched on the sweet and focused on the tv. Which had went from brilliant,to side splittingly hilarious. What was not hilarious was she could feel the bus rocking. It started off side to aide....but then it started feeling like it was looping in on itself. " JESUS CHRIST! Help us! We are all going to die. Die die die die die." The physics of what was going on didn't feel right. Not right at all. She was screaming but nobody else seemed to exist. Did the bus actually implode and she was dead? Jayne ran to the back of the bus and dove into the bathroom. They were supposed to be safe during tornadoes. So why not now? Jayne wrapped herself in the shower curtain and gently sobbed. This was it. This is how her body would be found.


Karoliena was woken by the sound of a large thump and crying. " the hell is going on?!" She bellowed drunkenly. They had just gone to bed and she was in no mood fkor shenanigans. She crawled out of bed and went to the bathroom. She was up,may as well pee to save herself the trouble later. It was dark,so she fumbled with the handle even more than usual.someone was in there.
" pinch it off! I gotta pee....Jayne." karoliena said after pausing to find the empty bunk. She followed this up by banging on the door.

Jayne could hear a voice,but it didn't sound normal. It sounded like someone speaking through a fan....and they were trying to break the door down. "Fuck you,go back to the fan land! I have.....a toilet brush!! You won't take me without a fight!"

"Fan...land?" Karoliena whispers to herself. That was definitely Jayne's voice....but the words sounded like something Erich would say. She is dumbfounded for a second,wondering if perhaps the mushrooms were still taking effect....nah,she didn't feel vibrations. That was Jayne in there. " Jayne?!" She calls out.

" shes not here right now. Come back tomorrow. We have all the watchtowers we need." Jayne says,feeling crafty.

" what?!" Karoliena exclaims. This was very weird....then she spotted an empty plate and a hobo camp worth of Snapple bottles. " you ate all the brownies?!! All of them?!?" Karoliena laughs. There was enough weed in them to smoke out a lacrosse team and here innocent little Jayne wriggle ate the entire lot? Karoliena uses her phone to look up a ten hour loop of jungle sounds and sets it outside the door. The sounds of panic inside the bathroom satisfies her and she drinks from a half empty Snapple bottle.

Inside the tiny bathroom,Jayne hears what can only be monkeys. She curls tighter into her shower curtain. " this shit is bananas...." she whimpers.

New Jersey. New fucking Jersey. It suckered me in with how bad ass it looked on boardwalk empire. Drink,good time girls, and heroin. I wanted it all...aside from the good time girls. I'm a married spud,I'm a married spud.I only found the drink,and even that was over priced. I made do with my stock of ether and laudanum. It was tough going at first,but we managed. That Wiley desert Fox had played his hand remarkably and managed to build up our tolerance for lsd and mushrooms. The peyote had long since been used up. So we had to ween ourselves onto other chemicals. We couldn't let old Gerry win this round,or any round actually. Also,I need new razors. The previous supply has been dulled from cutting up Columbia's finest. I have a stupid mustache and beard thing going on. Below decks,it's even worse. What was once a proud cowboy standing proud on a bare plain has become a one eyed savage staring from a jungle hideout. Still,we press on.

There was a show.we actually are still entertaining some people oon the bus. No clue who they are but they will not leave.the only thing to do is to shove off. We will leave them at the nearest hobo camp. The hobos have always treated me square,so it's only right I bring them new members to swell their ranks.

Set list:
I want to fuck you right in aisle 4 of Walgreens.

Dan the duck dynamo of dodge's diesel division.

Crayons in the collection plate.

Charles Bronson is the face of rock and roll.

Angel thighs.

Your hot pants are stuck in my ceiling fan.

You have black hairy tongue....but I didn't say stop.

The bus was parked in the canada-iest part of canada. Or at least the most scenic parking lot in all of Toronto. Our heroes were enjoy ing some much needed down time. Erich was under the small table with a barricade of pillows. Occasionally he would swipe an arm out,in hopes of snagging Erwin Rommel.

Jayne was swinging in a hammock she had attached between the bus and a tree. She was giggling like mad. Unlike her companions,she was just high on life and just enjoying the touring life.

Karoliena was sitting cross legged on her little bunk. Unlike the rest,hers was at least a full sized bed. She conned everyone out of it by saying she was soon to be in delicate condition and couldn't be crammed into a cot. The worst part was boredom. She knocked back the 12th whisky of the hour and lit up the bong.

Erich,with his weed sense going off,combat crawls to the rear of the bus. "Gimme." he says,thrusting a hand up.

"The Fuck are your manners?" Karoliena asks before tipping the bong over and pouring water all over erich.

" dDamnit! I think it's raining or I just pissed myself....all the way to my head." he sputters.

Jayne hears a commotion from near the bus and peers around as she sways back and forth. The sees a long coated woman kicking on of the many people that work for them .possibly even Charlie the bus driver. Jayne quickly makes the association of "long coat" with "law enforcement." a trash can full of marijuana,a 5 gallon bucket of peyote, and a 55 gallon drum of lsd certainly would be considered trafficking. She slowly stops swinging and keeps repeating softly. " their sight is based on movement. Their sight is based on movement."

Inside erich is now laying on The floor and looking up at the ceiling. Karoliena is still sitting cross legged on the bus.

" erich,you think there is an aalternative universe where pigs eat fried people skin?" she asks lazily.

"I'd frankly be disappointed if it didn't." he replies. He takes a drink of the bottle he is carrying and hands it to Karoliena.

Karolirna takes a drink and winces. "Ew. Skol? We are millionaires and you buy skol?!"

Erich takes it back ." it gets you drunk,no?"

Jayne stops speaking when the woman clearly is going to interact with her. Jayne never was good under pressure. She knew she would be the first to crack if questioned. The coat said agent,but the clicking heels didn't. "Oh my God....it's a stripper." Jayne thinks to herself. She had seen pictures of cassie before, but certainly didn't make the connection. The woman certainly wasn't unattractive. Yup, Jayne was full on lesbian. There was no sausage hunger in her. " hey....you." she states. Her social awkwardness could really be hell sometimes.

Inside,Erich and Karoliena continue their drunken discussion.

" all I am saying is: saved by the bell was the best thing to happen to Kurt Russel." erich emphatically says.

Karoliena shakes her head,amazed at her band mate's....affliction. " erich,I may be too drunk to stand, but there is so much wrong with what you just said,I can't even."

when the woman speaks her name,jayne is acutely thankful she hadnt had any of those brownies recently. strange people recognizing her would totally freak her out if that was the case. this she could handle. " um... yeah. i am jayne." she says cautiously,nervously pulling her shirt down to cover more of her belly. she drops all awkwardness when cassie says she is karoliena's wife. "oh,cassie! i am so sorry. karoliena was veryy...careful to show us pictures on her phone of you." jayne smirks slightly. her always red lipstick making it an impressive gesture. it was true,nothing sent karoliena in more of a panic than to reach for her phone as she showed you a picture on it. jayne only assumed there was very very graphic pictures on it. knowing what she knew of karoliena...she wasnt sure she wanted to see the pictures. "...whats with the coat? are you on your kids' shoulders,muppet style?" she asks,warming up to cassie. "ill be glad to help you.ill go inside and get erich. then once we are gone,she will assume anyone else on the bus would be either erich or myself?...we could always pound on the side of the bus and say "police!" and watch them scramble." jayne laughs.she assumed cassie knew what went on on the bus.if not...well,she was in for a rude awakening.

Jayne darts her eyes around quickly. " well,at first I thought you were a cop because you kicked that guy. Then...I may have thought you were a stripper." she gives an awkward little laugh before nodding towards the ground and cassie's shoes. "Far too sexy for cop shoes." she adds. Just thinking about what pictures were on Karoliena's phone made Jayne avert her eyes from cassie. She was friendly enough and seemed to make karoliena happy.no easy task from Jayne's experience. "I imagine going to church and confession would be involved.I've helped karoliena pack before...I thought she was a renaissance festival patron from all the leather and whips." Jayne laughs finally. She was fairly innocent to the world,but could see the humor in it. She smiles at the lengths cassie went to to surprise her wife. It was adorable and Jayne loved adorable." I think she will love it.I May have to use the idea when we get to Scotland." Jayne says,plotting out just what she needed to pull a similar stunt off. She assumed cassie was naked underneath,no matter what she said otherwise. She wasn't sure she could that far.maybe a bra an some hot pants. " ooh,conspiracy! I love it." she rubs her hands together as evil as she can manage. " give me a sec,and it's all you!" she quips as she swings herself out of the hammock and scampers off into the bus.

Inside she calls for erich loudly.she knew her voice was probably way too loud,but enjoyed being irritating to erich.

" what?" he bellows back." karoliena and I just setting up trivia pursuit." erich skowls.playing the game while high of your ass was vvery challenging especially when every wrong answer meant doing another line.

" you gotta come outside. This guy looks just like Joe Don baker....and he's wearing zoobas." Jayne calls out. She knew what erich wanted to see. Drunk or sober.

There is some comical crashing,breaking glass,and dolphin squeaking sounds before erich emerges from the bus. He is dressed in a blue leisure suit for some reason and has his hair parted in the middle. Ridiculous is a good world to describe him. Right. Show me this man. I wish to duel him. Fetch my dueling pistols "

Jayne grabs erich by tthe arm and tugs him away. She makes bird call sound to let cassie know it's a success. They did it in movies.i. must be a universal thing.