God damn I forget how exhausting performing is. Bowing,I can feel the house lights' heat on my back. This does nothing for patch of sweat I can feel on my back. Or for the dripping sweat off the tip of my nose.i stare at the wooden floor for a few seconds and soak in the applause. The floor is painted black,but years of shows have worn the paint away. Now it looks all speckled from the wood showing through. When the house lights shut off,it's instantly about 40 degrees cooler. " Goodnight! Up next.... mariko!" I say into the mic as strongly as I can. I can't let people know how exhausted I am.

Nina and I help Chloe out from behind her drums. This venue is very large,but the stage is TINY! Poor Chloe was wedged in between her drums and the amps. " Jesus Christ! Get me out of here. I'm fucking dying!" Chloe pants in her very slight French accent. I've always loved hearing her speak. It's almost soothing. Certainly a lot more pleasing to the ear than Nina. I love the woman,but there's only so much "my fair lady" a person can take. Nina always sounds like she is about two seconds away from stabbing you with a piece of glass. Nina and I brace ourselves against the amp and push against the wall. This frees up enough room for Chloe to squeeze out.

" Fucking hell, Chloe. Your ass get bigger,love?" Nina asks in between grunts as we extract our drummer. This is pretty funny as there is only one person with a big ass in the harlots....And it's not Chloe or I.

" Fuck you,Nina. Don't make me steal your girl." Chloe chuckles as she pops out of the little compartment she was sitting it. There is an actual pop sound as the immense amps fall back Into place.

" Fat chance of that, love. She doesn't like people who look like slutty versions of those precious moments kids." Nina fires back.

It's one of those things,that once mentioned,it's impossible not to picture. So I double over in laugher. Or attempted laughter. I'm silently convulsing,which just pisses Chloe off more. She finally just says," your chin looks like an ass,"love" I'm surprised chuckles McGee there hasn't pixelated it." Chloe replies, nodding towards me.

" It's only genitals. Everything else is fair game. Even ass chins." I pant back. I caress Nina's chin for good measure. " I'd be pretty stoked if my ass was as good as your chin."

Nina plays along and starts cooing," magic hands,love. You have magic hands." She pulls back finally before giggling," two more seconds of that and it would be officially cheating . I'm saving us both loads of heart ache. My shapely chin has lead many innocents to ruin." She finishes haughtily.

" God you guys are fucking weird." I hear chloe faintly Say in the background. We start ambling toward the backstage area and let the roadies get to work. Being juro's guys,these are probably the best paid roadies in all Japan. They looked rather intimidating,so I just gave them a nod of acknowledgement as we passed. The harlots usually never have roadies. We load and unload everything ourselves. But here in Japan.....Well,some hirings aren't exactly optional for me. Juro's guys also run the merch booth and the bar. The band is really just losing my cut and I'm fine with that. It's not like any of us need the money anymore.

Backstage I let my self fall onto the small and ratty couch there. God only knows how much dried semen from bands that will break up before their first single I'm laying in. I don't give a fuck. my protective layer of sweat will insulate me. I'm wearing a thin wife beater,but even that it soon much. (The concealer makeup that is slathered on my arms and trunk also raises my temperature. It's almost like fake skin. Won't wear off and works wonders to cover tattoos.) I whip the shirt over my head and let it fall to the ground. " Follow that, bitch" I grin to my sister.

Now a regular performance is tiring enough. But tonight I went all out. Balls to the wall,super Saiyan God super Saiyan 2,beyond thunderdome....Every god damned thing I had. By the end of the last song,I was near passing out with each word. I love my sister dearly. But I'll be damned if I'm going to let her show me up. Even if I am opening for her. Needless to say,we have a healthy sibling rivalry when it comes to performing. Mariko looks down at me. She looks the complete opposite of me. She is fresh faced,hair immaculate, bright pink and yellow everything. Twin pigtails and very short but puffy dress. She leans close and kisses my forehead. " You're sweaty." She simply says and walks over to the curtain that separates the stage and backstage area. There she leans against the wall and ticks off on her hand as the lights go off in the venue. Which of course causes the eruption of cheers. Then mariko ticks off a second finger as her entrance music hits. Mariko winks at me and heads out to the stage. It takes me a few seconds before I realize she changed the music. ...It's nui harime's theme from kill la kill...That cheeky whore.

That's one thing I've admired about mariko's shows. She wants to deliver a complete experience. Everything fits into something else. Me? Fuck it. We play as hard as we can and just do whatever comes to mind. Peeking out the curtain,I see mariko dancing around while teddy bears explode covering people in glitter. Ok,Maybe she just likes making a mess. But it's a mess that means something. I feel my eyes start to tear up watching her. She looks....Free. " I can never speak to billy again." I say to Nina without turning around. I know she is there because I can feel her presence. That is how you know you can be In a band with someone,and that band will work. If you don't have a near psychic connection with them? Pass it up. Chloe, Nina and I don't even have to speak or look at each other on stage. We just know what the other is thinking.

"The Andrea thing?" Nina replies moving to stand beside me. She makes an approving sound as Mariko moves on to her next song. The song is slow and grinding. Must be a new song,as I've never heard it before.

" Yeah." I say after a period of silence. I feel cheated. Billy was someone I genuinely liked...And now I learn those rumors of him being violent with Andrea are true?! " How can I look my sister in the face and associate with someone like that?" I ask Nina before finally drinking the bottle of water. I gulp it hungrily and I feel my body rehydrate. I don't think the first 10 ounces even reached my stomach before being soaked into my throat.

Nina thinks for while before speaking. " Like Vara leaving,you think mariko gives a toss anymore? You could...Oh,I dunno...Ask mariko how she feels before acting, love? It's really not that hard." Nina says in a tone that sounds like a nanny explaining why I shouldn't stick a fork in an outlet.

I watch mariko on stage as I think about what Nina said. I mean,yeah...She is right. Mariko truly didn't care about vara anymore. It made sense she would probably feel the same about her ex husband. Unlike me,mariko didn't seem to hold grudges. She just moved on. " OK. Then what about for my own sake? That's totally fucked up of Billy to do." I state, rather determined to have my feelings validated.

Nina produces a bottle of beer and cracks it open. She uses the door frame to uncap it. Taking a small chunk of wood out that joins the cap with its clattering onto the floor. " Does it fucking matter? Is Billy close enough where you'd let him watch takara?" Nina asks drinking her beer. Nina always drinks beer with authority. It's like you expect some bad ass shit to go down after she takes a sip. It's really a thing of beauty. Part red neck trucker,part Dickensian villain.

" Well of course not." I answer instantly. There are few people I would ever leave takara with. Other than Mariko, 2 are in my hand. 2 are in atomic war bride. Jayne and her dad.. With honor and Gretchen rounding the number out to 7. That's it.

"Then why does it matter? Who gives a fuck ?" Nina says with a shrug. She tosses the bottle in an arc,missing the trash bin and rolling under the semen couch. Who knows what's under it. I'm picturing very sticky and crusty bugs.

" Well...I mean..." I start,not knowing what I was planning on saying. Nina made perfect sense,so I had no real response. Why did it matter? Was it like billy and I had lunch together often? But still,it was something I didn't agree with and didn't want to be around. " Still. That's not the kind of thing I want to be associated with. " I finally say.

Before I know what's happening,Nina's arms wrap around my waist and her chin rests on my shoulder. It's one of those things where,as I've mentioned before, people would read waaaaaay too much into if they saw it. " You always did take things far too personal,love." She tells me softly in my ear. Our past relationship was something neither of us ever really brought up or even hinted at. This was probably the closest we ever got to even discussing it. I sit there in almost shock at the reality that Nina went there....Then I feel my bra strap tighten and snap back.

" Yowch! You fucking bitch! " I scream. I scream so loud that I'm sure the people outside in the venue heard it. It stings soooo bad! Also,to add insult to injury,I have to rehook my bra.

" I'll see you at home,love. We got loads of packing ahead of us." Nina says with a grin and slips out the back door of the venue. Stick out my tongue and blow her a kiss. She's right though,tomorrow we all leave for the united States. The mariko tour is going world wide this time! I'm sure Nina isn't going to pack shit. She will just dump clothes into a suitcase as we're leaving tomorrow.

" oh my god! It's beautiful!" I squeal like the excited tourist I am. I've been to Austria before, many many times. Atomic war bride got their first real success in the Germany,Austria,and Switzerland area. So naturally the harlots played oodles of shows here. But we mainly stuck to get Vienna,so I've never seen the countryside parts. Gretchen's parents lived in a small town called Hallstatt.it looked right off of a postcard. Very old looking buildings,a huge lake. Which if it wasn't so cold,I'd want to take a boat out on.

Gretchen looks out the same window of the train, smooshing me against the chair and glass. Not that I kind,if you can't get smooshed by the one you love,why bother? " Yup! Just as I left it. Beautiful and dull as fuck." She grins down at me,now purposely pressing me into the glass. " Oh,I'm sorry. Do you not have enough room?" She giggles, practically laying on top of me.

" Wot? No swinging clubs other than a monastery and a meadery?" I joke. I can see how a young Gretchen would find this town very boring. But with it being new to me? I was ready to soak it all in. besides,it was a nice change from Osaka. Even with the fair amount of property I owned,we were still surrounded by urban sprawl. I try to wriggle underneath Gretchen,but I'm stuck pretty good between her and the window. So I give her neck a little bite. This causes her to shriek,much to the dismay of other passengers. Our loud laughs and squeals were winning us no friends.but fuck them, we're on vacation.

"Oh things used to get pretty wild when church let out." " She says with a shake of her head. " Seriously though,there is fuck all to do here other than drink." She laughs and makes the gesture as if she is drinking something. To the other passengers relief,Gretchen gets off of me and sits back in her seat. " You know I bruise easily. A giant Hickey on my neck is sure to win over my parents" she grimaces,looking at her reflection in the window. Which did indeed show a red spot on her neck.

" The hickey will show them I'm passionate about you." I tell Gretchen with a wink. To my knowledge,she still never told her parents about me. So this was going to be a surprise for them. " How do you think they will handle....You know?" I ask Gretchen and point to myself.

"Passionate indeed." She cackles and holds my hand as she settles back into her seat. The train seats were seats in the fact they were something to sit on. They were not that comfortable. And mine smelled like onion. Ew. " Nope. Total surprise." Gretchen proudly says. " I'm an only child and can do no wrong. They'll love you. How could they not?" She says happily as we pull into the station.
The station was a bustling center of chaos. At least compared to how the city looked on approach. Hallstatt still has a long way to go before it meets the Insanity of Osaka. Fuck those trains and their stations. Subway fondlers do exist. I've got the legal fees from elbowing the wrong person in the nose to prove it. So going through this crowd was a breeze. Gretchen and I didn't have like suitcases or anything. Just small messenger bags with a change of clothes in them. Years of being a musician taught me the joys of travelling light. Less bulk,less time spent in customs,less chance someone is going to jack your shit.

" Well,I am a ball of sunshine and smiles." I agree as we take off trotting down the street. I seem to remember Gretchen saying she only lived about ten minutes from the station. " But seriously,how do you think they will react to " oh,by the way, I totally dig girls now."? It could go badly." I tell her. I let my hand slap the branches of a hedge we pass.the hedge is trimmed at nearly perfect right angles.it looks like a green table almost. I worry this won't go how Gretchen plans. She can be very....Devil may care when it comes to things. Which I do love a lot. She just seems confident the universe will fall into place for her.

Gretchen rolls her eyes and giggles. " Hitomi. They know I used to,and sometimes still take off my clothes for money. And That I work for a fetish wear/sex toy company .Yah, They are sooooooo the judgemental type." She says sarcastically. She slaps my ass really hard before teasing," you keep up the worrying and I am not going to fuck you in my old room. " she gives my butt a few promising squeezes. But it does little to put me at ease.

The only way I can describe this feeling is like doing any meet and greet with fans....Times a billion. I hate to let people down and not exceed their expectations of me. Especially Gretchen. But it's so easy to be on stage in front of thousands. But one on one? That is fucking nerve wracking. What if I go full mariko social awkwardness and ask how their last pet died or something? " Well,yeah..But.." I start,but don't finish. There really isn't a counter point to be made.

" See? You have nothing. This will be fun." Gretchen beams. I'd like say her optimism was infectious. But another reason that I didn't want to mention,I even tried my hardest not think about it. But...: I couldn't help but think about when I met Natalya's dad. It went so perfectly. He was so sweet and loving...And I sat right in that room and lied to him. Sure,I didn't purposely lie to him,but I did all the same. I guess maybe I'm worried things will take the same path if i meet Gretchen's parents?

I only respond with a little grunt. This doesn't seem to satisfy Gretchen. So she keeps on talking. " Besides,it's your turn to feel uncomfortable. I met your daughter and all of your friends. That was one,two,three...Six! Six people I had to win over. You only have two to charm." She says,counting off the number on her hands.

This ski trip was something else. I kinda got the hang of it but it still feels like I'm going to end up in the splits if I'm not careful. And trust me,I'm not as flexible as I used to be.  So I'd probably die right there in the snow. A fountain of blood spraying from my body that's split from kitty to sternum. not a cute look. But sitting in the cabin her family owns is nice.its right on the side of the mountain. Our deck area overlooks the valley below and with the ice? I could probably slip right off and fall thousands of feet. Death seems to be around every corner here. But Gretchen assures me that nobody has fallen to their death in the hundred years this little place has been here. Still, I don't want to be the first to pop this valley's death cherry.

The cabin is adorable and looks right out of a hot chocolate commercial,or a sausage, cheese,and cracker commercial. It's all wooden and looks very rustic. But it's warm and inviting too. There probably is enough snow on the roof that it'd come up to my waist. I sit in one of the two chairs that face the big window that looks out onto the snow. It's near dusk,so everything is like an orange fading into blue . Gretchen hands me a mug of hot chocolate and sits in the chair beside me. You would think we would drink only the finest melted chocolate...but nope. This is the powder with the tiny little marshmallows.

"It's beautiful up here, no?" She asks, propping her feet up on the little ottoman. She was wearing bright yellow duck slippers,so their heads bounced slightly when she did this.  She was right. It was beautiful up here. The wind howling around rocks was pretty much the only sound that didn't come from Gretchen or myself. It seemed the orgy of noise back in Osaka was another life entirely. I did love it here. it reminded me of being on the duke while in the middle of the ocean. The world could be in chaos,but you're so far removed that you wouldn't know.

"Yeah. I could stay here forever
" I tell her while sinking into the chair and taking her hand. " We'd have to put taki in a cage though. I am not having her run around here. There are fucking cliffs every where."

" I think the cage My parents kept me in is still in the attic.." Gretchen muses,looking at the ceiling above us. She then playfully smacks my shoulder. " We aren't keeping her in a cage! We'll use a leash like sensible people." Gretchen laughs warmly and drinks her Coco.

"Oh my God,don't encourage her! She already wants me to buy her dog toys and take her for walks." I giggle. That's Taki's latest thing. She likes to pretend she's a dog. But not just any kind of dog. She says she's an Australian Shepherd.... Fucking little weirdo. I take my own sip of Coco .it's wonderfully rich and thick.  There probably isn't real chocolate in it,but it's still tasty. As are the slimy marshmallows.

Gretchen snorts in laughter after I mention the dog thing. " You think she spotted aunt karoliena and aunt Cassie... playing?" She asks this and it suddenly made perfect sense. Oh Lord. Taki does spend a LOT of time there. In fact,she's there now.

" You think?!" I ask in a panic. there will come a time when takara will learn most all the adults in her life are degenerates of the worst type. But until that time,I want to keep her as innocent and pure as can be. I'm already firing off a text to karoliena threatening to beat her within an inch of her life if takara EVER walks in on Cassie and her.

Gretchen laughs and snatches the phone away from me. " I was kidding! What kind of awful people do you think they are?!" She asks in surprise. " I love my mom,but I'd like to be raised by them too."

It's my turn to playfully smack Gretchen's arm. " I bet you would." I tease her with a grin .  Gretchen and I made no secret of people we found attractive. There is nothing wrong with window shopping,right?  Gretchen was all about Cassie when it came to the Summers women. Which I found surprising. She's absolutely God damned terrifying. Maybe Gretchen likes people shorter than she is. Cassie is barely taller than I am . 

Gretchen smiles slyly and and kisses my hand. It leaves a light coat of lipstick behind. " I'm going to get you a wig like her hair. You're going to need to work on your American accent Though."  Gretchen laughs and squeezes my hand. 

"Oh yeah,how's this?" I reply in what may be the worst John Wayne impression ever. It doesn't get more American than John Wayne,right?

Gretchen stares blankly and sets her Coco mug down. " Wow..I think I got so turned off,I'm a virgin again and need to go call a nunnery." She says while shaking her head to get the idea out. She takes a sip of her coca and continues. " You think...you know?" She asks,mentally shooting me the details of what she is asking.

While we are certainly not strangers to frisky fun with people we aren't dating. There was that time with sayyid. which was pretty fun , admittedly.  And once with Jayne,of all people. I still don't know how THAT happened.  I felt ... different about karoliena and Cassie when it came to involving Gretchen. Maybe because they could do the one thing I couldn't. I do not make a very convincing dominatrix. In fact, Gretchen is the dominant one between us. What if Gretchen decides that's what she wants?  If it is,am I wrong if I don't let her experience it?  " With Cassie and karoliena?!  Like.....REAL playtime with them?" I ask playing back my memory of the time I visited them. I learned very quickly that it was TOO hardcore for me. But I stuck it out longer than I wanted just to prove to them I could hang.....I failed miserably. A little bit of being tied up? Handling me roughly? That has it's place. But actual pain? No. Not for me.

Gretchen snorts with laughter and drinks her cocoa. "Fuck no. I WORK with karoliena. That would make work really fucking awkward. Plus,shes is really intimidating. i don't want to go all serious into the s&m thing . How intense can it be with Cassie? She's tiny."  Gretchen scoffs,using her hand to demonstrate how tall Cassie is. Or in her case,isn't.

I've fucked pretty much everyone I've ever been in a band with. It just sort of happens, really. You spend hours alone with people and desires creep up. It's never been awkward. Maybe I just work with professionals. I know for a fact karoliena wouldn't make it weird.  " Gretchen...you silly,silly woman. Cassie IS the more vicious one. " I tell her protectively and shake my head.

"Wait,how do you know?! I know karoliena keeps a tight lid on what actually goes on." Gretchen exclaims,her eyes growing very wide. She looks me up and down with a slight hint of awe. Shit,I guess karoliena really did keep her promise and never tell. I can't believe that session never came up in office talk between Gretchen and karoliena. They literally make sex toys and costumes!

Now I could easily lie. I've known karoliena since I was 20. Surely I'd be close to her and be privy to parts of her life that Gretchen wasn't. But I wasn't about to lie to Gretchen.  " Umm..I guess that cat is out of the bag now." I giggle nervously. I mean,it was before I even met Gretchen so it's not like I lied.  But maybe a heavy s&m experience  was like having a career in porn. You probably should tell your mate.
" It was one time.it took weeks for the marks to go away." I smile at Gretchen. On one hand,I didn't like it at all. but on the other....I did find it to be quite the learning experience.

"Really?" Gretchen replies,crossing her arms. " You. You who nearly cry if   I pinch you too hard? " Gretchen laughs loudly and  leans forward to exaggerate her interest. "Please,tell me all about five minutes." She says with a smirk. This is pretty funny as Gretchen's tolerance for pain is maybe slightly higher than my own. We're delicate flowers.

" I've said too much by even confirming the story. " I say quickly. It truly was one of those first rule of fight club things. If it got back to karoliena that I told....it would probably hurt her. It takes a lot of trust to do what she does. And I kinda violated that. "Please. Never EVER say anything about it to her. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone." I plead to Gretchen.

Gretchen grins and hands me the phone. " I guess you better call and arrange things,then." Gretchen says devilishly. It was the last thing I expected her to say. Was this...was this some sort of long game she played to manipulate me to her bidding?!

Stunned,I take the phone and spin it slowly in my hand. The hello Kitty case mocking me with it's expressionless face. Maybe it's just because I'm so shocked,but hello Kitty is creepy. She never has an expression. She could be tap dancing through hell and still have those dead eyes. " Are you blackmailing me into a threesome with karoliena and Cassie?!" I ask,trying to figure out just how I'm going to do this. Yeah,there was the issue that Gretchen is actually evil...but karoliena and Cassie won't just invite anyone to their dungeon and then perform on command.

Gretchen looks aghast at my accusation." Erica,no! This is more of a swinger thing. I take Cassie,you take karoliena. It's a wife swap." She says cheerfully. It's almost infuriating at just how well Gretchen seems to have defanged me enough to where I don't even have the urge to fight with her over this .  This is some fucked up shit.

"But We aren't married. " I say dumbly to Gretchen. It was the only thing I could think to say. Yes,this was the time for logic to come into play.the mind is weird that way,I guess. With everything going on,I swear the wind outside is picking up and it gets colder in the house.

Gretchen laughs a genuine laugh and kisses me on the cheek. " So...will you marry me?" She asks very seriously. " I'd kneel,but I'm very comfy and these PJs cost 500 Euro." She giggles. Powdered hot chocolate and horrendously expensive pajamas....that's us.

"What?" I ask, trying to process just what's going on. Gretchen presses a small pink box into my hand. It's the size of a typical ring box. It has the familiar sanrio script on it's lid.

" You know I was just fucking with you." She grins widely and nods for me to open the box. "I've been wanting to ask for over a month but didn't know how. Karoliena told me to mention a threesome with them,then switch to just Cassie and i then you'd do the rest....wow. she REALLY knows you." Gretchen laughs like a little kid,pretty much rocking back and forth with the emotion.

Still stunned,I open the box slowly. It's a very delicate platinum ring with a hello Kitty head on it. It is simple but simple in the way only very expensive objects can be. Is this really what I want to do? In retrospect,I know I rushed into marriage with Natalya waaaay too quick. Would I be making the same mistake again? The microseconds were ticking away with the feel of years as she waited for my answer. I really didn't know what to do. Is this good for takara? Is it what Gretchen really wants? She could probably do better. Am I ready for forever? Would I finally make a decent spouse?  Would it be disrespectful to the memory of Natalya? Looming over all these concerns was the main one: what if the same thing happens to Gretchen? I've experienced too much death. I don't want anymore.

Gretchen waited politely for awhile before she cleared her throat and nudged me lightly. " Kinda a yes or no question...I'm starting to feel really self conscious." She giggled nervously. Which more than betrayed what was going on under the surface of Gretchen. She's usually the picture of confidence in any situation. I saw her start to reach out and take the box ,but she thought better of it.

I focused on my breathing to clear my head. I loved Gretchen. She loved me. Taki adored and accepted her... What the fuck could really go wrong? Well, random murder for one. But I know deep down that was a a fluke thing. Was I really ready to do this all over again? I looked at Gretchen and imagined the whole rest of our lives together...yeah. I'm going to do this. I decide. I slowly nod my head and slip the ring on my finger.  "Yes, Gretchen allin,I will marry you." I say very formally.

" You best be calling me Gretchen Hess. I'm talking your name and my mom wants a huge wedding for me since I'm the only child." Gretchen tells me playfully. I could hear the very real relief on her voice,in spite of how jovial she made it sound. She let out a sigh and leaned back in her chair and took hold of my now ringed hand.

"You mean Gretchen Kobayashi. I'm not legally named Erica Hess." I grin and squeeze her hand. Honestly,I was ecstatic.with every thing that has made up my life,I still wonder if people truly even like me. Much less,love me.

"Fuck that. I can't be a gold digger if I don't have your stage surname. How in the fuck am I supposed to berate bellhops if I'm yelling,dont you know who I am?! I'm Gretchen Kobayashi!!. They'll just look at me like ,so what." She cackled and finished her hot chocolate. "Now , Gretchen Hess
..that commands respect." She grins back at me.

"Gold digger?! You're really with the wrong sister. You really do need to be Gretchen Kobayashi." I laugh back to her. Mariko is by far the better businesswoman of us.

"I tried."Gretchen pouts and bounces her duck head slipper. "But Mariko wasn't interested. " She jokes with a sigh. She then picks up my hot chocolate and finishes it too.

"Hey,I wasnt finished!" I protest. I had artfully conserved the marshmallows so the final slurp would have the perfect ratio of chocolate to marshmallow.

Gretchen shrugs and licks her lips."sorry ,new wife tax. "She says as if it's truly out of her hands. Yeah,this is sooooo what I want from life. I'd cry,but my eyeliner is looking fine.

" Mommy,how can I be a princess without a castle?" Takara's voice pipes up from the back seat of the rented Mercedes. We're visiting karoliena and she'd be offended if we arrived in my fiat.  My skyline is so loud it scares Eris ,so a rental it is. It's a nice enough car. But a little big for my liking. Also,hiring a driver is out. Karoliena doesn't want any outsiders knowing where she lives .... as if there are tons of castles in Belgium. Are there? I dunno. I really only visit karoliena when in here.

"You can be a princess with our house. You're my little princess, taki.' " I tell her while glancing in the rear view mirror at my daughter. I'm probably biased,but she's the most perfect little person in the world.

Taki audibly sighs and looks out the window over the sprawling grounds that make up the Summers' estate. 'i guess I'll have to wait until I go to the prince's ball until I can be a real princess." Taki says to the window. Ok,you little bitch. I think to myself.. seriously if you've never mentally swore at your kid,you haven't been a parent long enough.  Our house is nearly the largest in Osaka. I don't know what more she wants.

"I guess you'll just have to marry cole
. He's the only prince with a castle we know." I suggest to takara,pulling into the garage of the castle. the garage is a separate building from the castle and houses at least 10 vehicles. I can pick out karoliena's Maserati and Cassie's Ferrari....station wagon thing. The rest look old and very....British..I think they were all karoliena's father's. I know I've never heard her mention them. Oddly enough, Erich's Saab is parked outside. He never was one for garages.

"Ew! Princes do NOT fart in dolls,mommy." Taki informs me firmly. She has always had a rather love hate relationship with the older Summers'kids. But,I think the oldest is almost ten. Takara is five. There isn't much in common there.

I nearly fall out of the car laughing when it comes time to get out and open takara's door for her. "Taki,that never happened. Don't be mean." I tell her in my most motherly voice. Taki is a princess,but she's no angel. She has been known to use her cuteness as a way to tell lies about poor Cole

With the door opened,Taki hops out and her feet make little crunching soundsas she walks on the gravel. " He DID mommy. He farted right on piggy pop pop's head. " she stamps her foot and everything. With the concern in her voice...it's safe to say this happened. the girl doesn't play around when it comes to her dolls. Especially piggy pop pop. Which is the ugliest doll I have ever seen. It's clearly a factory defect that has hot pink skin,a smooshed in face and a pig nose. Thus,the name. Takara also keeps her in a little plastic coffin. Because of course,piggy is a vampire. I don't know where Gretchen found piggy,but its probably cursed. I know it's ugly as fuck. Looks like a leper burn victim or something. but takara never goes anywhere without Piggy.  " Cole said piggy smelled soooo bad that no pony would let her ride. Aunt Cassie had to wash her with beech." Taki continues, indignant at the injustice wrecked on poor piggy pop pop. Also,Taki can't say bleach. She always forgets the L. Also,I seriously doubt Cassie used bleach on a kids toy. She probably just sprayed some water on the doll. The woman isn't incompetent.

We walk up to the door of the castle. The grounds are impeccably maintained. It'd be totally unpunk rock if I didn't know karoliena. So I guess I can't call the punk police on her. The property spreads for miles in each direction. We once spent hours looking for jody in the hedge maze. Karoliena greets us at the door. Like the grounds,she looks right out of a magazine . Fucking bitch. Have a bad hair day or have a stain on your shirt or something. No kidding, she ALWAYS looks like she does in Instagram. on tour once, we were drinking all evening and passed out in the bus. Karoliena even passes out perfectly. She looked like she was merely resting. This plays to her image a lot. She does just as many chemicals as Erich. But never lets it show. " Erica. Taki. Lovely to see you." She says warmly to us. She hugs me tightly before scooping up takara and kissing her furiously on the cheeks. (Make up or lipstick still doesn't smudge) takara cackles like mad .

"Aunt Kari!" Takara shrieks and squeals. " I missed you sooooo much."  Takara says in between kisses and returns the gesture to karoliena.  It's so insane if you're ever lucky enough to see karoliena around her children or takara. She is  the warmest,most kind person you will ever see.

"How have you been,miss Kobayashi?"  Karoliena asks my daughter. Heavily emphasising the word have. 

"Fine. I guess. I don't have a castle. So I can't be a princess like you.  Mommy doesn't want me being a princess." Takara pouts...in her most over the top pout.

Karoliena shoots me her dirtiest look. Which even though she's joking...I'm still a little intimidated by.  " Why doesn't my Taki have a castle, Erica?"  Karoliena asks me . Takara is loving this. She looks at me,very satisfied that karoliena is on her side. She loves whenever Karoliena,or anyone really,takes the piss out of me. But especially karoliena.  I think it's Natalya having a bit of fun from beyond the grave.

I cross my arms and shake my head. " Oh I don't know, karoliena. Maybe because there aren't any castles like this in Japan?" I say to karoliena sarcastically.

"Now. I'll never be a princess." Takara whines to karoliena. Karoliena lets takara back down to the ground and straightens her dress.

Karoliena looks around, pursing her lips in thought.her eyes roam the horizon before finally lighting up. " I got it! You can have that castle." Karoliena tells takara, pointing over to the West. She is pointing to a lone tower jutting up above the trees. It looks very much like something Rapunzel would be kept in.

Upon hearing this,takara loses her shit. She giggles and jumps up and down. "Thank you,thank you thank you!" She squeaks and takes off running towards the tower.... easily two miles away.

Karoliena calmly catches Taki by the back of her shirt and restrains her. ' you simply cannot go in yet. It's been cursed by an evil witch." Karoliena tells her dramatically, wiggling her fingers to show the magic. Once you turn 18 ,the curse will be gone ...your majesty." Karoliena says before curtsying and motioning for me do the same.

Takara, satisfied that she has a castle, probably even more so now that it has curse, runs inside and calls for Eris. Eris promptly greets her and the tiny pair run off upsyaits to play. "Ill work on having it restored tomorrow,so that it will be ready for takara to live in." Karoliena calmly says, watching them run off.

Frankly,I'm a little miffed karoliena would do this. I can get my own daughter a castle. I don't need karoliena. " My five year old doesn't need real estate, Karoliena." I say. Probably not hiding the feelings behind the sentence by the way karoliena reacts.

She lightly smacks the back of my head . "Don't be a female dog,Erica..let me indulge in being an aunt. Besides. This formally joins our families now." She say,still smiling at me. When karoliena has her mind made up. She rarely changes it
So,I guess Taki has a castle now.
Also,when at home.anywhere other than the dungeon area, karoliena will not swear. It's not a summers thjngt. Cassie doesn't care. But karoliena will not curse even if there is a possibility the kids are in earshot.

"You know...given the history of Europe towards the east. I gotta say I it feels like colonialism." I joke to karoliena. It's easier just to accept the gift.  Especially now that Taki knows. And trust me. That girl will not forget .

Karoliena just smiles and leads me inside the castle.  " I've thought about it for awhile. I want takara to have the West acreage. It contains the tower and another Manor house . Karoliena explains as we walk into the dining room. Which is everything you expect a castle dining room to be. Mounted animal heads. Suits of armor, multiple fireplaces and table that seats 40. "It's important, Erica." She states with finality that clearly means there are deeper issues at play,and I better not ask about them. Im sure it has something to do with karoliena's family. And I don't mean Cassie and the the children.

"Well...on behalf of takara...um, thanks?" I tell her awkwardly. I mean, where do you go from that? So I try to lighten the mood a bit. " So why two castles? Is that the guest castle?"

Karoliena smiles again and leans against the table. "Sort of. The  tower was to hold Hortensia the 4th. The house contained her guards... ancient house arrest." She grins

Of course there is some craziness behind it. Were there no decent rulers..or did all the mad ones seem to come from karoliena's family? " You think takara is handing out titles for her new kingdom?" I joke to karoliena. " Except for Cole. She's still pissed about the doll thing "

Karoliena cracks up laughing. " Oh my God,yes. Thank goodness I gave Erich the old guillotine. Takara strikes me as a very off with their heads type monarch..." Karoliena pretends to wipe a tear frm her eye. ' Hortensia would be so proud."
Of course karoliena comes from s long line of bloody monarchs. " I've never seen takara so angry as when Cole did that. It was so hard not to laugh at her ." Karoliena says, while laughing and looking towards the upstairs where the kids are playing.
During the....um,not so pleasant first few months of Taki's life, Cassie and karoliena were at the top of the list of who would take her off my hands if I couldn't manage. She would have been in good hands. Almost as good mine.

That does remind me that Erich's car is here. So I ask karoliena," is Erich here,or did you finally pry that car out of his hands?" I chuckle. Erich loved the little Saab. It was interesting,but clearly a car that had a face only a mother could love.

Karoliena nods towards the door to the dungeon area and looks rather pleased. " It's nice to see Gretchen takes company privacy policy seriously. I'll show you what we're working on." She says coyly and unlocks the door to the dungeon and summers time black and blues design studio. Fun dungeon is to the left. Studio to the right. It is true though. I have no idea who Gretchen's clients for custom costume fittings are. It simply isn't discussed. Your kink really is safe at summers time black and blues.

We go down the spiral staircase and take the right hallway. The door the studio looks like any other heavy wooden door in the castle. But the room inside is fairly modern looking and even has a barred window over looking the moat. In the studio,I see Selene, of all people, sitting on a table. She's swinging her legs and watching what probably is the strangest thing she's seen: Erich is standing up while Gretchen holds a large tube around his crotch area.. "celebrity dildos?" I ask karoliena with a raised eyebrow."

"Celebrity dildos." She answers,not even looking at me. "Erich is the first. But we're in talks with Billy Khan." Karoliena says proudly. Im about to ask if there is actually a market for such a thing, when Erich starts.

"You're going to add a bit, right? It'll burn that rat bastard right up if he thinks I've got a baby arm holding an apple." Erich says,with his hands on his hips. Looking rather proud of this situation. Which,I guess how serious could one be with your genitals in plaster of Paris or something. Though this does make me wonder about Selene. How weird is this for her? The wife of your boyfriend's ex wife is holding your boyfriend's Willy in a tube?

Gretchen sighs , almost offended. " No, Erich. I strive for accuracy. There is no way in hell I'm defacing the mold."  She tells him curtly. I love watching Gretchen work. She utterly concentrates on the job at hand and pokes just the tip of her tongue out. Oh she is getting it tonight . Suddenly,Gretchen starts waving her hand at us and furiously pointing at the door. " You and you. OUT."  Gretchen orders karoliena and I. " We're losing it! You..kiss him,flash him,I dunno.do something to him. I will not have this turn out shoddy. I demand maximum hardness!" She commands Selene. Oh I do love bossy Gretchen. She is soooo getting this. Twice.

Karoliena and I end up back outside. We lean against the wall where the hallway splits. I decide to ask karoliena about Erich. She spends far more time with him than most anyone. Selene included. It was so weird seeing her here. I thought she was too good for our misadventures.
"So...how's Erich holding up?" I ask. I figured karoliena would give a real answer. Erich kinda occupies a fantasy world where nothing really effects him...at least until the stage lights turn off.

Karoliena smirks and shrugs. " Well. This is the third time making the mold. The first time,Selene did too good a job arousing him. ..take that as you will. The second time the mold cured too quickly and it cracked. So here's hoping. Thank God I pay Gretchen on commission and not by the hour." Karoliena looks at me. Totally pleased with her wit.

I look at Karoliena with a look that says,"really,bitch?" . She knows damned well what I mean. That article in culture uncut was rather harsh.

Karoliena grins back before actually answering. Even though it ends up being almost as much of a non answer. " Like Erich gives a fuck.you know how he is. Right now he's sitting in a room with two women while one holds his penis . He's very much a in the present kinda guy." Karoliena answers.

I nod. It's not the answer I want. But it's the answer I'm getting. Erich sort of doesn't have any real interest in the day to day normalcies anymore. Life is just for the kicks. Maybe that is why this whole Selene this is working. It's just work and fitting in maximum fun until the next round of  work.

Ooc: rewrote too much of this after I lost the original. So I'ma post it anyway with it's abrupt end and going nowhere. Mainly for the Taki stuff .I want her to be more than s name.

The humidty of the hot shower made the small hotel bathroom look like it was a room in the clouds. Steaming hot clouds above a volcano. Nothing beats a hot shower after running around all night in new York. It was snowing like crazy outside,but that didnt stop us from hitting the diner after the show. Us being karoliena,cassie,Mariko,and myself. We had a post show snack. Karoliena and cassie went to their hotel,Mariko went to a club. She was in the mood for some action and was on the prowl.  I guess I'm getting old and sort of want my sister to calm down....ok, i am slightly jealous of just being able to get down with anyone. Don't get me wrong,I'd never do that to Gretchen. But a small part of Me misses it. Though i have my suspicions that mariko is meeting someone i know there. She was adamant she would be fine going alone.

So that left me to go back to my hotel alone. Which was fine. I'm a grown ass woman. With a squeaky smudge sound,i attempted to wipe the fog from the mirror. Who doesn't admire themselves naked,fresh out the shower?!  There was no denying it without the makeup and clothes to hide Me: i am fucking cute . ok.ok. that wasn't my first thought. Its actually that im getting old. I may not look my age, but im no longer going to pass as a teenager. Behind closed doors,this bothers me a lot.  People probably would be surprised at how vain i actually am. My choices are aging gracefully,end up having waaaay too much plastic surgery....or death. I'll strongly be considering the third option when it becomes an issue.* 
"Ha! Drama queen,or what ?" i speak softly to my reflection at the thought. I lean close to the mirror and examine my face. "Bleh" i say, sticking out my tongue. " no wonder chaelin beat you for sexiest female."  i giggle and smoosh my breasts together. " if i was ten years younger though? These perky fuckers would have put their collective eyes out!" i tell my reflection defiantly. I still have a few more years before the rumors of leaked nudes of mine are greeted with looks of disgust rather than optimism.
Satisfied,i brush my teeth and wrap myself in a hotel provided bathrobe.. It was cushy green material and so oversized,it made me feel like a toddler wearing their father's clothes. I whip open the bathroom door woth a little whistle. I had a big evening of watching the news and room service planned. They had a bacon cheeseburger i was very interested in. Though i wanted onion rings instead of fries. Im not being sarcastic. i was looking forward to the downtime and i love watching local news when on tour . I like to make up little stories about the anchors in between stories.

I slowed my walk out of the bathroom when i saw the bed's covers were turned down. Oooh,Gretchen was fibbing when she said she had a convention in Kyoto and couldn't come to New York with us. I loosened the bathrobe's belt a little to make it easier for Gretchen to remove. "Oh. I sure hope nobody in here wants to fu-" i start to coo out but i stop cold and step back inside the bathroom. I try to silently close the door and lock it. Of course,i have the loudest god damned door in sll of new York. CLICK-CHUNK. It locks with authority. The sound seems to echo off the walls around me. Whomever turned the bed down...wasn't Gretchen! There was a matching set of underwear laid out on the bed.  They were green...whjch i dont wear. Green looks awful on me. The panties were a thong..which i will not wear. I don't mind things part of,or held by gretchen in my butt. But not my undies. Also,these were clearly store bought. All of my under things come from summers time black and blues . (they will make you comfy things if you ask.)
"Oh my god.Oh my god.Oh my god.Oh my god." i panic softly in the bathroom. The comfortable humidity from before had turned oppressive and heavy.

" Hitomi?" i hear a female voice call from outside the door. Its a voice i so not know.  Desperately i look around the bathroom for my phone to call for help...all that greets me is a brush and perfume. Ugh. All of times for ne not to have sent Gretchen nudes! " fuck!"  i hiss and try to figure out what I'm going to do. I'm 39 floors up.even if there was a window,i couldn't go anywhere. Aside from a hair brush and a plunger,nothing in here would even make a passable weapon. "Come on out,silly.  I have a whole evening planned for us." the voice calls with unnerving cheer and familiarity. They are also speaking Japanese. I only know two people who speak Japanese and use my actual name. Mariko and Gretchen. This isnt their voice. I can feel my heart pounding. Each beat feels  like my eardrums are going to burst from the pressure. I then see the doorknob slightly turning. They are right on the other side of the door! Shit.

" oh i love our little games." the voice almost sings.  " are you the damsel in distress and I'm the strapping young locksmith?" the person then begins humming the mission impossible song and i can hear metallic scraping coming from the  doorknob. Most hotel bathrooms don't have real locks. You can just stick something in them and pop the lock.

I don't get to the door in time to keep the lock pressed down. It pops up with a hollow,springy sound. But i do press my back to the door and brace myself against the toilet with my feet. The intruder tries shoving it open several times. " get out!" i roar over my shoulder at this person.  It was either that or just a wordless scream. Its amazing how your brain stops working when you are probably in life threatening danger.

The shoving on the door becomes more intense. I can feel it bending and cracking behind me. Looking up,i can see light coming through the top right corner between the door and frame. With each shove of the door,my feet slip upwards on the rim of the toilet. Soon they will slip all the way off and I'll be truly fucked. "Let me in,Hitomi!  I came all the way from Japan for you. Let me in!" the voice cries. Now far more intense than familiar.

"I don't even know you! Get out!" i scream at this woman.  The adrenaline has my body positively vibrating....or im quivering with fear. I really couldn't say which. But i do know i have never been this scared in my life.

Now the shoving feels like the person is near ramming the door with their shoulder. ' YES. YOU. DO. YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME! June 6th. 2014. You signed my shirt: love,erica hess.  DON'T.PLAY. STUPID !" she bellows and is now kicking the door. I can hear the cheap wood cracking and i was able to look behind me,i'd see it cracking.

" i sign everything like that!" i explain. Now this probably isnt the best thing to say when confronted by a disturbed person. But I'm a musician,not a hostage negotiator. It was true though. I sign everything. "Love,Hitomi/Erica Hess." its a habit I've  had since i was a tiny kid.

The top half of the door breaks off and clatters to the bathroom floor. The relative cold air of the room gushes into the bathroom. The woman's hand reaches through and grabs my hair. "Oh my god. Its so soft. " she says as if she is complimenting her best friend instead of breaking down a door seconds before. Now she pulls. Hard.. The angle of the door breaking offers fantastic leverage for my assailant. The force bends my neck and head backwards so its now outside the bathroow. The broken wood is cutting into the back of my head. But my pain is nothing compared to the fear of finally seeing the intruder.

Other than currently making me think i am about to die,shes just a normal looking woman. Early 20's maybe. She has blonde hair and blue eyes as far as i can tell. " oh,Hitomi. Its so great to finally see you." she giggles and leans close to me. At first i think she is just smelling me. Weird,but it'd make sense after the hair comment. But no...she kisses me.

I always assumed if put in this situation,I'd deck the person...but i don't. I just freeze. I don't bite her tongue when it enters my mouth snd touches my own. I don't even respond when she reaches inside my bathrobe and gropes my chest. It doesn't feel like its exactly my body that its happening to. It feels like when a body part is asleep. She stops and glares into my eyes. "Why arent you into it? " she genuinely asks.

The speech shakes me from my initial shock of what was happening to me.. "Get off of me!" i scream,aghast. I pull free from her grasp on my hair. This causes me to give up my blocking the door from opening,but gives me more options on what to do.

She pushes the broken half of the door in and enters the bathroom. She remains standing in the doorway,blocking my escape. " i did this for you,Hitomi. YOU!!!" she screams,pointing to herself. "The boobs. The hair.the lips. YOU! I know what you like..and you tell me to get off of you?!" she says loudly,stepping towards me. Briefly taking my eyes from her face and hands,she indeed looks like my ex and current wives...if the only feature you paid attention to was their hair and chest. "No.  You said you loved me! Now love me!" she yells,jumping towards me.

I half catch her around the shoulders,but the momentum carries us into and through the glass shower enclosure . the tempered glass shatters and i land on a lot of the tiny cubes of glass.the woman is on top of me and we're wrestling around in the shower. It doesn't take long before the porcelain is pink with mostly my blood. The curvature of the shower floor combined with her weight on top of me pins my arms and  hands against the tub. The glass keeps digging into my back . all i can do is scream and weakly kick this woman.  " get off me,you crazy bitch." i spat and grab a handful of glass cubes and rub it in her face with my hands. If either of us has bloodborne pathogens,we both have them now.

I guess she wasn't expecting that and grabs for her face. This and the smeared blood in the tub lets me slip out from under her . "Hitomi,why are you being like this?" she wails from the tub while i crawl across the floor and towards the room proper.  The expanse of the room was a welcome change after the tiny bathroom. I scramble to my feet and make my way to the door. The room is fairly small,so it's not like i have to run across a penthouse or anything.

Before i can get the door open,it bursts open in its own with the terrifyingly loud, "police!" being yelled by probably two officers. But with their winter coats and my nerves,it looked like an entire battalion shoving into the room. However many is in a battalion. I assume it's more than 2. I guess our thrashing and smashing around alerted people in the adjoining rooms and someone called the cops. I drop to the floor as you're apt to do when having guns pointed at you.

"She's crazy! She attacked me!" i say while still laying face down on the floor and pointing to where i think the bathroom is.. I dont even want to think about how much dried sperm is on this carpet right now. One of the officers grabs my arm and lifts me to my feet. Rougher than I'd like,i might add.

The other officer has the woman in the bathroom where she is sitting on the tub. "It's just a lover's spat thag got out of hand. That's all." she says. In a not very convincing tone.

"Spat." he says,glancing around at the glass,blood,and broken door and not sounding impressed.

"I dont even know her!" i shriek and point at her. " i get out of the shower and boom! she's in my room!" i say,suddenly aware that my bathrobe is probably far more open than I'd like. I rearrange it and tighten the belt.

"Hitomi! Stop being dramatic." she laughs. Again ,far more familiar than is comfortable. The officers seem to exchange glances that seem to lean towards taking us both in and working it out at the station.

The officer nearest to me gestures for me to sit on the bed. I sigh and take a seat. The gravity of the situation is starting to dawn on me and i can barely hold back the tears.i could have died.who knows what this woman would have done to me? " who's room is this?" the cop asks with his pen and pad in hand. I meekly raise my hand.

"No. Its ours! " the woman says,a little louder than normal speaking voice.

"No! It's mine and mine alone. Check the front desk.check the lobby cameras or whatever i don't know this crazy woman." i say,standing up from the bed and pointing at her." look at the door,the room..look at Me!"  the officer gently,but firmly sits me back down on the bed.

"I wouldn't have had to hurt you,if you just loved me like you said!." she says angrily. This seems to kick the cops into action and the one nearest her starts putting the cuffs on anf doing the speech that police do on tv. You know,the right to remain silent and all that. I turn away when she is lead out of the room. I don't want to see her. It'll be hard enough forgetting her face.

The officer and the woman leave and its just me and the other cop in the remains of my room. He looks around and lifts the blanket slightly off the floor with his foot. " miss...." he starts out,waiting for me to state my name.

"Hess..i mean,kobayashi" i nervously say. I'm fiddling with my bathrobe.i just want this to be over so i can try to sleep. I'm suddenly exhausted and just want to sleep.

"Well,which is it?" he asks,sounding slightly annoyed. He taps the pen on the paper. Gotta love american cops. Even as a victim they can make you feel like a criminal.

"Sorry. Im an entertainer. Erica Hess is my stage name. Hitomi kobayashi is my legal name." i explain looking down at the carpet. I just want this ti be over. They have the crazy woman. Leave me be.

"Oh!. I'm sorry." the officer says,slightly more respectful this time. " i didn't recognize you. We..that is,my family saw the cassettes two nights ago . " he clears his throat before getting back to business. " ok,miss hess. We're going to get you checked out at the emegency room. Pictures of your injuries will be taken. From there we'll get an official statement fron you as to what happened. Detectives will collect evidence from the room......so I'm going to write very intently in my notebook for five minutes or until the paramedics arrive. Very intently and won't see what you are doing." he says,looking down at his notebook.

It's an odd thing to say to someone. I turn my head to the side like a confused dog. Then it hits me just what he is suggesting. "No." i laugh weakly." that won't be necessary ". Since we're doing proper venues and Christmas music for the cass-ettes, we're all fairly clean.








*Fun fact: the original ending for the story of Erica had her committing suicide after her body is ravaged by cancer and its treatment. Now,she will live happily ever after with Gretchen.

Ooc: was written and lost over 5 times. Forgive if it doesnt exactly flow right. I wanted some Erica and karoliena out there.





Castles and other Belgian delights.

The queen's tower was the proper name of what has become castle kobayashi. It was far more castle than it was tower. In fact,it was all castle as far as I'm concerned. It's like the Tower of London, which looks like a castle to me. Though,according to nina ,the thing I think of as the Tower of London is actually named the white tower . The entire complex is called the Tower of London.... I think. I don't know, I was only half listening.

I'm currently sitting outside and looking over our hedge maze. It's fairly early morning and fog is hanging over most of what I can see. Takara is out with Cassie and the kids. They're brushing horses or something. Taki loves the things. I can't stand being around them. Fucking things always try to bite me. Perhaps I smell like carrots? I'm in mid sniff of my shirt when Gretchen walks up. " um...hi. " I giggle up at her.

Gretchen looks at me and raises an eyebrow. I feel goofy enough being caught like this,so I'll be damned if I'm volunteering to say just what I'm doing. "Um...morning?" She giggles at me before leaning on the little table I'm sitting at. It's one of those shabby chic wrought iron patio sets. We brought it back from out American tour with the cass-ettes. The thing weighs a ton but looks so pretty.

"Morning!" I grin,looking up at her. She was on her way to castle summers to catch up on work. Due to the cass-ettes tour,summers time black and blues had a fairly large backlog. But customers would either accept the delay or ...they'll accept the delay. Such is the situation when dealing with artisan products

Gretchen leans over to kiss me,but stops short . She is mere millimeters from my face and a smile spreads on her face. "I'm not going to ask what you were doing. But if you tell me,you get a smooch." She says in her best bribing tone. She certainly knows how to motivate me.

"I was smelling myself. Do I smell like carrots to you?" I tell her and lean in for my kiss. Which Gretchen happily gives. She still tasted like the last thing she drank,which was some sort of fruity juice. This only made the kiss better.

"Why would you smell like carrots?!" She asks quizzically before sitting on my lap to face me. This probably looks funny to any onlookers since she is easily a foot taller than me. "Am I not giving you enough? Are you really taking to fucking the produce? Hell,I can bring home toys from work for you. You know karoliena likes our input " she says in mock concern. She strokes my hair to calm my imagined hysteria. " we have green devices. If you are really environmentally conscious." She adds before cracking up.

I cross my arms and look up at her with my face that says,"really,bitch?" . I adore Gretchen. She is sooooooo much the piece of my life that was missing. " I fucking love you." I say softly to her. " the horses always try to bite me. There must be some reason. They like carrots,right?" I explain to Gretchen

Gretchen gets far more comfortable on my lap and wraps her arms around my shoulders." Aww. I love you too." She happily replies and we exchange little kisses on lips and cheeks. " you don't seem to smell like carrots to me. But I'm not a horse. I'm just hung like one." She giggles. She then flops her arm all over my face while trying to put her hand in my mouth. It's so vile,yet so god damned funny. We're both splitting our sides with laughter and trying to succeed or avoid pretend oral copulation with an imagined horse penis. It's a good thing these chairs are so heavy. If they weren't, we'd surely topple from all our thrashing.
I'm trying to screech for Gretchen to stop,but as soon as I open my mouth? At least two of her fingers shoot inside my mouth. It's hard to laugh ,not get a hand in my throat,or bite Gretchen . We tussle about like this for several minutes.

"If you want to trade your hand for your kitty,I won't avoid that." I say,looking up at Gretchen. Honestly,nothing gets me going quicker than stupid goofing around like this. I forgot who said it,but whomever said that line about truly knowing people through play,that's someone i can agree with.

"Oooh. I'd love to take you up on that. You do have a lot of licking left to do after being an idiot. But,I see karoliena's car coming." Gretchen says in disappointment. She kisses the tip of my nose and stands back up. The argument with Gretchen on the bus wasnt my finest moment. But I think we eventually at least understood the others posisition. You can guess who's opinion won out since we are in Belgium and not Japan. But Gretchen was right and I was wrong. At least she's cute about it and pretends I'm her sex slave as penance.

"Damn her." I say under my breath. Not only because she interrupted Gretchen and I ,but because she's the reason I had to swallow my pride and come here. Yeah. I know. I sound like the worst person alive complaining about being able to live in a huge castle and having property measured in square kilometers at our disposal.

"You know I was going to work anyway. Keep that lust burning though. I'll need some inspiration later." Gretchen says with a wink. I usually like instant gratification,but there is something to be said for letting the fires burn. Plus...it's rather fun to go at it in her studio. If your summers time black and blues items could speak? They'd probably tell you they saw us naked.

Karoliena's car pulls up nearby. The castle has a driveway that encircles a fountain . The fountain is pretty creepy actually. It depicts damned souls reaching for heaven. It was originally placed here to needle the imprisoned mad Agnes or whatever the fuck karoliena's relative was named . Karoliena's car for driving around the estate is surprisingly low rent... One of those little BMW electric cars. I get the idea of not wanting to waste gas puttering between our homes. (It's a ten kilometer drive) but I thought she'd spring for a tesla. But nope. It's a little hatchback which is odd. And it's a BMW. Karoliena hates German cars. Karoliena parks next to my skyline. Which I guess shows how serious I was about this move. I actually brought my own car over. Karoliena steps out and walks up to us. She's all smiles and looks perfect as always. She's wearing some grey Sherlock Holmes coat. Anyone else would look stupid in it. Karoliena looks elegant. "Good morning. " she says sweetly,looking to Gretchen and I.

We greet her as if we weren't just....horsing around. Hahaha,I kill me. " good morning ,miss summers" we tell her in unison like we're a class greeting a teacher. karoliena walks up and takes the seat across from me. She then places an old picnic basket like in the cartoons on the table.

"Take the car,Gretchen. We'll be up soon" karoliena says politely,yet slightly intimidating. Which seemed to be her default tone. Though there was something in the air that felt like she and Gretchen knew something I didnt. Gretchen didnt even really audibly respond. She just sort of Scooted out of there and into the car. The little car silently drove off and left karoliena and I alone.
Sitting there awkwardly with karoliena really drove home how far away from everything we were. Other than birds and the fading sound of tires on gravel,it was silent . "You and I need to talk." Karoliena finally says.

I'm not even in a relationship with the woman,but I instantly feel a sinking feeling. I was alone,I couldn't really run away. It suddenly felt very hot and the castle walls were frighteningly close. Karoliena wanted to talk?! She and I don't talk. To my knowledge only Cassie "talks" to karoliena. "Um yeah..sure. What about?" I ask,putting on my brave face.

Karoliena audibly skickers and opens her picnic basket. " relax. It's nothing bad. It's just some things I think we both need to say. I made hot chocolate. Nothing is bad if hot chocolate is involved." She says warmly. She places two silver cups on the table and fill them with an ornate silver pitcher. The hot chocolate steams when the cold air touches it. It smells delicious and looks just the right thickness. " i think we both know each other well enough to know if we're lying. So lets not." She grins. Though I can't help but feel its the grin of a cat looking at a mouse.

I try to wrap my head around what she is saying. I pick up the cup and feel its warmth. It is so soothing. I adore hot chocolate and I wonder if karoliena knows this,or is it just chance? I'm assuming she wants to talk about why I didnt want to move here. We hadnt actually seen karoliena until now. I guess she was giving us space and time to adjust. But still,it was a conversation I wished to avoid. " thanks ,this smells splendid." I compliment her before taking a sip. I live in a castle,so I am pretty sure I'm obliged to use words like " splendid". When I finally do take a sip,it's like suckling from the teat of Zeus himself. I'm pretty sure I audibly moaned with pleasure. Maybe there is something to Belgium and its fame for chocolate. " I think I need a cigarette. I'm pretty sure I just came." I giggle to her.

Karoliena's arched eyebrow can be seen over her cup and the corners of her mouth slightly turn up. " I'm rather used to it. It takes at least 3 cups for me. I'm insatiable that way." She laughs after setting her cup down on the table. She seems pleasant enough. Karoliena is the type of person where you know if she is upset with you. She traces her finger on the edge of the table before speaking."so. How do you like it?" She asks gesturing to the castle and its grounds. The top of karoliena's castle can just be seen over the tops of the trees in the distance.

I take another sip of this fantastic hot chocolate. I am going to have o get some more from karoliena. Gretchen and taki have to try this. " Takara loves it. She's a real princess now. She has her buddies Gia and eris. She couldn't be happier." I answer brightly. It was true too. In Japan,Takara was a lonely child. I don't know if the circumstances behind her birth was a factor,my profession and reputation,the two moms thing, or Takara just didnt make friends easily. She's always been more comfortable around adults. Which is strange because she isn't exactly mature for her age. But here. Here she had Gia and eris. Jody was too old to really play with and cole had been banished from her lands for crimes against piggy pop pop. Luckily,Takara doesn't know the ax hanging over the formal dining room's fireplace is for chopping people and not wood.

Karoliena merely smiles weakly and speaks into her cup," I know that. That is not what I asked." She says,almost curtly. " I want to know how hitomi kobayashi likes it here." She says with a smirk. Clearly trying to curtail any verbal wrangling I could do to get out of answering. Also,it was weird as hell to hear karoliena use my actual name. I do believe this is the first time she has ever used it.

I think a moment before speaking. If I keep avoiding her questions,I'll probably just piss her off. So,biting the bullet...I answer. I sigh and shake the cup slightly to swish the liquid around. This is not going to be an easy conversation. " um...it's beautiful. It really is. But..I don't like it. It's obscene. Everything for as far as we can see is yours. We have maids,karoliena. Maids!" I say getting worked up at it all. The whine of a security jeep in the distance echoes over the expanse of the front lawn to further prove my point. "And there is a small army around." I add.

Karoliena listens and nods with understanding. She takes a small breath before she speaks. " Erica." She starts as if she is addressing an errant child. This doesn't sit well with me at all. I cross my arms as she speaks. " everything you can see is ours. not mine. ours. Erica. How did your home in Japan compare to the homes around it? It wasnt exactly a cramped studio apartment,was it? I seem to remember it being rather palatial in its own right. The scale is slightly bigger now. But your home in Japan was excessive as well. As for the maids? They're maids. They aren't slaves. I pay them excessively well. Are you going to,or even able to clean the entire house? No. " she answers calmly. "You have to have some practicality when living in a building this large. "She smirks. Oh she is a cut up when she wants to be. The quip serves its purpose though. I laugh and don't bristle at her.

Ok. Maybe karoliena brings up very good points. Our home in Japan was huge. Even more so when compared to everything around it. And yeah,there was no way two people could keep this place clean. Just keeping dust off things would be a chore. Still,it feels wrong to live like this. What is it teaching taki? That its ok to live like royalty even though we did nothing to deserve it? Hmmm. Just like real royalty,I guess. " it feels like I should have a button that releases hounds." I pout.

Karoliena smiles again and leans back in her chair. " there's no button,silly. There was a cord with a bell. But it was taken out in 1789." She says this in a tone that implies her sentence should end with "duh" ,but she's too elegant for that word. Karoliena looks at me like she isn't getting the answers she wants,so she looks off in the distance before speaking. " you know why I gave this to taki?" She asks,still looking past my shoulder at something far behind me.

The bit about the cord does make me giggle. Karoliena can be really funny is she allows herself to be. Hers is more of a dry sort of humor compared to the zaniness of erich or myself. I think about her question and it doesn't really make sense. " um...because Takara wanted a castle like you?" I answer,not really understanding what karoliena is trying to get at.

"No." Karoliena says before turning back to face me. " I knew you wouldn't accept it." She says in a tone I've never heard karoliena use..hurt. It's shocking to see this emotion in karoliena. There is a running joke that she is a vampire since she never looks disheveled,or bothered,or even affected by the same plane of existence that we are all on.

I nod in agreement. " you're right. I would not." I state flatly. I know karoliena will want more out of me than that. She'll want a reason. I don't really want to say,Because it laughs me in not exactly a good light. I sit and look up to karoliena. She merely motions with her hand for me to continue.

"I'm not asking,Erica. If I have to drag everything out of you,I'll drag you behind the car when Gretchen comes back." She smiles at me. The thing is: I'm not sure if she is kidding. Karoliena stands up and takes my hand. " come. We'll walk as we talk." We start walking on the gravel path that leads away from the castle and out towards the carriage house. Who knows where the path goes from there.

It is as tranquil as it is cold out here. I imagine this is what Siberia feels like...ok,it isn't THAT cold. I'm quiet as we walk ,thinking about how to word what I'm going to say to karoliena. " I wouldn't take it because I don't need your help. I'm not the Fuck up I used to be.i don't need you coming to my rescue anymore. I'm more than capable of taking care of myself,taki,and Gretchen."
Say ,sounding far meaner than I wanted. But it was the best way of putting it. I held on to a lot of bitterness over karoliena and Cassie planning to take Takara if I couldn't handle it. On one hand,I'm thankful they would. But the other hand..my ego . And that hand is much larger and carries brass knuckles.

Karoliena doesn't seem to take it as being mean at all. Instead,she smiles again before looking at me. " I know. I wouldn't give this to you if you were. " she says as we walk. I have to trot to keep up with karoliena due to my much shorter legs. I don't think people appreciate the effort short people have to exert just to keep up with people walking.

" appreciated. But I really don't need charity,karoliena." I say softly. I am not enjoying this and would very much like to get away. I don't want a soul baring conversation with karoliena. My damaged pride is welling up and feeling very challenged by karoliena.

"Charity is a hot meal and 20 euros." Karoliena quips. She is silent as we walk. The day is getting later so there are more birds chirping now. The fog isn't lifting though. It is possible it's actually snow falling but melting before it hits the ground. I think we both have a lot of things we want to say,but can't or won't. Having a honest conversation can be far more difficult than imagined.

I can see us walking around until whatever this is is solved between us. So I decide to just go for it. I doubt we'll everywhere this chance again to speak so openly. " sometimes I think that you think you're better than me. " I blurt out. It felt good to finally say. I've been holding on to it for years. " by giving all of ...this to me. You can lord it over me . " I say ,this time meaning to be as bitter as I sound.

Karoliena tosses her head back and forth in thought before speaking. " at one time I thought that.sure. Then you got your shit together and stopped acting like a stupid little girl. " she laughs slightly before adding,"well,most of the time"

It wasnt really the reply I was expecting. I was thinking karoliena would take great offense. But no...she agreed she did. "Oh...well then I'm glad I got that off my chest...hey,wait a minute. What do you mean most of the times?" I ask in an overly dramatic cartoon way. It was a cliche joke,but I was taking it.

Karoliena chuckles at the silly line and its delivery. But she does answer my question. " well most recently? the argument with Gretchen on the bus. Come on,you had to know she was right. But your pride wouldn't allow you to admit it. " she crosses her Arms and looks at me. I sheepishly nod in agreement. If we weren't safe here...well,we weren't safe anywhere. It's silly to pretend not to agree. Especially now that we're living here. We walk a bit more before karoliena speaks again. "You know. I appreciate your rivalry with me. Even if it is mostly one sided. My own sister and I stopped speaking before I even met you. She and I never had any sort of relationship. Even as children." Karoliena says in a way that doesn't really imply she wants that with her sister. But perhaps wanted to experience it with me. at least in small doses.

It was rare to hear karoliena even mention her sister,or any of her bloodline really. I only met her family one time. Even then,I think karoliena only brought erich and I along to piss them off. Well... We naturally,we were all on a myriad of chemicals at the time. And it showed. So yeah,probably not the best time to bring friends home. Karoliena's mother had the same sort of being unaffected by the world thing that karoliena has,but it seemed far more rooted in bitterness than karoliena's persona is. Her father seemed like every film character that depicts the devil as a man in a suit. He was definitely karoliena's father. The two look very much alike. Karolien,karoliena's twin sister was far more vocal in her displeasure. She had security escort us from their property. That included her own sister. So yeah,I guess it's safe to say there is some static there.. Karoliena's sister is Identical in appearance. But doesn't do the whole vintage look that karoliena has. Unlike my sister and I. Who look nothing alike. But that's to be expected. She isn't really my sister. Biologically,Mariko is my niece. We were raised as sisters though,and we do share the same birthday. However,Mariko is five years younger than I am. But that's another story for another time. "So what you're saying is I'm the hot,younger step sister you always wanted?" I giggle to her,making sure it sounds just as pornographic as I can. Hey,she knows that Wednesday night is orgy night.

Karoliena smiles and nods. "Well,in less salacious way,yes. " she says seriously. "This land is my birthright. And...well,I really don't know how to show affection. This..this is the most important thing I can give."she says quietly and looking down. "Look. Just tell me you accept it. Make this easier for both of us." She says with a smirk. I think karoliena had reached her limit for talking about herself.

"You didnt disagree with the hot part. So I'm accepting THAT as well. You think I'm hot!" I sing in a teasing way and hop around in a circle . Karoliena appreciates the lightening up of the conversation. She crosses her arms and smiles as I circle around her. In a flash she shoots a foot out and trips me. I tumble over and land In a heap,face down in the grass.

Instantly,Karoliena's foot steps on my butt,pinning me to the ground. "The YOUNGER sister. Don't forget who the big sister is." She says down to me. The thing is...she isn't lightly stepping on me. I probably couldn't get up if I tried. " so. You accept my gift with no reservations, we never reference this conversation again,and you take Gretchen out for dinner tonight. She wants fondue." She says down to me. It's stated as a question,but doesn't sound like.

I giggle and nod. " yes. I accept and thank you. Agreed . ...and what the fuck?" I ask,rattling off the answers to her demands. I was with her until the Gretchen bit. What did that have to do with anything?!

" she asked me to throw that in." Karoliena smiles and lets me up,finally. I jump to my feet and brush myself off. Karoliena starts walking again and I catch up with her shortly after. I get the distinct feeling this entire awkward conversation was Gretchen's idea. She has told me a few times that karoliena thinks highly of me.

"How much Do you guys talk!?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. I never gave it much thought . But I guess working together would give them ample time to talk about their lives.

"Oh lots. She's far easier to talk to than you." Karoliena says simply and keeps walking.

I don't disagree. Gretchen is easy to speak to. Lord knows she keeps me on an even keel. She's a good egg. We are quiet as we walk on a path that curves back towards the castle. It's lined on both sides by tall and straight trees. It's beautiful and hard to believe its real. And I could walk here anytime. The weight of what karoliena has said starts to set in. While karoliena is very ...well,CAN be very likable. She likes very few people in return. She merely tolerates most people. Nina? Karoliena would happily never speak to. Mariko? She's friendlier to. But still mostly indifferent to. To my knowledge,it's only Cassie,myself,Gretchen ,and erich as far as people she genuinely likes. How karoliena feels does make sense. She always has been sort of my big sister. When I was younger,she was cruel and I thought she really didnt like me..but we grew to be very close. Even if I didnt realize it consciously. We are still walking in silence when the security jeep rounds the bend and karoliena waves it down. I figure it's now or never to ask karoliena something I've always wanted to." Kari?" I ask softly.

"Don't push it." Karoliena playfully sneers,but with slight seriousness. She HATES being called any nickname or pet name. Only Cassie can do this.

" karoliena." I reply sarcastically. "Are you really a vampire?" I ask. It's silly,but would explain so much about her. Think about it. She's unnaturally alluring,she's pale...I know im not the only one to connect these dots.

Karoliena stands patiently for the jeep to come to a stop . She puts her hand on the handle,but doesn't open it. Instead ,she turns to me and smirks. " Erica,don't be ridiculous. There's no such thing. There's a whole cemetery full of supposed vampires over there." She says pointing to a crumbling church building faaaaar to the east. "Silly peasants have been staking the verlinden dead for years." She opens the door and ushers me inside. The jeep is snug inside and fairly utilitarian. Certainly not the kind suburbanites pick up children from football practice in. "Besides,There's a whole plethora of supernatural beings other than vampires." She says with a wry smile and sits beside me.

Feeling thoroughly violated and pissed off,i get my normal clothes back on. I toss the thin hospital gown into the corner of the changing room. I fume for several seconds both at what just happened and the less than satisfying throw of the light gown. I grumble and pick up the gown to fold it neatly. Being mad was no excuse to be rude. Someone would have had to pick up my gown. I don't want to be THAT kind of person.  I  stuff my hands in my Jean pockets and go to the waiting room where Nina is waiting for me. The waiting room looks like it was decorated by the golden girls and is filled with pregnant women and their mates..i hear the whispers as we are the only two women leaving together. I'm sure turkey baster jokes are being made. "See you in a few weeks,miss Kobayashi." The receptionist cheerfully says. She wouldn't be so cheerful if she knew what goes on back there. Ugh.i mumble something and head for the door.

"See you later,Doris." Nina says as if she's known this woman all her life. Nina grabs some lollipops and stickers before meeting me in the hall. "So?" She asks popping one in her mouth and trying to stick in mine.
I keep moving my head away and trying to remain pissed off. But Nina keeps pressing it to my mouth and begging, "c'mon,love. Just the tip.i swear ill tell you when im going to go. It won't be like last time. I swear." This greatly entertains another couple we pass. They start cracking up as soon as are semi out of earshot.

"Dammit,Nina. " i say,finally accepting the candy. I stop in the hall and pout. "They...examined me..like THERE." I say,pointing downstairs to my very startled kitty.

Nina smirks,"of course,love. You think they just take your word at things? Nah. They have to get right in there. Both hands and a miners cap." Nina says,pretending to turn on a miners cap.

" well,they should! I don't like it.  I thought I was done with that after the whole...starting process." I protest and start walking again . i want to get out of here as quickly as possible. I was in no mood for Nina suggesting there was a mine between my legs.

We leave the office and get into Nina's car. It's a green jaguar of some sort. Definitely not modern,but not antique. I dunno,I'm not much for jaguar. They're old people cars. "Your doctor a grumpy old man with thick fingers? He put you in the stirrups and say it isn't the age ,but the mileage?" Nina smirks over as she starts to drive. 

The doctor i go to is actually in Canada as i figure nobody will know me here. Plus,they came highly recommended. But it still feels weird and wrong to have some stranger grabbing all on me. " no...its a woman.." I say,starting to release my anger. Nina combined with the candy is putting me in better spirits.  It's kinda bad to say,but i prefer doing this with Nina. Gretchen tries to soothe me while Nina just makes fun of the sitution. That's kinda what i need right now.

"Ooh. She hot,love?" Nina asks,winking at me. Her excitement has finally won me over and Nina has me giggling.

"I don't know. Im not exactly staring longingly in to Her eyes as Im getting a pelvic exam." I say,looking out the window. I don't know how long it's been for Nina,but i don't like her living vicariously through my pelvic exams.

Nina pulls to a stop at a stoplight and continues. "Describe what you do know of her. Your buddy here might be looking to settle down with a doctor."  Nina wags her eyebrows at me.

Now this doctor did come highly recommended. Karoliena suggested her to me. She was her first doctor for eris. The thing is....this doctor has become infamous among us for both the way she looks and sounds.  Much like how Dr nick from the Simpson's is a complete joke. So is this doctor....except she's competent. She's actually very good at what she does.  Karoliena And Cassie just couldn't take her seriously. And as soon as i describe her,nina will know.
"Well...you know when Mia Khalifa wears glasses..."

Nina instantly starts laughing. So much that the car behind us has to honk to get Nina's attention to drive. " im Dr Brittany,and your pregnancy is going just great." She says, in a spot on imitation. Everything Dr brittany says is high pitched and has the inflection of a question.

"Yeah. Now picture that voice and face describing your uterine wall."  I say back,crossing my arms and looking out the window. It was starting to snow,which made me a little apprehensive. I hated driving in snow. But i had confidence in Nina...i think.

Nina cracks up at this thought and turns the heater up. Nina was one of those people,who even if it wasnt snowing outside,she would still be cold ." oh your uterine walls are super thick. This baby has good and fertile soil to grow in." Nina says. Again,in a spot on imitation . Nina laughs and slowly lets the laugh die before speaking again." You are doing ok.though,right?" She asks with a hint of concern in her voice.

Nina and i don't have the sort of friendship were we dote all over each other. We mostly trade barbs and leave anything deeper unsaid. We know. We have the sort of close friendship where it's nearly telepathic. This is also why we work so well together professionally. " sort of." I answer honestly. I can feel Nina bristle as I speak. She's ready to go back and terminate this baby right now. " due to everything. My...er,habits and lifestyle.. I'm sort of high risk.  No stressful situations,healthy diet,lots of rest...." I say with a shrug. I was doing most of that anyway, but now it's doctor's orders.

Nina looks at me for awhile before slowly speaking. " you sure that's all,love? Nothing else?" She asks,scanning me with her eyes. If i can be lustful for just a second,Nina's eyes were always my favorite physical feature of hers.

"Yup." I nod. " I'm fine. The baby is fine. I'm just ready for this to be over. I'm fucking bored as hell sitting at home,sobriety sucks...ugh. Im done." I pout and cross my arms. I know i still have a shit ton more time to go.like 7 more months of so. While taki enjoys having me home now,she's a busy girl. Her play dates with eris simply cannot be broken.

Nina laughs and points at me. " I'm Erica and I'm going to carry a baby for people i barely know. I also totally didn't think this through and didn't realize nine months of my life will be gone. That's you,love" Nina says,greatly amused. Now that she knows im fine,it's back to making fun of me. Which does help take my mind off of what is probably the worst idea I've ever had....well,worst idea that wasnt named Nicole.

"Nobody like a bitch Nina." I say flatly to her.

Nina pretends to be hurt and replies," keep it up and this bitch won't haul your pregnant ass to Tim Horton's for some donuts." She then accelerates slightly to emphasize her point. Now this is serious as i love donuts and it'd be cruel to not get any while we're here in Canada.

I put my hand to my stomach and whine, "don't you care about this baby? It NEEDS donuts to grow big and strong." I then let my head fall to my chest. I've died of hunger.

Nina just lets me die on her front seat. Here i thought she was my friend. " right,love. I've got an idea. You want this over and i want my friend back. I say we get rid of the baby and simply buy one when the time comes. I'm sure we can find a black market baby somewhere." Nina suggests with a laugh.

"Can't talk. Still dead from lack of donuts." I mutter pathetically. I add extra wheezing as well. I've got the idea of donuts in my head now,nothing is shaking that. This candy isn't cutting it.

Nina sighs dramatically. " fine,love. I'll get us some donuts. But when i carry a baby for some couple we don't really know,you better return the favor." She says,scouting for a tim Horton's.

I flutter my eyes and come back to life, " I'm back! It's a miracle! I knew giving money to joel olesteen would pay off!!" I settle back in my seat and back in the glory of future pastries in my tummy. " fuck that.im not paying for a baby when i can just make one. Don't be absurd ,Nina." I reply to her earlier joke.

Nina shrugs,"your logic is irrefutable." She says,channeling her inner spock. "What the hell was I thinking,love?" She laughs warmly. We pull into tim Horton's. It's midday so there aren't many people here. Nina is quiet before slowly smiling . " there a camera crew around when Dr Brittany examines you? Does she do it nude as to not contaminate you with her lab coat?" Nina shuts off the car after this zinger.

Now,Dr Brittany does look just like that porn star. I've seen people do double takes in her office when she comes out to greet them. " ha ha. Very funny" i tell Nina sarcastically as i unbuckle my seatbelt. Nina smirks,very satisfied with herself. " no. But she never wears gloves when examining me...thats weird,right?" I say totally serious.

Nina instantly starts the car and starts to back out. "I knew she was a fucking quack." She stops when i roar with laughter.its rare i can actually get Nina on something like this,so i couldn't keep from laughing. It would have been great to keep it going until she was super pissed off.

"I got you! I got you." I sing and poke Nina's belly. Nina goes to return the favor ,but since I'm delicate at the moment,she pokes me in shoulder.

" you totally did,love. You're so funny." She says sarcastically while continuing to poke my shoulders. Her laughs instantly stop and she says, " guess what,chuckles? You just earned yourself a drive to the next Tim Horton's to sit and think about what you've done."

She's serious too! She gets back on the highway and takes off again . her car roars down the snowy road and we sesm to have a 20 minute ride ahead of us. I love Nina so much. Definitely my very best friend ever. " but I had to pee. " i say meekly as we drive towards that Mecca of donuts and now,restrooms.

" we're going to infiltrate the globalist deep state. I mean,we're really getting in there,folks." Gretchen spouts at me and grabs me around my naked waist. Im not going to tell you what we're doing...use your imagination. The important part is: Gretchen does a PERFECT impression of Alex Jones. She has the cadence,the husky,slightly gravelly and slightly drunk tone down. It's disturbing how perfect it is. Especially so when that voice is millimeters away from your most tender of places.

So of course, I'm shrieking with laughter and trying to wriggle from Gretchen's grip. About 79% of any sexual encounter we have is Just laughing.so this is just par for the course. " if you're doing the Alex Jones voice, I am NOT letting you pleasure me. I will close this shop down." I threaten and clamp my thighs around Gretchen's head.

With much struggling...and a very startling pinch on my ass, Gretchen pulls her head free.  She pounces on top of me and grabs both my wrists in one of her hands.  She lets out a laugh of her own before getting back into Alex Jones mode.  "We patriots will never let these socialists shutter American businesses. Because we all know there that's what they want. They want us to be poor,broken,and disarmed. The globalists will lock up all production.  But those brain force deficient degenerates may lock windows,doors,and skylights.but they won't keep real patriots from using the back door!" At this point, Gretchen is giggling like crazy and can barely catch her breath. While her imitation of alex Jones is spot on, she can't do it for very long. She makes herself laugh too much and it's fucking adorable.

I try to casually use all strength to lift my arms from her grasp....its not happening. Her leverage has me pinned.  " ew. Never say back door in the Alex Jones voice again!" I order Gretchen sharply.

" you're attacking...." Gretchen tries to wheeze out in between holding in laughter. So she ends up sounding like Alex Jones being strangled. " phew!" She exhaled loudly before finishing In her normal voice," my free speech...fuck, now my throat hurts."

"Serves you right. '" i giggle and wriggle my wrists free when I feel Gretchen release the pressure slightly. I sit up and face Gretchen. "I should practice my Ben Shapiro voice and use it on you." I threaten,wagging my finger at her.

Gretchen instantly bites my finger and re plies," you already kinda do sound like that munchkin." She gives a wide grin. 

Now it's my turn to pounce on top of Gretchen. I use the element of surprise and hop further up on her body, using my knees to pin Gretchen's elbows to the bed. " facts don't care about your feelings." I say down to her in my most nasally voice. I then grab her hair (gently. We are NOT Karoliena and Cassie)  " now hurry and kiss this kitty before some whiner complains about sea levels rising."

I feel Gretchen shift around slightly and before i know it, a heel is hooked under each of my armpits.  She flips me backwards...with a bit more force than i imagine she intended. Unless she is legit trying to kill me. I don't think she is. In any case, my shoulders land on the bed,but the rest of me keeps going. Probably due to this killer ass i have. So anyways, i bounced off the bed. I hear a quiet," oh shit..." From Gretchen before i hear the loud THUD when i hit the wooden floor. The sound echoes off the oak floor and the stone walls of the chamber.

" ooooooooooow" i wail like a wounded wildebeest. Im not really in pain,it's just the surprise of the situation. I don't know what you get up to,but I'm rarely naked and face down on the floor. ...well, on a Tuesday at least.

"Oh my god! Are you ok?! The damned springs in this bed are crazy. You got like 3 feet of air." Gretchen says to me. I turn around and look at her. She's on her stomach and has her chin propped in her hands,looking very entertained. Maybe she is trying to kill me.

I smirk at her and look back over my shoulder and back to her before replying. " no.i think I broke my ass. There seems to be a crack in it." I giggle up at Gretchen.

Now this is why i love Gretchen. The logical retort from her would be ill kiss it an make it better. or something cute and sexy like that. Nope. Gretchen tilts her head to the side and says," i have some super glue. It should fix that right up."

We giggle and she helps me back on the bed. I'll leave the details out but we had a VERY good night..even though she did make sure a bottle of super glue was in my line of sight when i woke up. It's the little things that make a relationship work.



Next evening.

My whistling echoes in the cavernous kitchen of our castle. I'm not sure what this room used to be. The original kitchen is still intact but we never use it. Im sorry,loading an oven with an entire tree or something doesn't seem practical.... Practical? The kitchen I'm in now is industrial sized and equipped. It feels a lot like the kitchen in the movie,' the shining'. Everything is aluminum or stainless steel.  I guess if we ever hold a ball here, ill be ready,kitchenwise. It's a lot like the Duke, but it feels more out of place when one isn't obviously on a ship.
I'm cooking as I always send the cooking staff home when I'm home. I hate the idea of having people cook for me. I keep the housekeeping staff though,there is just too much for 3 people to clean. Well...2 and a half. Taki isn't much help when cleaning. I also want to cook when I am home for taki. With my lifestyle I'll never be a typical "mom", but i like having some illusion of normalcy when i can.  I want taki to look back and think that I at least tried. I dunno. It's hard to put into words. Unlike so many people in this business, i didn't have a terrible past. My parents weren't drug dealers and pimps. My father worked for Nissan and my mother was a semi famous painter around Osaka. My parents remained together and in love until their deaths. I was loved. Mariko was loved. Jiigen was loved.  I want taki to know i love her. That i care enough to make food for her. It's silly,i know.  I've probably lost so much punk rock cred. Fuck it, i live in a castle.do i have punk rock cred any more?!
I'm making some chicken with rice. It has a lovely sauce that has some ginger,honey,chives,soy sauce, some hoisin sauce...it is delicious. I could be happy just drinking the sauce.

I see the little blonde head bouncing as she runs past me. Takara is coming to help. She's almost 7 and is fairly tall for her age.  As she gets older, she looks less and less like natalya. I guess Sam's genes are kicking in. Her face is definitely less angular than natty's. But she has her eyes. Taki's are a very striking blue. I've had some mother give me a tongue lashing for putting colored contacts in my daughter's eyes. But no,they're naturally that way.  Taki wears her hair in a bun..i have no idea why. But,that's what she wants. I have more important things to worry about regarding takara than her hair style choices.

With a little grunt, she pulls herself up on the steel table beside me. Taki seems very pleased with herself for making it all the way up without any help. She settles in and swings her legs back and forth . "mom?"  She asks finally.

"Yes,taki?" I reply, giving the sauce a gentle stir. You splash hot water in yourself by enthusiastic stirring once, you learn to slow that shit down.

"If i throw peanuts at marjena, will she start sneezing?" Taki asks with a mischievous giggle. I assume she is meaning to say Marlena. Ever since hearing about her,takara is very excited to meet her. I think she sees a new ally in the takara/eris axis vs the Cole and gia alliance. Jody is too old for their games and mainly just ignores the smaller kids now. That being said, takara likes to play pranks.

" no,taki." I say seriously and turning to her.  " Marlena could die. Like, literally die. It isn't anything to play around with." I say to her,trying to emphasize how serious this is without scaring her too much.

"Oh." Taki replies. Takara is quiet and looking at the ground for awhile. I know the little gears are turning in her head. How do People die from peanuts? " how?" Takara asks,her face scrunched in thought.

"I really can't say how,taki.but her throat will swell up and she won't be able to breathe. Like i said,it's nothing to play around with." I answer her as best as i can. I do hope my answer is enough. I feel a little bad that I can't say exactly how it all works,but it may be enough to satisfy her curiosity.

My answer seems to satisfy takara and she goes back to swinging her legs. " i hate peanut butter now." Takara announces on the same level of royal decree in which she banned Cole from her castle. It takara and marlena don't along,takara is going to be pissed. She's been putting a lot of thought into her potential new buddy. I guess it's to be expected when the only kids she has contact with are Karoliena and cassie's. Takara doesn't miss the structure of her school back in Japan, but i know she misses other kids. Even if she was sort of shunned there.

I Giggle in response to her decree. It's adorable and i know she can't keep to it. " Oh?" I reply with a raised eyebrow. " i guess I'll have to give all those Reese peanut butter cups away. I think cole really likes them. " I muse very loudly to takara. I add her mortal foe in there for added flavor.

She pretends like it doesn't bother her for a moment before she giggles and shakes her head. " maybe we can put those in a safe or the dungeon." She rationalizes. Takara likes her potential friend, but not enough to Let her Reese cups go to cole. I kinda don't blame her. Those things are tasty.  I'd give serious thought too.

I smile over at takara and answer, "i think we could keep some Reese cups in my room." I suggest. " we'll keep Marlena out of there.

Takara instantly shakes her head. " no way! You'll eat them." Taki scoffs,giving me the most suspicious look I've seen.... Outside of a look from a cop. "I'll have mommy Gretchen put them on top off the fridge." Takara says with finality.  If it's just one of us in the room,taki just says mom. If we're both there? It's mommy Gretchen or mommy hitomi. Yeah,only my sister and daughter use my real name. I narrow my eyes at taki and mentally say, listen here,you little shit.. Because we both know why She says to put her candy on top of the fridge.... I'm too short to reach it.

"Yeah... That's a good idea." I reply slowly to my daughter. I make sure she knows i know why She chose the fridge. Takara meets my eyes and gives me the widest, most self satisfied smile she can. Jokes on her, i know where we keep the ladders. I smile back at her. She's going to be such a handful when she gets older, but I just know her charisma is going to get her out of most trouble.

With another little grunt,taki hops off the table and onto the floor. Wiping her hands on her shirt for several seconds, i know what she is fixing to ask. Nothing cleans hands for food prep like wiping them on your shirt,right? I think Gordon Ramsay says the same thing. " I wanna help." She announces proudly.she eyes the vast expanse of aluminum,uncooked food,bottles,and utensils in wonder.

I look around and ask myself what I trust her with. "Umm...you want to put the soy sauce up?" I ask,nodding over to the squat,brown bottle.

"That's cleaning.i want to help cook." Taki says,making a face. She hates cleaning and it's like pulling teeth to get her to do it.....no idea where she gets that from. Or her stubbornness. Her hands roam over a everything in Her circle of reach. She finally grabs the ginger and holds it up like link from legend of Zelda. " Oooh What's this? I wanna use this." Takara says, very pleased with her find.

"Its ginger,taki. You love it." I answer, looking around for either a knife or a grater for her. She's young,but she helps me a lot. So takara is no stranger to using sharp things in the kitchen. It takes her forever to cut anything,but she is very careful.

She takes a few sniffs of the rather ugly root. Her eyes light up when she connects the smell to the taste of the ginger. " oooh,yummy!" She exclaims, tossing the entire thing in the pot. "There. Finished! It's going to be soooooooo good." Taki squeals. This sentence also has a little shimmy of the body that goes with it.i have no idea how to describe it to you. But it's cute,i assure you.

With a pair of tongs, I fish the ginger out of the pot. Taki looks highly offended as i place it on cutting board in front of her. " you gotta take the skin off first,taki chin. Then you have to cut it up very small." I explain to Her. I pick up a peeler and remove a few slices of skin from the ginger to demonstrate. "The skin is not good eats." I giggle and toss it into the bin.

Takara nods slowly and picks up the peeler too. She carefully, but very awkwardly peels the ginger....she didn't stop and peels most of the ginger off as well. My healthy ginger nub is quickly whittled down to the diameter of about two pencils.   "There. " she beams, holding up a sliver of ginger. Before i can even speak,takara pops the entire thing in her mouth. It's a small amount of ginger,sure. But it's FAR too much to eat all at once.

"Taki!" I squeak,nearly shoving my fingers in her mouth like she's a dog who just ate chocolate. I stop Before actually doing so. She bit me once when she was a baby. Im not taking that chance again. Im fairly certain she has more teeth now. "That's waaaaay too much ginger,sweetie." I plead,wincing. Ugh. That has to taste awful.

Taki keeps munching and horks it all down. " what? It's good." She shrugs before picking up some more ginger to viciously peel.i can smell the ginger coming out of her. It could be worse,i hate when little kids smell like mayo.  Anyone smelling of mayo is bad. But i dunno. It seems like it's more concentrated when on A child . i don't even allow that shit in the house,tour bus or anywhere.ill go full god damned diva.

I study her for a moment. You'd swear she had a mouthful of ice cream or something. She is one pleased looking little person as she gets started on more ginger...that will hopefully make it into my pan. " you little weirdo.i i love you so much." I grin happily. Babies are cute and all, but I much rather prefer taki now. She's like an actual person now.

"I love you too, mommy" takara sings back without taking her eyes of her ginger. She seems to have moderately scaled back her peeling,but she's still wasting a lot of it. Fuck it. It's not like ginger is in danger of going extinct. She's intensely concentrating on the cutting of the ginger. She is very slow,but that diced ginger has nearly uniformly sized pieces. When done,she scooches over the pan and uses her knife to slide the ginger off the cutting board and into the pan. It lands with a satisfying sizzle and the ginger smell intensifying. " mommy?" Takara suddenly says." I want to go on tour with you."

It's an odd request, but one i wondered when it would come. It must sound like a kids dream. Seeing new things and new people every day. It's like a long camping trip. " i don't know,taki. There is a lot of iffy stuff there." I start to protest. The road is nowhere for a child.  You know how and what we do out there. Would you want a kid there?!  " it's really just a lot of riding on a bus. It can be super boring." I tell her,trying to make it sound as dull as possible. Which in a way, it is. Why do you think substance abuse is such a pastime in music? There is literally fuck all else to do.

Takara shakes her head side to side. " nope. You said I couldn't go with you and aunt Nina because i am not old enough. Jody told me you and her moms are going ." takara says as firmly as a near 7 year old can sound. She...she does have a point. The crowds for the cass-ettes are far older and more mature. Trust me, few rowdy people are clamouring to see 60s girl groups perform. A lot of our fans were around for the groups we rip off...er,are inspired by.

"Taki.." I start again . it's hard to honestly look at what is in my head. I....i kind of like being away. Playing mom for a few weeks at a time helps me think I'm good at it. It keeps the possibility of failure at arms length. There is also the possibility someone sees her. I know it's a weird thing to worry about, but for the public at large? Nobody has  seen takara in years. I don't want people knowing what my daughter looks like. It can be very dangerous for her identity to be known. I'm no huge celebrity...actually,maybe i am, but i worry about her being hurt because of who she is. Who i am.

At my hesitation,takara starts to cry. " i miss you when you're gone all the time,mommy. You're always gone.  " she says in tears. Some times I forget how young takara is. Behind the maturity, she is still a very young child. Also,taki is coming off of seeing me all the time for the past 9 months or so.so yeah. This might be harder for her. Hearing her cry because me hurts . She doesn't sound bitter. But i hear it as bitter in my head. In several more years, it might actually be bitter coming from her.  I really don't want that.

I can't dispute i am gone a lot. The harlots are nearly always on tour.  Now those shows i really wouldn't want takara at. I don't even so much as have a glass of wine around her. I really want her to have her innocence as long as she can hold on to it. That's why she can't be on the road with me. It's nothing but human depravity. Most of which im involved in...right? Ugh. Maybe I'm not the hell raiser i think I am. Gretchen and i have been together for nearly 3 years. We are all mostly sober for the cass-ettes shows. I can certainly remain so..i look down at taki,who is still sniffling, but looking hopeful since i haven't immediately shot her down. " well...i guess you're about ready to see mommy work." I smile at her. I had better enjoy this all I can. There probably will be A day when takara is too cool to hang out with her mom. Rockstar or not,a mom is a mom.

Upon hearing yes,taki squeals and hops up into my arms. Remember how i said she was tall for her age? I nearly fall over with the force she hits me with. "Thank you! Thank you! I'll be super quiet and very good!" She promises loudly. This will be a lie. Taki is many things,But quiet is never one of them. Good,however? She is always good. Takara is shockingly well behaved. At least for the big things. She's still a kid,so she's going to run around like mad. "Im already packed. Mommy Gretchen helped." Takara tells me proudly. Gretchen helped her pack? I have the feeling a cute little conspiracy was afoot here. One way or another. Taki was coming on this trip. It's going to be different, but it's going to be exciting to perform knowing takara is watching. I'm going to have to be at the top of my game. Disappointing fans is bad. Disappointing takara? It won't be done.

done in the cheap and dirty way.its mostly a phone conversation.







"Be a dear and hold that." Gretchen asks, nodding towards the piece she is working on. Her voice is funny since she has sticks of hot glue in her mouth.  Clenching her lips sort of makes her sound like a detective from an old movie....it film noire detectives has Austrian accents. " and mind your fingers.this glue is hot."

" thus the name." I giggle and arrange My hands to give her as much space to work as possible. I think the thing she is working on is a mock up outfit for summer's time black and blues. Customers would never receive something that was attached by hot glue.

At my quip,Gretchen sighs and pretends pretends like she is racking the slide of a pistol with her glue gun. "Erica, i swear to god i will hot glue your ass to the wall and make it look like an accident." She threatens while returning her focus and the point of the glue gun back to her work.

"Gretchie, you know I can't get enough of hot and sticky liquid on my butt."  I say very seductively to her. Being stuck at home,there is nothing better to do than go at it.  Even in a non quarantine state,it's the best thing to do.

" i can't get enough of that golden crisp." Gretchen sings into her glue gun. One night we were watching old commercials on YouTube and the jingle for golden crisp was on there and gretchie just loves it. The jingle,not the cereal. The cereal was underwhelming as all hell. But the bear singing in the ad is a smooth chap. On the cereal front,we are a fruity pebbles family.

"That sounds like something to do with pee. Like dried and crystallized pee." I tell her with more than a hint of distaste. A silence sort of falls as this sentence brought up the awkward and unfun time that we tried the pee thing. I still think it was neat we tried it. Even if it ultimately wasn't our thing. We were open with each other.

"I can't believe we did that." Gretchen sighs and puts her head in her hands. "Mother fucker!" She hisses when the tip of the glue gun touches her finger.

"Ooh. That had to suck. You ok?" I ask gretchie.

"Mmm hmm" she nods with her finger in her mouth. "Im sending Karoliena a bill for my finger. That's my money maker." She giggles while giving me a dirty wink. I'm not going to say this doesnt excite me. Gretchen doesn't call this the old work bench just because of crafting.

I have a witty and properly filthy retort in the chamber when my phone rings. Its a ring i rarely hear as Erich Never phones anyone.  He takes his fear of robot overlords very serious...in spite of using the internet prodigiously. So i answer ,pretty panicked about this situation. ," are you ok? Is everyone ok?!"

Erich: fuck no, Erica. I have a kid.

Me: um...yeah. You do. She's adorable and takara loves her.

Erich: no! I mean,yeah, of course there's Marlena. But im talking another one.

Me: from who?!

Erich:  do you remember Elsie?

Me: the fuck is that?! You fucking old ladies in that period between selene and Ada?

Erich: no. C'mon. You have to remember her. Like, waaaaaaay back when i was in the absinthe fiends.

Me: oh! that girl who I told you was a groupie but you thought she actually liked you? Totally out of your league and wouldnt have given you the time of day if you weren't in a band?

Erich: why you bringing up old shit? You fucked her too.

Me: yeah, i did. But I knew what was going on.  Also, i was out of HER league. How is she these days?

Erich: she's fucking dead. Like two weeks ago. Liver problems if I recall. Ironically i had been drinking when this was all layed on me.

Me: Jesus. That's awful.  I'd kind have liked to see her again. She'd shit herself to see me as a responsible mother. So..you have like,a baby now?

Erich: hes a full grown god damned man.

Me: what,really?

Erich: yeah.i think he said he was born in like 2000 or so.

Me: Jesus.  So.... You're saying I could legally fuck your son?

Erich: um...i guess you could. I don't see how that would help anything.

Me: oh.it wouldn't. I just think its something I'll yell at you next time you piss me off.  Erich, shut the fuck up or I'll fuck your son! See? It works so well.

Erich:  you better not. Apparently the Hess Wang is very fertile.

Me: ok...you ruined it.it please never use the term " the Hess Wang" ever again.

Erich: I know people who like it!

Me: Ada doesn't count. And if anything, it wasn't "the Hess wang", it's the von wannemaker kitty that ruled the roost. She totally stole you from selene.

Erich: this took a weird turn.

Me: yeah...lets get back on track. Where were we....You have a son. He's of fuckable age, his Mom is dead....so what are you doing now?

Erich: same thing as i was doing before. He's a grown ass man. He was fine,I assume, before knowing me. I was fine before knowing him. Fuck it, why screw up a good thing? I hated my dad. This guy needs to either hate me or be indifferent to me. I don't make the rules for father/son relations.

Me: this guy...you don't remember his name?

Erich: I think it was Like Bartholomew or something. Besides,the role of son is already cast,and it's dustyn blue.  So yeah. This is a thing now. Shit, I gotta run. God damned raccoon is in galley. I'll be damned is this fucker is stealing another steak.

*last night before the show*

it had been a weird day all day. it felt like i was going away and never coming back. i said my goodbyes to takara as if i were an old timey soldier in the american silver war. my dearest taki,it will be a powerful long time before i see you again. i am needed several hundred miles away and,god willing,i will return unscathed. if i do not return,i will understand if you take another mother. i guess this whole quarantine thing has me fucked up. it isnt like i havent left taki and went on the road many times before. but this...this felt different. this wasnt for work. this was for vengeance: i must win this season of big brother. i really want to. so far i think erich placed highest out of all of us. he lost to eidilh. i lost to fucking billy of all people...and nichole. who seems to have seen fit to crawl out of whatever bog she has been hiding in.

"i swear to god if she is in the house,i will drop a fucking toaster in the pool with her." i spat while crossing my arms and plopping down on the bed. our bed is super soft and is a pile of comfy we can just sink in to. i love it and am going to miss it so much. hopefully there is only a little dried semen on my big brother bed.

gretchen was in the little bathroom that is attached to our bedroom. by little,i do mean little. it doesnt have a shower or bath in it. its just a toilet and a sink. i guess some architectural weirdness is to be expected when living in a castle. still,those old fucks could have bathed more.i guess thats why the bathroom is so small. "mm?" she says looking up from brushing her teeth. she sticks out her tongue in the mirror before continuing. "i think they'll probably stop you short of cold blooded murder." she laughs.giving the mirror a quick nod and coming into the bedroom.

"oh.it will be hot blooded if i see that woman in there." i seethe. this would be the absolute worst thing that could happen. i could accept sharing a house with anyone for this show. but not her. there is too much history and too much wrath on my part.

"erica. cmon. what are the chances that she will return too? i dont think many other people are as....competitive as you. you'll probably be the only returning constant. then you'll just look sad. like,real sad." gretchen says with a sarcastic shake of her head and putting her bare foot on top of mine. gretchen is good about knowing just what to say to me and i focus more on the latter of what she said.

"you should have signed up too. then we could have teamed up against any of those fucks in there." i says with a evil little grin. the rules didnt say anything about couples signing up. gretchie and i could have entered together and ruled like the queens we are. plus,nudity equals ratings. we could provide that in spades.

at my proposal,gretchen scoffs. "no way. i didnt even like the time i was on there all that much. to this day,i cant drink alcohol." she tells me with a wave of her hand. it was true too. gretchen never drank after being on that show.

"yeah, but you werent on there with me. we could've really heated it up on there." i giggle,and pull my shirt collar down to expose one of my shoulders. like myself,gretchen has no qualms about getting busy in front of people,so this totally couldve worked.

gretchen laughs and puts her hand to her chest. " my dear,i am a professional. these clothes dont come off until my palm is crossed with cold hard cash." she gives a toss her of hair and lays down besided me. she doest this in dramatic fashion. first the torso,swing the feet towards the ceiling and finally settle into place. " palm or string of my undies. one is sexier. one is far more practical."

i reach into my pocket and pull out a euro coin. i look at her with a raised eyebrow. " palm or...." i ask with a grin.

"fine,erica. but only since you are leaving tomorrow." she sighs and holds out her the neck of her shirt like a basketball hoop. and if you hit me in the teeth with that,you'll be arriving on tv with a black eye." she warns.

gretchen is so silly and i love her. ugh, i am going to miss her so much. but this still doesnt stop me from tossing the coin at her shirt's neck hole. "she lines up the shot...the putt is good!" i cheer as the coin arcs through the air and into her shirt.

"yah! its cold! how can something from your pocket be cold!" she shrieks and starts flapping the shirt in hopes that the coin finds its way out. a few moments later,it drops onto the sheet and gretchen flicks it across the room. the coins hits the wall and makes that woogity woogity sound before settling on the floor. "also..golf? most people use basketball or hockey for an example." she teases,arranging her shirt back to pre cold coin state.

"i'm a classy broad. so its golf." i state and lie back on the bed and stare at our ceiling. the wood rafters are so old they almost glow with life. our home is warm and inviting. what am i thinking. " i should never have done this. its going to suck. next time i want to sign up for a tv show,tie me up."

gretchen laughs softly and slides on top of me. "i tried telling you. but did you listen? no. do you ever listen,for that matter? no. " she smiles down at me and arranges my hair around my face. it feels so good that i could just fall asleep right here while she does it.

gretchen does have a point. i've always had to learn the hard way. usually the hardest way. "i want to be the very best...i forget the rest of the pokemon song." i start singing and finish with a giggle. i actually dont remember too much of the pokemon show. i liked the cute characters and all but.... i only really saw the american version and ash's voice...ugh. i'd disown any kid with a voice like that. same with steven universe. his voice irritates the shit out of me. i dont care how good the show is supposed to be.i cant get past that voice.

"and i married you?! if this gets out,my career is ruined,erica. we have to take this secret to our graves." gretchen says,totally seriously before a small smile forms on her lips. "oh and if you do the typical big bother thing. i am so taking half when i leave you. just something to think about." she tells me with a little wink. while it is a joke,so many relationships have met their end on big brother. i'd venture to say more have ended because of,rather than started on,that show.

i snap my fingers as if i just missed something. "darn it. i knew i should have done a prenup rather than picking out the right garter." i giggle and bring gretchens hand to my lips to give it a little kiss. i know we'll be ok. if there is anyone in this world who really seems to get me,its gretchen. we've had some ups and downs. mostly ups,but some pretty deep downs. i think we bring a lot of brightness into each others lives. i dont know about her,but i couldnt imagine my life with anyone else. i want to tell her this,but i dont know. it sounds like something someone who was sleazy would say. and i am not sleazy...well,outside of marriage.i finally say fuck it and tell her anyway. "you're the bulma to my vegeta. you know i can't screw that up." i giggle and make my voice as gruff as it can be. which isnt very.

gretchen smiles down at me and kisses my nose. "when doesnt vegeta screw things up? not the best example. but i know what you're saying." she shakes her head so that her hair gets all in my face. i spit and sputter after it tickles my nose to the point i cant take it. gretchen just smiles. this always seems to amuse her.

i lay here just absorbing the moment. gretchen always tells me to live in the moment. its such a simple thing,but can be very hard to do sometimes. a lot time,at least for me. " what am i going to do if she is there,gretchen. like,seriously?" i ask her again. this time i am far more serious. i..hate nichole. just seeing her on instagram makes me want to scream. but i cant block her because...well, i like being mad honestly .it makes me feel like she didnt get the better of me.

"well,you're going to accept it or you are not." gretchen tells me simply. "i understand the...dislike." she starts before i interrupt.

"white hot hated,if you'd be so kind. " i correct gretchen while smiling up at her.

"fine." gretchen sighs dramatically and rolls her eyes. " i understand the WHITE HOT HATRED of her,but if she is there,are you going to let that ruin your time?" she asks me. things like this are why gretchen is the person for me,she tells me what i need to hear. which is very different at times than what i want to hear.

"yes."i say in a pouty voice. if i said anything else,it would be a lie. i've done enough lying to last several lifetimes and its bitten me in the ass so many times. sadly,its bitten other people in the ass as well.

"and whyyyyyy..." gretchen says,as if she is drawing something out of a child.

"because i hate her." i say grumpily. "i thought she was dead and i was happier with that thought." i finish with a grunt.
i would like to be more elaborate. but that is it. i hate nichole for what she did.i know this. gretchen knows this. this conversation is stupid and i want it to be over.

"do you think she cares that you hate her? you know the old phrase about drinking poison in hopes it kills your enemies..." gretchen says with a smirk and looking in my direction quite intensely. "she probably basks in that thought that you still hate her,to be honest."

"maybe she should care. if she is in that house,she will care by the end of the first day." i say,already feeling the blood start to boil at the mere prospect of having to share a space with my worst enemy.

gretchen is quiet again. i can see the gears turning in her head as she studies me. the ball of anger that her wife has now become. "o..k. since you refuse to be the bigger person. or even same size person." she starts before i interrupt again.

"im five foot tall. the fuck am i ever going to be the bigger person? taki is already almost as tall as me." this i true. takara is very tall for her age and in a few years,she will be taller than me. she and gretchen will look like the mothers and i am the daughter. fuck it,their tall asses can swing me as i hold their hands then. it'll be fun.


gretchen smiles after i mention takara and she leans close to me. "since you have to win. you got takara out of nichole. you wouldnt have takara without nichole. for better or worse,nichole left you. if she never left you then you never would have met me. if you hadnt met me then you'd be terribly sad right now. so yes, she did some terrible stuff and is a shitty person. but...a person that has been integral to how your life is now. the past is...well,do i have to go mufasa on you,cause i will." gretchen says with finality. as i've said before,it is a good thing gretchen isnt evil because she has some cult leader mind powers over me or some shit. because this all makes a lot of sense and it feels like a weight is off my chest.

"you...have some good points. i may have some less good points. besides,you're right. what are the chances of nichole shade coming back to big brother? i am probably the only one sad enough to come back to that house." i say,feeling slightly better about the situation. i am still worried i will see nichole in the house again,but..gretchen makes sense.

"thats right. who's my little b-list celebtrity? you are!" gretchen says in her baby talk voice and smooshes my cheeks together with her palms.