inside the harlots' tour bus as it rolls towards philly
the ladies are sitting on couch,passing a very tacky bong shaped like a wizard's head back and forth. the smoke hangs heavy in the air and empty bottles of skol vodka clatter in plastic tones over every bump.
"dude,we are NOT getting the deposit back for this bus." lydia croaks out while she tries to hold in a sizable bong rip. "they're totally going to know we smoked in here."
erica scoffs ," fuck 'em. they knew who we were when we rented this thing. they probably already charged studio60 for a new bus anyway. we need to make sure the label gets their money's worth." erica was a practical woman,if a little lax when it came to taking care of other people's property.
"i think they should give us a discount for not shitting in the toilet,loves." nina pipes up. peeing in an rv toilet was one thing, number 2 was something entirely different. a smoldering turd would make gargantuan bus feel very small,very quick.
lyida looks rather startled at this sentence."its ok if its an emergency though,right? like,if we are in the middle of buttfuck kansas and a burrito doesnt agree." she clarifies. there had to be exceptions. her delicate butt was NOT sitting on a truck stop potty. ever.
"nope." erica says firmly.
"ass hanging out the door at 65 mph. you'll have to hold someone's hands to ensure you dont fall out,of course. you DID get a poop buddy,right love?" nina asks,looking up for her drink.
"poop...buddy?" lydia asks with a raised eyebrow.
"yeah. poop buddies. every touring act on a bus does this." nina says calmly. " erica and i are poop buddies. chloe and the bus driver...." nina slows down as she speaks. realizing all the people on the bus are taken in the poop buddy contract. "oh...i guess you really will need to work on your balance,love. those gusts of wind can blow you right out the door." nina informs lydia cautiously.
"but...gretchen?" lydia says softly,while eyeing the door of the bus.
"you are NOT holding hands with my wife while you poop!" erica declares as if she is ready to fight.
"oh that is bullshit. why cant nina be my poop buddy then?!" lydia chuckles.
"some things need to remain a mystery among couples." gretchen's voice is heard from the kitchen. she is in there microwaving some left over pizza from a little ceasar's in virginia. "i cant witness erica poop and it'd be wrong for me to witness another woman poop."
lydia furrows her brows and throws a pillow at nina. " pshh. if that is how the poop buddy thing works, then its wrong for you to witness erica pooping!" she giggles and grabs a bottle of water to wet her very dry throat.
"fuck. i guess we didnt think the poop buddy thing out. most people just get freaked out by the term poop buddy." nina smirks and takes her own hit from the bong. lydia was clever and not easily grossed out. so she made a perfect addition to the harlots.
"ah you got us." erica grins at lydia. this tour so far had been a sort of initiation for lydia. life on the road was mostly just fucking around with each other to pass the time. this is what made or broke bands. sure,some bands could continue on for years while hating each other and retreating to different corners of the bus while en route to the next show. but the harlots were very much almost a commune. it wouldnt work as 4 people just going through the motions. erica takes her own puff and gets down to business. " so Pennsylvania. i am thinking we should throw in some dead milkmen covers."
"you know what,stuart?" lydia starts with a wide grin. "i like you. you arent like the other people here in the trailer park..."