His craftiness in the sack was something he wore as a badge of honor. He was not shy about using his sexual prowess and past experiences between the sheets as inspiration when it came time to write a song. There was nothing in the world that he enjoyed more than that feeling of driving a lover to pure ecstasy with his actions. It was superior to his own urges and relief. The noises that Ellie-Grace produced, the vocal pleads, the involuntary body jerks, the look on her face of absolute bliss. Every little thing got him going perfectly. Evident with the obvious bulge that was currently tugging inside of his jeans as he works his mouth over her clit and slit. Feverishly taking in as much of her juices as he can, his chin glistening from the dampness.

Ryan loosens his grip on her thighs once he can sense her coming down from her orgasm, his hands traveling up her sides as he moves his head away from between her legs, not before he sucks on her clit for a few seconds, toying with her heightened sensitivity. Their eyes meet again, a cockily sly smirk on display for a moment before he licks his own lips which were coated in her taste. “Shhh...” he hushes her as his hands move along with his head up her body, planting small kisses around her naval, dampening her skin. It was crazy in his mind that Ellie was apologizing for climaxing and the mess she created, as if that was any bother to him. It just added to this intense attraction he found in her. He did not want a mere minute to pass where she was not feeling his touch in some way. Neither of them had any idea what the future held and he did not want to waste a second of their time together right now. “It’s been too long since I’ve been trapped between your legs... I still love your taste.” He remarks once he reaches her face, leaning his forehead against hers and crashing their mouths together in another ferocious kiss.

As soon as their kiss breaks, he tosses their intertwined bodies over so Ellie-Grace was now on top of him. It brought back memories of the many times years earlier where they would be in this exact same zone, wrapped in sheets, spending hours just exploring each other. Back then it felt as if the bedroom was their only safe haven given all the vilification they experienced outside of it. In the shift of positions, his bulge now pokes against her more prominently. His fingers slid from her back down to her buttocks, squeezing them in the palm of his hands. “You drive me fucking crazy, Ellie-Grace...”

Ryan wished he could stop time at this very moment. This has been the perfect turn of events to get him out of his head and in a state of complete and utter bliss, more than the alcohol or weed on their own merits ever could. He didn't want to face the world and thankfully he didn't have to worry about that right now. He's had plenty of good sex in his life, some of those experiences more wild than others. It always felt different with Ellie-Grace and tonight was a reminder of that, despite the years since they've been physical together. "Is it really a secret why I always love going down on you?" He remarked after her own comment about her taste, smiling, her scent dominating the smell of the room. He could never pinpoint exactly what made every touch and sensation so much more impactful with her over past one night stands, flings, and relationships. In some aspects it could have been that her public demeanor and personality never truly foreshadowed to someone that would have these sexual layers to them. Unlike his that openly alluded to an active enjoyment of the act and the opposite sex. As cliche as it sounded, maybe it was the fact that he loved this girl that encapsulated each second differently for him both mentally and physically.

He takes in the sight of her bare breasts, licking his lips while he lets his gaze roam her figure, having the same effect it has always had on him since he first met her. No matter how many different sexual partners he's had in the years since their romance ended, he had this underlying desire for Ellie-Grace that he couldn't shake. He had several moments over the years where he wanted to call her up, each time opting against it, knowing she was not the kind to hook-up or appreciate being viewed as a booty call. It was natural that they organically reconnected before getting back to this point. "We've always had that effect on each other, haven't we?" He questioned, as everything felt very primal and second nature between the two. It always had. They didn't dive into sex immediately when they met, although it didn't take long for their once strictly professional relationship to shift into a new territory.

If he talked a big game, he had to follow through with it. He couldn't write about his amped forte without being skilled, and also well-endowed, the latter which had long been a running joke as to why he was able to date so many different women in the industry. Ryan bit down on his bottom lip when she trailed his fingertips over his shaft, her delicate touch making him throb and beg to be freed from its restraint. "Fuck..." He uttered out, looking down at her to meet that mischievous expression. Her teasing always got him most excited. He typically loved being in control once it came to matters in the bedroom, but there was something about seeing Ellie take charge that was electrifying. "I'm not sure which of us is luckier right now, to be honest... given who I have naked and on top of me right now."

Reluctantly moving his hands away from her hips, Ryan obliged with her request while maintaining direct eye contact. He unbuttoned his jeans tugging them down to just below his thighs, now his black boxer briefs being the only thing concealing his hard dick. "Clearly he's missed you too..." He said while a mischief smirk appeared on his lips. He takes Ellie's hand in his for a moment, having it wrap around his bulge and squeeze on it with a bit more force than she did herself earlier so she feels the pulsing of it under just a small layer of fabric. Ryan pushes her hand away, slowly pulling the seams of his boxers down enough so his manhood springs out, letting them rest just above his halfway removed pants. Every inch of his dick is on full display, standing in attention between the two. Every few seconds involuntary throbs emanating from it, clearly ready for some release for an array of different reasons. He was in fact well-built down there, certainly quite a bit above average in size on first glance, along with an up-kept and nicely groomed area around his dick. "Now what are you going to do about him, Elle?" he asked her as his teeth picked at the corner of his lip. Purposely, he used the nickname he would commonly refer to her back when they dated, one he hadn't said since their break-up.

Ryan has been running around nonstop since he had last seen Joshua out in LA. He's had very little downtime, keeping himself busy with one project or another. It wasn't an understatement to call him the busiest man in the industry right now. Despite his occupied schedule, he continued to prioritize his friends and those he cared deeply about whenever they needed him. While he had been absent from social media, he heard through the grapevines of some erratic behavior from Joshua. He failed to get in contact with him through most means, but once he got a hold of him he knew he had to go check on his friend first hand. It was a sudden decision that his management and crew was not exactly thrilled about, as a last-minute trip to New Jersey meant a pause on everything he was working on. Ryan simply did not care about that. Too many times in the past he let his own interests and selfishness get in the way of being a good friend, he was no longer going to allow that.

Part of him was concerned as to what state exactly he would find his friend in. He had heard of him falling off the wagon of sobriety before but never experienced it first hand. The worst he had seen was Joshua get too drunk, which was perfectly normal behavior he considered. Ryan wore a black peacoat, long-sleeve white colored henley underneath, and a pair of ripped blue denim jeans. He carried a duffle bag around his shoulder, the contents that someone on his team had quickly thrown together for him once he informed them that he had to leave town in a hurry. Although not getting much sleep in the whirlwind of things, he still looked immaculate, his longer pitch black hair slicked back.

Once he see his counterpart at the door shirtless and barefoot before him, he can tell something was a tad off, without even saying a word. He was clear that he would only stick around if he remained sober and he fully intended to maintain that promise. He can see through the brave face his young friend puts on, noting the odd mannerism and minor slur in his speech. He steps inside, the home looking rather dark and less put together than he was used to. Ryan grabbed a hold of Joshua's upper arm, pulling him closer to study his face. "When did you last get high?" He asked him bluntly, not wanting to prolong or sugarcoat things. "If you have any more drugs in here, I'm flushing them down the toilet, Grimmie. You hear me?"

Truthfully, he may not have been the ideal friend to call upon during such times. In his mind, someone like Ellie-Grace was better suited to handle someone in Joshua's current state, due to her nurturing side and more loving demeanor. He had thought about calling her to get her input but opted against it, both to not worry her with their mutual friend's situation, and also not wanting to deal with their own mess. "Son of a bitch, Grimmie." He sighs out, letting go of his arm, dropping his bag on the floor. Ryan was disappointed that he couldn't remain clean in the sixteen hours or so since he had told him he would be coming to visit him. As much as he wanted to stick to his own word and walk right out the door, he knew he couldn't. Joshua needed somebody with him and if he chose to leave him alone now... he didn't even want to think about what might happen. "You promise, huh? Is that like when you promised me you wouldn't get high last we spoke? Come on. Don't bullshit me."

Ryan saw a lot of himself in Joshua. That was something he would mention to those around him time and time again. Despite their age difference, both of them were on the road to redemption. They were two controversial figures who found themselves as equally hated as they were idolized by the public. Drug addiction was an aspect that Ryan had no experience in though. Sure, in his younger years he experimented with recreational drugs on the rare occasion, which he soon recognized as a lifestyle that didn't suit him. Now the only drug he partook in was weed, which was not an everyday thing either. The closes thing he came to using as a clutch in life was alcohol, nearly drinking himself to death a few years back. Not a subject he spoke about. He knows he has to show his friend a bit of kindness, even if he wanted to kick his ass for being so careless with his potential as a musician and human being.

"Fucking hell, Joshua. Why do you have to do this?" He questions aloud, although not expecting an answer to the greater existential crisis he was suffering. All he could find to do right now was pull Grimmie in for a hug, wrapping his arms around his bare back and holding him close. "You need to pull through this, you bastard. I'm 21 years older than you. You're burying me." He remarked quietly, half-jokingly, although terrified of the fact that life could go the opposite way for Joshua. There were already voices around him that worried about his friendship with the young artist but he refused to count him out.

It was no solace, but at least through all of Joshua's personal troubles he had an array of things stacked up and working against him. Ryan couldn't blame his past mistakes on a tragedy or some greater crisis. He was simply an asshole who had to hit a brick wall before he ever worked on himself to get better. He wishes Joshua had that same problem because he would be of more help. How do you deal with someone who has fallen on hard ways with drugs, to the point where they no longer provide the desired escape? It was a lot to take on and something that most would think he is crazy for trying to take on by himself but he felt a responsibility to do so. There's no telling if he, or anyone at this point, could help Joshua out of the pit he has dug himself in, but he had to at least try.

Ryan has gotten high enough times before to recognize when marijuana was involved, this was not it. One look at Grimmie was enough for him to tell that whatever slippery slope he has fallen in was involving something much stronger. It was a losing fight to battle someone who was protective of their clutch for sanity. He could spend hours tearing his house apart and throwing out any drug paraphernalia he found. Would that make any difference? Joshua was rich and had the resources to find more supply if he wished for it. Maybe he could be sober for the next few days while he was supervised. What was going to stop him for finding another high the second he was alone again? The task at hand is a daunting one.

If holding on to him was an assurance that he would be okay, he would do it all night. Sadly, that was not the reality of the situation. He didn't fly across the country with solely the hopes of things maybe resolving themselves through simple bliss. They were not going to catch up on their respective lives, shoot the shit, and share some drinks. "What are you putting in yourself, man?" He questions when he pulls Joshua's body apart from his, getting a good look at his face and examining the cut on his face with his thumb. "You have to tell me everything. I can't help unless you're honest with me. What the fuck is going on?" He stated in a soft and stern tone, trying to approach this as delicately as he could while holding his ground. "I'm here because you needed someone, right? So please be real with me."

Ryan’s concern was growing. A look at Joshua was enough tell to indicate that he was going through hell right now. His eyes looked vacant. Whatever substance he was putting his body through was making him a different person than the one he had gotten to know and love over the last year. He had his fair share of demons and flaws but all of them suddenly seemed minimal when staring at his friend. Was there a small part of himself that wanted to physically hurt him? Absolutely. If that were simple enough to get him out of his mental funk he was going through, he would beat him senseless. Unfortunately, this was not that simple.

He walks a few steps behind Joshua towards the kitchen area, unsure what exactly he was going to show him. Ryan had genuine fear for what Grimmie could do to himself. Selfishly he didn’t want to see such a talented artist burn out before his time. He didn’t want to lose a close friend. He didn’t want to see the woman he deeply cares about suffer the lost of someone she considered a younger brother. If he did anything stupid, it would have tremendous trickle effect in Ryan’s entire life and he felt slightly ashamed that the thought was in his mind to begin with. He refused to lose hope on him. It would be a disservice if he opted to try and help him then almost instantly give up.

Letting out a small sigh, he moves to the drawer Joshua opened and immediately sees an array of different colored pills. Having lived in the Hollywood scene for the better part of two decades, the assortment was not exactly surprising. In his younger party heavy days, most outings had several individuals who carried a back alley drug store with them. This was not shocking. Upon closer look, he’s taken aback by the other substance he finds. The tinfoil and small glass pipe reveal a much more serious drug dependency. “What.. the.. fuck...” He says quietly under his breath, more surprised than angry about the dramatic reveal.

“Are you fucking kidding me?! This is the shit you’re putting in your body, Grimmie?!” The strength and sound of his voice raises suddenly, trying to wrap his head around what he’s seeing in front of him, dropping his hands on the kitchen counter with the drawer still standing between himself. “Heroin... Are you trying to get yourself killed? Do you really not give a fuck anymore?” He exhausted out, unable to understand why, no matter the troubles inside his head, he would choose to partake in such a drug. “Does anyone know about this?” Ryan curiously asked him, doubting he had shared with many friends his newest drug of choice.

He hated all of this. There was no escaping it or lessening the seriousness of the situation. Joshua had dug himself in a hole that Ryan struggled to figure out exactly how he could help pull him out of. Revealing such a dark secret was a starting point, although it added a tremendous amount of weight on their friendship. It was the type of thing that Ryan didn't expect to be dealt with when the two initially met and grew close. Now this was the reality and there was no going back. He stayed quiet for a while, assessing in his mind what was the best direction to it at the moment. Ryan wanted to phone a friend who he felt was better suited to manage this but there was no way out to do such a thing.

"Goddamnit, Grimmie. This is... bad. I thought it was maybe some blow and pills. This shit..." he pauses, running a hand through his hair and sighing out. He wished there were words he could pull out to truly make a difference and help. Those words didn't exist. Nothing he said would be a sure fix to Joshua's heroin habit. "Fuck... you truly made a mess." He looked down away from him, shaking his head in both shame and disgust. "I'm not giving up on you... but it's fucking hard right now, man. I hate this shit." He slammed the drawer shut, unsure if it were something he should even bother throwing away or keep there knowing that if he didn't use this supply, he would find more elsewhere.

Ryan swallowed dry at the mention of the Fan Choice Awards being a week away. His concerns seemed far less when compared to Joshua, but he also had a lot weighing on his mind about that night, and his friend's relapse now added to that list of worries. As a public figure himself, he knew the struggles that go into perception and once the court of public opinion had a say in how someone looked, appeared, or acted, there was no going back from that. He has been fighting the ideas people formulated about him for years and drugs weren't even on his plate, unlike Joshua. Looking back up at him, he rested his elbows on the counter, leaning against it. "Listen... that's a big night. It's a lot on your plate," he begins, trying to manage expectations about that night. "I fucked up my image when I was in my late twenties. In different ways, but I understand the concerns of what everyone outside your inner circle may think." He waved his hand as he spoke, seeing that many had things to say even about the friendship the two had formed.

He paused to gather his thoughts, frustrated at both Joshua and himself for what was going on. There was no stopping the path Joshua had created from himself but he would be damned to sit around and let it happen. "You need to get a hold of this. You understand that, right? You can't continue on this slippery slope you're in." He looked dead straight at him, hoping that at the least this smart young man understood that much. "After the ceremony, we all can hang out and make sure you're well." He stated confidently, digging his hands into his pockets. "I will give you until then to tell, Ellie-Grace though. It's all up to you who you tell or don't tell your business but I'm not going to lie to her." Ryan explained, refusing to conceal his secret with her, even if it were something she could probably tell from a single glance at him.

"I get it," Ryan shared quietly, wanting to find some way to sympathize with Joshua, even if he couldn't relate to the extreme depths that his emptiness brought upon him, he could understand some of the mental illness behind such thoughts. "Do you know I go to therapy? I've been going to therapy for over 13 years now. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. An odd thing to learn about yourself at 31." That fact was something he had mentioned publicly a long time ago but it was not a sexy enough headline to hold much credit past a day or two of press coverage. "In some twisted way, my therapist is my best friend." He forced a chuckle from his lips, shaking his head at the sad irony of that. "I can't say I know every thing that's going on with you or every thought that is swimming in your head. All I can promise you is that there is a better way to manage your problems." He wanted to shout it in his face that drugs were not the safe haven he had built them up to be in his head. He wanted to drag him to rehab right this second if it were a bulletproof solution.

"So what are you going to do?" He questioned, unsure if Joshua had formulated some sort of plan or if he was just playing it by ear in his pursuit of avoiding Layla. The clock was counting down. He did not know her well personally but it was clear to him that she was smart enough to likely see through his bullshit. "I will help you, as long as you give me a reason to be here. If you will hit the pipe the second I turn around, I'm not going to stick around. I refuse to be a witness to you ruining your fucking life." Ryan bounced between gentleness and sternness, finding it impossible to play the role of blissful observant to whatever car crash Joshua would make of himself if he continued this way. He was honored that Grimmie held him to such high regard and wanted to fight to make him proud. He welcomed the embrace since he knew that sometimes you needed that human contact from someone you love. "I know you're sorry. It'll be okay..."

At the mention of skipping the after party entirely, Ryan found himself between a rock and a hard place. While he wanted to jump up and make that promise to Joshua for the sake of his well being, it wasn't something he could rush into deciding. There were specific plans in place as he promoted his next project and making at least an appearance at the party was something his team felt was needed. Ryan was no longer seeking out parties and treating them like a space where he could find his next female companion for the night, so he wouldn't be hurt skipping it entirely. Yet he felt like he would be doing another disservice to his management by going against their advice. He was his own made man and had final say in every aspect of his career, although he also had smart people around him who helped maximize his talents. "Yeah, sure... I'm certain you, me, Layla, EG... we can all figure something out." He stated with a gentle smirk, trying his best to agree with him when he pulled away from the hug. He wasn't outright lying and he threw others onboard who hopefully could keep an eye on him while he dealt with business matters himself. It didn't feel great to deflect it though.

Ideally, this would be a freewill visit where he had a bottle of some fine expensive sprit in hand for them to share as he spoke to one of his best friends about how he was ridiculously in love with a girl who they both knew. Sadly that was not the case and Ryan did not want to dwell on that. He had a lot of things to figure out with his own personal life, specifically where that stood with Ellie-Grace. "She... she means the world to me," he stated, trying to cover up a small smile that broke at his lips. It was clear as day that even the thought of her brought this overall joy to his face. There were a lot of questions still up in the air. What Ellie meant to him was not one of those he doubted in the slightest. "All the more reason you have to get your head straight, Joshua..." he remarked, patting his bare shoulder while he spoke to him in close proximity. "I love you, but if your actions hurt her... I will kick your ass." Ryan commented, usually a remark that would carry some give of a joke, but he told it straight-faced this time. He wasn't saying anything too exaggerated. Mess with him all you want, he can roll with the punches. Do not cause harm to someone he loved.

"Therapy is fucking weird at first. I went through about as many therapists as I have girlfriends before I found the right one for me." Ryan explained, definitely a fact which he felt more comfortable about sharing these days with those around him but was usually a rather awkward topic of conversation years ago, particularly when he would disappear for a few hours with some bullshit excuse to avoid telling an ex about it. In his pursuit for happiness he learned that honesty was a must, regardless of how difficult sharing those words could be. "If you ever want to give it a try, let me know. I've had the same therapist for about eight or nine years now. She is very discreet with everything. She is my longest standing relationship." That was no lie, given the fact that his longest romantic affairs lasted a year or so uninterrupted. "I'm managing." He said, not wanting to throw his own problems onto Joshua right now, feeling as if his issues were minimal in comparison.

If Ryan felt overwhelmed with everything that was on his palate, he couldn't even begin to imagine what Joshua was dealing with given his reoccurring pitfall of drug dependency. It must be the weight of the world on his shoulders at every turn and new challenge that came about. "You have to look out for yourself, first and foremost. It doesn't matter what the label wants, what the public wants, hell even what Layla wants from you. You can only give so much of yourself before you exhaust everything you have. It's not worth it." He tried to reason with him that his commitments were not the be all and end of all his problems. It was exhausting, but it shouldn't be treated as the end of the world, no matter how hefty things could get in their world. "I got your back, Joshua. I've told you this before. If you need me, please reach out."

In all honesty, Ryan just wanted to do all in his power to help Joshua. He wanted to ensure his wellbeing. Joshua was too much of a smart, talented, anomaly of a human being to ruin his life and career with such a brutal drug habit. "Of course you can. I believe in you, Joshua. Why else would I drop everything to be here with you?" He stated, wanting to breakthrough and get him to understand that he believed in him, regardless of the past history he had. Ryan was familiar with self-destructive ways. He had ruined many romantic connections when they got too real. Hell, he basically left a girl at the alter when he feared about himself and how long those feelings would last. "You're like a little brother to me. I selfishly want you around because I see a lot of myself in you. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I want you to be getting drunk with me when I'm 65 and you're barely in your 40s and I'm sleeping with some 21 year old girl then." He let out a small laugh, thinking for a moment about that hypothetical.

"It makes me nauseous how genuinely kind of a woman she is," he began, shaking his head at the odd connection the two have, despite their differing qualities. It was a classic case of opposites attract. "I already fucked it up once, man. I'm not going to do that again." Ryan said in a more hushed tone, sharing a bit more of his mentality at the moment, although he did not want to linger too much on his personal issues given that he was there for Joshua and nobody else. "So all the more reason I need you to get clean. You have to remind Ellie-Grace how fucking awesome I am." He stated with a small grin, trying to turn the conversation about to him.

Ryan was aware that there were professionals better suited to manage and keep an eye on someone who was struggling to stay clean. The interactions he has had with someone who was dependent on drugs were in passing for the most part. He dated a girl some years back who did blow rather regularly but he never really dealt with the fallout from that as they broke up before it became a real issue. The only thing Ryan knew he couldn’t do was leave Joshua alone and with his fallbacks at an easy disposal. He brought a bag with some clothes which he didn’t even touch since he came in, admittedly because he had his reservations that Joshua could be left unsupervised for those 5 minutes without finding a high of some sort. He knew of the stash in the kitchen drawer which he already dealt with, but he didn’t exactly believe Joshua’s word that there was nothing else in his home that could provide him a quick fix.

He quietly laid in bed. For the first hour or so he was mindlessly scrolling on his phone through emails and social media feeds. Noting a few calls throughout the night from his manager, publicist, and other business associates, he opted to put his phone on silent. Ryan was worried about his friend who laid beside him, concerned with all the scenarios that ran through his head that could result in Joshua getting seriously hurt or worse, from his battle with addiction. A tiny part of his brain was selfishly thinking about himself. What if there was no hope for Joshua? What if he was beyond saving? His public image had already been dealt several blows through the years. Being close friends with a heroin addict could result in several stories coming up, some that would likely make far fetched claims about Ryan in turn. The thoughts made him feel like a terrible person yet they were present.

For the following 2 hours, he got some shut eye for a few minutes at a time. While mentally he kept trying to fight off sleep, physically he was exhausted. These were suppose to be a few days to himself before the FCA hype week began. Now he was in New Jersey, doing everything in power to keep Joshua Grimmie away from the pipe. Every small motion that he made would wake Ryan up, each time looking slightly over to check on him. “Go to sleep, Grimmie. We’re waking up early to workout.” He said with his eyes closed, hands folded over his chest. He couldn’t possibly imagine the inner struggle Joshua was going through or if his approach to helping was the best option, but it was all he could do at nearly 3 am.