Welcome Guest! To enable all features please Login or Register.



3 Pages<123
Go to last post Go to first unread
Offline erich hess  
#41 Posted : 20 September 2020 13:14:55(UTC)
erich hess
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC)
Posts: 41,949
United States
Location: representing the 954

Thanks: 21066 times
Was thanked: 17237 time(s) in 10076 post(s)
ooc: dont feel this is up to the usual standard. its more of an introduction to lydia. i do plan on doing more with her than just having her play bass and being a background character. thus,this.

takes place a few days ago.

these auditions were brutal. it may have been a mistake naming which band people were auditioning for. it seems the harlots bring out every drunk and junkie in a thousand mile radius. at least half the candidates didnt even bring an instrument. you know that rumor that sid vicious never actually played a show and his bass was unplugged the entire time? that is pretty much what we were looking at. fuck,we should just see if karoliena will pull double duty and play bass for us. she probably would. wherever the harlots play,atomic war bride usually plays as well. especially nowadays when rock bands are rare as rocking horse poop. honestly,we had one candidate. she had the influences we were looking for. we werent looking for something like iron maiden. we werent looking for something like primus. the ramones,toy dolls,operation ivy and not sensibles. that is who we've sounded like since day one. death,taxes,and the harlots' sound. these are constants in the universe.

" so,what do you think?" i ask nina as we sit in the grand ballroom of the duke. the ship was in dry dock,but still usable . it'd be months before work started on it. it was weird not feeling the ship roll with the waves. it was better than renting out a rehearsal space. the general run down condition of the duke weeded out people thinking joining the harlots was a quick route to the easy life.

nina takes the bottle of whiskey from me and takes a drink. " i think we need to rethink that sponsorship from hot topic,love." nina says flatly. i know her concern,it is one i have as well: the harlots never looked like a punk rock band. one couldnt look at any of us and know what kind of music we play. i hate the punk rock uniform. it has never appealed to me. i dont own fishnets or a leather jacket. i have nothing studded and my hair is a natural color. "fucking well past 4 tubs of manic panic on that head." she says,passing the bottle to me.

i take a drink and nod along. " yeah,but shes pretty damned good." i say with a sigh. it doesnt feel right replacing jen,but we have to carry on. " i also dont feel like sitting through anymore people trying to impress us. its creepy and i hate it." i say honestly. it was weird to sit and see people obviously lying about how experienced they were,and then not be able to play a note.

"right." nina says with a little shrug. " so this lydia chick is it?" she asks me as if she is a game show hosting asking for my final answer.

"you think you can work with her?" i ask nina. i know its a question to answer a question,but chances are nina would be working more directly with this woman than i would be.

"cant really tell in an empty ball room. i'd like to play a real damned show with her and see if she has it,you know?" nina says non committing. i know what she means though. in a band,the real important thing is that almost psychic link you have with the other members. nina can read the motion of my shoulders to know when to stretch a song out or snuff it. i can hear the slight change in force to chloe's drums as a cue to give the next verse more intensity.

"yeah...we could do a livestream saturday to pop her cherry. it'll give us sort of an indication of how she is under pressure." i say,slurping down a sip of rotgut whiskey. our streams get a good 10 thousand people each night. so while it may just be us in the room,there are 10 thousand pairs of eyes looking at us....with instant feedback in the comments. we will know instantly if this isnt working.

"so,is she it?" nina asks again. i dont like making the choice. i thought WE were making the decision,but nina keeps batting the ball into my court.

i grumble an answer and get up and walk towards the door. my steps echo in the cavernous ball room of the duke. with the engines shut off,the ship is so quiet! i push the heavy wooden doors open and greet our rogues gallery of ladies. " ok.sorry,but we've made a decision. thank you all for coming,please grab a gift basket on the way out. we really wanted to take you all,but there is only one spot open." i say as sweetly as one can lie. these fucks were all terrible mostly. the ones that werent seemed to be under the impression we were a black metal band. the women get up and file out. there is a mix of swears and laughs as they exit. " greenie, you stay." i ask lydia as she picks up her bass and starts to leave. i didnt want to single her out and then tell everyone to leave. i motion for her to follow me back to the ballroom.

"congratulations." nina greets us and pushes a chair out for lydia to sit on. we had to do an interview to see if this woman was going to be a good fit or not. she could play decently enough. was she going to be a quote unquote real harlot,or just a hired gun that plays shows with us.

"you can play but we want to get to know you better before we offer a contract." i say as professionally as i can. it feels like i am pretending. like i am walking around in my mothers high heels and pretending to be a woman. we didnt sign shit when we started this band,but cassie insisted we handle jen's replacement professionally. something about it helping if things ever go sour between this new girl and us.

lydia sits in the chair and takes a drink of the whiskey nina and i had been sharing. "sorry. nerves." she explains as she puts the cork back in the bottle after a healthy drink. she wasnt a germaphobe. so that was a good sign. we also didnt know how clean she was...we may not want to drink from that bottle until we get to know her better.

"right. so,where you from?" nina asks,picking up a pen and a pad. like she was really going to take notes or something. i bite my lip and look out the window to keep from laughing. nina had the air of a substitute teacher who was way over her head,but was trying to bullshit her way through advanced calculus.

"memphis tennessee." lydia answers. when she speaks,we realize she has a surprisingly southern accent. she sounds like that one actor. the one who does terrible movies...matthew something. which in turn,sort of sounds like erich hess. i study her briefly and see the TCB and a lightning bolt tattoo on her fingers. i know ive seen it before,but i cant place where.

"lovely town." nina says while looking at her..notes. i have the feeling nina would have replied the same,no matter where lydia said she was from.

"so what do you do in memphis? you play in some bands or something there?" i ask while uncorking the bottle. the alcohol probably killed any germs.

"currently,i dont do shit. joining the harlots was death or glory. i quit my job,rubbed a troll doll's belly for good luck and flew here. but before that? i worked as a tour guide for memphis. you know,take people around town. show them the sights. s sun studio,graceland,sell some trinkets,that sort of thing." she says with a shrug.

"fucking graceland!" i say while point at her and nodding. that is where i saw that TCB thing. shes an elvis fan...or just really lived the memphis gimmick. lydia looks confused and slightly scared at my outburst. " the tattoos." i smile and wiggle my fingers at her.

"oh! yeah! i have loved elvis ever since i was little. i wanted to play guitar like he did,but my fingers are too fucking short and clumsy. so bass it was for me." she explains. i can see the tour guide thing. talking with her feels like she has known us forever. there is a real sense of familiarity that oozes from her.

"so you bet everything in the hope we'd hire you?" nina says with a raised eyebrow. "pretty ballsy. be a real dick move to send you back now." she grins evilly. she scribbles in her notebook to make it seem like she is doing something. i wonder if lydia can see through this as easy as i can?

"yes and yes it would be a dick move." lydia grins back at nina while fluttering her eyelashes. "so please dont."

"ooh,i like it when you beg,lydia." nina smiles at lydia. nina slaps the pen against the pad and it makes a comically small slap. all three of us giggle at this. this could work. this new girl seems to like stupid humor and god knows we are all about that.

"i like being made to beg." she giggles to nina and takes a drink of our liquor.
she wasnt intimidated by us.so that was good. she seemed to want to BE in the band and not just play for us.

"so what made you want to join the harlots?" i ask,sitting up in the chair slightly. this feels so weird. if lydia doesnt work,we just wont have a bass player. i feel scummy doing this to someone.

lydia doesnt waste moment before she replies, "money." in a pretty good impression of mr krabs. she brings a good point. we do pay pretty damned good,considering the effort we expend. "i've also been told i'm a natural entertainer. so i can probably get some eyes on the band." she says brightly. this is important. the harlots play music,yes. but i like to think we entertain outside of just our music. i seriously doubt i helped host the fca's that year because someone listened to...i dunno,pick a harlots album. this girl seemed to get that it wasnt just music ability we were looking for.

"how many shows under your belt,love?" nina asks,no placing the notepad on her lap. glancing down,i can see its a doodle of a snowman with a huge...and intricately detailed penis. the snowman is rather crudely drawn,but the dick is done in the style of an old woodcut. pretty impressive for nina using a ballpoint pen to draw it.

"not a one!" lydia says proudly with a wide grin. "i've only ever played bass in my house. " she adds with a laugh that says she knows this is an awful thing to say to a band that has toured the world for the past 13 years or so. " before you kick me out,consider i could have lied and you wouldnt have found this information out until our first show together. i tell bad jokes that get no laughs every day as a tour guide. i am used to bombing in front of people. stage fright isnt something i have." she says confidently.

nina and i look at each other. this girl was our only real hope and she never played a show before. this was somewhat of a concern. what if she froze when looking at a crowd at a festival? its overwhelming sometimes for me,and i've done this since i was 17. those festival crowds are crazy.it can literally be people as far as the eye can see. i want this covid shit to be over. i miss festivals. short sets,high pay and higher us. nina and i looks back to lydia in dismay and she simply winks at us and gives us finger guns. "typical harlots set can be up to two hours. you have that kind of finger dexterity,love?" nina asks.

"i can show you later,if you want." lydia tells nina slyly. i think lydia has caught on to what exactly nina and i are doing interviewing her. she knows she has the job and is now goofing off with us.

nina puts her elbows on the table and places her chin upon her palms. she takes a deep breath before addressing lydia." charming." is all she replies with.i think we are done here. lydia will probably be a great fit for the harlots. but i want to make sure my assessment is correct. does she know the score here?

"ok. so far,so good." i say with a tone of finality. i pick up nina's note pad and pretend that i am reading off of it. christ,nina put some detail on this dick she drew. it practically wobbles on the page. " are you ok with nudity? tasteful nudity,but nudity all the same?"

lydia pretends she is going to take off her shirt. " ok with it?! hell,i'll show you my tits right now." she cackles,but doesnt actually remove her shirt. yeah, lydia gets it. this is going to work. nina and i shake her hand and push the paperwork cassie prepared for us over to lydia.

"just a formality. welcome to the harlots,lydia." nina informs her.

lydia lifts the first piece of paper and looks down at it and back up to us." um...this is a joke,right? its a snowman with a dick. not even a good drawing of a snowman,but fuck! what a drawing of a dick." she laughs,turning the page towards us

"god damned kids! messing with my papers." nina yells,shaking her fist and sliding the real contract to lydia.
"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.
thanks 2 users thanked erich hess for this useful post.
BrownSugar on 21/09/2020(UTC), snap_itshannah on 21/09/2020(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#42 Posted : 30 April 2021 09:14:15(UTC)
erich hess
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC)
Posts: 41,949
United States
Location: representing the 954

Thanks: 21066 times
Was thanked: 17237 time(s) in 10076 post(s)
nothing is better than a shower after a show. if you'be been in the audience at a cramped and oversold punk rock show,you know how hot it is. now picture that body heat wafting through the air and combined with stage lights beating down on you. oh...and you have to jump around like a maniac for at minimum,half an hour. headlining? bump that shit up to an hour and half/ two hours. touring with a tourbus is amazing. yeah, the shower doesnt have good water pressure,so it feels like im being pissed on by a couple leprechauns,but its welcome when you are sweaty after a show and you need to go back in and schmooze with people. i'm heading through the venue to sit with gretchie at the merch booth. comfy shorts,a fresh tshirt and my hair pulled back in a pony tail. the smell of fruity shampoo wafts through the air around my head. i dont want anyone saying yeah, i met erica hess. she smelled like a foot. it was some shampoo that nina picked up somewhere. she always has a knack for picking out the best smelling toiletries for the road. now it isnt that well known,but some products just arent meant for the road. there is a science to picking out which ones work with 4 different people's chemistry AND those 4 people can all agree on.

rounding the corner i see gretchie looking the picture of boredom at the merch booth: head propped on arm just watching the next act in a daze. there is only so much playing around on ones phone that can be done before you've seen every tweet,looked at everything you could ever want to buy,or looked at the latest meme crop. it always ends up the same: head propped on arm,waiting for the show to be over. this isnt a slam against anyone. its just after awhile,all the shows run together. the initial run on the harlots merch was over,so it was just manning the post from here on out. sometimes people will spot me there and want to talk,but not all that often. "hiya,gretchie!" i chirp as i plop down beside her. i hand her a half frozen bottle of tea from the bus fridge. unlike most of us, gretchen does not drink alcohol. myself? i have a water bottle filled with a little fruit punch and a lot of everclear.

"mm?" gretchen says sleepily,removing the ear plugs from her ears. these are vital in our business. protect your hearing,once that shit goes,it doesnt come back!! "oh, erica!" she says reaching up to give me a hug. as i'm squeezed,i give her a little smooch on the forehead. "i didnt hear you come in. i was uh... busy selling all this stuff!" gretchen says giggling while gesturing at the booth's walls. they were covered in different shirt designs, vinyl records,stickers,underwear,bras,posters,etc. unlike erich and atomic war bride,we have no qualms about selling stuff. shirts and stickers are as punk rock as liberty spikes and sniffing glue.

there was a pretty good amount of what we put out that was gone. it is nice to see. not so much for the money aspect but for the fact people still want to wear our stuff on them. "You'll never hear me coming." I whisper into her ear.

"Now that simply isn't true." Gretchen replies before taking a long drink of her tea. She must be very thirsty as she downs near half of it in one go. She places her drink on the table and gives me a dirty little wink.

" Gretchen!" I giggle and hold my drink against her bare leg. This causes her to yelp like a small dog. Gretchen pouts slightly while looking around for something,anything to give her an idea for revenge. her eyes narrow and she quickly grabs my drink and throws it. I mean,she fucking chucks it across the venue. The bottle makes a pathetic crunching sound when it strikes the wall and ejaculates most of it's contents into the air. The fluid is highlighted against the venues lights before disappearing onto whomever was around the area. It's a punk rock show,most people get stuff spilled on them anyway.

"What now? Huh?" Gretchie says toughly, thrusting her shoulders at me aggressively. She places her tea bottle out of my reach,just to be safe. "You shouldn't be drinking that shit anyways. It's terrible for you." She tells me fairly seriously.

"I'll take that under consideration,mom." I reply in my best angsty teenager voice. I do kinda wish I still had my drink. Something I have noticed since returning to touring is...well, something that isn't sitting well with me. I HURT After shows. I am TIRED after shows. It might just be being out of the groove since the whole pandemic thing,or...I'm getting older. I didn't even get nominated for sexiest female this year. Ryan Ross hernandez,noted man about town, didn't even hit on me. Is...is my time nearing it's end?

"Oh,I'll definitely be your mommy." Gretchen says to me,pulling me closer by my shirt. "Your Alabama mommy." She finishes and kisses my nose. Yeah,about 69% (nice) of Gretchen and I speaking is done in sex jokes. It's just the way the world is. Frankly,I think we'd disappoint people if this wasn't this case.

"Ew." I laugh and scrunch up my face in disgust.i nod toward Gretchen's tea. " I think you owe me a drink of that. Since my drink is all over the floor." I plead sourly.

Gretchen clutches the bottle to her and shakes her head. " Fuck no." She almost shouts. " You'll throw it. I bought this 300 kilometers ago,you aren't wasting it." She says firmly.

I give her a pleading look and she just remains stoic. I am not getting this drink from her." C'mon. Please?" I ask in my sweetest voice.

"No." Gretchen mouths. She carefully uncaps the drink and drinks from it. She purposely makes it look super refreshing. The swallow is loud,as is the smack her lips when she's done. "You will throw it. You aren't getting it."

"Really,gretchie?" I ask in shock now. Did she really think I was going to throw her drink out of retaliation? .... Ok,I wouldn't give it to me either. Totally seems like something I'd do. "I did an entire show, gretchie. What if I dehydrate?" I whine pathetically.

She shakes her head again. Her blond hair whipping from side to side. "Besides,you don't know where my mouth has been." She says slyly.

"No...but I know where it's going." I retort with a healthy glance down.

Gretchen laughs before shaking her head again. " Not on that bus! I swear there is no privacy there whatsoever!" She says part amused,part dismayed. This was true. The bunks were all very close. The ONE time we tried,nina was making porno music while Lyds was doing the most obscene moaning I have ever heard. I don't even know where they materialized from. It didn't help that nina was wiggling a slim jim through the curtain. Like,it didn't help at all. It looked like I was in a glory hole in king tut's tomb. "Here. I'll hold the bottle and you can drink from it." She finally offers and holds the bottle out for me.

I raise an eyebrow and tilt my head. She really didn't trust me! " Fine, but don't get it in my hair or eyes." I warn. We both realize how dirty this sounds and we crack up. We must be loud because some members of the audience turn to see what the commotion is about. They're greeted to the sight of Gretchen giving me a drink from her bottle like im a small woodlands animal after an oil spill.

"You like that tea, dontcha? You dirty little girl,take all that tea." Gretchen sneers in her most perverted tone while stroking my face with her free hand. I let my eyes fall to the side to look at her. She smiles back at me warmly. The tea does taste good and does wonders for my thirst. I can almost feel each cell do a happy little jig as they become moistened. i give a little nod to let her know that i am done and she takes the bottle back. she caps it and places it far away from me on the table. gretchie knows me and knows me well.

my attention is drawn over to the plume of green hair. lydia is holding court with a plethora of people. i'm not saying i am jealous,but....cmon. erica hess,singer of the harlots is right here. the woman is a born entertainer and its hard to ignore her. i look at her and at some of the women around her. its not just women,but they are the ones i am looking at. i sigh as i feel the tightness in my thighs start to grow more intense. and no, not in the fun way. briefly i think about taking some of the many vicodin pills i have...which i totally have a prescription for...yeah. but i pause before my hand even goes in my pocket. i have been drinking all day and the joshua grimmie thing has me spooked. that has been me. that could be me again if i am not careful. i want to go see him but,i dont know. do we really know each other like that? besides,if i wasnt accidental theres probably only a few people he wants around. i know i'd have sent away anyone who wasnt honor when i had my little incident. honor..shit,i wonder how she is these days? under the table,i stretch my legs out to their full length and prop them on the bar that braces the leg of the table. i feel old. i look at lydia with bitterness and back to gretchen. " do you think lydia is hot?" i ask as innocently as i can.

gretchen looks confused at me and then looks to gretchen. our bass player looks to be having the time of her life over there with the people she's met. gretchen nods a little and looks to me without really moving her head. " pssh, yeah. but you're mine . i marked you as my territory and everything." she giggles with a little smile. shes referencing an incident we rarely mention. her giggle dies as we both think about the condition of joshua grimmie.

"i never marked you! you could leave me." i try to say as jovial as i can. the stiffening legs and the realization that i am not 18 anymore is really getting to me. i fold my arms and look over at our bass player. the ten years difference in age is becoming more apparent the more i look at her. am i really going to be the underground die hard at 50 years old? who is going to want to see an old woman on stage?

"weird thing to ask,erica. shouldnt we always think our friends are hot?" gretchen asks innocently of me and reaches down to hold my hand. i want to pull it away. sometimes its uncomfortable with how well gretchen knows me. she squeezes my hand before giving me a half smile and saying " you are the most vain fucking person i have ever met" in japanese to me. this startles me and i look up. outside of when we're home with taki,its rare that gretchen speaks japanese . she doesnt say it accusingly or angrily,but simply stating what she is thinking.
im not going to deny what she is saying. i dont believe it of course,but she seems to think she is right. " is karoliena hot?" she asks,now returning to english. she says this and looks at me expectantly.

now,it would be blasphemy to say karoliena wasnt hot. she is our friend and...well,a little more. those wednesday nights are orgy nights jokes arent just jokes. we've dabbled with each other a bit. we have to quality control the summers time black and blues products,right? " of course." i say to gretchen with a bit of a pout. i know where this is going and i dont want to hear it.

"ok. karoliena is how much older than you are?" gretchen asks in a leading tone. the truth is,none of us know. karoliena can be anywhere from 25-45. nobody knows and nobody has the balls to ask. i do know she is over 40. she's older than i am and i'm,ugh, thirty fucking eight.

"but shes karoliena and a damned vampire!" i protest loudly. "it is super unfair to compare anyone to her. she just gets more elegant as she ages. me? i cant even get the horny music industry to lust after me. i am starting to hurt after shows. i may as well go home." i tell gretchen,now wanting to be anywhere but a merch booth at this show.

gretchen takes a deep breath and looks at me with a look of near pity. this only makes me more angry. like she would know anything about this. "erica...nobody will ever be everything to everyone. look,in between all the very horny comments on my last instagram post..... fucking bitch has a karen haircut and a fivehead. 2/5 wouldnt bang." gretchen says,showing me her phone as proof. "there it is,erica. johnny peanut wont want to fuck me ." she says sarcastically. "youth doesnt last. you'll drive yourself, AND ME ,crazy trying to hold onto it. you're 38,not 68. you have a lot of fuckable years ahead of you,if it it makes you feel any better." she laughs and flicks my left breast up and down with her upturned hand.

i want to be mad,but this just makes me crack up. gretchie always knows just what to say to get me out of my funk. "yeah,but what happens when people stop coming to see us in a few years?" i ask softly . fame is the worst drug there is. i know i am not top tier,but it is nice to know people want to see me perform, they want to see me speak. i have a place in the world. i dont know what i'll do when that stops.

gretchen shrugs. " you haven't reached the top yet. so there are still options on which way to go. though,im always a fan of you going down." she grins at me and squeezes my hand again. ah, gretchen. finishing up a serious issue with an innuendo. i do wonder where i'd be in life without her. she always knows what to do or what to say.

"i love you,gretchen. you make this old heart flutter." i say warmly to her before bringing her hand up to kiss.

"careful,granny. can your heart take that?" she teases me and drinks the last of her tea. i narrow my eyes at her,both for the joke and the finishing of the tea. she hands me a bottle of warm water that venue provided us. they gave us water,but a method to cool it? fuck no. thats on us.

"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.
thanks 1 user thanked erich hess for this useful post.
BrownSugar on 30/04/2021(UTC)
Offline erich hess  
#43 Posted : 05 August 2022 10:34:49(UTC)
erich hess
Rank: Advanced Member

Groups: Moderators, Registered
Joined: 09/04/2010(UTC)
Posts: 41,949
United States
Location: representing the 954

Thanks: 21066 times
Was thanked: 17237 time(s) in 10076 post(s)
i sigh loudly as anarchy in the uk plays through the tour bus speakers. johnny rotten is such a poop but i do rip off how i hold a microphone from him. so i guess he is good for something. i cant play the music loud enough to drown out the idling diesel engine. we're heading out of somewhere south carolina to someplace in north carolina. the fucking pigs i travel with say they need road snacks and the only place open is wal mart. unless your favorite musician has people who handle their every need,wal marts at 3 am are great spots to meet us. i,dont have people. but i do have three hungry ladies who are willing to go into walmart.
"ugh. they are taking so long." i pout to an empty bus. i lean back in the passenger seat of the bus and try to spot them walking across the parking lot. i am so ready to get on the road and pass out. the show tonight just fucking killed me. it was oversold by a good bit and the entire building was just a big sweat spot by the time we left. the summer air of south carolina felt so refreshing in comparison. . so,yeah. i am ready for bed but i cant go to sleep because i need to watch the bus. its doors dont lock. shh!

"fucking drive,bitch!" in a gruff voice is the next thing i hear. for a brief moment i cant breath and i feel my heart stop. this is how i die: murdered in a wal mart parking lot....well..would it be murder if i just died from a heart attack?!

"good thing we werent cannibals,you'd be a wiener by now." the same gruff voice says before lydia pops around the corner of the seat and kisses my forehead with a loud smack! i can feel the smear of lipstick that is now on my forehead. she grins down at me while chloe and nina are laughing like some hyenas that have a whippet problem. i guess i must have dozed off. there is no way these three could sneak up on anything.

i make a little squeak as i yawn and stretch. if one is caught sleeping,one should commit to the bit. make them jealous THEY werent sleeping. "oh,i must have nodded off. super refreshing though." i say looking around at the bright lights and blinking my eyes. "hey!" i whip my head around and scowl at lydia, " why do i have to be ground meat! i am at least a steak." i tell her defiantly.

"dont think you're a meat at all,love. you're more of a nut." i hear nina say from behind me. the rustling of the bags lets me know it was a successful trip to walmart. the cupboards are heard opening and closing as the food is put away.

"you're mom knows all about nuts." i tell nina and hop to my feet. "and your's knows about wieners. " i tell lydia as i walk by her and towards the bunk area. the driver will be here soon and i am soooo ready to sleep. i just feel the cool sheets on me now.

"so....does that mean your mom is into girls?" lydia asks after a moment.

i pause with my hand on the door to the bedding area,my finger is just itching to sling it open so i can see my bed. "what?" i ask,looking back at lydia. lydia is sitting at the little table and in mid opening of a doritos bag. oooh,doritos! my eyes glance down and see the blue bag. ew. cool ranch doritos.

"does that mean your mom is into women?" lydia repeats. she now takes a loud bite of a chip and chews for a while. she does this while pointing the chip at me and bobbing it up and down in anticipation of speaking again. she keeps holding the chip as she visibly swallows. " you say our moms being into nuts and wieners with a tone that implies you think its something bad. so..what gives?" she asks,finally popping the half a dorito in her mouth.

"ooh. yeah. what DOES that mean?" nina says,far to interested in this conversation. she makes a great show of sitting at the table and looking at me for my answer. she has her head propped up on her elbows and eyes filled with wonder.

"it means..." i start and instantly know i have no where to take this. you dont bring logic into mom jokes. that is the mom joke's weak point. i look from lydia to nina and scowl a little. lydia sure has made herself comfortable in the band. look at her,messing up my joke. "i...i dont know what my mom got up to in college!" i say dramatically and throw my hands up in the air. i turn on my heels and go back towards the bunks again. a dramatic exit was the only card i could play here. besides,it could be true. i dont know each and every thing my mom has done.

"I'm not saying its even a good thing to own a chimpanzee. But that's freedom, folks." Alex Jones.
thanks 1 user thanked erich hess for this useful post.
BrownSugar on 06/08/2022(UTC)
Users browsing this topic
3 Pages<123
Forum Jump  
You cannot post new topics in this forum.
You cannot reply to topics in this forum.
You cannot delete your posts in this forum.
You cannot edit your posts in this forum.
You cannot create polls in this forum.
You cannot vote in polls in this forum.

Powered by YAF.NET | YAF.NET © 2003-2022, Yet Another Forum.NET
This page was generated in 0.296 seconds.