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Groups: Moderators, Registered Joined: 11/02/2009(UTC) Posts: 2,308  Thanks: 3 times
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Sorry guys, I've been pretty quiet, but there's been nothing new to say, really. I'll update you all now in as much detail as I can possibly give you, I guess.
My treatment's shown no real results so far, but the docs said it'll take time and they're not too worried yet. That's gotta be a good thing.. I think. That's the thing I hate about these doctors, they poke you around and prescribe you drugs, if you're lucky they'll stick you with a needle or two, but they never give you feedback. I'm feeling pretty out of my own loop, quite scary considering how this whole thing is about me... If you want any info, you've gotta ask your nurse. My nurse is truly amazing, and the only one who I feel actually cares about me, at least on the inside of these walls, anyway. I've written her a song, but I've not got around to playing it especially. There's an upright piano down the hall that I played a couple of times in my first few days here, but I haven't had the strength to walk there recently. Barely left this tiny room at all, actually. My room is just a generic hospital room, really. Every available space is covered with cards or gifts though, I get a lot of mail, and that's what gets me through the really hard days. That and my visitors...
Visitors, I've had a few, not that many, but a few. Regan's been in, the lads from Thunderwolf, Joshy, Raven, Bikki, Jimmy. Those have been the best times I've had since this whole thing started - visiting hours are over way too quickly though, and that always makes me cry. I've never felt so disconnected (ironic, as I'm plugged into lots and lots of machines right now). Every time people have to leave, my heart kind of breaks a bit, I guess. The visitors have trailed off the last couple of days though, which is odd. I think that to begin with, people were shocked and felt they needed to come in. Now that things have progressed a little bit, and now that nothing's changed, people are starting to forget about that initial shock, and the ones who only visited me because of that have stopped coming. I've still got my own little support group of really special people, though, so I can get through this with their help. I guess I should give you guys some sort of idea of what's going on with me physically, rather than just mentally, but I dare you guys to do this and not let it screw with your head...
My condition has worsened slightly, as you know I had a reaction to one of the drugs but that's all sorted. It weakened me, though, and I'm kind of feeling that. My actual therapy has had no real results, and they're being careful not to over do it and start causing more problems. My hair's started to come out now, just a little bit so far. If I run my hands through my hair, I get a fair amount falling out. That's a truly depressing thing, but I knew it was going to happen. They're just waiting to see if my tests get better basically, I haven't been told all the details. I also have to have injections into my spine a couple of times a week. I hate it, it's painful, but I won't beat this without. You gotta roll with the punches. I've got a little bit of a cough coming on now, they're keeping that well under check though. They freak out about the tiniest things, so I do too. I accidentally cut myself the other day, getting rid of my facial hair that was becoming patchy and that took ages to stop bleeding. Really, really scary. I can feel myself slowly wasting away here, I guess, shut away in my tiny, white cell.
I'm just gonna keep doing what I'm doing, every day seems like a blessing when you're really unsure of what might happen on the next.
Don't forget about me.
Jakey |
