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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#21 Posted : 13 February 2012 11:11:14(UTC)
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"A few weeks passed then months and I found myself alone most of the time. I didn't really have much of a choice at this point with my mother still working and being an only child. After Catharine had passed, my mother didn't take the time to find someone new to watch after me. I was glad, I didn't want anyone else but her. I guess she sensed it too because I had always felt no matter what, Catharine was there with me. She was always leaving me tiny messages to let me know she was there. It was never anything that anyone else would have picked up on, like the wind blowing at certain times whenever I thought of her, whenever her named was mentioned, or even when I would smell the scent of Honey engulfing me when no one else was around. Even after death she continued to watch after me.

I eventually started back going to school. I had taken about two weeks off because, to be honest, I wouldn't have been focusing much on school anyway. I was just simply bored of school. I was like every other child in high school, wanting to be famous. Music was what I was good at, the only thing. As far as I was concerned, I didn't need school, had no use for it. I could do the basics and so much more, hell I was answering questions the teachers couldn't. I had the brain of a genius but the patience of a lunatic. I made a lot of dumb decisions, not gonna lie, but I made them because they were smart. I've never made a choice without thinking it through and this was no different. I had four friends in life; Cash, Ben, Eli, and myself. Everyone else was unimportant and unnecessary to me. They were the only people I trusted and cared about, so of course I'd be rude to others.

Cash and I were dating so there was already history there. He was of course cute, and understood me. I couldn't help but to fall in love. Ben and Eli were two guys I met while walking home one day. It's funny, I never noticed them at school yet they turned out to be everywhere I was. We were always together, I mean everywhere. It was like one of those little cliques at school that I hated but we were the one that didn't accept anyone else into it. We didn't harm people or talk about people, we just wanted to make music, that's all. You know those people in life you think are gonna be around forever and will help you through the tough times? The ones that would be sitting next to you in jail one morning saying how much we screwed up? Those were the kind that I found.

We weren't a band yet, but we were getting there. We've always been more than a band anyway, a family but the fact we could all do what we loved the most together was a bonus. We had huge dreams and they were going to happen, no matter what. Most of the time we were practicing, playing in garages and basements. We thought we were the best in that time. It's funny how time changes things. I would have never guessed in a million years that we would separate the way we did and over the stupid issue it was. I look back and think it was all a mistake but like I said, I never made a choice without thinking it through so it was a good thing. Who needs a band anyway? I could kill all by myself. "

Edited by user 13 February 2012 11:12:45(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#22 Posted : 13 February 2012 12:05:30(UTC)
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"My God! We truly are a talented bunch. The fact that we write entire albums all on our own while the biggest stars in the world have 45 co-writers on ONE track?? Where the hell are OUR record deals and GRAMMYS?" -BrownSugar



Offline Princess_Valentine  
#23 Posted : 13 February 2012 12:17:57(UTC)
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Offline mebeme101  
#24 Posted : 13 February 2012 12:24:15(UTC)
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Offline Squeege  
#25 Posted : 13 February 2012 13:48:54(UTC)
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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#26 Posted : 13 February 2012 17:55:45(UTC)
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"My God! We truly are a talented bunch. The fact that we write entire albums all on our own while the biggest stars in the world have 45 co-writers on ONE track?? Where the hell are OUR record deals and GRAMMYS?" -BrownSugar



Offline genocidal king  
#27 Posted : 13 February 2012 20:16:27(UTC)
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Offline Hellspawn  
#28 Posted : 14 February 2012 00:10:39(UTC)
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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#29 Posted : 14 February 2012 08:13:47(UTC)
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"Majority of the time when we weren't making music we were joking around. Believe it or not I actually used to smile, laugh, and have fun. We always were easily amused at the dumbest things. Cash loved to mess with people by pranking them or even doing petty theft which eventually I got into. I didn't understand why people stole until I was put into that position. It was all supposed to be harmless and fun but one day I just couldn't resist. I never blamed Cash for it though because the choice was mine, the responsibility was mine and the consequences were also mine. I've never been one to point fingers or blame someone for my own mistakes.

For some reason, I've never been easily influenced. I never understood peer pressure exactly. Does someone hold a gun to your head and make you do things? I don't believe it exists, people do what they want, no one forces them. The fact that most of my lectures always began with that word, 'Peer Pressure' sickens me. Everything I've ever done was because I wanted to, no matter the idiotic choice. You would think since I stay so much to myself that I'd never get in trouble right? People like to mess with me, see how I'll react. Who am I to deny them their entertainment? That's all people are to others, a source of entertainment. No one cares about anyone unless they want something right? They want to be amused and who better than me? I'm the mysterious girl that no one knows anything about except 3 people.

To tell you the truth, I hate how interested people become with other people. It's just stupid, why be so worried about someone else's life that's not your own? When I made plans to become an artist, I didn't want someone to worry about who I'm with or what I'm wearing, bu what am I singing? What do my lyrics mean? I bet hardly anyone could ever answer those questions about me, they are all too fascinated on how I do every day things like speaking my mind. When I die, I probably won't be remembered for my music, no, I'll be remembered by what I said, how I said it, and who I said it to. It's like the world had forgotten about music and became obsessed with gossip, it's really a shame.

That's why I promised to shy away from the world, not let anyone in except those I trusted enough. I've always been that way. I didn't want to be the girl at school who had a new rumor or story to her every week, it's pointless. Days like these, I wish I had a twin. I want someone exactly like me so I don't go completely insane. I think that's all the world needs; two Lily's and it'll be fine. I was literally going insane during my childhood, no one knew it though. To me, I rather suffer in silence than to let the world hear. It's not like they can help anyway. It was with that mindset that the Lily everyone knows and loves was created today. This was the time I had met the end of the beginning of my own life and never realized it. One day Cash, Ben, and Eli offered me a drink. My life changed forever."

Edited by user 21 March 2012 07:08:23(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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"My God! We truly are a talented bunch. The fact that we write entire albums all on our own while the biggest stars in the world have 45 co-writers on ONE track?? Where the hell are OUR record deals and GRAMMYS?" -BrownSugar



thanks 5 users thanked RoseJapanFan for this useful post.
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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#30 Posted : 21 March 2012 08:46:39(UTC)
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"Alcohol became essential to my existence. I loved it and everything about it. Saying it was acting like a release is an understatement for me. It consumed me, all my thoughts, all my feelings. I never knew a feeling like the one I experienced when I drank. Everything stopped for a few minutes and I felt at peace. I used to come home and go down to the basement, spending hours alone and just drinking. I felt a sort of comfort in it, no one around me. I thought clearer when I drank. Time seemed to fly when I was drunk, which was fine for me. Everything seemed to be better; I wrote better, I thought better, I felt better, essentially I thought I was better. The thing that really sucks after all of the exultant feeling? The next morning when it was gone and all I had to show for it were some lyrics and a headache that I felt was going to make me commit a murder on someone.

I never once blamed my alcoholism on the death of Catharine, that wouldn't be fair. I blame it solely on myself. I don't see it as a bad thing though...maybe when the time comes that I make a complete idiot out of myself, then yes I'll see it as terrible, but until then, it hasn't harmed me yet. People always want to see the negative things, just a bunch of pessimists. I refuse to just let something go just because it's not at the top of approval from others. To each their own right?

Fast forwarding a couple of years, we're an official band. Everything was perfect, at least to me. Focus was on music and getting to the top. I had hid my alcohol addiction from them because I didn't want them to think I couldn't handle it, I could. It's hard being around people and acting like I didn't want a drink when all I wanted to do was take the entire bottle, lock myself in a room, and drink until I passed out. I couldn't let them see me that way, at least not until later. I believe everything comes to light eventually and I was no exception. Truth is, I lied. I lied to the entire world when I said that the band got out of control because of money disputes. It was me. I ruined what took us nearly our entire teenage years to build but that's later, this is now.

Our first gig was crazy. I fell in love with performing live after that and so did the rest of the band. It was small, nothing we didn't expect and we were shocked at how many people actually turned up. We were in the zone, we felt like rockstars. The Dirty Bastard was the perfect place to play, it had all kinds of people and producers staying there so we essentially got our big break then. It didn't take us long to head to LA and record our first ever single, 'Screaming in Silence'. Even though the single did terrible, we were very proud. It was like everything was finally happening the way we wanted to then my at the time idiot of a boyfriend, decided to start the fire..."


OOC: Chapter Two Coming Soon!
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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#31 Posted : 12 April 2012 09:20:42(UTC)
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"As I sit here and write these lyrics, it almost makes me laugh. I've been sitting here for hours and hours without rest, thinking of ways to express myself and slowly give some insight on who I am. It's not that I don't want people to know about me, it's just that isn't my sole purpose in this business. I'm an artist, I create music and define what it means to be a musician. I didn't think it would be relevant at all to know who I'm sleeping with, who my friends are, and all my personal problems. I guess lyrics are my way of telling my story without breaking my rules. I've never wanted to be just some singer who has the typical 'rags to riches' story, people wouldn't see me for who I'm truly am; Lily. It's during this realization that I've come to notice just how significant everything is to me. I find myself documenting all the important things that are happening to me now. I feel a little guilty that I haven't done this before but now it seems that all the deaths and fatalities happening, life is becoming too short so why not do something useful?

Compassion is something that I've come to show lately, with only a few. Some of the most noticeable cases are with my band. I've been through a lot with those guys and I wouldn't have gone it a different way. I guess it was supposed to be a learning process and I've definitely learned something from it. I've learned how to be stronger, better, wiser, I've learned from all our mishaps and our screw ups. Another person would have to be Jay Asbridge. In the short time we've been together, I've learned from even him. I've learned to sometimes enjoy myself and just have fun. I used to always be like that when I was younger but now? I guess I'm slowly learning again. I love how we're able to talk so easily and openly. i can share all my secrets with him and he never judges me. I told him, and only him, about everything. In fact, he probably knows more about me than my own family. I love him, honestly with all of my cold heart. Who knew I of all people would fall in love with someone so great?

One of the last person who has ever gotten close to me is my good friend Amy Meyer. Of course you can see the respect we have for each other but why wouldn't we? It's obvious how great we both are. We've grown close over the past few months. I think we were meant to be friends you know? I find it rare to find people who enjoy what I enjoy, agree with what I agree with, and reminds me of myself, but in a different and more better way. She's like the reincarnation of myself before I've even died yet. One might think we're polar opposites, her bright personality to match her hair and my dark, twisted to match mines. I guess opposites do attract but we're more alike than people know. I consider her to be a great friend. It seems that everyone in the business has that one friend who they feel comfortable around, can tell them anything. Well, I've found that in Amy. We may not communicate publicly as much as other celebrity friends but trust me, we're close. I trust her, not a bone in my body doubts our friendship. The sad thing is, I doubt even she could understand just how I really am inside.

It's like finding your purpose in life only to have it crushed by someone else's own problems. Initially, I didn't want to get too close. I've always been a sucker for having distance. I don't want to infect those harmless around me. I wouldn't wanna be an influence to anyone, good or bad, because I know that one day my true self will shine through and no one will ever think about how good of a singer I am. No one will think about how artistic and weird I was. They will see my name and think only one thing; my mother. It's true, we don't have anything in common my mother and I but we share one addiction. This addiction has caused a great deal of pain already in all the lives I've ever seen but I'm determined to beat it. I'm determined to show the world that not everyone is a lost cause. But who am I right? I can't even beat my own demons, let alone preach about how to overcome them. I am nothing by a shadow in my own life. I've lost control and I'm just along for the ride now. I wonder who will save me?

No, I don't wonder that because I'm too prideful. I don't want to be saved by anyone or hide away like a coward. I've already acknowledged and accepted my own fate, my destiny. I'm sure if people saw my life in my eyes, they would know what I mean. To those who don't it only makes the ride down the path known as my life and career even more mysterious. I could tell everyone everything about me but then where would the fun be? I love to leave people guessing and questioning. It's life; no one knows what's going to happen next, it's just life. This thing called life of course can have it's ups and downs, my life being one of the biggest downs of all. It might sound like I'm ready for something in all my songs. That's because I am, what? Well, it's up to your own imagination.

As I sit here and write these lyrics, time escapes me. I'm nothing more than just a vessel for my own demons. They run my life, they control me. I haven't admitted defeat yet, I've always been a fan of the underdog and who would have thought I'd be one in my own life? I could be the next big thing but I've got a weight holding me down. Truth is, I've been holding back. My music is nothing compared to what it can be. I could do so much better, so why do I not? I'm afraid of what will come out. I've always had comfort of knowing that my own personal experiences can be shared through music but what if? What if they cause me to go back to the way I was before? I can't go back to that or it'll be all over. For now, I'm back in my box. No one can let me out except my own self but I'm too afraid to do it. No one would recognize me if I escaped. No one would know who Lily was anymore..."

Edited by user 14 June 2012 15:09:38(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

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"My God! We truly are a talented bunch. The fact that we write entire albums all on our own while the biggest stars in the world have 45 co-writers on ONE track?? Where the hell are OUR record deals and GRAMMYS?" -BrownSugar



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Offline Princess_Valentine  
#32 Posted : 12 April 2012 10:30:02(UTC)
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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#33 Posted : 12 April 2012 11:11:05(UTC)
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User is suspended until 28/07/4752 18:55:55(UTC) Walton  
#34 Posted : 12 April 2012 11:20:51(UTC)
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Offline mebeme101  
#35 Posted : 12 April 2012 11:53:33(UTC)
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Offline genocidal king  
#36 Posted : 12 April 2012 15:56:44(UTC)
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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#37 Posted : 12 April 2012 21:10:57(UTC)
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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#38 Posted : 15 June 2012 10:52:28(UTC)
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"When I woke up, everything confused me. I felt like someone had beaten me with a long cane and then left me to die. It was the first time I had ever had a hangover and it really did something to me. Yes it hurt like hell but I couldn't remember anything about why I was sad or angry in the first place. I know this would be my way out. The others thought it was funny that I had managed to pass out and I was called a lightweight for months but that title is no longer mine. I learned to handle my liquor and fast. When you drank around my band, you wanted to make sure you weren't visually impaired. This is where the first of many problems started. I never did anything stupid like drinking and driving, but I did let someone take advantage of me. I guess it could have been helped but I was way too gone to even want to stop it. It was my very first time too, imagine that. Cash and I had always been closer than anyone else in the band for some reason, I was just drawn to him more and he more drawn to me. He wasn't that bad looking either for my standards. I believe he would be called my first love which to me was insane that I was even thinking of love at that age.

Cash was like, in a weird, sick way, like a father to me. The guy was always looking out for me, he was overprotective, almost like a father. We didn't date then but he made it known that he wanted me and no other guy would stand in his way. He nearly threatened any boy that tried to come my way which in the end we'd end up seeing each other anyway. I always knew that he found out, he just never said anything about it. In a sense, I guess I was hurting him but didn't know it. It wasn't until we first got discovered as a band that we started to explore our feelings for each other. The only thing that scared me the most about Cash was that he knew me, too well. He always knew what I was thinking, what I would say, he could practically make decisions for me when I wasn't at band meetings. I hated that but I also loved him for it. He seemed to understand me when everyone else didn't. It's like, just when I had gotten comfortable of being alone and no one knowing me, this jackass comes along and takes that from me. Things weren't always great for us though, we fought a lot, over that exact reason. He was trying to control me, trying to tell me what to do and as you can tell, I don't work that way. I'm not a robot that's programmed to do as he commands.

I thought that would be the end of my problems but no, it wasn't. See, the more I drank, the more I blacked out for some reason. It's like I would be perfectly fine but I would still black out. I never figured out why I did that and then I realized it was dangerous now. I couldn't just drink with anyone and everyone which made it harder. I'd have to sneak drinks in and that's when it became a problem. I drank all the time, anytime that I could. It made me feel better as a person once that liquid ran through me. Once it touched my throat, It was like a healing process. My soul, my body, it was healing and who was I to stop it? Then of course, everyone had a problem with it. They wanted me to stop, there they went again trying to tell me what to do, so I lashed out. I lashed out on anyone who dared tried to take my healing away. It wasn't fair to me. After all I had been through, they wanted to take away the one thing that made me feel good, that made me feel sane.

As if all of this wasn't stressful enough, Cash wanted to take our relationship to the next step. He wanted to marry me which I thought was silly.."
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"My God! We truly are a talented bunch. The fact that we write entire albums all on our own while the biggest stars in the world have 45 co-writers on ONE track?? Where the hell are OUR record deals and GRAMMYS?" -BrownSugar



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Offline RoseJapanFan  
#39 Posted : 26 July 2012 09:25:44(UTC)
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"Life is like wind. It can be the best thing ever or it can be complete hell. It can lead you to places you never though you'd be or it can destroy you. My life was more or less like a typhoon. There was no set path, there was nothing that was planned really. Everything happened by chance which is pretty much how I live my life. Planning things seemed like a waste when half of the time, things never went your way anyway. I didn't bother to mess with the forces that be which were controlling my life. Most of the time, I'm too drunk to even know what is going in my life, which is why this particular event that took place came as no surprise to me. In a way, I had expected it to happen. The world is only so big and you're bound to bump into people you know. It had to have been fate because I don't believe anything just happens in life, usually there's some grand plan or whatever. I didn't expect this to happen though. For some reason, I felt like out of all things, this would be least likely to happen. An asteroid could have wiped us out sooner than I believed this, but it happened and as always I was left to face it on my own.

It had to be fate like I said before because I wasn't planning on even going out for a drink until my mind was otherwise convinced. This certain event took place 4 years ago, when I was still touring with my band around the middle of the year. I was sitting on the bus, isolated from everyone, when I decided to get some air and a change of scenery. There was a bar nearby and it seemed the only choice I had for a hang out spot. To me, it was nothing spectacular, just another building in the world full of buildings and yet that place changed my life that night. I wanted to have a quiet night for myself, which is what I normally did after crazy, hectic nights. The previous few nights had been what the other band members would have called a 'Lily and Cash Lovemaking Session.' It's unexplainable how two people can grow closer while traveling on a bus with 3 other men. It was true though, we spent most of our time locked up in my bedroom, in our own little world. It was one of the highlights on our tours.

As I made my way into this bar, it dawned on me that I didn't even know if I had money on me. It was, again, fate that led me to be at this place. Once I checked my pockets though, there were some bills there, enough for at least a few drinks. I smiled a little and was relieved, I'd be getting some alcohol in my system tonight. There was a vacant seat at the bar by a man wearing a black and red plaid shirt with the sleeves cut off. I didn't think much of people that were around me but he struck me as familiar, which was weird considering I had never been here before nor had I seen him. Walking to the seat, the man took a glimpse at me and then continued to drink. Once I was settled in, I ordered myself some Whiskey. I've always been a fan or it and not really one for fancy liquor. The bar had a good amount of people in there, mostly men in their late 20's or 30's, it was sadly a place I found comfort in. I ran my hand through my hair and then looked over at the man beside me. He had a rough face, one of someone who had seemed to have gone through a lot. His eyes were read as if he hadn't slept in so long and had been drinking his life away.

He smelled strongly of Whiskey himself, which for some reason I didn't like. It was odd enough that he seemed so familiar but the fact he smelled like he had bathed in a bath of alcohol and I thought it was a rancid smell? That was two red flags right there. He occasionally kept looking at me and we caught each others gazes a lot. His eyes were like mine, green with a bit of hazel in them. I recognized the look he had on his face, one that seemed to grow weary of people and things. One that was almost torn and weak, but I hadn't had that look in a long time. Over and over in my head, I wondered where I knew him from but I couldn't put my finger on it, not just yet. The bartender came back to me with my drink and I thanked him. Soon after, the man looked at me once again and decided to speak. "You know," he started, "Whiskey has helped me through a lot of tough situations. I really love this Whiskey...but I hate it too." I had no idea what this man was going on about but for some reason, without thinking, I responded to him. "I know what you mean. It's helped me through some tough stuff before..." My voice drifted off as I realized I was talking to a complete stranger. He just looked at me with a smirk on his face. "Medicine and disease right?" At first I didn't understand what he meant by that. I glanced at him with a mix of confusion and wonder in my face. Something from him, it drew me in. I didn't know what but I felt compelled to talk to him.

The man finished up his drink and ordered another one, meanwhile for some reason I hadn't touched mine at all. I had never had this happened before, I've always had the urge to drink but now it was like I wasn't even interested. I looked back at him, he was looking ahead of him now. He scratched his black stubble on his face and then let out a sigh. Shaking his head, a laugh came from his lips. "Sometimes I wonder if this is all a joke. Is my life a joke for God? Was I made to be a punchline for others?" I couldn't help but to become even more intrigued with him. It wasn't the first time I've heard someone in a bar babble about life and etc but I felt the same way he felt. I wasn't about to go on a rant about why I was made and all that crap but I didn't mind listening to him. "But you don't care do you? I'm just some man in a bar rambling about God know what right?" He chuckled and flashed his smile at me. I just looked at him. "If you're gonna go down the suicide path, I suggest you just talk to someone else. I'm more likely to cause you to want to kill yourself rather than make you stop." He laughed again, this one a warm laugh. "No, don't worry about me." He moved his arm up on the bar and that's when I saw it.

Right along his arm sat a very striking tattoo. It wasn't striking as if to say that it was vibrant in color or amazing but I knew that tattoo. The tattoo was one of many that I knew he had now. This particular tattoo was a spider in a web, at least you could see the web and part of the spider but I didn't need to see the rest. He caught me staring at his tattoo and he spoke. "I love spiders, always have. I thought this tattoo would be my way to pay tribute to them but I'm also fascinated with the way they are. The way they can make their own weapon from their own body and kill damn near anything and everything, and it's only about as big as a fist." The words hit me as if someone had connected their own fist to my face. This man was no longer a stranger anymore. The scent of Whiskey..it was all too familiar now. The tattoo which I had heard being described before and it somehow never left me. I knew at that moment that this was a sick, twist of fate happening there. No more did I feel at ease, I could only feel anger and bitterness. It had been so long since I had felt this pain before. What were the odds of this happening to me? Right then, it kept hitting me that I had been sitting beside my estranged father for no longer than 10 minutes now and I already felt the hate. His eyes were familiar because they were my eyes and I had been staring at them and thought nothing of it until now.

My body had frozen up and I couldn't speak. All I could do was stare, stare at the man who was my own father. Here he was, drowning himself in alcohol next to his daughter and he had no idea at all..."
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Do you like reading reviews on anime? Manga? Games? Do you wanna support a fellow black nerd? Then click above.
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Isabel-Pixie-Nova-Jennifer Armstrong-Dylan Shaw-Eden Pryce-Taara Jay-Jupiter Jones-Imani
Kato-Eilidh-Nothing But Trouble-Hayden-Serenity Scott-Anaísz-Kimi Kubo


"My God! We truly are a talented bunch. The fact that we write entire albums all on our own while the biggest stars in the world have 45 co-writers on ONE track?? Where the hell are OUR record deals and GRAMMYS?" -BrownSugar



thanks 2 users thanked RoseJapanFan for this useful post.
erich hess on 27/07/2012(UTC), C4AJoh on 27/07/2012(UTC)
Offline Wont Be Denied  
#40 Posted : 26 July 2012 11:08:56(UTC)
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Mike: That's the same way I met my old man for the first time. Well sort of, we talked but I never told him who I was. I wrote about it in the WBD song Drunk Encounter. Maybe you would like to guest on it when we re-record it?
Wont Be Denied consists of:

Mike Williams - Lead Vocals/Rhythm Guitar
Kyle Gilliam - Lead Guitar
Chris George - Bass Guitar
Aaron Louie - Drums
thanks 1 user thanked Wont Be Denied for this useful post.
RoseJapanFan on 26/07/2012(UTC)
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