Artist: The Harlots and Atomic War Bride
Title:
The Harlots/Atomic War Bride Split single
Label: Studio60
Format: 7" vinyl
review:If you've ever been to a harlots show,chances are that you've been to an atomic war bride show. this also can be flipped. the two bands have been intertwined for the better part of 11 years at this point. with many established rock bands falling to the wayside,these two bands have inherited the throne of top dogs of the rock world.... for better or worse. they've played together but never recorded together. lets see what they came up with.
the record isnt labeled A or B side. A side is just whichever you happen to put on the turntable first. (this is a vinyl only release. but its a matter of time before someone uploads it to youtube.)
first up,we'll go with the harlots.
this is a first for the harlots. this is an...well,ugly sounding song. the harlots have made a career over making loud and intense music,but it usually always catchy and bounces right along.
go ahead,punk.. is none of that. its a repetitive bludgeoning of the same few chords over and over with erica snarling the words. when has "erica hess" and "snarling" ever been in the same sentence? the harlots have also never done a quote unquote serious song. usually any issue is tackled with a good natured nose thumbing,even the most serious issues, but not this time. the only humor to be had is the dirty harry quote next to charles bronson. and most people these days wouldnt care about that discrepancy. it's an oddball in the harlots repertoire,but a good change from songs about..whatever erica is usually on about. soundwise,its the harlots. even at being ugly,they are one of,if not the,tightest band around. nina's guitar tone strips paint at 30 feet,chloe's drumming can be used to set clocks,and the new addition of lydia's bass clacks away like a bomb's timer. and yes,erica's forced punk rock screech works here. after all these years,finally her punk rock voice works. (seriously erica,we KNOW you can sing. stop pretending you cant.)
erica sez:it's obvious when i wrote this song. right after that little dickhead was found not guilty. i wont even use his name. there is this oddly american..fetish? fixation? ...hope? one can be that vigilante tough guy hero taking out the bad guys. but in most people's day to day life,that just isnt the case. most people go their entire life without running into a situation where they really need that gun. so,they imagine those scenarios. or,create those scenarios. if someone is an asshole back to you,well,you had to defend yourself. right? those guns and carry licenses aren't cheap. if you dont shoot someone,that is just money wasted. i distinctly listed off fictional characters in this song because these people live in a world of fiction that has real life consequences.
Review:now we get to atomic war bride's "ikea love"... at this point,if you've heard one atomic war bride song,you've heard them all. they make songs to drink cheap alcohol and cause chaos to. atomic war bride never comes off crass enough to be truly offensive and isnt sexy enough to be arousing. instead,this is just another immature sex song from people who should know better. they're all at least in their thirties by now,this isnt funny. it arguably was never funny. being on the physical flip side of the harlots only serves to show the cast chasm of talent between erica and erich. atomic war bride is that friend that peaked in highschool and always talks about how they used to be cool...only they were never cool. at all.
Erich sez:i love going to ikea. just fucking adore it. providing its early in the morning. i hate being there packed asshole to elbow with people. most of all,i love the rooms they set up there. i want to live in ikea land. it all looks so great. so much storage to put things,so much room to get things done. bookshelves packed with books printed in swedish. why? seriously go to ikea and look at any book on there. its usually in swedish. i like that touch. i can pretend im in sweden and living a happy life and my happy swedish wife will pop in and say "hallo!" then...well,we are married. so naturally we'd fuck all over every piece of furniture in our ikea land house. this song isnt fancy. its about sex in ikea.
The Harlots
go ahead,punk. make my day.
gonna get a gun.
gonna be a man.
i can start shit
and always be ok.
got my equalizer.
always in my pocket.
all i need is an excuse.
give me an excuse.
the suburb may not look it
but it's damned battlefield.
the have nots are out to get me.
or damage my property.
neighborhood watch is a bunch of pussies.
wont do want needs to be done.
we dont need a watch.
we need a militia.
a militia of one.
just like rambo.
just like dirty harry.
just like paul kersey.
just like travis bickle.
some day a real rain is going to come.
and i'm the cloudy sky.
so go ahead
look at me wrong.
give me the finger.
walk on my lawn.
wear a hooded jacket.
you'll be dead.
i'll be telling the story.
i was threatened
i was defending myself.
i cant wait to defend myself.
Atomic War BrideIKEA love
There's a place i know
Where all the cool cats go
Called IKEA
IKEA
On your knees
Is where I want you to be
At IKEA.
IKEA.
*Stereotypical Psychobilly bass fill ramping up to speed*
I wanna bend you over the GAMLEHULT.
Fling myself into you like a god damned catapult.
Right there in the middle of the store.
Right there with a TIPHEDE on the floor.
IKEA love!
Gonna taste your vaginal walls
IKEA love!
Instead of sensibly priced meatballs.
IKEA love!
Gonna slap your behind
IKEA love!
Amongst all that affordable Scandinavian design.
IKEA love!
Lets go!
C'mon baby, serve yourself up on the MALM.
We'll rock that thing until the break of dawn.
If we smash that to splinters
like two moose fucking in the winter,
we'll take our filthy acts to the EKTORP.
IKEA love!
Gonna taste your vaginal walls
IKEA love!
Instead of sensibly priced meatballs.
IKEA love!
Gonna slap your behind
IKEA love!
Amongst all that affordable Scandinavian design.
IKEA love!
Lets go!
Baby,i want you to squirt like an orange on a SPRITTA.
what we're doing is dirty,but our hearts are pure like brita.
after a long night of passion,i'll make you breakfast.
bacon,eggs,and waffles. all on my finest OFTAST.
IKEA love!
Gonna taste your vaginal walls
IKEA love!
Instead of sensibly priced meatballs.
IKEA love!
Gonna slap your behind
IKEA love!
Amongst all that affordable Scandinavian design.
IKEA love!
Lets go!
sounds like:
