Hello ladies and gentlemen. I am Mr. Capps, my job is to review music. For that is what reviewers do, and what I am is a reviewer. I have been recently hired by the magazine which you hold in your grubby and greasy hands to do my job. And that is what i plan on doing in the for coming sentences. So I shall now begin the review of Hellspawn's new album, "Thousand Eras Of Death." It sucks. Now lets admit it, Hellspawn has slowly began the transition of thrash metal into trash metal. I suffer though the infamously boring "Hellworld" trilogy only to have all my hopes crush by "Anthems Of The Damned" that this band could regain its former glory. TEOD just sealed the deal, Hellspawn is dead. I love "Last Rites" with all my heart, but listening to TEOD i felt my ears throw up and I pop the cd out of my stereo and threw it out the window. Maybe "Last Rites" was literally the last rites for Hellspawn?

Thousand Eras Of Death
rating
0/5

This has been a review from yours truly
Mr. Capps

Edited by user 09 July 2010 07:01:38(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

OOC: I am reviewing the new album from Hellspawn.

OCC:Nope, im actually new. And I don't hate hellspawn, i just really hate their new cd

Hello readers, my editor finally assign me some more shit to review so here it goes.

Thenebrion
'LEGIONS OF DARKNESS'

I am an atheist. I don't believe in god. But if I did believe in god I think that Thenebrion place in god's master plan is this: to show us how bad music can be. When i was listening to Legions of Darkness my ears wanted to commit suicide. After listening to the first song I really wish that the title of the next track was not an omen and that the rest of the album would be good. But sadly i was wrong. Mirage, was in fact a mirage. The album does have a certain camp value, if you can get pass the actual horribleness of the music. The lyrics are so literal its funny and the vocals occasionally sent me into fits of laughter. The camp value is really the only thing this album has going for it.
2/5

The World According To St. Jimmy
The Gospel of St. Jimmy

I am shock to say this but this band is better then there main influence. That influence being Green Day. I hate Green Day, it sucks. But St. Jimmy is actually pretty decent. In fact the terrible tracks on this EP are Green Day covers. If this band can evolve past their Green Day influence they might be one of the best mediocre bands of today. Oh, Micheal "Dog" Bryant threaten to kill me, and in no way did that factor into my review.
3/5

I actually like this guy. He speaks his mind without sucking up to people. He might piss off the wrong guy and end up dead in a gutter... but, still, at least he's being honest.
-Eric Quillington

I don't care, my characters do. See, to my fake characters, the fake Mr. Capps is a real person. This is their reaction. I find his reviews funny too.

OOPS! wrong thread.

Edited by user 09 July 2010 10:05:52(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

Mr. Capps: I beg my editor to not assign me anything by your band. Because I am a slightly physic person. And I had a vision the other day. In my vision I had crawl my eyes out looking at the promo pictures for you band, my ears where bleeding due to your terrible music, and I shot myself in the head with a shotgun because I couldn't believe the current state of the music industry.

Edited by user 09 July 2010 11:20:37(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified

Mr. Capps: I am so very sorry, I still haven't been able to get over that award winning physics essay i read. I must have got psychic confuse with physic.

Mr. Capps: No, I just enjoy physics.