What do you believe when you die? I am personally over the past 2 days have been frightened by the idea of death. I, as an atheist, believe I will simply die and that's all. But I'm not the average atheist, I do believe that possibly there is a god, cuz how else do we exist? So why not have an afterlife? And I've been trying to agree with this point lately, to the point where I would force myself to, but I just can't see the point. I have thrown up today, due to the anxiety. I finally couldn't take it no longer, and talked to my father about this issue, and for the first time, about me being a atheist. In the past, he had talked to me about several mature issues, just to, well, talk, and some of those conversations hadproved that christianity/judaism might be right with examples like when he visited Moscow or St. Petersburg, I forget, a nun came up to him and told him that his grandmother (my great grandmother) was doing fine in heaven. I'm a little skeptical about that fact, but whatever, I'm very very vulnerable right now. I was surprised with my father's response. He is the smartest man I know. Very humble, very calm, tranquill, a lot in his brain, very very genius man. And he said that he too believes that his life will end with no afterlife whatsoever. I'm in disbelief. He later saw my dismay, and said that he truly doesn't know, he too believes in a god to some extent, not the tradionally believed version like I do, but whether or not he believes in a heaven or hell is something he too doesn't know. I'm so sad and depressed right now. Just knowing the fact that one day, there's simply going to be nothing left of me. And it's something very very hard to imagine, and I can't even get this out of my mind. This is the only thing I have thought about in the last few days, non-stop. I'm literally at suicidal stage, because I just want to know already what happens. I can't live with this knowledge in my mind, that either I'll be living a happy continuation, or if I'll just disappear forever and ever. I can support both sides fairly well, but I just want one decision. Please, if you really are clever and genius in this, just simply tell me. Only for those who are really going to talk seriously and have something to say. I'm very scared and depressed right now. Although I understand that my life is pointless and really means nothing, I'm still very frightened at the fact that I will just vanish from existance. Please tell me.