Nichole wants to disagree, but she can't. The situation that her and Erica now found themselves in was a situation so fucked up that it could only happen to them. She sighs and nods. Takara did remind her a little bit of Sam - not physically, but when she saw Takara, she thought of when her and Sam's marriage had been perfect. Perfect enough to trust each other when it came to giving Natalya some of Sam's baby gravy. By the end of their marriage, she absolutely hated him for agreeing to do that. She even accused him of only doing it because he secretly wanted Natalya more than he wanted Nichole. In the end, she supposed that whatever answer wouldn't have mattered. Their marriage was in the shitter anyway. Nichole sighs and nods. She really had tried to be friends with Natalya, but something always happened that broke it up again. At the time, she thought it was just because Natalya was a bitch and there was no point in trying, but she realizes now it was because she was still head-over-heels in love with Erica the whole time. "Honor and Scott don't understand and they never will. Hell, honestly, I don't even completely understand it, because I've never been through it. Nobody else will be able to completely understand it than you, so I wouldn't take what anybody says seriously." She wraps her arms around Erica as well when Erica holds her possessively. "Same to you, Hitomi," she says softly. Nichole kisses Erica softly, happy that they were finally getting all of this out into the open. It would be ignorant to think that they could go on together for the rest of their lives and never talk about Natalya or what happened again. Especially when Takara got older and started asking. This was good to get this out of the way now, and not twenty years from now when all the negative feelings at hardened in the pit of their hearts, and they didn't know how to express themselves through any way except guilt and shame. "Is there anything else we desperately need to talk about? Anything else in our pasts that we can get out of the way right now? We seem to be on a roll here." She jokes.

Nichole nods when Erica talks about wanting to have just one hour with Natalya. She definitely understood that. She wouldn't mind if Erica was even still in love with Natalya, honestly. It's difficult to get over somebody that was such a big part of your life like that. Occasionally, Nichole could admit that some small part of her still loved Sam, but only because Sam was the reason why she had three of the most important people in her life now - her children. When Erica admits that she was the one that killed Takeshi, Nichole takes in a deep breath and nods. She would be lying if she said that she didn't think Erica had something to do with it. "Is there any way they could possibly link it back to you?" She asks. That was her only concern. Erica had every right to take out her revenge on that bastard in Nichole's mind, but she was sure that some people would disagree. She just wanted to make sure that nothing could happen to Erica now because of it.

Nichole freezes when Erica brings up her kidnapping. She was right, they were two very different circumstances, the biggest of which being the sometimes unbearable amount of guilt Nichole had for killing her abductor. It wasn't something that she wanted to do, but something she had to do for her safety and the safety of her children. Nichole remained silent for a few moments, not realizing that even the mention of being kidnapped had made her spontaneously start crying. Finally, she said, "Everyday." She turns to Erica with a small smile, knowing that there was never going to be another moment in her life that she would be more open to talk about that experience until now, so she should take advantage of it. "Can I tell you something that I've never told anybody else before? And we have to keep it between me and you."

Nichole shakes her head when Erica starts to apologize. She didn't want for her to feel bad about asking about it. In fact, she was kind of glad that at least somebody else remembered besides Nichole herself. She takes a deep breath, ready to tell Erica something that she had promised herself she would never tell anybody before. "The man who kidnapped me... he wasn't a bad person," she starts, already feeling like she was insane. "He was... not right in the head, obviously, but he wasn't bad. He used to tell me about his childhood, about his parents, and what it was like when he was growing up. He had a horrible life, Erica. He made the shit that we've been through look like a piece of cake." She shivers a little bit. It was hard to talk about her kidnapper in such a sympathetic light - especially when she remembered everything that he did to her in that house - but it was true. His life was not one to be envied. "His father... used to beat him every night, and his mother couldn't stop him, you know? That's just how it was. But his mother would sing him to sleep every night, and that would help, and he told me that when his mother sang, he would forget all of the horrible things that his father did, and that-... that I sounded like his mother when I sang, and that's why he wanted me. Because when I sang, I made him forget all the horrible things." She sighs again, readying herself to go into the next part of the story. "When the police took me out of the house, I stole something from it. He had this picture of his mother on his fireplace mantel, and I... I took it. I just needed to have it. I keep it in my purse at all times. I know it's weird and... creepy even, but it makes me feel better. It really does. There's so many awful things in the world, Erica, and so so many horrible, horrible people, but then you hear about that one person that can just make you forget that those other bad people even exist. Like, those people must be one in a million, you know? But this guy had a mother like that. And I just... have to keep remembering that there is good in this world, you know? That's why I need the picture. To remind myself every day that it's not all bad."

Nichole looks down and shakes her head a little when Erica tells her that she's a better person than her. She couldn't believe that, even if it were true, and she definitely didn't feel like a good person at all. She knew what people thought about her - that she was evil and that she was just using Erica - and honestly, she didn't care. It made her feel better that people thought she was evil, because she herself believed that she was as well. She had ever since that day that she pulled the trigger and killed him. "I, um..." Nichole starts when Erica asks to see the photo. She hadn't been expecting that. Of course, she wasn't entirely sure what she was expecting at all. She thinks about it for a moment, and then nods, standing up. "Can you come with me to the bedroom...? I'll show it to you in there," she says, not really wanting to bring it out into the open on the boat.

Nichole leads Erica out of the kitchen, looking around the hallway to make sure nobody else was around before heading into their bedroom, where her purse was. Seeing somebody else would completely derail her train of thought, and she knew that this was the only time she would be okay with this. Once they were in the bedroom, she closed the door and locked it before going to her purse and pulling the picture out of one of the small pockets in the back of the bag. The picture was obviously an older one, and it had been crumbled and bent just a bit from being in Nichole's purse for so long, but you could still obviously see what was in the picture. The woman was in her late twenties or early thirties, and was attractive in a motherly way. She's smiling brightly at the camera while standing in front of a rose bush that is fully in bloom. Nichole stares at the picture for a few moments before handing it to Erica.

"She died of stomach cancer," Nichole answers back automatically, her voice numb and cold. She had asked the same thing when she was first shown the picture, and had gotten the same response. She turns the picture over and looks at the cursive writing on the back of the picture that clearly says Barbara Bryant, 1984, River Rogue, MI.

"I didn't," Nichole says back, her voice strained as she starts to talk through her tears. "I don't feel like me anymore. I feel like some... some sick version of me. The real me went into that house and didn't come back out." She sniffs, tears freely running down her face. "What if something's wrong with one of my kids because of what happened?" She asks quietly. "I was pregnant the entire time. Maybe we can't see it now, but what if something is wrong with... with Layne later? Like a birth defect? Or Sylvie has a personality disorder because they absorbed his insanity?" She knew she wasn't making sense, but this is the first time she had been able to voice her concerns to somebody ever, and she was trying to get them all out at once.

Nichole gives a small nod as Erica tries to comfort her, leaning into her as she cries. She didn't want Erica to worry about her, so she tried to make it seem like she agreed with her. Both of them had so much baggage and hurt in their past. She just didn't want to be another burden - that would be the worst thing she could do, in her mind. She sighs and wipes some of her tears away. "It's just hard to think about, you know?" She starts, bringing her knees up to her chest. "Every time one of them cries or I can't get one of them to go to sleep, my first thought is, 'This is it. This is his fault. He messed them up somehow, and now they're expressing it or now they can't sleep because of it, and nothing will ever be better.'" She lets out another long sigh and shakes her head. "Maybe I need to go to therapy. Ada swears by it, and she was more fucked up than both of us put together when we first met her. Maybe it really does help." She shakes her head again when Erica expresses that she should have talked to Nichole about what happened before now. "I wouldn't have talked about it if you had. I'm not even sure how I've gotten up the emotional strength to talk about this now... It's just the right time, I guess..."

Nichole's body tenses up slightly when Erica says that the children will be better now that they're with their parents. She couldn't help but feel like that wasn't true, especially in the state that she was in right now. Even though she swore she would never talk to them again, she often thought about calling her parents and asking them if they would watch her children for her - at least for a few months - while Nichole got her brain and her feelings all sorted out. It doesn't make her feel any better when Erica agrees that it might be a good idea for her to go to therapy. She wanted to hear that she seemed fine - even a lie would be nice at this point. She sucks it up and sighs, knowing that it was probably true anyway. "I don't think so... Ada talks to her therapist on the phone now. I bet I could do that. I don't think I would need to specifically be anywhere... and I don't think they could commit me. I mean, they're not really allowed to do that unless you're a danger to yourself and others." 'I am a danger to myself and others,' she thought after she said that, but kept it to herself. Nichole lays her head on top of Erica's when she lays her head on Nichole's shoulder, letting out a small sigh. She was glad that they were closer now. Horrible experiences had given them a bonding edge - they were 'more than friends with benefits' now, although that name was starting to have a hurtful feel to it for Nichole, like she wasn't good enough to be Erica's girlfriend, but just good enough to be more than a sex doll. She wouldn't say anything, though. This was hardly the time to bring up anything like their relationship status. "I'm always here for you, too, Eri Berry. Life is just really fucked up sometimes."