when complete,all 48 records will fit inside this handsome case.

1 . colonel Parker vs colonel Sanders

The battle ground of the South is active once more.
Fried Chicken and music notes will
Now replace the Gore.
From the great beyond they have risen.
These legends will once again
Walk among the living.

Colonel Sanders was a mountain of a man.
He bitch slapped all of Kentucky with but A single swipe of his mighty hand.
Armed with a deep fryer and a hatred of all poultry,he would stalk the countryside.
He had yet to meet the bird he couldn't fry.
Bald eagles,doves,California condors,even the Atlanta falcons.
Sure,the last were basketball players.
The colonel didn't give a shit.
Dunk them in the seven herbs and spices,
And into the pressure cooker they'll fit.

Colonel Parker was fucking Dutch.
The bastard probably didn't like Dr pepper or iced tea.
That is offset by what he brought you and me.( I know its "I",but fuck you)
Parker was the keeper of Elvis.
The holy king of kings.
No encores here.
Elvis will ALWAYS leave the building.
Colonel Parker was more than just the company he kept.
He was a salty bastard. He fucked many mothers while their children wept .
No man was more powerful in all of Tennessee. He was sultan and Sat upon millions. He WAS Tennessee. not that Tennessee Williams.

these two men met with a clap of thunder and cracks of lighting,they both knew it. they would end up fighting.
there is only room for one colonel,and this town aint big enough for the two of them.someones going to be shitted
out like a corn kernel.
parker struck first. he had a ham like fist. he also had no neck,it was looking like chicken man is going to get wrecked.
colonel sanders,ever the southern gentleman,ducked out of the way. deftly he threw handfulls of garlic,sage and bay.
parker groaned and made a face like he just had a skunky beer. to sanders suprise he came up with a knife and cut
off a piece of his ear.

the chicken colonel screamed in agony. that was his favorite ear.how would he know when his lover,aunt Jemima was near?!
this pudgy dutchman was asking for it,and kfc was having a two for one,everything must go,sale on ass whoopings.
original,or extra crispy.
sanders let loose with everything he had. with a mighty roar,he yelled "cock a doodle doo!" and fired off a hadouken.
the flaming ball of chicken batter aimed of parkers head. the end was nigh,and he'd soon be dead.
there was a splat and some burning. parker's last thoughts as he skull melted was, "if we put this on pay per view,how much would i be earning?"

2. 30 things you don't want up your ass.

On a day ,nice and green.
The doctor said to me:
Boy,some things just don't go in your ass.
I'm going to list them,
So that you don't forget them.....

First things first,no badgers go in the back.
Even if you could fit them in your crack.
Badgers be vicious,badgers be quick.
They'll tear through your anus and
Pop out your dick.


The same can be said for ducks.
They are no go,even with
Lube by the cup.
Their bills are broad,
And their feathers quite greasy.
Resisitng them in your ass,
It won't be easy.

Pancake batter.
Aunt jemima. Or store brand,
It doesn't matter.
It's hard to say no,
When you've got whisk in hand,
Ready to go.
When it dries,it will be like concrete.
It'll rip your ass all the way to your feet.

Combs are definitely out.
Pull in that bottom lip,
Don't you dare pout.
Combs are for the hair on your head,
not the hair in your seat.
Brushes have bristles
,while combs have teeth.
Keep both away from underneath.

As for a compass?
It's got the word "ass".
So it seems a natural fit.
I call chicanery,I'm onto Its shit.
Needles that point or poke,
Glass has been known to cut a bloke.
Magnets always point north,
A sad state of affairs,to come up from the south.

As an endangered species,
manatees should stay far away from your feces.
Their immense size is dwarfed
Only by their horrible breath.
A manatee in the ass,
It's just courting death.

Another classic on our forbidden list:
The the garden weasel.I can't believe I have to say this.
With long wooden handle,
And three rotating blades...
When It comes to anal play,
It's really tailor made.......................
But it voids the warranty.

Moving on,we come to The humble pug.
It's hard not to try them as a butt plug.
Get them excited and they bark and yip.
Their curly tails make a good grip.
You'll lose them forever if inside they slip.

You may have your hands full with paperwork.
You lust for a time saver,responsibility you never shirk.
In goes a highlighter,deftly freeing one hand.
A quick wiggle over important parts,ain't life grand?
Sadly for you,the ink soaks in.
Writhing and groaning,this is your end.

Knock knock,who is it?
It's us,the friendly Jehovah's witnesses!
It may seem polite To skip the trash.
By putting that watch tower right up your ass.
That isn't The way to become religious.
You can't accept the Lord through anal osmosis.

Furthermore we have the collectors edition DVD of pretty woman.
You were a cheap bastard,didn't spring for the blue ray.
Now you're stuck forever with lousy sound and poor
Picture quality.
plus...Julia Roberts movies...what the fuck?

You may always have been a fan of the Khmer rouge.
But I assure you,they weren't righteous dudes .
Pol pot belongs in the ground.
Not in the part where you make your Brown.
Trout that is. Texas tea.

Next we inspect the avocado.
Shaped like a pear,
into your ass it should go?
This isn't the case as we will soon know.
From that seed,a tree Will grow.
No guacamole.
It will split you in half,
Before your first bowl.


The collected works of jk Rowling.
This goes without saying.
So many volumes,so many pages.
You'll only reach the order of the Phoenix ,
Before your hair is graying.
There is a line involving "snape" and "gape"...
But I'm too classy for that tripe.

A 650 megabyte hardrive is useless anymore .
That doesn't mean you should store it like a whore.
Random access or write only memory?
Both are useless in your anal cavity....
And the corners are sharp.

Dr oz has a lousy show.
A stupid bastard whom Oprah blows.
For this reason,and this alone,
Keep him out of your ass.
Even if he sAys He is looking for broken bones.


A dictionary?! Don't be a size queen.
Oxford can tell you right away
What anything means.
Watching you try to turn the pages
Will soon bore us.
Please,oh please...don't try the thesaurus.


This day and age everyone is going green.
Microwaves aren't with It.
Know what I mean?
What ever you do,don't grab a fistful of popcorn.
It doesn't belong in the back pocket thAt you were born.
With.
On a hot day,the kernels May tickle your colon.
But the road to explosion
Is where you're going.

Mayan pyramids may be fun to climb.
But I'll tell were they don't go:
In your behind.
There was nothing On the doomsday calendar.their prophecy was wrong.
Cast your eyes from the stars,
Gaze at the ground......
I think Dr who covered this once.
I'm sure Amy fucking pond was involved.


Rolls of tape can be placed
There by an ape.
Mitt Romney runs staples,you know
He'd like the extra business.
In his stores,
You can buy a pack of six.
Fourteen dollars. U.S.

During This holiday when the wind is all chilly,
Pagans and atheists will get
A bit bill of rights-ie.
Better watch out.
Better not bout.
Better not stick a Nativity in your ass.
Mary,Joseph and Jesus May fit.
The three wise men won't
No matter how they are gripped.


Doritos already smell of ass.
But don't get any ideas.
Those fuckers are sharp as glass.
The spicy chili flavor will
Give you a mighty ring of fire.
Not even Cool ranch won't dispense the relief you desire.
Keep all corn chips far from your delicate back door.
You don't want the blood to pour.

Parakeets make lousy pets.
Souless black eyes and tweety songs are what you gets.
Cages are tacky and birdhouses
Can mean escapes.
Don't shove a Bird or two in your ass.
Even if they are still in eggs
The size of grApes.

The Brooklyn bridge makes for fine transportation.
You may be misled, thinking with enough effort you may get it all in.
Let's say you don't listen to me. You think you might.
Those obnoxious new York cAbbies
Would keep you awake all night .
.......some day a real rain is going to come.


You think The ghost of Bruce Lee would be a fine thing To have?
He could practice his kickboxing
On your nads.
During breakfast or at an important meeting.
It'll be your testicles he is beating.
If you desire peace and productivity,
Pass on the spectral enema.

Don't think you'll save on toilet paper by installing a fecal guillotine.
Chopping those logs into tiny pieces
Are not worth the diseases.
Or the additional tailor fees.
Where would the blade fall from,your knees?
Don't be absurd,
You're chopping a turd.
Can't tell gravity to Fuck off for that.



Uranus sounds like a natural pick.
It looms out there in space.
It's where Neil degrasse Tyson gets his kicks.
Uranus has got a spot like Jupiter,
And it's laying in it's side.
Its a fucking planet. You'll never
Get It inside.

Global warming is no myth.
The destruction of polar bear
Habitats can be traced to this.
Those gangly oafs are looking for homes.
But don't you dare let them into your holes.
Once they take up residence,
Polar bears will shit and piss.
Bastards have no decency and will expect you to foot the Bill.

McDonald's is a fine place to eat.
Like I give a shit where they get their meat?
But let's think a moment On poor grimace.
A purple Fucking nightmare,straight from lovecraft.
Don't put him in your ass,
Or else the elder gods he will invoke.
Tiamat will not help you,
And marduk will think it's a joke.
Fuck grimace,that evil purple dildo.

Finally we reach the end of the list.
I see you nodding off. You're ignoring this!
Keep Charles Manson in your prayers,but out of your person!
Charlie rants and he raves.
He's got a swastika on his forehead and will send us all to early graves.
You put Charlie in your ass and axl rose will come a calling.
Full of Crap music and totally botoxing.
After awhile,axl will puss out and donate to the victims' families.

Now as doctor ,I promise
what I say is true.
The only thing allowed in your ass is......me.

Rum:


Winnie: Wait. So did you take a bite out of the Scientology guy?

Rum: Oh that's what's happening? Oh okay, Erich. Yess! Giving me Hannibal teas!

Winnie: Its that or...

Rum: Or what?

Winnie: Well he poked Ronnie and he...released the beans and name brand rice...

Rum: And? So?

Winnie: So...

Rum: So??

Winnie: He ate Scientology flavored shit, Rum.

Rum: I... *takes a deep breath* I'm gonna pretend like I didn't hear that shit. Where are the 45 other songs?

4:I met Natalie Portman in Portland

There you were just a walking down the street.
Wasn't at a convention or a pricey meet and greet.
Your bag said burger king but i doubt you eat meat

Portman in Portland,what can we do?
You were in the shitty star wars, but not in the new.
You were bald in v for vendetta. That movie really could have been better.
But at least it didn't have zack braff.

Natalie Portman , you hosted Saturday night live.
The show kinda sucks, but your rhymes were mighty fly.
When i saw you, i really tried to tell you this.
You pushed right past me ,as if you had to piss.

Portman in Portland,what can we do?
You were in the shitty star wars, but not in the new.
You were bald in v for vendetta. That movie really could have been better.
But at least it didn't have zack braff.

i invited you out for drinks and lunch.
deep conversations about politics and such.
you just smiled and said thats a bit too much.




sounds like:

Down on an Alabama farm bout 1963
There stood a man bigger than you and me.
7 foot tall,8 foot wide. Skin like an elephant hide.
Built like a god damned battleship.
Fists the size of Buicks. Ain't much he would abide.

We used to ask
Leroy how'd you get so big?
Leroy how'd you get so strong?
Leroy how'd you get so long?
He'd say, "well, son lemme tell ya what I do. I grab me a possum. If I'm feeling parched,I might grab me two.
Shake them up. Find myself a nipple and give it a suck. Possum milk is good and good for you. It'll put hair on your chest,boy and help you when you fuck.".

Ol Leroy was the young'n of a mean son of a bitch.
Baby Leroy was so damned ugly,he was tossed into a ditch.
Flung sidearm.
Went for distance.
Landed with a splat.
Face first in a puddle of used motor oil.
He'd have perished from the exposure,but he was saved by America's only marsupial.

We used to ask
Leroy how'd you get so big?
Leroy how'd you get so strong?
Leroy how'd you get so long?
He'd say, "well, son lemme tell ya what I do. I grab me a possum. If I'm feeling parched,I might grab me two.
Shake them up. Find myself a nipple and give it a suck. Possum milk is good and good for you. It'll put hair on your chest,boy and help you when you fuck.".

That tiny possum mom carried the old boy to safety.
Little Leroy was a greedy cuss.
The moms joeys starved as Leroy nursed so much.
The possum mom couldn't take his thirst and was drank until she turned to dust.

We used to ask
Leroy how'd you get so big?
Leroy how'd you get so strong?
Leroy how'd you get so long?
He'd say, "well, son lemme tell ya what I do. I grab me a possum. If I'm feeling parched,I might grab me two.
Shake them up. Find myself a nipple and give it a suck. Possum milk is good and good for you. It'll put hair on your chest,boy and help you when you fuck.".

Baby Leroy would crawl around in the bushes.
Looking for possum nipples bearing lunches.
He'd crawl and he'd cry until possums would wander by.
Then
He'd
Grab em
Suck em
Drink them to dust.
It took 100,000 possums to get Leroy to his current size.

We used to ask
Leroy how'd you get so big?
Leroy how'd you get so strong?
Leroy how'd you get so long?
He'd say, "well, son lemme tell ya what I do. I grab me a possum. If I'm feeling parched,I might grab me two.
Shake them up. Find myself a nipple and give it a suck. Possum milk is good and good for you. It'll put hair on your chest,boy and help you when you fuck.".

i dont need no fleet.
keep that saline out of my reach.
thats not my kind of fun.
keep that bottle away from my bum.
i have my good buddy jesus.
(thats hey zeus,not gee sus)
he cooks his chicken with too much grease.
its crunchy
its juicy.
it'll make you want to fuck gary busey
but god damn if it dont run through you.
you get that bubbling and boo yah!
you're making a run for the pot.
watchout thunder bucket,i'm giving you all i got.
with friends like this,who needs enemas?
that greasy chicken is righteous and just.
if i would ring out my napkin
i'd never have to buy penzoil again.
just stuff that napkin in my engine.
that turbo would be spoolin!
bright red. super hot.
smelling like herbs and spices,
i take off like a shot.
in more ways than one.
the car is fast,
but my sphincter is faster...to not close.
now i need a new car seat
and some new clothes.

sounds sorta kinda like.

8Laid to rest

I like to watch you lips when you talk.
The way your hips sway when you walk.
Your red hair just blowing in the breeze
It's enough to bring me to my knees.

Laid to rest.
I'm the best.
I'll never be alone
I'm going to rattle those bones.

You wouldn't give me a chance in 59
Now I'm going to make you mine.
Little Miss Jessie Pocono,
Get ready to taste the grill of this DeSoto.

Laid to rest.
I'm the best.
I'll never be alone
I'm going to rattle those bones.

Our eyes met when your face bounced off the hood.
Now I'll finally get the chance to show I'll treat you good.
I knew it was love when I saw your life fade away.
You're finally mine for the rest of my days.

Laid to rest.
I'm the best.
I'll never be alone
I'm going to rattle those bones.

The funeral was long and I thought the priest would never shut up.
I had to wait until your momma left to finally dig you back up.
It would be rude to let her see.
She'll never understand what you mean to me.

Laid to rest.
I'm the best.
I'll never be alone
I'm going to rattle those bones.

Let's get you out of that box and out of those clothes.
I didn't know The smell of formaldehyde is a pheromone.
Dead weight is heavy,I grunt and I groan.
Baby,let's make this funeral house a funeral home.

Laid to rest.
I'm the best.
I'll never be alone
I'm going to rattle those bones.


Erich Sez:well,its been like..i dunno twelve fucking years? figured it was about time write a song about necrophilia. its like a requirement to be in the psychobilly scene or something. they were fixing to revoke my pomade and my rust bucket cadillac if i didnt do a song like this.. i dont write the rules of the pyschobilly union,i just follow them. if you listen to one song about being obsessed with someone,hitting them with a car,digging up and the body and fucking it? make it this one. i'd appreciate it,studio60 would appreciate it,and most of all: you'll appreciate it. this actually turned out a bit darker than i intended. i really wanted a silly song about corpse fucking,but i ended up with this. oh well, they cant all be zingers.

Karoliena Sez: probably the most stereotypical song subject we've done yet. so,when writing the music for this i didnt really try to reinvent the wheel. basic shit all around but it gets the job done i think. at our shows it never fails to get a pit going,so i guess people like it.


9.Mother Teresa's big tits.

Way down In Calcutta
There's a real hot mother.
Sweet Teresa is her name.
Piety is her demeanor
and desperate poverty is her game.
She runs a really swell orphanage,
But that's not where she gets her fame.

Jiggle jiggle jiggle.
Bounce bounce bounce.
Blessed are the breasts that please the lord.
Canonize those chest cannons one time for Me.

Word got around in Vatican town
And the pope himself had to see.
Cardinals, bishops,and the altar boys all agreed: if it pleases your holiness, the famous mammaries dangle to her knees.

Jiggle jiggle jiggle.
Bounce bounce bounce.
Blessed are the breasts that please the lord.
Canonize those chest cannons one time for Me.

The protestant squares had nothing that could compare.
Mother Teresa's boobs could bounce Martin Luther and his proclamation right through that door.
This holy sacrament is more fun
Than some sprinkling of water
By some baptist named John.

Jiggle jiggle jiggle.
Bounce bounce bounce.
Blessed are the breasts that please the lord.
Canonize those chest cannons one time for Me.

When the pope did arrive,such majesty met his eyes.
"My god is truly an awesome god" he uttered when her tits he did spy.
This had to good for the church, who wouldn't want to take a gander.
It's certainly more appealing than that abuse slander.

Jiggle jiggle jiggle.
Bounce bounce bounce.
Blessed are the breasts that please the lord.
Canonize those chest cannons one time for Me.

" Mommy Teresa,how can it be?
The lord blesses you,but not flat Mary. Tell me your secrets. How long do you pray? Do you drink holy water?
Bathe in the Ganges?"

Jiggle jiggle jiggle.
Bounce bounce bounce.
Blessed are the breasts that please the lord.
Canonize those chest cannons one time for Me.

At this Teresa did flush red .
She was embarrassed,but still she raised her head.
When she straightened her back,it was an awesome sight.
Those massive breasts blocked near all the light.

Jiggle jiggle jiggle.
Bounce bounce bounce.
Blessed are the breasts that please the lord.
Canonize those chest cannons one time for Me.

"Father,I will tell you how they grow.
These breasts are symbols of our flock.
With each suffering orphan,with each painful death, my bust line increases another notch. The suffering is much and the death non stop.
Please take me back to Rome,or my boobs they will pop!"

Jiggle jiggle jiggle.
Bounce bounce bounce.
Blessed are the breasts that please the lord.
Canonize those chest cannons one time for Me.


Erich Sez: mother Teresa,unrecognized sex symbol? see,here at atomic war bride we tackle the big issues. though to be completely honest,this came about from a drunk as fuck conversation with dustyn of weekend. i dont know about his being drunk,but i know i was. somehow we were talking about Catholics and...somehow got on the topic of mother Teresa having huge boobs. i forget the context then but in any case,a song came from that conversation. hey,i take inspiration where i can. cmon,you know you thought of some universe where mother teresa was super hot and very busty. though in reality,mother teresa wasnt that great. so i crafted the cross section of where those two realities meet.

Karoliena Sez: with a song like this,one really wants to go all out and craft a sonic onslaught that is likely to strip the very paint from the walls and possibly cause male pattern baldness in a 30 meter radius. i think i did just that with this song. not the most technical work of mine,but it does what it says on the tin.