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Offline erich hess  
#101 Posted : 26 November 2016 16:03:59(UTC)
erich hess
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erich hess

honestly,it infuriates me when karoliena calls my ex wife a bitch or a whore. yeah,she did leave me for someone else and,at least to my knowledge,lost custody of our daughter. (ive tried and cannot find her. ada changed both her name and the marlena's. my name was taken off v the birth certificate,so i legally have no connection with the life i created.) ive hired the best private investigators and they come up empty handed. all i know is marlena is no longer living with ada. which.....is good. i know i'm not the most responsible of people,but i have a sense of priority. i would put marlena first.

in the great scheme of things. my marriage to ada von wannemaker was all about her. and you know what? i was fine with that,at least at first. if i had had it my way,i would not have brought marlena into this world. the marriage to ada was destined to fail from the very start. but god damnit,i tried. move to new york? sure. yes,i hated every minute of it,but i did it. if it made her happy,i would do it. yeah,i still live close to this hell hole because of selene,but not because i have to. i am certain she wouldnt mind if i lived in canada or something. but this isnt to compare my ex with my current lady. the two arent even in the same league. and to be honest, i still keep the truth of my previous marriage under lock and key. nobody knows what i endured with ada. the guilt of wanting to have sex with my own wife. ada was...touched by her uncle. i never knew how far it went,but i know she was molested. for this,i would always forgive her. i dont care if she fucked everyone i knew on duke. i just wanted her to be better. i would have went to germany and taken care of him myself,but she would never tell me who he was. yes,i would have spent a life time in prison for her. lets face it,my life is meaningless. who cares if im locked away? how many times did we do it and something reminded her of being powerless under her uncle? its not her fault,but i hated every time i was intimate with her. in some ways it sounds selfish,but in all honesty?i just wanted to please her. loved ada. i LOVED that woman. she would cut herself to the point of having to call 911. i would hide every sharp object i could find,even butter knives! and still,she would find a way. she would use her fingernails if need be. i didnt know what to do! if i called someone,it would embarrass her and possibly make things worse. for a year or so i endured. yeah,i went back on my promise to forgo hallucinogens and morphine but i had no one else to turn to. besides, she knew who i was before she dated me. buy the ticket,take the ride. you cannot ask me to give up what makes me ,me. when i play a show,i'm, supposed to be,i NEED to be so fucked up i cant see straight or stand. this is what the crowd wants,this is what the expect. how could i provide for my family by by not giving the people what they want? being erich hess is a full time god damned job. if i'm not fucking the grim reaper in the eye socket,why am i on stage?! you want me to to settle down and get a real job?! fat fucking chance!
honestly,nobody knows the crown i wear. its heavy as hell and always on fire.if erich hess isnt lovably bizarre,people arent getting what they paid for. i cannot be clean and sober. this is what i promise fans,this is what i must deliver. nobody wants...whatever my birth name is. they want erich hess.at all times.i .must.give.the.people.what.they .paid.for. i have no regrets that i built this persona that is near impossible to live up to. i relish the challenge of seeing just what limits my body can take. i've stared death in the eye socket many times and thrust my dick into the empty void. yet for all my bravado,for all my self abuse,i couldnt save ada. god dammit,i wanted to .i wanted to push myself to the very limits in hopes of saving her.but i failed. i failed in such a way that i couldnt even make things a little better. in the end,she just up and left. i am not blameless,i know what i did. i checked out through chemical means and truly used drugs as an escape. ada's troubles were way above my pay grade and i couldnt help. do you have any idea what a blow to the ego that is? i have the world at my finger tips and couldnt help the woman i loved? its fucking infuriating. still,to this day i will fall on my sword and take the blame.ada's memory must remain pure. i'm the villain who chased her off. made her crack and ruined her life. i can take that. she is no longer with me,but i will play that role. drop that acid to avoid your wife. not because you have fuck all idea what to do to help her. until the day i die,i will never tell the truth of what went on between ada and i. i will still love her enough to protect her image. i do not care if i have to leak a story saying that i killed her,i will never tell people what really went on.
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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
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Offline Famouss7x7  
#102 Posted : 11 January 2017 11:34:43(UTC)
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Alex Van Roy aka DJ Cloud

1/10/17

Everyone deserves an explanation




2017......

TWENTY Fuckin SEVENTEEN...

It's like, where the fuck has time gone? In many ways this year is the start of something so new for me. It's new for me because I finally feel comfortable enough to do things completely on my own musically. And it feels amazing. Not when it comes to writing and producing for others, but really taking center stage as my own entity. Now I'm not doing this short diary entry to make a New Years resolution to myself, but I'm also using it as a reflection of the many years that I've been in this business. There's so many unanswered questions, unanswered thoughts that I still have, that probably won't even be answered this year, or many many years from now. But I'm happy to say that I'm finally becoming one with myself.

To make things short, I met a beautifully stunning woman by the name of Cinzia Ricci in February of 2009. I was the awkward disc jockey at this run down European EDM nightclub "Lust" that she had been performing in for weeks. Love at first sight is often considered mythical but when I laid eyes upon her, there was an unconditional love that I felt for her from the very start. She had everything that I looked for in a woman, and the fact that we both shared a deep passion for performance, music and dance just made our connection even stronger. Cinzia and I eventually became friends, and months later we became romantic with each other, all the while working at the club where she performed. She really became the main attraction. This was way before the glitz and glamour and we were growing up with each other, becoming better at what we were doing respectively. We were romantically linked, but had a working partnership. I was never a manager until later, I was just a boyfriend and her disk jockey. Shortly after, she took part in this competition in which she came in second place to the Stat Nerds. I was there for her when she was devastated, and crying and sickly. It was tough on her. It was this moment where I saw those tears rolling down her eyes and I felt this burning sensation inside me that felt the need to build us both up again. In no time Cinzia and I became a duo. She was the singer, I was the producer and manager. By 2011, we recorded her debut single and We. Took. Over. The. World. It's so hard to completely remember everything during these years because everything moved so fast. We went from dirty nightclubs to sold out arenas with hundreds and thousands of people. The weird part is, is that I never felt extremely accomplished or happy because we (or she) achieved famed, it was the smile on her face that made me happy. She was meant to be a star. Meant to rule the world and I wanted to make it easier for her to do that. And we did it.

I was okay with being the man behind her who simply looked like a stage prop despite being the man responsible for each of the beats she sang to, all the way down to the VERY lyrics she sang! The setup of her stages, the man who attended the meetings, the man behind the main act that people didn't credit and I was okay with that, as long as she was happy and she was and I swear down to my very core I was so happy with just seeing her happy. I think that's where it started to take a turn. Fame.

Cinzia got so famous that she became more famous than "us". And with fame, there's creatures in the industry who want to just slither around you and milk you for what you have and what you are. They want to take what you have become and eventually use you to benefit them. I knew that was what the dark industry was all about and I tried down to my core to keep that side away from Cinzia but once she became so famous, I knew I had already lost her. By the time her sophomore album was released, people started to get into her ear. Maybe people felt like I was just "there" and she no longer needed me, like I was taking up space and was holding back Cinzia from what she really could be. Or maybe it was just growth? I still question myself on what could've triggered the change in her attitude toward me but 5 years later and I still just don't know. Cinzia just started acting very different to me. She wanted to start fully being in charge of her work and I was okay with that. Was no longer needed for meetings, or anything business related for Cinzia but production and writing for music? I was always needed and on board for. Which I found to be very odd. I tried speaking to her about it but she reassured that it was okay and it was mainly because she wanted to be more involved with her business ventures and that she felt bad that I was taking on all the loads of work. Granted. Cinzia started collaborating with others like mister_b, Buzz & Hype and Isabel just to name a very few and not once did she even talk to me about these collaborations. It's not a huge deal and she wasn't totally wrong for that but I really was still interested in being involved with her and in many ways I began to feel so used because on one hand I was needed for recording purposes, and to write her music and be there for when she performed and in needed of morale support or sex....but anything else? I was completely kicked to the curb. It started really straining our relationship and we began having arguments about it because she never gave me a concrete reason. I would have felt better if she just said "look, you're taking up space and you don't fit with my brand. I want you to simply be my DJ and boyfriend" I would have felt better with that because I would have known. It's the behind my back stuff that really started to get to me and it only got worse. In 2013, I got news in the mail that Cinzia was under new management and I was being pushed out of any business ventures with Cinzia Ricci. In writing...there it was. No longer needed. Further more, I was only needed for one song on an upcoming project. It hurt. And I tried talking to her and she'd still, never give me an answer. She started shrugging me off like a lesser. That same night we got into the biggest fight we've ever had. It ended with me breaking the window in our house. I was wrong for getting so aggressive but over so many years my anger just got ahead of me. I was so angry. I had rage in my eyes and she was yelling and screaming at me too. It was terrible. I scared her, I even scared myself for getting so enraged. That was the last official time Cinzia and I spoke. Summer of 2014. With that, I was completely blocked out from anything having to do with her, music included.

I was so devastated by it all, I tried everything but she never gave me another chance. I was so heartbroken, betrayed and let down that I fell into depression, borderline suicidal. I gave every fiber in my being for that woman. And the fact that her music was everywhere made the never ending process of getting over someone even harder. I just wanted an explanation of why from. I still have that question. Why did she start to push me away? Why wasn't I given another chance. Did I scare her so much that she think I'd actually hit her? Was that just a reason for her to finally go ahead with what she wanted to do all the while? Which was let me go. What was it? These questions haunted me for years and four years later, I finally have the power to carry on now. Happily. I'm letting go of what she did to me. I'm letting go to what I did to myself. I want to continue to show the world what I'm made of as my own entity, I don't want to be confused anymore. I'm no longer hurt. Theres still that lingering feeling and I know I'll probably always have it.

There's only a matter of time before the world actually knows what I've gone through and even though after what she did to me and with the amount of hate I have embroiled in my veins, I wouldn't want to tarnish her name or reputation, but I've taken a beating for too long. It's 2017 now and I've got the fucking power to push forward for myself. There's still hate in my heart but I'm no longer putting people before me and letting the past hurt me. That's how you get discouraged.


Here's to a great new year,
Cloud.

Edited by user 11 January 2017 11:41:51(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified


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Offline freestylechamp  
#103 Posted : 06 September 2017 03:46:40(UTC)
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Tyron 09/05/2017

I guess everyone wants to know my mindset. What is going on with me and my relationship with Nina. It took a long time to kind of wrap my head around this cause I don't know what to write about someone who impacted my life so much. I don't really know what to say but to just lay everything out. I like Nina, She crazy, wild, talented, never boring, always something going on, being around her makes me feel happy and better about myself. However I been had strong feeling for her, they might not have been on the romantic side of it, so it wasn't a hard transition. Still I, we still have problems that we need to work out on. I'm not convince that this is going to work out being both strong headed people. It one of those trade off of being healthy is seeing the pit falls and problems with things but I don't know if I value this enough to just forsake wise advice. This isn't going to work, are you sure this is what you want. Nina doesn't want to answer these questions but that means it is up to me and.... I would rather stab myself. Why am I in a relationship with Nina? Why not, I mean she is attractive. Good at sex. Already been through shit anyway. I'm don't have the people person skills to go out and introduce myself while people think I'm not a crazy sociopath, but a functional member of society. I'm not the brightest person but even I know that this isn't what I thought it was going be like this, we argue about all kinds of stuff but things have been generally good between us. Even I'm surprised, but I'm thinking about taking this job with Anniken about helping studio60 and help manage things. We will see what it would be like to be happy? building a life around someone? little steps.


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TJ Cousins 09/05/2017

I always been the kind of person that was just there for a lot of people. I haven't been around my wife for a long period of time in the beginning but now that I can be around her and her family it hurts that I wasn't around more. Normally Anniken, or Nina would be around when I'm not here so they are pretty much know what to do when she has her episodes. I didn't know all that well but I did know about from Anniken so when she had one of these moments I was worry. Afraid. Scared. More than anything heartbroken. "You did this. You can't do anything for her. Why do you think this is helping? Take her to the hospital? Call Anniken?" It started at night around 1am which is normally the time I'm sleep but she is wide awake wanted to work and get things done. We both kind of get in the zone of working so I just her keep working and I go to bed. I wake up and she is still working, I go to the kitchen to break breakfast and bring it too her, but she doesn't want it and looked pissed that I thought bringing food will wreck her train of thought. few hours past she's grinding doing all these things writing rewriting. Since then I wanted to always be around longer I owe it to her to be around to know what to do about that. I didn't want anyone to know something about my wife that I didn't know.

Edited by user 06 September 2017 03:48:57(UTC)  | Reason: Not specified


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Alright you got some free time on your hands what do you do?

Prepare for the next day?

Fuck No, waste time, don't do shit.

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Offline erich hess  
#104 Posted : 05 November 2017 09:13:32(UTC)
erich hess
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mariko kobayashi

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]ok. maybe vara was right. i am lesbian. since my..ex husband's death i have had a threesome with vara and trent and a fling with saayid kahn... that shit isnt for me. yes,saayid was amazing. trust me, i dont care about anyone other than me enough to fake it. i thought it was just my exhusband's abuse that turned me off to men,but no. sayyid was literally everything someone could want in a mate. he wasnt there to just fuck me. but still...it felt like playing sega genesis when you really wanted to play xbox one. something was missing. i was not pretending when he went down on me. but when it came time to "do the deed",it felt ok...but not great. i felt guilty that i probably wasnt into it as much was he was. which is fine because i kinda got the vibe he would be ok with a male instead of me. im no prude,so a middle finger in the ass would have to suffice.

being with a female feels so much more natural. for the longest time i thought it was just because i associated manhood with violence..but no. i dont think that is it. i've met many men who were kind to me. even spent...personal time with a few..but it still doesnt feel right. saayid went out of his way to make me feel safe and secure,but i dunno. it was fun..but lacked something. anymore it feels like i am unique being that doesnt have a counterpart. honestly,i just want to be loved .i went on a couple of dates,but nothing worked out. even cara zayn,which EVERYONE has,or should have a crush on, didnt really pan out. i am a somewhat bitter that nina tarantino moved on. i didnt expect her to sit around for me. but tyron?! fucking seriously, tyron?! i know he seems somewhat more...human now. and i like to think i've settled things with him. but still...i am alone while tyron is not?! fuck that. i know i am damaged,but i know i am not more fucked up than tryon. now i am not hung up on my ex. i know nina is better than me,but i know she is also better than tyron. i even went to miss smith about it,but she seems to think a hands off approach is better than interfering. which is probably right. but am i the only one who knows that tryon is unhinged?!

also,meeting with miss smith didny squash my crush on her. it started as a joke to be coke's step mom,but....miss smith is kind of sexy and i like her being my boss.





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[b]Erica hess

gretchen asked and i dont know what to do.
for the last past of the year gretchen wanted to spend the last 2 months in austria. so i gladly agreed to. she has set up a life in japan,but she does miss europe. i can tell . i have no problem spending half the year in europe. its beautiful and slightly less cold than japan this time of year....but she asked me to marry her! i dont want to ever get married again. look what happened the last time. am i really meant to be tied down to one person?! gretchen is fantastic to both me and takara. but i really dont know. if i fucked up the first time,what is to say i wont do it again?! what the fuck is wrong with gretchen? doesnt she know how this will end? i know i put natalya on a pedestal which no one can ever climb,but marry gretchen?! my love has a body count and i dont want gretchen to fall into the same fate. i wish i could be cold enough to tell her to leave me alone and to take takara from me. i dont deserve either of them. it isnt right that i did wrong and still get to carry on. ive tried,god knows i have tried to overdose and end it all,but i still keep waking up the next day. i dont get it . why was it natalya and not me?! is the universe really that impotent to not punish those who did wrong? i dont understand why my life is supposed to be good while those i did wrong perish
.

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Jimmy firecracker sez: Jimmy firecrackcorn and he don't give a fuck..
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Offline FiveT  
#105 Posted : 10 October 2018 11:20:57(UTC)
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MARTINA

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9/10/2018


I feel blessed... 'Blessed' is the word for my new life.
I used to love singing, performing, staying with my guys... But growing up my Jean, when he smiles at me. It is something nothing can replace. I adore when he plays with Nate, I adore when Nate talks to him, tells him tales and tells him about the world.
I want him like his daddy, intelligent and strong. I want him wise. He's so precious, I never want him to get hurt, I would get hurt too...

They say I've forgotten my band, my friends, my work. No I didn't, who knows the truth knows that I didn't. But lies still suck, I would delete my social medias for this but then? They would win. So no I won't, but how will they understand? Life changes. Life is not all about releasing music and being on a stage. Life is my kid. It's my husband. My friends, my family.

I love my life... And mom, you can watch from above, I don't want to waste all this like I did when I was young. When you went away. I miss you


MY ACTIVE ACTS

The Titans (Laurence, Joey, Martina, Den, Tanya)

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OTHER CHARACTERS

Red-X - Producer: Electro Pop, Dance, Urban, House
Claire Becker - Producer, Songwriter, Vocal coach: Synth Pop, Rock Pop, Dance Pop, Electro Rock
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Priscilla Queen - Actress, talk show host, radio speaker
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